Nov 30, 2007

Body Pains Friday

lets see. last sat i twisted my knee and that still hurts. wed night i did surgery on an in grown toenail. that still hurts. then last night i woke up with an insane cramp in my leg. I couldnt even move it because it hurt so bad. I have a cut in my mouth from chips or something that still hella hurts. Damnit.

here's some pickycherz.



best hot dogs on the planet.


poop graffiti!





this is the bathroom at my office. for some reason when they run cleaning cycles through the test machines it backs up into the plumbing. I walked into the bathroom to this the other day. it was gurgling.
this was the sink. same thing in the toilets.


mei ling's childhood skateboard. i posted it on this skateboard collector nerd forum. turns out its some hybrid Jeff Grosso shape with team graphics from 1987. people were saying it was worth up to $500 or more. I felt like i was on antiques roadshow. check out the killer 1980's grip job!




you can see it very good but crossing the street is a tweaker on a BMX bike giving a ride to a girl tweaker with a giant army surplus duffel bag on her back.

i dont know how they do it. Thank the UFO crash in Roswell for the discovery of microwave grilling cardboard technology.

Nothing says "i love you " like a Charger Limo ... With LAMBORGHINI DOORS!!


where we going? GAS CITY!



this is my first car lock remote. these fuckers have some range. I was doing the dishes and leaned against my keys and it set off my panic button. I can lock my car from my desk as i type this.




oh yea and this...

have a shitty weekend! here comes december. God i hate christmas.

Nov 28, 2007

big job finally finished!

months ago I was hired to do some designs for a skate shop that was opening up.. they opened last week.. here's the pics.

I did all the logos and the sign graphics. t shirts and decks on the way.














if your in the area check em out.

693B Boston Post Road
Madison, CT 06443

No, please dont lower my bill.

so i changed my phone plan so i can get texts now and not get charged 15 cents a piece and 25 cents for pix. thats how much it costs without a txt/pix plan and it was killing my phone bill.

I also changed my home phone service. I took off all the shit i never use. like; Call Waiting.. forget what a busy signal sounds like? well call me when i'm on the phone. I got rid of the VoiceMail. It seems like something thats really important but
whenever i do my by-yearly checking of the voice mail its 70 messages from telemarketers that start halfway through their pre-recorded schpeal, or its Megs mom saying "hello?! are you there?! its Mom! If youre there pick up" because she still doesn't grasp the concept of not having an actual answering machine with a speaker.

I also nixed the long distance. But what was weird is that I forgot that calling the next county over, and it being a different area code is technically a long distance call. (Rita you can just ignore this part since your area codes are pointless) So for $2 i can get zone calling (calls in my area but not in the same area code) and anything out of that zone is 10cents a minute. but, i have a cellphone for that. $2 isnt bad for just in case. also, its only outgoing. I forgot they dont charge you when people call you like the bastard cell companies.

So after I knocked all that bullshit off my bill I made sure I could have DSL with such a basic phone plan. I could! and nice lady from customer service also informed me that the DSL pricing changed months ago.. it got cheaper.. but they didn't update my bill. They'd been charging me the higher price all this time because "i didnt say so" so lame!

She said they sent notices on my bill and left a phone message. I have to tell them "YES MAKE MY BILL LOWER"

If you send a message saying "were lowering the rates would you like us to update your billing?" how many people are going to say "no thanks i like paying more"

I wish they'd send the same notices when they raise my bill "would you like us to charge you more now?" you didn't respond so we kept charging you the old, lower rate.

It is such a scam. I wonder if i could get that back money from them? I need to call '7 on your side' or something.

Nov 27, 2007

Foreign or Retarded?

They just hired this guy to translate all of our manuals from Engrish to Dutch. So, he's from Dutch or something. Holland right? Somewhere in Europe. anyway. I cant tell if the shit he does is just weird because he's from a different culture or if its because he's a retard.

Everyday he passes my cube in the morning and greets me. nothing wrong with a greeting but the accent in his voice and his over excitement has a faint odor of mentally challenged. I'm sure he's really intelligent because he's trained as an engineer. enough so that he'd translating technical jargon for us.

