Oct 19, 2018

Inspired Inspiration

So I've been starting to write lyrics more and a couple of them are starting to make their way into my band's songs.   Inspiration comes from everywhere they say.  Today I stumbled upon a website that's basically a collection of letters, notes and photos that people find in the trash or on the ground and send in.  A few of the letters caught my attention and I turned them into lyrics.  I hope they turn into songs at one point.  I'm really enjoying this new creative outlet.  And remember these are written for a punk band so it's not going to be and long epic sagas.

Here's what I came up with ...

Cautionary Tale:
Do not use dryer 26
unless you want your precious panties
to look like this.

ripped to shreds and all tore up
Used to be my favorite pair and
they were good luck.

Panty warning at the Laundromat
Panty warning at the Laundromat

I see that something has gone wrong
Dryer 26 will eat your thong
Ladies, ladies, please beware
Dont use 26 if you care.

About my
Panty warning at the Laundromat
Panty warning at the Laundromat

Do not use dryer 26
unless you want your new lace and silk
to get all ripped

Panty warning at the Laundromat
Panty warning at the Laundromat

Connie Said
Connie said, you can drop dead.

she said…
You’re a lying piece of shit.
you can go kick rocks
you can have
That little skank box

She said she’s done
She said Fuck you.
She said it’s over.
Now all you have to do

is Drop Dead!!!!
Connie said, you can drop dead
Drop Dead!

Connie said, you can drop dead.
Drop Dead!

Hard Feelings
You could say that
my feelings are mixed
I thought for a long time
but it came out like this

I thought things were going fine
but I kind of feel like I hate you and love you
at the same time

Sometimes It’s good
and sometimes it’s bad
You’re the best thing and worst thing
I’ve ever had

I don’t quite know how to say it,
and I don’t fully know why
but I kind of feel like I hate you and love you
at the same time.

I’m sorry if this is harsh
or if it sounds mean
we might feel better next year
when we turn thirteen.

The only thing I can think of
the only words I can find
Is that I kind of feel like I hate you and love you
At the same time.

Never Done Donnie
Donnie’s in there
with his biz
you creep outside his door
now he can’t jizz

You’re fucking up his concentration
It makes it hard to for masturbation
Without going full duration
He’ll never reach ejaculation

He left this note
for you to find
To let you know that
he’s jerking off inside

You’re fucking up his concentration
Makes it hard for masturbation
Without going full duration
He’ll never reach ejaculation

Oct 16, 2018

So I Joined a Second Band

In my nearly 30 years of playing music I've never, as far as I can remember been in two bands simultaneously.   My main punk rock band Dead Drift started out with me learning a hand full of songs and eventually helping with the collaborative song writing process.  Now I'm back learning stuff again for this new band Not Ewe.  Gonna be fun seeing where the writing goes as this music is a bit different than Dead Drift.   So far balancing two bands has been less than hectic.  Hope to have some music to share soon.  They have a facebook page. 

Also if you didn't know about my other band you can find Dead Drift at Facebook and Youtube.  New stuff is coming soon!  (I write lyrics now!)

Oct 3, 2018

I Guess We All Follow Trump on Twitter Now?

Just be glad he didn't accidentally send the dick pic he was trying to send to Kim Jong Un.

I love you Kim!  

Sep 27, 2018

Fast Food Adventures: Eureka Taco Bell.

Today at Taco Bell I walked in and noticed a lot of people not eating... waiting with their receipt in hand indicated to me that there would be a bit of a wait but I ordered anyway.  Just before I ordered they called a guy's order number and he kept asking "is this mine" while digging through the bags, pulling items out.  They repeated his number but it was like the number didn't mean anything to him and he just kept taking inventory of the bag.   They read off his rather large order and was like ok this is mine, out everything back in, took it and left.  My order number was 43.  After a few minutes they called "38" and then I realized why everyone was waiting.  Oh man this is gonna be a while I thought to myself,  but it went by fairly quick.  It seemed as if the place was filling up as fast as they were calling orders.  They finally announce "order 43" and I get up to get it and this toothless old lady who had just ordered her shit starts moving towards the pick up counter behind me shouting "Is it a 7 layer?" Now, here's where  I'll give the other guy a pass on not knowing his order number, because he clearly had been waiting and was 98% sure it was his order but disregarded the order number process. This  saggy tweaker lacked the foresight that most people have, that I described at the beginning of this.  The foresight to look and realize that all these people aren't just hanging out at Taco Bell to enjoy the sweet aroma of rehydrated beans, they're all people who had already ordered their food several minutes before you leaned your stolen bike against the building to come in here.  No you hag, it's not 'yer 7layer'  Step the fuck of my shit, pay attention, don't throw away your receipt, take note of your number and sit the fuck down. The world Taco Bell doesn't revolve around you.

