Earlier today as I was bagging up merchandise for a gray-haired, middle aged lady, just as the receipt was printing she looks up at me with wide, yet calm eyes and says. "I have diarhea..... I'll be right back" and then takes off towards the ladies room. What caught my attention though, was how cool about it she was when she said it. There was only a slight sense of urgency. She said 'diarhea' but her demeanor seemed more like 'I forgot to get batteries' –not as severe as one would expect from someone about to violenty projectile deficate into their pants at a hardware store.
Aug 20, 2016
Aug 8, 2016
I get in my car, set the bags down on the passenger floorboard. Make sure the milkshake holder is secure for the drive home. Still bent down I plug my phone in and tap the auto-window-down button sort of all in one motion. As I sit back up, window now down, I notice something right outside my car door. It's the guy. Right. There. Sixteen inches from my head. He's in a wide legged stance and with both hands, he's pointing a red digital camera at me reciting this line very bluntly and with full seriousness. "DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT ME - I WILL FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU" all the while snapping as many pics as he could before I opened my door. I unplugged my phone opened the camera app and got this bit of video, shouting "why are you taking pictures of me" as he briskly walked away repeating the forementioned warning.
This whole thing was just sort of surreal and I dont know how to feel about it. I just hope he doesn't try to track me down with my license plate number and stalk me or something.
Jul 24, 2016
With that being said, many aspects of the first Blair Witch Project movie made it truly unique. It revolutionized horror movies. In my opinion more for the worse than for the better because almost every horror movie to be released since then has been the same "found footage" and conveniently low budget filming style But the way Blair Witch Project was marketed and presented early on, with fake documentaries and historical websites helped create a word of mouth marketing buzz. Then being released in small theater added to it's own mysterious mythology and history. Many people, including myself, while sitting in a leaking, tiny damp theater in Berkeley during a rainstorm, still wasn't sure if it was real or not. People leaving the theater in awe and confusion. All murmuring to each other "what did I just watch?"
Blair Witch Project was the first and last true found footage movie that worked. Every found footage movie to come after (including the Blair Witch sequel) were a complete joke. Excuses to do cheap production. No one is fooled.
By the time Blair Witch got really popular and people that saw the previews on TV and watched it in the megaplex it was already ruined. The Blair Witch Project that came out in major theaters a few months later was essentially an entirely different movie in a way. I don't blame people for saying "that movie sucked" if they experienced it like this because by then the cat was out of the bag, it really did suck because the mystery was gone.
Now as many suspected the movie with the working title of The Woods is actually a reboot of the 1999 film The Blair Witch Project. It will be released September 2016 with the title Blair Witch. To make a full production remake of this is just stupid and lazy.
Apr 16, 2016
It's weird when you see something that looks odd but most likely has a rational explanation and your brain, because it doesn't have the full story creates a crazy one of its own.
I was walking passed a car at the gas station and saw an older woman sitting alone in the passenger seat of a newish BMW. She had a dazed look on her face staring blankly into the sky at nothing. Almost like someone you'd see in a hospital who's alive but lost all cognitive function. The car had Oregon license plates and my mind immediately concocted a script about someone who broke their grandmother out of an institution and was traveling south through California to escape to Mexico to get experimental treatment.
Mar 12, 2016
This morning I am pretty sure that I witnessed someone dissappear into a portal.
I was just pulling off of my street and I saw a large puff of smoke. What appeared to be the smoke, rather vapor from a vaporizer, or electronic cigarette being smoked by a man in his late 20s. He was wearing baggy pants and a large jacket. This is a pretty typical sight in the city that I live in so other than the large white plume catching my eye I would have never noticed. He was walking on the sidewalk towards me on the opposite side of the street. Just as I saw him he sort of ducked and pivoted to his right into an alcove behind the Subway restaurant. As if to spit something or light a cigarette to get out of the wind. I thought this was curious. I wanted to see what he was doing in the small plants in front of what is now a dog grooming shop that I go to. I was concerned with vandalism or something. So as I pass I look back and he was gone. The grooming shop wasn't open yet so he didn't go in there. Not that he could at the angle I was viewing him I would have seen anyone use the entrance to the shop. Subway has no doors on that side of the building. So he definitely didn't go there. The foliage was just a small low lying bush that no one could hide behind. The guy just disappeared. Or went through some kind of inter-dimensional portal of some kind. Or he was an alien or time traveler. I don't know what it was, all I know is that he was there puffing out a large cloud of vapor and gone the next.
It was a very odd thing to see.
Feb 25, 2016
All the rumors were pointing towards Facebook adding a thumbs down button to show a different reaction in posts. And what we got was a sweet pile off feel good icons that all but two mean you like the post. I was never concerned with whether or not someone knew the level of like in my thumbs up. Spending sleepless nights wondering if I just liked their post or if I hearted it or lol'd it. I like the mad and sad icons but those could be summed up in the thumbs down we were supposed to get. I like the ambiguity of a simple like or dislike. Sometimes a middle finger would be good to have.
