I Gotta Stop Leaving Shit On My Car

I dunno if it's ADHD or stress, the impending fall of democracy or what— but I keep leaving shit on my car and forgetting about it.  Last week after band practice I had set my refillable water bottle in the crevasse at the base of my windshield where the wipers are.  Then talked to my band for a few minutes and then headed home.  Just after pulling out of the parking lot I realized I didn't have my bottle with me.  I just thought that I had left it in the studio and decided I didn't need it that bad so I left it.  Then about 4 miles later I made a hard right turn and something on my hood made a clunking noise.  I looked out my windshield to see what it was and I saw my water bottle stuck in the corner of that trough at the base of the windshield and gyrating with my windshield wipers. Immediately I remembered putting it there when I got out of the rehearsal space. So then I pull over and grab it.  My bassist who was not far behind me see's me and pulls over thinking I'm having car trouble.  I excitedly tell him what happened and he either doesn't understand why I'm excited or doesn't care.  He shakes his head and drives off once he realizes my car isn'y broke down. 

Remember the iPad I got for free from the internet company who tried to lie to me saying I had to pay for another month of service to get the free iPad, right before I cancelled them? This morning I decided to take THAT iPad, to work.

Yesterday I used THAT iPad to do a still-life painting of my Fig Newtons. 

I put that iPad which I have been using to draw cool shit, on the roof of my car in the garage before leaving for work so I could throw away a dog poo bag and move a box.

Then again, oblivious to the iPad on my roof I got in my car and drove to work like it was just another day. At a stop sign about a mile into my drive I heard a crunch under my tire I took note because maybe it was glass or something that could fuck up my tire but just kept on going. (Actually, shit. Remind me to check my tire when I go to lunch) About another mile later it started pouring rain so I started to roll my windows up and noticed my iPad, which I remember taking off the table when I left the house, was NOT on the seat next to me. Immediately I remembered the crunchy thing I ran over and freaked out. There was an incident a few years ago where I backed out of a parking space and heard a slow crunch. Got out to check and it was my favorite pair of sunglasses. Smashed to smithereens. All of these thoughts flooded my brain as I pulled over into the El Pueblo Market parking lot to check the roof of my car. It was still raining and with a heart full of dread and fear I slowly got our and gazed across the roof of my car. Huzzah, my iPad still where I left it. Some water on the cover but no damage. Heart attack over. A water bottle I can handle being flung off my car and abandoned on the side of the road, I mean, there's some stickers that have sentimental value but an iPad, that's pretty significant.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

The Noggin Where I Talk About True Crime and the Justice System

On a long drive recently I listened to one of those podcasts about an innocent man arrested for murder and it had me screaming at my radio. It's the popular story where a District Attorney, and police Investigators won't back down in the face of evidence, violate the constitution and refuse to lose a case... all while facing ZERO consequences for it.  The incredible racism in this one didn't help either. Listening to some of these jurors in a case from just 10 years ago. It's like they don't even know they're racist they've been racist so long. 

So many of these cases where the supposed "good guys" get tunnel vision on a suspect they blatantly ignore evidence or any other suspects that come up.  Some who straight up admit it, or even when there's DNA proving they did it.  In one case like this the cops just said "oh well they must have helped [the original suspect] do it".  They just can't admit they're wrong no matter what happens.  And then when it's been proven they violated rights and falsely sentenced an innocent person there is no punishment for them.  They just get to keep on doing their jobs and fuck people over. 

In so many of those true crime podcasts and documentaries there's a situation like I described above; bad DA's, crooked cops, favoritism from a judge. In most of those cases there's often an overworked, underpaid defense attorney from the Public Defender's office busting their ass, pouring their heart and soul into a client who will probably not appreciated it.  The shit that goes down in those true crime stories; regular people in bad situations getting their rights trampled... that shit happens every day in every county in the USA.  I have joked before that you could make a Public Defender reality show or weekly podcast by just throwing a dart at a map, find the nearest public defender office and just take a production crew there for a week and you'd be guaranteed to have an entertaining show.   

A big part of what is wrong with the justice system, aside from the racism which plays a major role in this particular case is prosecutors basically having no penalty or punishment for violating innocent people's rights and for generally putting them through hell.  Many times ruining their lives.  Technically there is a way to punish them, but no one realizes it because they're part of the problem.