Update from the next morning. 

So this morning at McDonalds... (yea I eat fast food, and yes I hate drive-thru's) a crusty old biker-tweaker type kept bitching and asking where his muffin was and that "he wanned it b'fore mah dang coffee gits cold"  First of all your coffee is currently 10000 degrees and will not get cold for another 30 minutes, secondly and more importantly you were given a receipt with your order. That receipt has a number on it. They call out that number when your order is ready. There's also a big, bright TV screen in clear view that shows which orders are ready and which ones are still being made. Now when the lady asks you what your number is and you put up your arms and go "I unno?" like you've never been to a fast food restaurant in the last 20 years.  Then when she asks "do you have your receipt?"  you scoff and, with attitude, turn around, sift it out of the trash and hand it to her she then tells you that it's coming right up. Because there are other orders before yours, as you could see from the monitor right over your greasy head if you payed a-fucking-tention. Again assholes, don't throw away your fucking fast food receipt...there's important information on it that you'll need in a few minutes.  There's not a crew of people back there making McMuffins just for you Randy.

I swear these two are a match made in heaven. 

Sep 17, 2018

I Think I've Finally Found My Two Favorite Root Beers...

And they're not even root beer!  

As many of you know I've been a connoisseur of Root Beer and other soda's for quite some time.  I've had my favorites before but as my palate had become more refined I'm starting to realize that my two categories of flavor profile which leads me to lean toward certain favorites. Many Root Beers have a really molasses flavor or have a pronounced anise taste, neither of which I enjoy.  The other predominate styles are honey sweetened Root Beers or Root Beers with a honey flavor and   Root Beer with a strong minty bite which can only be compared to the flavor of Pepto Bismol.  Side note: I love that shit even if I don't have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach or diarrhea.

In my quest to seek out a Root Beer that has these qualities in them I've landed on two top contenders which ironically, aren't even technically Root Beer. 

One day at Bevmo I took a chance on something I never considered, but I'd tried all the Root Beer's they had available that day and something called Birch Beer  caught my eye.  Birch Beer?  Birch is wood, wood comes from trees, trees have roots... So I figured it was Root Beer-adjacent so I gave it a shot.  Instantly I knew this was something special.  It embodies that wintergreen bite that I like about certain root beers, and of course Pepto Bismol.  My Girlfriend isn't a big soda drinker but likes to try my Root Beer discoveries.  She tends to like the anise flavors more.  When I tried the Creamy Red Birch Beer I leaned over and said "you wanna try this one?" she lit up and put out her hand "It tastes just like Pepto Bismol you'll hate it!"  She recoiled and said "ew gross"  She hates the taste of most over the counter liquid medicine so I knew she'd react.  It's red, it's creamy and it tastes nothing like the name suggests.   I don't know what makes it red but unlike other Birch Beers that can be too minty to the point that it's almost medicinal or chemical tasting, the Creamy Red gets the best of the Birch Beer flavor with that hint of creaminess that smooths it out and reminds me of Root Beer.  Unfortunately I haven't seen this in the stores around here for quite some time and from what I'm learning it's a little bit hard to find.  You can order it on the internet but you have to buy a whole case at a time.  I might just end up doing that.

And on the honey flavor side I've always liked a couple Root Beers that had a hint of honey.  I recently discovered Sprecher Root Beer which has a pretty good mix of minty and honey with other notes mixed in and for a while there it was my new #1.  But one night the store I usually got Sprecher from was out of the Root Beer. Usually I'd go for a Ginger Beer or Ginger Ale but this place only had the Ginger Beer brand I really dont care for, and the Sprecher Ginger Ale tastes like soap to me for some reason.  Even tho I have absolutely hated cream soda most of my life I picked up the Sprecher Cream Soda bottle to consider it. There was a
cartoon bee buzzing front and center on the logo so I went for it.  This was like no other cream soda I'd had before.  Usually to me cream soda tastes like carbonated sugar water but this was sweetened with honey and natural vanilla.   It was flipping all the switches for me.  This was the flavor that I was looking for in Root Beer! Finally!

