May 30, 2008

Omar Vizquel

ok LOST was spectacular last night. so were the Giants!

here's some pics.


some artwork i did this week. skate logo spoof and a graphic for a band.

retarded graffiti at the Martinez wharf. your gang is dumb!

Kirk's special hot dog topping.

This is my secret cheap gas station. The Gravy Train has ended.

Georgie as a pup. Cute overload!!!!

The famous Shell in Oakland I've talked about before.. 4.41.. that was last week.. shit's probably $5 now.


May 28, 2008

Breaking The Law

Oh yea so a little FYI, its illegal to put a for sale sign in your car in Martinez (and many other cities that i've discovered after looking it up on the web)

Were trying to sell this damn car so we threw some for sale signs in the window. we come home and theres a parking ticket on it. The ticket says "advertise or display for sale on s.." and its cut off. I assume it means street. WTF? so we looked up the citation number, which doesnt exist on the internet. We called the police and in order to know that this is illegal we have to go to the police station and sit and flip through "the book" they have that lists the Martinez Municipal Codes. thanks alot you mother fuckers. Cant you hook your city up with a PDF file? Or at least a printed copy we can pick up for our personal reference?

How many laws are there that no one has any way of knowing about can they just bust out on you whenever?

my pre-law girlfriend is thinking about taking it to court. give em hell megs!

Too Many Puppies

Ever watch that John & Kate Plus 8 show? Fuck that shit. They are very patient considering the mayhem. I'd have dungeons.

On the last one i saw, one of the kids was constipated and the dad pulls the turd out by hand. You go Bobby Brown. (no pun intended) They need to do more online shopping and less taking a classroom full of kids to the bed store.

But what is interesting about THAT show is . .the first season or two, it was just a look into the psychosis of the wife's mind. After Season 2, you could tell that the producers started dreaming up shit. To get the kids out of the house and to get the mom to stop scrubbing the floors with toothbrushes.

Kate is pretty crazy. John looks like he wants a divorce every day. he constantly has a "kill me now" look on his face.

"i had this horrible nightmare.. i was married to this power tripping wife and we had 8 kids..all screaming and pooping everywhere...." ...then Kate rolls over with this psycho smile on her face and you start to hear a chorus of crying from another room. pan back to John who's eyes are wide open in fear and disbelief.
it was just a dream...or was it. but that's like every episode.

Then there's that show with the weird family with 18 kids or something. Meet the Duggars.
And as if to not be out done... the Duggar family was like ... 'oh snap, eight kids? try having 20 and and trying to come up with all names that start with J. Yea we busted out Jedediah on your asses. didn't see that one coming did you?
Oh cute, your kids all dress the same.. we can beat that too.. ALL of us wear 17th century clothing that my wife makes by hand and we all wear the same color for a different day of the week.. whats that? the Duggars are in lavender?... must be Wednesday. Suck on that Jack and Kate!'

18 effing kids, that chicks vagina has to ride shot gun. Her baby hole is so blown out he probably gets the sperm to the egg via UPS or FedEx.

This pretty much sums it up.

but I must say one thing to the Duggars. Stop fucking! I cant blame John n Kate.. they only schaboinked twice to cause that mess. And took lots of fertility drugs. Let that be a lesson to all you sterile couples... get a dog.

The Duggars did it the old fashioned way. Hella sex. she's a friggin egg farm. They obviously don't believe in birth control. Their motto is 'we'll stop having kids when god tells us so.' I wonder if seeing her uterus fall on the floor be a good enough sign. I bet he just jizzes on the bed and has her roll around in it at this point.

But I will give them this, their house runs like a clock. It's amazing to see how they get things done. They are more like an ant colony than a family. It will be interesting to see if the kids end up living the same life because the parents weren't raised that way. They just sort of made it up. Its like some weird quaker-Mormon hybrid. The oldest daughter seems like she just wants the fuck out.

I think they should have a crossover show where Kate and John and their monsters go visit the Duggar clan. Then there's a cage match between Kate and the Ant Queen
ooh Wife Swap special edition! I wouldn't be surprised if Mr.Duggar 4 more wives stashed somewhere. Because thats too much for one vagina to handle.

May 24, 2008

False Alarm (The Gauntlet Part II)

Yesterday I wrote this to the kirknoggins google group.

hey noggies. The doctor called and said they had to reschedule my appt. For a week AFTER my scheduled appt for next tuesday. I said hell no and asked if they had anything sooner. They said the only time would be today...i said HELL YEA so here i am typing this on my phone (i'd blog it but i forgot how to mobile blog..verizon blocks blogger and google mobile) in the waiting room....score! I might get to enjoy this 3 day 'kend without out sntinky funk gnar on my arm!

Well, it was kind of wishful thinking. There is good news and bad news tho.

The good news; They sawed that smelly piece of shit off my arm!

When they first brought me in, they took x-rays of my wrist with my old cast on. Then I waited. What would a trip to the doctor be without waiting. Whats rad tho is that the place I get the X-rays is in the next room, not a 10 minute drive away like my regular doctor. The X-rays are unclear because of the cast but the doc says he's not sure its healing right. He then says we need to take off the cast to get clearer xrays. THANK GOD. those are the words i'd been waiting for. At that point all I gave a shit about was getting that stinking mass of rotting cast off my arm.

So I get my cast off. I had planned to film it but in all the excitement i forgot. I guess that doesnt even matter. My skin was all gnar and peeling.

smelled like hell too

So while I'm waiting for the xray room to be available my doctor starts talking about what happens when this tiny wrist bone doesnt heal right. He talked about screws and surgery and generally freaked me out. But the consolation was that while he was telling me this I could see bare skin where the gauntlet was for the last month.

