Earlier today as I was bagging up merchandise for a gray-haired, middle aged lady, just as the receipt was printing she looks up at me with wide, yet calm eyes and says. "I have diarrhea..... I'll be right back" and then takes off towards the ladies room. What caught my attention though, was how cool about it she was when she said it. There was only a slight sense of urgency. She said 'diarhea' but her demeanor seemed more like 'I forgot to get batteries' –not as severe as one would expect from someone about to violently projectile defecate into their pants at a hardware store.
UPDATE: "I forgot the batteries" is now code for having to go take a shit amongst fellow employees.
BEST FACEBOOK REPLY: With age comes wisdom... And nonchalant poop emergencies. - Brian Cutright