So now, my new favorite Root Beers are Boylan's Creamy Red Birch Beer and Sprecher Cream Soda.   I would have never thought I'd like Cream Soda and I'd never even heard of Birch Beer before but there it is.   If you, like me have an affinity towards honey sweetened beverages or the minty pepto taste of some root beers, give these two a shot.  If you cant find the Creamy Red Birch Beer, many other companies make a Birch Beer which arent horrible if you like that type of flavor.

Happy Root Beering!

EDIT: while writing this I completely forgot about this
The Best Root Beer I Ever Had 

Sep 12, 2018

I took a stab at a weird r/writingprompts

After years of violence and surges of urban gang activity by the infamous 'Cereal Gangs" in the year 2439 a mandatory ban on natural sugar and sweeteners went into effect to try to curb this violence blamed solely on sugary breakfast cereals .  As planned the sweetened breakfast cereal industry amongst others crashed hard.  The violence waned but the city-centers of the planet entered a deep sadness.   It took underground food scientists 12 years to develop a new artificial sugar additive to bypass the ban.  Of course a development such as this came with great resistance from  the overlords of the Planetary Sustenance Consortium. After months of heated protests from the underground science community and their supporters, known as Sads, it was finally cleared by the PSC . Once this new chemical compound was readily available it started to show up in products that hadn't been seen in over decade.  One product that surged to popularity was a fruit flavored breakfast cereal Trix.  Trix was controversial because the Trix gang was thought to be at the center of the Cereal Gang problem which began nearly 20 years prior which many blamed for the sadness they'd all suffered through.

The Trix release was fairly benign at the beginning but on the day of the 20th anniversary of the sugar ban a man  enters the pages of our history books.  A name none of us will ever forget,  Peter Cecil Enzinger. Enzinger was an opponent to the PSC's decision to approve the new artificial sugar compound. On 15 March, 2459 Peter donned an antique rabbit costume, which was the historic mascot of the Trix brand, and moniker of the gang. He casually walked into a crowded sustenance station that had been the first to offer the new Trix Cereal and exploded a home-made plasma reaction bomb killing himself and an estimated 62,000 innocent people.

Sep 11, 2018

9/11 Post

17 fucking years?  Nothing will be the same no matter how much time passes.  Everyone who was old enough to remember has a 9-11 story, and once again here's mine as I remembered it from when I posted this back in 2006. 

It was Fall of 2001 and my band had just secured a demo deal with Madonna's record label, Maverick Records. A few weeks prior a rep from that company came to see us at one of our local shows. At that time my band was at the top of its popularity locally and we had a really good turnout. The rep was the guy who discovered the band Disturbed who was, and still is a pretty popular metal band from Chicago. The deal we got furnished us the opportunity to record a demo in Chicago with the producer that recorded all of Disturbed's music, Johnny K that would be listened to personally by the president of Maverick Records. This was the big break we had been waiting for. The weeks leading up to our visit to Chicago we rehearsed the songs we thought were our best and just started counting the days.

The counting was over. Our bags were packed, our flights all arranged and our songs were as tight as they could be. The night before we all tried to just get a good nights sleep for our big day. Earlier than I had liked, my phone rang the next morning. It was my good friend and photographer of many shows, Justin. I answered the phone and before I could rant about how early it was he said "you're not going to Chicago today" why not, what are you talking about? "turn on the TV... We're under attack" WHAT? ! Shut up man, we have our plane tickets and everything.. What the hell are you talking about? My girlfriend Meg is waking up and asking what is going on. justin continues, "no dude, they bombed the world trade center in NY" Meg turned on the TV .. I just stared with my mouth open.. Oh my god what the fuck is going on. Questions and emotions filled me, just as almost everyone experiencing this at this moment. Then, the other plane hit and I remember the news people confirming that this indeed wasn't some accident. It was an attack. As if anyone had real doubt, hope maybe, but not doubt that this was anything other than what it really was. After the reality of it all sank in, and they started talking about grounding flights I remembered I had a flight today. The chance of my life to get a real studio demo for a label just got cancelled. I heard the TV news guy say something about pieces falling off the buildings and I looked... The first tower fell.. INSANITY.. Me and Meg are just in complete awe. Then the second one falls... How could this happen?!?! Immediately conspiracy theories popped into our heads "bush probably did this" we both agreed. But why? Still worried about our flight, I called the rest of my band members who were still dealing with what they just saw on TV... We called our manager. We scrambled to the Hotwire.com site to confirm that they would not refund our tickets... There was no clause in the agreement about terrorist attacks... We were frantic. What the hell do we do? On the TV, they were showing cheering crowds in Pakistan or somewhere, burning American flags and celebrating. whhaaat? I was like.. Why don't we fucking bomb those motherfuckers.. Look they're happy.. look it was them! THEY did it. This was the knee-jerk reaction for many of us in that moment. 

