Dec 27, 2018

I Saw Aquaman and I Have Some Questions

I never had any interest in the DC universe yet still I begrudgingly went with some friends to see the new Aquaman movie.  I never saw the Justice League movie so I really didnt know much about this version of the character other than it was making some housewives cream in their mom-jeans.
Anyway,  for the most part it was action packed and entertaining but I had questions.  I mean, I know it's a movie and it's superheroes and were supposed to have a suspension of disbelief  but still some stuff had me wondering... 
THERES TONS OF SPOILERS HERE
How is Mera not literally Ariel from the little mermaid?  I mean she checks all the boxes. 

  • Red flowing hair 
  • Lives in the sea
  • Friends with animals
  • From a royal sea family
    • Beauty a villain would want to steal 

    While she eats a flower like a dummy who's never been out of the ocean her whole life my friend Rosie sitting next to me says "Classic Ariel"  lol 


    Right after they have a whole part about the sea people giving back all the trash and warships that pollute the oceans, Mera says "I have my ship hidden here"  ... in a discarded shipping container in a field of trash on the bottom of the ocean.  
    And they're pissed about the war ships but why are they basically a highly militarized society with crazy weapons and huge armies.  
    Where do they poop? 
    There's a huge underlining theme/message about pollution and that's why they want to wage war on the land people... but they have sprawling cities with technology and electricity and engines and shit.  How do they not have pollution too?  Why didnt they just share their carbon negative energy source to the land people 100 years ago?  
    Why cant the Wet Storm Troopers breathe air like Mera, Aquaman, his shitty brother, his mom and Green Goblin? 
    Does it bother anyone else that the actor that plays Aquaman's YOUNGER brother is 6 years older than Jason Mamoa who plays Aquaman. 
    When they're in a huge storm on the water and having a hard time driving their boat why doesn't Mera just calm the water the fuck down with her water powers?
    Why doesn't Mera just suck the water out of the water storm troopers suits? Better yet, they make a whole scene about her summoning the drop of sweat from his forehead for the magic machine but then never acknowledge the fact that she could use this power to suck the water out of anyone and just kill them. This is a really serious power to have, that she uses to make fish dance in a fountain.
    Why doesn't Aquaman just talk to the sea animals that the bad guys are using as transportation and tell them to turn around? 
    Why does everyone speak English?  (Except the Brine kingdom I think they had subtitles) 
    How did Manta hook up with the sea people?  How was he not shitting balls about what was basically an alien civilization with technology and shit?   Oh he's so mad at Aquaman he's willing to disregard that in order to get revenge.  And why did they trust him to not totally out their existence with the evidence of water-based plasma weapons they gave him?  Oh by the way too Manta, he has a human dad you can kill too if you really wanted to get even... An old man human dad who just bops around his lighthouse and occasionally goes to the bar.  Sweet manta suit tho bro. 
    The Trench was one of the kingdoms?  This would make me assume that they are a civilization with organized culture like the other kingdoms.  But they seem to just be savage wild animals.   I may have missed the part where they say they devolved.  
    I get it, most of the oceans have not been explored but how do you miss an energy signal like that and fucking bright ass lights, cars, traffic, tons of unknown huge sea creatures and basically whole multiple fucking civilizations?  
    I'm glad the horribly CG created Mer-People from the oddly named Fisherman Kingdom that they showed a bunch in the trailers was only in the movie for like 10 seconds.
    Oh yea!  I almost forgot about the Land of the Lost world with dinosaurs, beaches with tides, rivers, mountains, plants, ruins of human civilizations, sunlight, sky, air... in "the center of the earth"  What the actual fuck DC?
    Mom's hair is the only thing that aged on her.   Other than her dead botoxed upper lip Nicole Kidman is still pretty fucking hot.
    Also, all of this is taking place in the Atlantic Ocean, the smaller of the two large seas of the Earth.  Is this to say that there's not a thriving undersea world  of communities and ancient monarchies that inhabit the Pacific Ocean?  I mean, fuck it right why not?
    They had to put a fucking octopus playing drums in there.  I'm sure theres more but that was what did it for me. A fucking octopus?  What is this the Flintstones? 
    See you next time ...at the movies!  

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