Dec 21, 2018

My Blog on the Internet...For Lack of a Better Name

I've been noticing a trend around the area that I live in where new businesses confuse a complete lack of creativity and laziness with being clever. Many of these places are good and I enjoy going to them but I'm getting really sick of the way they come up with business names. In particular, naming the business after the location or taking the location and combining it with the type of business to make a cute stupid name.

When we moved here I got a sarcastic chuckle out of "511" because it's kind of cryptic enough and it's a bar. There was also a little wine room called "2 Doors Down" which was actually an extension of Brick & Fire that was literally two doors down from it. I'll give them a pass.

My complain face.
Places like Cafe Marina, Gill's By the Bay and Cafe Waterfront and shit like have always been here.  It's typical of a town near the water.  So, that is acceptable I guess since they' are next to the water.  Except Bayfront, that place is a fucking enigma.  It's next to the bay, which works for that name but they're not really a seafood place which you would expect from  a place with "Bay" in it's name.  There's aptly, but not really that creatively named "Jack's Seafood" just down the boardwalk from them. Guess what they specialize in?  Anyway,  unlike Jack's  Bayfront is,  get this,  Japanese Teppanyaki, sushi, Italian food and sandwiches.  WTF even are you?  

There was a hull of an old Mexican restaurant I would drive by all the time and wonder what the hell was going on with that place. Everyone used to say it was a front for drug dealers which is completely possible in Humboldt county. Then a couple years ago there was some activity and we all got excited about a new burger joint. It finally opened and they called it "Sixth & E" which was fine. It wasn't clever tho, it just was. It was located on the corner of 6th and E st. We made jokes about not remembering where it was when people would ask us about it. One of the first things I noticed was that their logo sucked and menu was ugly and had a ton of spelling errors, but the food was and still is really good. We still go there all the time.

About a year later came a new bar in a renovated historic space in Old Town. The location is famously remembered as the Schooner Bar and everyone was excited for it to re-open and then they did and called it "North of Fourth" ... North of Fourth? It rhymes I guess. They're really banking on the ability of people to know where North is while stumbling around Old Town at 11pm.


The wonderful Gallagher's Irish pub and restaurant is located on a predominant corner entrance on the ground floor of a historic old hotel building on the corner of 2nd and C St . in Old Town which I always thought was just called The Eagle House. After being closed for a period of time for renovations and repairs it reopened as... You guessed it, "The Inn at 2nd & C"  No motherfuckers the main entrance to Gallagher's is on 2nd and C. To get inside the lobby of the Inn you have to go to the 1st st. parking lot entrance. And what the hell happened to the Eagle House? Apparently the whole building, including Gallagher's, the Inn and now a new swanky wine bar called Phatsy Cline's is actually the Eagle House.  Unless you are talking about the Irish restaurant, everyone calls it the Eagle House still, telling someone Inn at 2nd & C just confuses people. 
"what Inn at where?" you know the hotel where Gallagher's is. "You mean the Eagle House?"  yes, some idiots spent all that time renovating it and gave zero thought into the name. "why didn't they just at least call it the Eagle House Inn or something?" I know right? 
Another restaurant space I drive by all the time on the corner of 7th and E st that had been "coming soon" for like 3 years finally opened and to my surprise they didn't call it "7th & E" or "South of Sixth" or the "7th St. Bistro" or anything like that, they called it Dolce Bistro. Not the most original name but it is what it is and it sort of fit what they were trying to do. The business that was renovating it was owned by Mity Nice Bakery, who decided to call it FAT CAT which seemed to fit the space of a renovated old service station from the 40's... but alas it was sold to someone else before opening and we got Dolce Bistro.   I think part of me wanted it to succeed because they didn't call it "Eats on E". We went for dinner opening weekend and it was totally expensive and not that good.  I had planned to try breakfast or lunch there eventually but they closed down after about a month.   Oh well.  Maybe people just couldn't remember where it was located



Another new place took over the spot on 5th and F in Eureka after another confusing place The Black Lightning Motorcycle Cafe finally closed after a few years. I could never tell if this was a repair shop, dealership or just a really over accessorized coffee shop with a very specific theme. Anyway, I hated the idea of a coffee shop with motorcycles parked inside of it so I was looking forward to seeing what the new place would be turned into. It's now a deli/cafe with a kitchen supply store inside of it. Ok, that's fine I'm excited about a new quality sandwich shop and deli, but meh on a kitchen store since I'm pretty sure I'll never need a $40 ladle. You could imagine my joy when they revealed they were calling it "Delish on 5th" Really? Motherfuck. – Not surprising I hear it's the same owner of Sixth & E. It was as if North of Fourth gave them the OK to use a stupid name again. I've heard that the Humboldt Soup Company has the same owners. Now, I'm totally fine with that name but I'm just not into soup as a meal. I got the pot pie once and it was bland and had no bottom crust. If it doesn't have bottom crust you really can't call it pie for all I'm concerned. They also inherited the Drive-Thru since it was originally a KFC but the last thing you want to eat while driving is fucking hot soup. I digress. In regards to the name I feel like they just couldn't figure out how to rhyme soup with Myrtle ave. Sometimes when places name themselves like "Humboldt Soup Company" I feel like they somehow should have like official permission to be THE official soup company of the county. They are not that.
I just saw an article in my local news about a new brew pub opening in the next town over.  This news actually set me off and inspired this post.   After reading the article I had this conversation in my head.   "What is it?" "A pub with hella beer on tap and wood fired pizza" "Oh exactly like The Madrone that just opened in Eureka, where is it?" "In the old Arcata Creamery Building "Oh nice, they need stuff like that over there, what's it called?" "Oh, you're not going to like this" "come on how bad can it be?" "They're calling it The Pub in the Creamery" "For fuck's sake really? Piece of shits" I would have actually been fine with it being called "The Creamery" or even just "Cream" it's not outright saying it's a pub in the creamery, and at the same time sticking to the history of the building. I can respect that. But The Pub in the Creamery? lame.
Look, I get that I should be cheering on any new businesses in my community.. and I do try to support them but as a person who's in the marketing business.... it's fucking annoying. It goes right along with not factoring in a graphic design budget and end up asking designer people you know for free work or... god forbid they get Adobe Creative Suite and do it themselves when they have no fucking business doing it. I'm on the verge of seriously considering the idea that businesses should need a permit from the city that requires a professional do your design work. For everyone's sake. We all have to look at that bullshit.

With that being said.
#SupportLocalBusinesses #EurekaRising
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