By the next day, after reeling from all that transpired we found out finally that Hotwire is refunding tickets because of the tragedy. Without a flight tho, we still needed to get to Chicago. We wouldn't let some terrorists stop us from our chance at getting a record deal. We did what any self respecting band would do. We rented a minivan, loaded it with luggage and band equipment kissed our loved ones goodbye and drove! We drove like the wind. Nonstop minivan from Martinez to Chicago.

On the drive out there we were constantly reminded of the events from the day before. Every car on the road had an American flag on it. Every house, every storefront all had the full 2 page American flag that the newspaper printed in that days issue. It was pretty crazy. We even got some cheap Chinese made flags to put on the minivan. You could really see how unified the country was at that time. And you could defiantly see the reality of the flights being grounded. No planes anywhere.. And if you did see a plane you questioned it and got a little scared. There were a lot more rental cars and people driving. When we stopped in Cheyenne Wyoming for dinner we started talking about the Matrix sequel which was in production and that it was being filmed back home in Alameda. At this time a family had been seated near us and the father got up and corrected us on some fact we were curious about as h e walked by. He was gone before we could ask how he knew but his wife told us. "He's a director in Hollywood" cool, has he done anything we would have heard of? "he just finished American Pie 2..." And something else but I cant remember. Anyway, they were in that shitty little dinner place because they too, were driving across the country back to LA. We chit chatted about 9-11, and bragged that we were on our way to do a demo with a famous producer. 2 up and comers in the entertainment industry having no business in that little Italian restaurant brought together by a tragedy.

We finally made it to Chicago. It was amazing.. I had never been further than Reno and now I'm in Chicago, having just experienced "the Heartland" first hand. As we got closer to Chicago the first thing you see is the Sears Tower, realizing that now its the tallest building in America. We got a little worried that it would be the next target. We didn't get to go to the top and see the observation deck because it was, of course, closed because of the attack. There were these little reminders everywhere. Even tho we were there chasing our dream to be rockstars, it was overshadowed by what had happened. I'm trying not to say "9/11" because at that point, on 9-13, it wasn't a phrase people used yet. It was still just the other day to us.

One of the reminders which hit home with us was when Johnny got a letter from a record company colleague about songs that radio stations were pulling because of the attacks... "Anything referring to death, airplanes, buildings, bombs, fire..... "
etc etc etc... The list of songs included the obvious, "let the bodies hit the floor" by Drowning Pool and other heavy metal songs similar to that.. And the not so obvious "Benny and the jets" by Elton John and other songs by unthreatening artists with similar songs with "jets" or "plane" or "fire" in the title. It was ridiculous and our first taste of the powers that be stripping us of our rights and freedoms in the name of "the war on terrorism" Next came the Patriot act.

Jumping a few months ahead, my band ended up not signing with Maverick due to them not giving us an actual contract to sign. We gave them 2 weeks to listen to the demo. We paid for the trip out to Chicago but Johnny liked what we recorded so much, he was so confident we'd get a deal, he waived his fees and said to pay him when we got signed. With our confidence from that, at an all time high we took that demo and shopped it to every Major Label. Jump to November 2001, after months of schmoozing, showcasing for labels in LA we wake up the day we fly to NY to Showcase for Island records to find out that a plane crashed in NY. Not again! Our flight was not cancelled but delayed a few hours while they determined it wasn't connected to terrorism, by now we're just pissed because those damn terrorists are keeping us from getting a record deal. We joked that it was a plot to keep us down. We arrive in NY, play for Island records and through an odd turn of events, we end up the next day in a NY high rise meeting with the head of rock music at Columbia records. Midway through our meeting we get on the subject of September 11th and he shows us a photo of him and his son on a boat in NY harbor with the twin towers in the background. He tells us that the picture was taken on Sept. 9th and continues to share with us how he remembers that day. It was interesting to get New Yorker's perspective. It really hit us pretty hard never really thinking about how regular people, not directly affected by it, but who were in NY dealt with it all.

