Oct 17, 2016

#onlyinhumboldt

This morning was the most random collection of #onlyinhumboldt moments.
The day started off slow.  It's my Friday so the weight of the week is setting in.  I feel like I might be getting sick and I didn't get enough sleep because I was woken up by very loud rain, then just as I was starting to settle back into my slumber there was a huge flash of lightning followed seconds later with a massive boom.  The thunder sounded like someone set off dynamite I our back yard. 
The morning is more or less dragging so I was eager for my first break of the day.  Finally on my break this customer who looks like he's out of his mind on some sort of illegal drug stops me and asks me my name.  I was apprehensive.  He could barely hold himself up with the empty shopping cart he essentially pushing.  His pupils were irregular and he was slurring his speech.  I reluctantly replied... "kirk"  he then shifted his psychedelic gaze and repeated my name with differ inflection each time.  "Keerrrk, KkeRrk, KiRRRK..."  I ducked out of the way and went to sit outside and drink my coffee. 
#onlyinhumboldt

As I'm sitting outside enjoying the brief break in the crazy weather I see a car pull into the parking lot.  It was a beat up late 90s Toyota Camry or something similar.  I noticed it because the windshield wipers had yellow rope tied to them with the other ends going into the passenger area do the occupants could control the wipers manually. Pretty ingenious low budget Humboldt repair job. 
#onlyinhumboldt
I walk over to where they parked of course to get a photo of this contraption.  As I came around the back of the car a well dressed older woman says to me "do YOU want that?"  and pointed to the ground.  I replied "want what... Ohh is that...?"  she says that it's marijuana and she doesn't want it.  Good eye grandma.  It was two freshly trimmed pretty large buds of weed.  They were one the ground next to  a car as if they just fell out when when some pot farmers opened their door.  I swooped them up and game them to some coworkers that I know smoke pot.  Actually I'm probably the only person there who doesn't.  Anyway. 
#onlyinhumboldt
Then as I go back into the store my manager immediately points at me to follow the weird strung out twacked out guy.  I find him in the door department and follow him as he strangely pushes his shopping cart.  He keeps kicking out his legs like a chicken.  In the cart is a solitary item. A notepad  with a pen clipped to it . After I politely ask him if he's done shopping hoping he'll get the hint he mumbles oddly "I have to check out a few more things then I'm done"  He picks up his notepad and shows me the list. He gets excited and says "I WROTE TOO BIIIIIG"  I see he's got five items scrawled out in letters that were about two inches tall. I asked him if he could even read it and he started rambling off legitimate sounding things like "36 inch exterior door... a few other things I couldn't discern and then "GLUE!!!"  he exclaimed, then continued on the topic of glue. "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GLUE!!!"   he kept repeating it so I tried to show him glue but he got sidetracked in the BBQ section. I let him look around then he took a Weber brochure. He held it up, looked right at me and pointed to it as if to ask if they were free.  I nodded then he threw it on top of his notepad and kept awkwardly pushing his cart.  Just when I thought I had him out the door he said he wanted to look at some books in the small book section that's near the front door. 
#onlyinhumboldt

I let him be and continue with my job of helping customers.  A woman needed help with lightbulbs and I was confidently helpful.  She wanted two boxes of fluorescent bulbs so I helped her take them to her car.  She was very appreciative and gave me a $10 tip.  This pretty much never happens. Thanks lady!

I go back into the store and I see that the drugged-out dude has come back into the store doing who knows what. I see that some other co-workers are watching him so I go back to the electrical department.  The phone is ringing off the hook so I answer - 'Electrical department this is Kirk' and pretty much every time I get 'Hi Chris, I'm looking for a......' do I mumble on the phone?  He was looking for Dehumidifiers.  This time of year in this part of the country the pot farmers are buying up literally ALL of our dehumidifiers, cheap box fans, not cheap 18" high velocity fans, propane heaters of every variety and a shit-ton of extension cords. The answer to the guy on the phone was no. 
#onlyinhumboldt 

It was a pretty busy day but I found my co-worker who was dealing with the weird dude from earlier. He told me he followed him to our store office where he asked to fill out an application for employment. The office obliged and he sat in there for about 20 minutes filling it out.

Under  "JOB SKILLS" he put.
Nice guy. 
#onlyinhumboldt 
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