Feb 22, 2016
Feb 18, 2016
A customer approaches me in the paint department asking about spray adhesive. I inquire to learn more about his project so I can get him the best product. All he tells me is that he needs something that won't take the paint off the walls when he takes the thing he's gluing back off as its a temporary thing and he's renting the place. After asking more questions he tells me it's foam, sound proofing foam. Like egg crate foam material. I tell him my band experience with soundproofing and temporary spaces. In this case just like my situation was, he tells me it's a bedroom. I tell him what we did and we bounced ideas back and forth. How he's describing the material it sounds like professional audio quality sound foam. I like to talk shop with other musicians and music people and at this point I'm convinced he's building a recording studio rather than a band space so I ask "so are you building a recording studio?" He hesitates with a smirk and says "my girlfriend is really loud" another pause. During this brief period of time I was thinking that they fight or something like that then he continues with "she's loud when we fuck and the neighbors are complaining"
Not exactly what I was expecting and it caught me off guard. I was ready to be in full music nerd mode then he lays that on me. I laughed and joked back to him that the gags are on aisle 5. He chuckled then thanked me for my advice and we parted ways with big smiles on our faces.
Like a boss.
Jan 18, 2016
|Alex Pardee's poster art.|
Willow Creek is an actual real town nestled in the valley of the Trinity mountains about an hour's drive East from where I'm typing this. The town and most of this area is famously associated with Big Foot as the name "Big Foot" was coined here in the 1950's.
This movie is shot in the found-footage documentary style. If you've read my reviews before you know I completely hate it. It follows two good looking, spoiled brat wannabe actors from Los Angeles who think it would be cool to come to the Trinity National Forest, find the location where the famed Patterson Bigfoot film was shot back in the 60's and document it on video. They bring with them a complete lack of respect for the locals and the wilderness.
|half the fucking movie is this.|
As I was examining the credits get reminded that one of the bay area artists I follow, Alex Pardee was involved which while it was being made I remember getting kind of excited about visuals from his wild imagination. Sorely disappointed on that idea. He maybe did the poster art along with seeing places I've been to in a movie, are probably the most interesting things about this movie. And his version of the poster isn't even the official artwork for the movie.
Overall this movie sucked. This is a badly done, mostly boring, bigfoot themed Blair Witch Project rip off. I can't believe so many people were excited about this pile of sasquatch dung.
Jan 13, 2016
12:37 PM: It's raining outside. Don't want to go out for lunch.
12:39 PM: Buy sandwich from Ramones. Head to the lunch room.
12:41 PM: The lunch room is permanently stained with the scent of microwave lasagna.
12:56 PM: I almost ate a huge bite of the paper my sandwich was wrapped in.
12:57 PM: Bob asks if it's ok to play his music in the lunch room. He put on 311. Carson got up and left.
1:05 PM: Someone put a bottle in the can recycling.
1:30 PM: Sarah is cleaning the pens at register 1.
1:32 PM: Sarah is cleaning literally everything at register 1.
1:37 PM: Register 1 is pristine.
1:39 PM: woman in her 70s wearing an OBEY flatbill hat.
1:41 PM: As I was making a pretend sneeze as if to put germs all over the newly disinfected register 1, I sneezed for real.
1:48 PM: Woman with very loud sweater.
1:50 PM: Man with American Flag shirt getting free coffee.
2:35 PM: When I said that she needed to sign, customer reached for her ink pen. I stopped her and instructed her to use the electronic stylus.
3:08 PM: Sarah is now cleaning the pocket reference books. Individually, by hand.
3:29 PM: Woman in teal members only jacket looks mad at something.
3:33 PM: She's smiling now
3:35 PM: Vacancy. They's has it.
3:38 PM: someone spilled coffee, maybe Pepsi, at the gas station mini mart. Wet floor sign is in my way.
5:22 PM: Old man with back problems hunched over fully while he walks swiftly with a cane.
5:36 PM: Old man with back problems now at register. Without cane. He smells like farts.
5:39 PM: Helped farting old man find his cane.
6:15 PM: Finally going home. I feel like I need to poop soon. Not urgently, just soon.
6:26 PM: Finally got to take a shit. Forgot to use the Poopouri.
6:37 PM: Friend is house/pet sitting for people with a Tortoise.
6:48 PM: Gonna go see a Giant Tortoise.
7:32 PM: Tortoise!
8:15 PM: In a crazy 100 year old house with a tortoise.
8:18 PM: Taking tour of the house. Pretty sure it's haunted.
|"kids room" they don't have kids.|
8:32 PM: Eating Papa Murphy's pizza. Also ate 3 Habanero stuffed olives. Gave me hiccups.
8:33 PM: Only thing to drink besides water and alcoholic beverage is 2 cans of Root Beer left on the counter by the homeowner.
8:39 PM: This house feels like grandparents live here. But it's a young couple with weird taste. OMG, it's a hipster house!
8:39.44 PM: They have a VCR and VHS movies.
8:46 PM: Watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit on VHS.
9:32 PM: Playing Cards Against Humanity. Feeling drowsy.
9:50 PM: Taking pictures with Roo.
|note the drowz|
10:05 PM: Really drowsy. I feel like I got drugged. Wonder if the root beer was expired.
10:33 PM: Go home. sleep.