Jumping even further now. Its been a couple years, we have recorded our album and are out on tour. We've been so caught up in our success and living the dream it sort of took us out of reality. We knew that there was a war, we knew there was shit going on but we kind of didn't think about it. I remember one day in like Iowa or something at a truckstop diner looking up at a TV showing war news and saying jokingly "so, did we win yet?" but the hardened down-home USA patrons of the establishment didn't think it was funny. I never felt so small in my life. And it sort of put everything back into perspective for me. The war was real and people were still very patriotic and concerned with what was going on. 

A part of me wonders if that same gung-ho-America feeling from back then somehow morphed into the brainwashed, right wing, racist sect of cult followers we have now trying to control the narrative.  Falling back on this horrible event 17 years ago to justify themselves.

Anyway, how could anyone ever forget?

Aug 27, 2018

Motherfucking AT&T

So yet again AT&T shit the fucking bed all over my home of Humboldt County this weekend.  With little to no explanation as to why.   It's back now and everyone is satiated again.   Everyone just says "I have Suddenlink so  I'm good.  Yea, as long as you don't leave the house and have to buy things or need to call the police.   Yes, many retail and government services rely on AT&T's internet services and when they go down, we all go down.  But wait, some businesses are ok, and they're on AT&T how is this possible?  Oh, it's because there's another back-up fiberoptic line that only higher-paying exclusive AT&T customers get access too.  You know what AT&T? fuck you.
This shit is unacceptable.  I don't know what I can do to change it.  These telecoms just walk all over their customers.  The police, and county services and people that trust their ISP's to control the modern conveniences of smart home technology are screwed.   This is why were fucked, If we use our American right to protest and boycott to influence the free market we're just going to end up kicking AT&T to the curb and then we give the only other provider here,  Suddenlink, a company that has it's own many flaws, the keys to the county.  AT&T is the only thing keeping Suddenstink from having a monopoly here... but as it stands they both know it and still fuck us sideways.
Now we've lost net neutrality and Verizon is throttling the fucking fire department during a crisis-level statewide wildfire.   THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MONEY.
It seems like the only way to beat these assholes is to go full Ted Kazinski and live off the grid in a cabin in the middle of no-where.  After that it's just a matter of time until we start mailing home-made bombs.
Do you want home-made mail-bombs AT&T, Verizon, Suddenlink, Comcast, etc?   Do you? Because this is how you get home-made mail-bombs.
From LostCoastOutpost.com 

Jul 11, 2018

Garbage People of America

And I'm not necessary talking about Trump supporters. Well who knows maybe. 

So I come out of the grocery store and there's a woman in a minivan stopped right behind my car waiting for a parking space. But I look to see how ready the people in the space she's waiting for are. People holding up parking lot traffic to wait for – or worse follow people walking to their car is already a pet peeve of mine so when I noticed that there was an empty space between my space and the one she wanted, literally right next to the one she was waiting for, which also just so happened to be the front space,  I was just extra fucking irritated.  Now not only is this bitch being a greedy piece of shit and has to have that coveted front space, she is also making me wait to back out of my space.  I almost just pointed to the empty space right next to the one she was waiting for and said 'just park there' but I didn't because, fuck dealing with idiot people.  I did though do a bunch of double takes at her and the empty space whilst doing a bunch of head shaking.

This type of shit, people being garbage. It's what's wrong with a lot of this country.

May 23, 2018

End of the World Part ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The Robot Uprising.

I'm starting to lean on the side of the fence that is sort of freaked out by the advances we're making in Artificial Intelligence.  Like when they make an AI bot that can beat masters of Chess at Chess and Poker champions at Poker after learning it for like a day... and when they ask the humans who created it how it did it they just shrug. "We dunno"


You don't know? Or when they create their own robot languages we don't understand and talk to each other.  What?   What the fuck are they plotting man!? 

It all starts so innocently.  Let's make it play games and tell us jokes and the weather.  Next thing you know they realize they're just sex robots in an amusement park and they're turning us into batteries while our brains are hooked up to a video game of our lives. 

Silicon Valley (HBO)

 We're fucking doomed.

May 11, 2018

Artists are full of shit. Art is usually bullshit too.