Last Monday I heard him going cube to cube telling people it was his birthday. then he finally got to my cube. in his Hollish accent he says "Hello, It's my birthday today" and offered me a prewrapped carrot cake out of a box of carrot cakes. Now, is this something they do in Ductchland or is it just that he's a retard? Seemed weird.

Maybe he thinks we're all retarded for voting for Bush and shopping at Walmart and driving Hummers.. oh wait we are retarded.

my stupid band

this is another dumb jam I recorded. Dustin and I, keeping it real. By "real" i mean we show up for practice.

video

We think we have a bass player now. I hope he can make practice on a regular basis. We still need a name tho.

here's some ideas I just thought of.
  • Pledging No Allegiance (thats a fucked up word i thought i knew how to spell)
  • Trunk Boy
  • Haettenschweiler (its a font name and kind of a half assed Fingertight reference if you know some shit. appropriate since 2 members used to be in Fingertight)
Names Dustin txt'd me yesterday. We all text name ideas to eachother but they all get denied.
  • District Of Criminal
  • Vulture Culture
joke names we'll never use
  • Hull Kogan
  • Bridget Jones's Diarrhea
  • Stabbed In the Colon (SIC)

old ideas i still like
  • Beating a Dead Horse (BAD-H)
  • Pipsqueak
  • Magic & Danger (MAD)
  • Murder as a Second Language
we suck. we'll never have a name.

Here's the first list of random names from bandnamemaker.com

  • Drop Iron
  • Deluded Leopard
  • Doubting Moon
  • Futile Presence
  • Nasty Rib
  • Purely Experience Of The Sixth Wreck
  • Record Of The Whip
  • Euphoric Caution And The Comet
  • Fantastic Holiday
  • Lethal Unit
lol Lethal Unit.

Nov 26, 2007

Scottsdon't AZ.


I survived another Arizona adventure with Megs dad's family. Every time i go down there I have the same thing to say. Scottsdale is brown. No fucking doubt about it. Everything is a shade of the poop colored. Tan, Sienna, Umber, Khaki.. its all fucking brown there. And its fake. Theres all these houses being built on our way out of town to see some actual "Ancient Indian Ruins".

Most of them were finished. Huge houses, no yards, landscaping that was, carefully and legally, crafted to blend in with the natural landscape of rocks, dirt, cactus, shitty desert bushes, shitty desert trees, more rocks and more cactus. The houses all look like they were made out of the natural resources that surround it but if you drive another 100 feet you'll see some being built. Skeletons of 2 x 4 framing, Sheetrock, top of the line insulation ducting and everything else the Native Americans that once inhabited that land didn't have. How could they? the 50 Walmarts and Home Depots near the freeway hadn't been built yet. It was all like a movie set, or ride at Disneyland or something.

here's some pictures I took at the "Indian Ruins" we went to.
I'm in the mystery room. don't ask.


huge rock just chilling on the edge of a cliff. luckily those huger power lines will catch it if it falls.

I made this one!


more giant rocks hanging out.



from the car


foundations of ancient native American houses. no AC, no wonder they left.




The next day was Thanksgiving. It was a pretty standard spread. Turkey foods, Family members, awkwardness toward aunts and uncles that I nor meg knew existed.

the bowl of pink mystery food was some family jello recipe passed down like 3 generations. I didn't eat it.

this was the table, set for 20, no, 19, no 18 people. Aunt Kathy used tape measures and math to set all this up. when people canceled it screwed up her whole game. I took this pic to show the mirrors tho. theres only one table. the mirrors are courtesy of Aunt Kathy and Uncle Franks hip style.

this is Uncle Frank's fire pit. burning wood must be against the law too because, like megs dad's fire pit, this is pure gas baby! Those are uncle Frank's 70 yr old legs too. cut off slacks, black leather shoes, black socks and a black button up short sleeve tucked in with a Swisher Sweet puffing under his 100% Sicilian mustache. Dude is a character! cracking jokes, telling stories. so rad. Breaking up the monotony of desert rocks, Frank has a artificial grass putting green not far from the gas fire pit. A must-have in Sun City AZ, where Golf carts can drive on the streets legally.

The highlight of the dinner was when Megs 94 yr old great uncle Hardin gave me props on my beard. I figure in almost a century he's seen a lot of beards, so that must mean mine was pretty notable.