In our current system what's supposed to happen when a DA gets caught being shitty and breaking the law repeatedly, letting cases get retried because of mistrials or appeals finding prosecutorial misconduct, wasting tax payer money and wasting jurors time and keeping an innocent person in jail for lengthy periods of time is that they should get the blame for all of that. They should get publicly shamed and not re-elected to that position. But they don't because it happens every damn day there's no single case to focus on.  Ultimately the general public doesn't understand how it works. They don't see the elected prosecutors doing a shitty job, they only see a criminal getting to have another case and blame it on a tricky defense attorney, a slick Public Defender finding loopholes or the Judge allowing them to get off on a technicality.  And they feel sorry for the DA who has to try the case again. They see a dangerous criminal getting set back onto the streets.  What the average asshole doesn't understand is that the cases were overturned because of PROSECUTORIAL MISCONDUCT.   The alleged suspect was set free because the DA broke the law to get a conviction.  The everyday-stupids on the jury never saw the exculpatory evidence because they dirty cops destroyed it or the DA never turned it over.  So why are most people on their side?  If they cant get a conviction without being best friends with the judge or withholding evidence, then they shouldn't be doing this job.  VOTE THEM OUT.  They are after all elected officials.  But really if they get caught doing all of this shit they should get jail time or a sanction or a fine or something. We The People have this power that we seem to never properly wield. We have the ballot box and the public being educated on how the system is supposed to work.

No AI was used or has ever been used in my illustrations or writings.  

SkUnKeD!

my artist rendition of what it might have looked like. 

I'm sleeping soundly with the dogs. Cpap on, window open. woken up around 3:30 am with the half asleep memory of maybe hearing a woman shriek outside. I turn off my Cpap take a listen but don't hear anything and the dogs are not disturbed so I turn my machine back on and try to go to sleep. Then the overwhelming stench of skunk is being blasted straight into my nose through the Cpap. I get up to close the window and see my neighbors with their garage door open wondering what they're doing up and I notice they're frantically trying to wash their dog in the driveway. Must have been a late night pee walk and got skunked somewhere in front of my house and the shriek was my neighbor lady getting skunked.

My whole house smelled like skunk for an hour and I couldn't go back to sleep. Sorry, neighbors. That's gotta suck.

Also I'm not sure if I ever told this story here but I'm deathly afraid of skunks but not because of the above situation. It's totally irrational. I once had a dream where I was being chased by a wild pack of skunks through my old high school field. It was like 20 of them and they were angry. I was more afraid they were going to tear me up and eat me or something. Of course rationally I'm afraid of getting skunked too. I once hit a skunk with my car and my car smelled like skunk for like a year. Skunks, man. I hate em.

Apple Pencil Update. WTF, Apple Part 2.

Remember that free iPad I got from Optimum after they lied and said I wouldn't get it unless I paid for another month of service? Well it was cool using it to draw once I got the right Apple Pencil, and the right adapter and cord to make it work. I drew some stuff with it but haven't really had time to mess with it for a while.

I knew this would happen because I'm not one to carry a friggin tablet with me everywhere I go. That's why I love the built in sPen stylus of my galaxy phone. I've been using the Galaxy Note (now Galaxy S Ultra) line for like 10 years and now I hear they're going to discontinue the built in Spen. Fuck you, Samsung. But yea, since tablets are cumbersome it-along with the Apple Pencil have lived in a drawer for a few months.

I have a small project I wanted to use it on so I dusted it off. Of course the tablet was dead so I popped it on a charger. As expected the Apple Pencil is also dead. The iPad wont recognize it when plugged in and wont charge on a charger.

So I wen't to ask Uncle Google to see what to do. Apparently it needs a tiny amount of juice to tell the iPad it's plugged in but if the battery goes to full ZERO then it's basically useless and dead. Official recourse is to take it to an Apple store and they can repair it for $$. Great design, Apple. The answer Google AI search results is giving me is to heat it up. No seriously. Apparently someone made a video saying that if you wrap it in a hot towel for 20 mins it wakes up the internal battery enough to start charging. I haven't been able to try this yet and it's probably bullshit but.... What the actual fucking hot garbage, Apple? (Spoiler alert: it actually worked)

drawn with SPen on Galaxy phone.
(because it works)

Again, I'm trying to like you, Apple but you keep doing stupid shit. Why is Apple so god damn popular? So far in my experience it's overpriced trash.

UPDATE: OK so the heat 🔥 method fucking worked! 🤯🤯🤯 The bonkers part is that it had 20% battery when it finally paired.  What the fuck? I though it was totally bullshit. Holy crap.

PS:  this is still a piece of shit design. A $100 accessory shouldn't be disposable when you don't use it for 3 weeks. 

My Problem with Superman Part 2.

I saw Superman. I'm not a huge DC fan and an admitted hater of the concept of Superman. Read all about that in Part 1 if you haven't already.   I will say that other than the almost forced obvious parallels to present day geo-political situations I thought it was a perfectly fine Superhero movie. He saves a squirrel. If that's too woke for you, you have problems.

Another thing I noticed...Why do all the bystanders in Metropolis seem unfazed by all the monster/alien fighting action that is going on? He saves a little girl who seemingly doesn't even notice the giant monster fighting 4 metahumans in broad daylight. Are metahumans and alien invasions just passé and boring to them now?