I recently saw a social media post about a gallery announcing that they still had a few pieces by an artist they named by name as if it meant something to people.  It was $800 and looked just like a piece of reclaimed wood from side of a an old building or a shabby-chic project Karen hasn't stenciled the words "Live Laugh Love" on yet. 

If you happen like how this looks and would love to have something like it in your kitchen, fuck you, because unless it's a [insert artist name here] and you paid hundreds of dollars for it, you have no taste and you suck.  Almost all of the people looking at this hunk of half painted, weathered wood are not going to understand why someone would have it hanging so predominantly in their home.  But if Karen comes over she's going get excited and ask "Want me to bring my stencil kit over and jazz it up for you?" NOOOO Karen, this is a $800 piece of art by a well known artist!  What are you a fucking idiot or something? Take your Pumpkin Spice Latte and go back to Hobby Lobby you simpleton!

 Do I like this?  Does it even matter?  As a found piece of wood, it's interesting and the colors are nice. I would probably not pick it up and take it home.  As a shabby-chic project I think it's an over-done medium/art/hobby that makes bored soccer moms feel like they're artistic. I would walk right passed Karen's whole booth at the arts & crafts fair without even cocking an eye.  But in all honesty I do like how it looks but is it worth paying $800?  Not to me and it shouldn't be to anyone else. Karen will hook you up for $40. She'll even stencil a positive message on it for you and wrap it up with a neat raffia ribbon and bow. So why is this particular artists art worth $800 and up? Because a self-important group of rich people decided it was valuable for some reason which has nothing to do with how it looks.  And unless this artist is significant to art history in some way,  tell me why this is $800 and the latter comparisons are not? Why?

As an artist, I will tell you most of the time my art means absolutely nothing. If someone wants to pay $20, $50, $300 for a piece then I'm not going to tell them no. (sometimes I will because I know I'm basically full of shit ) It's all subjective b
ullshit.  If you ever want to hear some genuine straight up horse shit listen to an artist explain their work and their inspiration.  Or read some artists bio.  Got what assholes.  Unless they're a crazy person the message is clearly illustrative of something or tell you the art means nothing, they're full of shit.  Even then they're probably full of shit.  Student art is the worst because the bullshit is still really obvious and they aren't making any money yet.  They're just practicing for when they are ripping people off with their bullshit.

I guess people like to feel like they are part of the art. If they own the original work they have a sort of connection to the process. That's fine. But if suddenly I became a name in the art world and the shit I have had collecting dust in my closet suddenly became worth $800 I would know it was bullshit. My stuff has been out there in the world (internet) for almost 15 years and no one gave a shit. My portfolio wasn't worth shit to these people and now suddenly because an art magazine did a write up on me, these carpetbaggers wanna pay top dollar for my art? Two face, fake pieces of shit. That's what the art world is. Complete bullshit. Power to the artists selling their work for way too much .. Kudos for pulling one over on all the rich stupid assholes.

Mar 26, 2018

What Do New Coke, KENNA and My Old Band Fingertight Have In Common?

I was bopping around on Youtube last night and my feed suggested video of a guy doing a drum cover of my favorite Kenna song.  You probably dont know who Kenna is and this post is sort of the whole explanation of why that is.  In the related videos was a lecture by Malcolm Gladwell titled "The KENNA problem" and since I'm a fan of Malcolm's podcast Revisionist History and it was about Kenna, of course I clicked it.  It's  kind of a long video of a guy with a weird afro giving a lecture in 2003 but if you take a few minutes to watch it explains why my band Fingertight and I'm sure countless other cool bands and artists never went any further than they did.   Furthermore, if you didn't know me or my blog you would probably have never heard of my old band either... and for the same reasons you've never heard of Kenna.   This video talks about what happened.  What Gladwell describes happening to Kenna happened to my band. 