Megs dad's girlfriend made Ham Balls. they were delicious. Usually I'm skeptical about trying new shit, especially from strange families. I asked her what was in them and she said "its ham, and sausage" - say no more! - I ate like 5 of them. later, over pie I told her "Your balls were delicious" she blushed and said thank you.

Another highlight of these trips is the drives from place to place. Since we dont have a car of our own we all pack into either meg's dad's car or his girlfriends car. The first part of why this is cool is because either way, its 5 of us are packed into either a Volvo 2 door coupe. or a BMW 4 door sedan. All the car companies say "seats 5" but have you ever really done it? .. it sucks. among other things one of the funnest parts is the seatbelt ass grab dance. "you're in my thing" and "where's the middle seatbelt?" wondrous.

But the all time best thing about these joy rides is the music. Both cars are locked into KNIX, Phoenix's #1 country station. After riding from dad's to uncle Frank's to Bashas, (Scottsdale for Safeway) or to the Indian Ruins on the mountain, I've come to realise one thing. It's not a surprise to me, but Country music lives up to every stereotype. The music is simple and the lyrics are even simpler. There was no mystery or poetry in any song lyric i heard that whole 3 days. they are very literal and to the point. It was ridiculous. Just because you rhyme "neck" with "heck" doesnt mean your artistic or poetic. Its like people just talking about shit to someone, to music. Boring twangy, rehashed music. It was just variations on "I lost my wife, I lost my house that was made out of logs. my car broke down, and I lost my dog" look I just rhymed Logs and Dog. Call Nashville, someone fucking give me a recording contract.

So now when i say i hate country music, dont ever fucking say "you need to give it a chance" because i've been locked in a small car with my toes jammed under a seat force fed this shit for 3 days. I HATE COUNTRY MUSIC. its stupid music, for stupid people. GO AMERICA!!

The flight home was kinda scary. Usually i can handle planes. and a little turbulence and bumps are fun. then I heard "this is your captain speaking" (his name was capt. Kirk btw!) "... sorry for the bumpy ride. It going to be like this for probably the next half hour..." ugh, like i said, I'm usually cool but it stopped being fun about 10 mins in.. then i started to get kinda woozy. i was trying to draw and gave up. I got a new page and just put my pen in the middle and let the turbulence draw like a Richter scale. It didn't help Meg who is freaked out by flying anyway. she was 2 chardonnays and a giant margarita deep tho. Which was probably for the best.

this is what turbulence looks like.


After we landed i was still kinda uneasy and light headed. Fuck you turbulence!

now I'm home. back to work. same BS different Monday.

Nov 20, 2007

Grazing Arizona


here I go again. back to the desert. my plane leaves at 9:00 tonite to go spend das tankzgiveen with megs dad and those folks. Everyone keeps saying "at least the weather will be nice" no shit its the fucking desert. but like its not that horrible here. I like this weather. if AZ was so fucking nice their apartments would be $3000 a month too.

anyway. I have ahh board for sale at BLAZEN7 skate shop in brentwood. apparently their clientel are all midgets and only buy the 7.5" decks. a not-so-common size of which i didnt really have made. sorry. next time.
so if you like the skateboard pictured above, but you're afraid of the internet. they have it for sale here...

but Brentwood is pretty scary too.


HAPPY DAY OF FOOD EATING

Nov 16, 2007

X'Hale!

"X'Hale" thats X'Treme for "exhale" i dont know why i felt the need to be extreme just then but you know, I'm in the skateboard business now.

I got a lot of shit accomplished this week. A lot of stressing out and relief. so i guess i can X'hale now. I got my car and got it all registered. DMV sucks my ass.

I went to skateshop and sold some boards to them. Gallery Skateboards now available at Metro Skateshop in Pleasant Hill!


ok here's some effing pictures.



wrong door FOO!

here's a better pic of 6-BUKS



I thought the horribly un-PC Cleveland Indians logo needed an update. I might have made it worse.



for the upcoming "WIZARD SKULL" Zine my friend Alex Duke is putting out.

curious vanity plate.




fuck you DMV



despite its appearance, this bathroom was not in a Motor-home.




custom deck for J-Slim IRL!


ok thats it. fuck the fuck off fuckers.