Here's where I get into pissing of the nerds territory again.  Why does he have a cousin and a dog? They make such a big deal about him being the sole survivor of his dying planet.  His parents leave a message for him about how he's Earth's only hope or whatever but he randomly has a cousin and she has a dog. Did she come with him in the escape pod from Krypton? I dont get it. It cheapens the idea of Superman being this lone survivor who has a fortress of solitude. Because he's the only Kryptonian left. But there was ZOD and the bad guys who were if my memory serves also from Krypton.  I guess I dont know anything about Superman and I don't care enough to learn.  

Oh one update from Part 1. I made a big deal about him wearing glasses is a shit disguise and I'm not sure if this is something that's common knowledge to Superman nerds but in this movie they point out that his glasses are "hypnotic glasses" that trick your brain into seeing a different face when he's wearing them.  That's fucking convenient.  Did they come with him in the escape pod from Krypton just in case?  Did he invent them? I thought gadgets was Batman's thing.  Hypnotizing glasses.  pfft.  Not so super now are you?  

I fucking hate Superman. 

Old People.

I shouldn't talk shit because I'm almost 50 and I know we're supposed to respect our elders but sometimes there are people out there who have been the same shitty assholes for 50 years and they're just in a body that society has demanded that we respect. Been dealing with some really shitty boomers lately and it's frustrating because of this "respect your elders" shit.  You have done nothing but breathe for a couple decades longer than me while learning nothing about being a decent human being.  I don't like you. 

Not all boomers are shitty tho. Some are just weird. Maybe they were weird when they were younger or maybe they are losing their minds or maybe, which seems common too is that they just stopped giving a fuck what people think which I can fully respect. 

While I was taking a piss at work just now I heard this old guy whistling and humming a tune walking towards the bathroom. I didn't see him but he smelled old. Hard to explain that, but the old person smell, the crusty voice, the talking to themselves and the median demographic of the customers here I could tell he was probably in his late 60s to 70s. Anyway, I hear him clear his throat while he walks by behind me to the toilet stall and he hums part of a tune then whistles a part and then kind of grunts a "mm hmm" as he opens the bathroom stall. I hear him in the stall talking to himself. "ok...yup" and hum again dee dee da dum followed by more whistling the same tune again. He then grunts and clears his throat as he pre-flushes the toilet. Another whistle whistle hum hum as he sits down. while I wash my hands "uh huh, ok... daaa deee" whistle whistle. I can hear him still as I'm walking out of the bathroom.  Fuck yea, old weird dude. Way to not be an asshole. 

80s Memory Unlocked: Crocodile Mile Injury

After being heavily marketed to in the late 80s during cartoons and kid shows we begged and finally got our parents to get us Crocodile Mile.  I'm sure it was an attempt to cash in on the popularity of Crocodile Dundee.  It was a crocodile themed slip-n-slide with an inflatable part at the end that formed a bump to launch off and a pool of water you splash into. The "Splashdown Pool"  was way to shallow and the "Boomerang Bump" didn't really launch you into the air at all. The whole thing ended up being 80% less cool as they made it look in the commercials but it was still a slip-n-slide.  At the bump at the end that "launches" you into the pool had a curtain of thin plastic sheeting with the mouth of a crocodile printed on it that you launch through. The curtain was held up with a tube of rigid plastic bent in a hoop which was inserted into hard plastic cups that had stakes that also held it all in place which you pushed into the grass like a plastic tent stake.  

Here's the TV spot that had us so excited. This song is gonna be stuck in my head all day now. 

The hoop fell off every time you went through it so we just left it off. The fun was starting to wear off after using it for about an hour and for one last go at it my younger brother got a running start, slid down the slide but veered off course slightly missing the Boomerang Bump and slid his bare, wet chest across one of the cup stakes that protruded up at lease 3 inches from the ground. He ended up getting a 10" gash across his chest and was bleeding everywhere. I'm sure parents were summoned and friends went home but I don't have any recollection of the rest of that day. 

 I guess getting attacked and drawing blood was more realistic to being attacked by a crocodile than the part the kept falling off.  What's funny is that I found a commercial for something I didn't remember existing but it was "Super Crocodile Mile". What's so super about it you ask? It came with an inflatable surfboard mat thing you used to slide down on.  While marketed as a way to go faster, I wonder if kids were getting cut by the stakes and they had to put something between them and the dangerous plastic parts.  

PYMYM: The Gnar-Maiden

Back in 2008 I drew a couple versions of a mutated Narwhal for no reason.  It was around the same time I had drawn this full-figured skateboarder for a skateboard company and sort of merged them together in my brain and created this bit of silly fiction. Mostly as an excuse to fuck around in photoshop at work. 

 Which brings us to this installment of "Posts You Might Have Missed" from April of 2008.  