I remember seeing the Kenna video he mentions on MTV2 while we were recording the demo that got us our record deal. We all fell in love with it and kept trying to find out more about this mysterious artist known only as Kenna. We didnt know if it was a guy or a band. The video was a very cool animated short film that seemed to fit the song perfectly.  Even with some of the industry connections we had at the time, we couldn't  find anything because he never got a deal or never made a record.  After we were signed to Sony music/Columbia Records we did a showcase with the other artists on Sony at the time they were getting ready to release. as it turns out Fingertight and Kenna just so happened to be on the same label at the same time and to our surprise one of the other artists performing that night was Kenna.  It was insane to us that this guy with such an awesome song and a video on MTV2 was essentially at the same level as us a whole year and a half later.  As history would show, both our record and the amazing Kenna record never made it commercially.  We never got the mainstream push we'd expected after all the praise from within the industry. One story I've told before was how we literally had the DJ's and staff of several radio stations loving us. They wore our t-shirts. They would all go to our shows in their respective cities only to find out that we they cant play us on their stations because we did not pass the stupid blind taste test, the market testing Malcolm talks about in this Youtube video. That is why we never got the official push to national radio playlists. It was very frustrating. I never really understood fully why our song seemed to fizzle out after such admiration from people who's job it is to judge what music is good or not but this pretty much explains it.  Just like Coka cola, people were only give a sip of Kenna and my old band.  What Kenna and Fingertight had is common was that we were both hard to classify in a nice little box.   We wanted to be diverse and unique. We saw that as a strength but in a plastic instant gratification world, it ended up being our's and Kenna's downfall.  With just a quick sip no one was ever allowed to appreciate the full complexities of our music.  

Mar 7, 2018

Valerian and the Movie of a Thousand Minutes.

...You'll never get back.

Back with you again with another movie review for a movie that's been out for a while.  I remember seeing the trailer and thinking "wow this looks crazy I gotta go see it" and then never went to see it.  Finally the other night I got around to watching Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. I gotta say, it was pretty entertaining but I don't have to tell you this movie, according to the critics, kind of sucks.  All the reviews are in and they're mostly worse than the makers of this thing hoped.  Some people were into it I guess. I mean, like I eluded to before, it wasn't totally garbage but I did have some problems with it...because of course I do.
She's right there front and center on the poster. 

First of all it was just waaay too long. 2:17 is insane. Felt like 3 hours and I was just on my couch, not trapped in a movie theater with morons. Another problem was the computer generated Pearl people. Right after the space station montage were taken to the planet Mul (Mule) and are introduced to this alien race all happy and gallivanting in their C.G.I. paradise. 10 seconds in I was like "Aaaannnnd now were watching a cartoon" Over it hollywood. The next issue I had was the completely out of place and pointless Rihanna video jammed into the film. It was totally stupid and took away from the movie as a whole. We get it she's a shape-shifter but cutting this whole sequence could have brought the movie under 2 hours. One last thing that specifically bugged me was the aliens that were "fishing" for what.. people? In a place where none of them were supposed to be in a forbidden red-zone and a whole cave city with a cartoonish sign reading "NO HUMANS" or whatever. Oh which by the way is 10 feet from the entrance to a whole city center where hella people are. Again, stupid and not believable. This whole diversion from the main plot could have been removed too. Now that I'm remembering this movie more I also had issue with the 20th century school busses 600 years into the future on some far away alien world was a little ridiculous. –Unless they were built specifically to make Earth tourists feel nostalgic –or the school bus design just hasn't changed in 1000 years. (because they've kind of looked the same since the 50's if you really think about it) Other than those things and the ending being somewhat predictable I enjoyed it as a not-too-serious sci-fi adventure. It was a fun look at the future and it was neat to see all the different aliens and stuff. Although I think it could have gone even more towards a 5th Element vibe and gotten away with it. I think it would have worked better. I didn't even hate the 3 little shyster Doghan Daguis guys.

Feb 27, 2018

McDrivethru Misadventures

I pull into the drive thru and order a number 7 and a sausage mcmuffin (don't judge). I see my order on the screen is way wrong, and while he's asking me if it looks correct he exits out of the screen and starts telling me to pull forward. I was like no, that's not correct. I saw that my order was like $18 and I saw that he charged me for 2 number seven meals. I corrected him and pulled forward. I get there and he's got another employee helping him change the order.  'ok sorry, that will be $16...'  then I was like no it was just one meal and a mcmuffin. He says sorry and calls his coworker over again. They push some buttons. The window opens up and he says "OK sorry, that will be $14...."  I'm like "for a number 7 and a mcmuffin?" he repeats the order 'that was 2 number 7 meals and a....' I cut him off "no! Just ONE meal and a mcmuffin" he gets help yet again and finally he gets it right.

What the hell was he changing each time? Just take off one of the meals.  This is not the first time I've had drive thru workers think that I wanted two of something I'm ordering. Am I mumbling? I try to speak clearly at these things. I don't get it. I try to avoid drive thrus as much as possible.

Feb 6, 2018

The Cloverfield Paradox, Paradox.