Finally I get X-ray'd again and the doc tells me that depending on what the X-rays show I might end up having a new cast. I said "just as long as you let me wash my arm" he laughed, and showed me the sink. "take your time" he says. and I did, let me tell you. the only thing missing was a loufa to exfoliate the layers of dead rotting skin.

The bad news; The new X-Rays come back and he says the healing looks good. so bada bing bada boom, here I am with another orange bastard of a cast on my wrist.

2 more weeks. no swimming at the lake after all.

May 23, 2008

Hands Free

So, here in the good ol state of California they passed a law that allows cops to pull over and ticket people driving while yapping on their cell phone. The exception is that you can use a "hands free" device such as a head set. This law goes into effect July 1st of this year. That is just around the corner.. and "Blue Tooths" are flying off the shelves like fish in a barrel. By Blue Tooths, I mean wireless head sets that use Bluetooth Wireless functionality to connect to your cell phone. It annoys me that people think headsets are called "Blue Tooths". Partly because dumb people are annoying, and because wireless companies cripple their phones so bad that the only thing they allow BT for is to connect a wireless headset which in turn perpetuates the idea that headsets are called "blue tooths".

At least they'll be used for driving and not for looking like a space-tard while standing in line at starbucks. Good thing you got both hands free there Chet! you might need them to, I dunno, pick your nose or lean against the sugar counter.

You look like a tool, and your wife hates you. You're not gonna get any calls that are THAT important. Eat your fucking salad.

Most people still dont have a hands free device (because if you're not a moron, there is no real use for one) and will surely be rushing to their local electronics store (Best Buy) on June 3oth, to get one. And I predict that there will be more accidents that week with people trying to operate their new "hands free" device.

People will be taking their free hands off the steering wheel to push buttons and fumble with the blue tooth settings and readjust the little earpieces that feel like they are going to fall out. People will be taking their eyes off the road to check if, in fact the wireless headset is on or not.

And if its not wireless.. and this is my favorite of all time, people will be using their "free hand" to hold the microphone to their mouth.

Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe not, but this law is stupid. unfortunately, since people are stupid, its necessary.

Can you hear me now?

Trolly Ride!

I am sorry to inform you that there will be no Trolly Ride. There is and never was a Trolly Ride. The moose out front should have told you.

Here's some pictures

my brother showed me a magazine the other day where someone put a Ferrari V-12 in the back of one of these. It was insane.

Why is it that almost every time it says "all you can eat" the food is questionable? I always end up thinking of "all you can eat" more like a dare than a good deal.

i got rear ended while parallel parking. the other side is trying to say its my fault. more on that later.

that's a lot of asparagus.

someone left their recipe for world domination in the computer lab in my web design class.

i made this one the other day for no reason. For the challenge i guess.

dad: "you cant even get a god damn fence made in America anymore"
Ironically, the soy sauce at the Chinese restaurant we just ate at was 'made in USA'

I finally drew on this bitch. it's the final week so i thought what the hell.
4 days to go!

ok that's it. I need good vibes. please send in the form of comments or paypal donations.


May 21, 2008

Twizzlers are not Red Vines

There's Twizzlers in the candy bucket at the front desk today. It reminds me of this time when my band was on tour. We were in Indianapolis with a day off. Our tour bus was parked in a big lot behind a movie theater so we decided to waste some time by watching a movie. Bruce Almighty. At the concession stand we asked the kid behind the counter if they had Red Vines and he gave us this blank vacant look. We pressed, "you know Red Vines?... Red Licorice?" He perked up "oh you mean Twizzlers". This made us Irritated and Geoff and I almost said in unison "NOT TWIZZLERS!" We tried to explain but the kid, and some locals in line behind us had honestly never even heard of Red Vines. Wow they were missing out! We were in shock that a whole region had to suffer the red licorice monopoly of Twizzlers.

We started to get that regional out of place feeling again. The feeling we got all over the country when we notice the little cultural and regional differences of whatever place we are in. Like when Safeway isnt safeway but "Ralphs" or "Domonics". Or when Carl's Jr, is called "Hardee's" or when Dryers Ice Cream isnt Dryers but in the same font and packaging called "Edy's".

But this was different, we'd actually heard of Twizzlers. The strawberry flavored twists that I only remember ever eating at Halloween for some reason. It was one of those candies that you never really buy on purpose. Most people, were I'm from buy Red Vines. It's a movie theater standard which is why we couldnt believe this theater in Indianapolis didnt have them. Even more baffled as to how no one there had even heard of them.

For the record, Twizzlers are NOT Red Vines. Red Vines are perfect in consistency and flavor. Twizzlers taste like processed rubberized wax with a hint of fruit flavor. The red color fools your taste buds into thinking its Strawberry. Red Vines are bright and cherry flavored. Twizzlers just suck.

After searching the web (very briefly) I found out that Twizzlers vs Red Vines is like an East Coast, West Coast thing. Sucks for the east coast.

It's just odd that there is even things like this. When there's McDonald's in China that's basically the same as the one in Vallejo California, but Dryer's Ice Cream feels the need to be called "Edy's" East of the Mississip'

Maybe they do shit like this to make America seem bigger than it is. So when you travel this grand ol country of ours you get the feeling that you're actually going somewhere.

You're weird because your from somewhere else.
"ha ha ha daddy, those people talk funny"