The Tale of the Gnar-Maiden

There once was a beautiful skateboarder named Lisa, who loved to ride her skateboard. She also liked to swim in the Arctic seas. 

Lisa knew of a magical sea creature that liked to swim in these waters but was never too concerned as it was mostly just old stories told by the local people.  The North Alaskan Mutated Narwhal or "Gnarwhal" to the local Inuit tribes was said to be a docile creature known for it's giant tusk and tasty secretions. As the story goes the secretions were once harvested by the natives in the olden times and used for medicinal and ceremonial purposes.



One day while swimming in the frigid waters Lisa got caught in a freak storm that carried her out to sea. She nearly drowned when her body sank to the depths. Deep down with the Gnarwhal.

In this same storm, a military cargo ship carrying top secret government radioactive material took a phantom wave and cracked its hull spilling gallons of this experimental substance into the sea.

The substance made its way down to the depths with Lisa who was struggling to swim to the surface and –the Gnarwhal. As the glowing ooze made contact something miraculous and strange happened. Lisa suddenly was able to breath under water and a giant tusk started to grow and came out of her forehead! She then realized that her and one of the sea mammals of lore were starting to meld together and become one.

Once the transformation was complete she, in her new form made her way back to land.  Like the Gnarwhal, Lisa now secreted this rare and delicious jelly. A special gelatinous ooze now imbued with special energy increasing properties from the toxic spill.  

Leaving out a ton of really important stuff here but long-story-short, she went on to market and sell with the help of her marketing exec. brother, Joaquin and became a very successful business woman/mutant sea creature hybrid.  The End. 

Sorry, Kids.

I was thinking the other day about kids growing up in the Internet age.  When i was a kid there were things- Cultural things that only existed in the adult world.  Office culture, locker room culture, after work culture... That all happens more or less on the Internet. On social media. Tiktok creates cultural language now. And kids see all of it.  If anything what ends up being in the zeitgeist of the week, kids picked-up on it first.  

Not a care in the world other than trying to ollie more than 4 inches.
Me and my skate crew 1986 probably? 

Grown up things were like another world to me.  The News was boring and I avoided it.  But now I wonder how much of that is part of kids' media. And now that I'm a grown up I know it sucks.  Being ignorant of politics, bills, stress and everything else was magical.  I just saw a thing about giving toddlers a credit card or not... And kids having debit cards is a real thing.  I guess this is normal now? Is that just the equivalent of giving a kid a $20bill before not seeing them for 7 hours? I guess it's hard for me to wrap my head around. I don't have kids and I'm not around kids very often so if this isn't some revelation then color me out of touch.  

Pepsi: the choice of the new generation. 
Very little me. 

Now kids have mini computers with a shopping mall and video arcade in their pockets.  You used to have to leave the house and depend on adults to get to these places. 

rock candy and confederate war money.  not a cell phone in sight!
Me and Jeremy at Fort Point San Francisco probably around 1989  

I dunno where I'm going with this.  I just kinda feel bad for these kids who have to grow up so fast because of technology putting real life in their faces 24-7.  To never truly be free.  To be blissfully ignorant of reality for at least a few years.  My earliest exposure to social issues and real life problems was probably from the thrash metal bands I listened to.  Their lyrics were more informative to my stupid kid brain than anything the morons who voted for Trump are getting from Fox News.  

At The Bottom Of The Sea... (OceanGate Sub Implosion)

Anyone watching the OceanGate sub documentary? There's one on Max/Discovery and a new one on Netflix but they both pretty much tell the same story. Even my homeboy Josh Gates did an episode of his adventure show on the sub and talked to Stockton Rush about how it was all going. Josh had to go to Discovery brass and tell them to not air the episode because he felt it was dangerous to promote this guy and that he thought people were going to get hurt. Boy was he right. Everyone around him with a brain and an ounce of courage told him it was gonna fail and kill people and he fired them or they quit because they didn't want to be responsible for killing people. Holy shit what a dick that guy was.

Anyone who didn't kiss his ass he fired. And then he was crushed to death in his little stupid submarine.

Stockton Rush: Certified asshole

I wrote some lyrics about this after it happened.

You paid to see

 Where the wealthy lay deceased

...At the bottom of the sea 

I find it hard to think

 This was a tragedy

...At the bottom of the sea. 

People struggle to be 

While you struggled to breathe

...At the bottom of the sea. 

You built a submarine 

Ignored their expertise 

Now you're dead.

Crushed to death.

...At the bottom of the sea.  

Just a tarnished legacy

and a pile of debris

...At the bottom of the sea.

It sucks those innocent people fell for his bullshit and died but fuck that Stockton Rush and people like him forever.
Almost like an allegory for what's happening in the White House... just a matter of how many of us he takes down in his death submarine.