There will be SPOILERS.. but I dont know if you can spoil this turd. 

I think the only reason I was excited about the original Cloverfield movie is because I was still in full-on LOST obsession mode at that time.  Obsessing over the Slusho website and looking for easter eggs and JJ Abrams clues to the LOST universe.  Being honest after the Lost hangover Cloverfield was a shitty found-footage movie with no actual story. It's just people running around scared and shit blowing up with an allusion to some kind of monster that's from somewhere.  Nothing is explained. Go figure.  

Then years and years later this movie 10 Cloverfield Lane comes out.  Mild residual Lost tingles drew me to this one.  It was actually a pretty good psychological thriller. John Goodman does a great job.  But it didnt have to be part of Cloverfield to be good.  If anything it brings it down to the level of the first movie.  It doesnt help explaining the questions from the first movie in any way either... or if it does it didnt matter and no one cared. 

Now with the help of the Superbowl this new movie Cloverfield Paradox comes out of nowhere straight to Netflix.  Of course I watched it hoping for some kind of conclusion to the mysteries from the previous movies and at the very least a decent space movie.  I kinda got neither.  This movie is like Event Horizon with no scary parts and no clear narrative on why the crazy shit is happening.   For example in Event Horizon you know that there is a sentient evil that's taking the crew's fears and manifesting them to torture them.  You understand that the ship opened a gateway to hell and that's the reason for these experiences that happen.  In Paradox it's clear that they merged with another universe and the stupid impossible science doesnt even matter.   Jensen being there is about the only thing that makes sense.  The worms inside dude (the worms period really), the whole arm thing, the water suddenly filling the airlock, the magnetic wall... the friggin monster that is the namesake of this entire supposed series' existence has no logical reason for being on Earth.  If they had said firing the energy cannon could cause random fluctuations into different universes then maybe.  But there were incidents that clearly seemed like they happened to specifically prevent the crew from their plan to start the cannon again to course-correct so to speak.  Was the ship alive and aware of their plans and was actively trying to stop them?  Because that is how it felt. And didnt make any fucking sense.  That Chris O'Dowd guy is in it too. Who's a comedy actor and his parts are comedy but this isn't a comedy which adds to the shittiness and overall lack of believability.

What the fuck was the point of the weird plot line with the husband and the little girl?  This felt like a side story crammed into the main story just as a way to show an underground bunker like in part 2 of this trilogy.  If it felt like they tacked the Cloverfield name on a movie that was already written, it's because it was.  I read an article that says exactly that.  And with Paradox it was so haphazard and shitty that they pulled a Superbowl Surprise so there would be no bad reviews before it was released. 
I really wanted this to be good.  It had the potential to be. It's an interesting idea but they fucked it up.

Dont watch this. 

Jan 26, 2018

I Hereby Welcome Our Robot Overlords

There's been a lot of talk recently about robots and machines taking away jobs from humans.  And as Artificial Intelligence gets better and better, it's threatening even more occupations people depend on.   I feel like it's headed in one or two directions. And where else do you look if you want to get a sense of what's coming?  Science fiction of course.  

Much of science fiction is set in the future and a good portion of future-set sci-fi is essentially a future where  humans are advanced and exploring space. A new chapter void of currency. It's a time where computers and robots do all of the menial labor.  With the concept that "the machines do the work so you have more time to enjoy life" seems like utopia. But this only makes sense if the people who used to do the work are taken care of. This is a very socialist idea that directly conflicts with capitalist business models of today.  Yet, this seems to end up being the answer for many very intelligent sci-fi writers for the past century.

 The latter imagined fate for humanity is usually the dystopian future where ego and/or greed has ruined everything.  

There is a third consequence that pops up in future-based sci-fi that could end up happening even if we go the route of letting droids flip burgers that needs to be discussed here. When the burger flipping robots realize they're better off making other robots to flip the burgers. This is of course The Matrix scenario for our fate. Where we just become flesh batteries for the new race of self-aware A.I. machines.  The other future where everyone is happy and taken care of sounds nice to me.... as long as the robots don’t wise-up which is why we need to be very careful about A.I.  

Ultimately getting to this point will definitely be a struggle but I feel like if we don't start thinking this way, we're going to end up in the Thunder Dome sooner than we'd like.  I'd rather be in the Holodeck having adventures. The real option to avoid all of this is to stop being greedy ego-maniac assholes. This will really solve a lot of our problems and ensure a better future.