Jul 29, 2014

Nothing Lasts Forever, Even Cold November Rain

By Cold November Rain, I mean Axl Rose. 

I was flipping channels today and landed on something I didn't know existed called The Golden God Awards. I caught it at the tail end but from what I could tell it's some VH1 Classic awards show for burnout metal heads from the 70's and 80's. Like a low budget Grammy's for Butt Rock.  I caught it just as Axl Rose was accepting the Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award.  Presented to him by none other than Nicolas Cage who went into a heartfelt obviously read-from-a-teleprompter [because he fucked up and pronounced the word passion; "paSSun"]  dedication saying how he's been inspired by the honorable Mr. Rose over the years. The award presentation was followed by a performance by the "new" G&R. They did Sweet Child 'O Mine and Paradise City.  It was pretty painful to watch.

Axl was fat, old and out of breath halfway through the song.  He was very out of key and his voice is ruined from drugs, cigarettes, booze and scream-singing improperly for so many years. It reminded me of the voice of that 70 year old lady in front of you in line at the gas station ordering a pack of Camel non-filters.

 The band, which is now essentially a Guns N' Roses cover band consisting of professional musicians, was clearly struggling to follow Axl's forgetting how the songs go. Being a drummer myself I was noticing the drummer's closed-eyed focus. That's the focused look you get when you're trying to stay on tempo while you have a click track (metronome) in your in-ear monitors, that's fighting against a band member who's playing the song wrong.  It's as if they all rehearsed the songs thoroughly, and Axl just showed up the night-of and was like "I'm fucking Axl fucking Rose. I've been singing these songs for 30 fucking years I don't need to fucking practice"

At least he didn't have corn rows.

Jul 24, 2014

STRAINing to watch any more of The Strain

So I've watched the first two episodes of The Strain on FX.  The previews for this show looked awesome and to be honest some of the themes and visuals are paying off but the show is just totally stupid. Here's a short list of stuff that is so dumb I just cant continue to care about this show.

1. Why quarantine the survivors, lock down the plane but put the cargo in some random warehouse. Even after you saw the glowing mystery substance all over the cargo hold where it seemed to emanate from. And then see a giant mystery death coffin thing and not use any kind of protective suit or anything.

2. The bodies.  see #1.  No one knows wtf the sickness is but they're all dead so they're not able to spread the sickness. No worries just take them to the normal morgue down town with the rest of the stiffs. no security, no concern about contagens.  blah.

3a. The bureaucracy and overtly careless and inefficient management of the CDC and Health and Human Services.  It makes them look like idiots.

3b. The part when the lawyer somehow gets the head of whatever government agency to take the case away from the CDC because of a story about carbon monoxide or something.  SHOW THEM THE FUCKING WORMS! omg why dont you just show them the creepy worms you found.  not one mention of it.

4. The main character's family, and alcoholism.. unless it plays a very integral part of the plot line, I dont give a shit.

I'm sure there's more ... I'm over this stupid show. It insults my intelligence.  I wanted it to be something more I guess but it's turning out to be a badly written outbreak zombie vampire nazi show.

Jul 16, 2014

8th Grade Metal Band Gets Sony Record Deal

You know what? I call bullshit and fuck Sony for signing them.  They're alright but I had a metal band that was this good when I was close to these guys' age and no one gave a fuck.

There's been a billion teenagers in really good bands all over the world that no one gave a shit about. I honestly don't think musically they deserve a major million dollar record deal at this point.  I've seen their videos, they're ok but really still far away from being at the level of other signed bands.

So here's what I think is going on and I'll say what no one else will. It's because they're cute, uncharacteristically black kids playing metal,  a predominantly white genre.  I'm not saying they shouldn't be playing metal, that's rad, I don't see race and I dont care that they are black but I see Sony taking advantage of a unique potential in sales.  Sony doesn't give a shit about them.  They don't even have a singer.  How much has sony cared about instrumental metal bands in the past? ZERO. They're out v, bands like Isis and Pelican have found success on indie labels and Sony couldnt give a fuck.  I'm guessing Sony will find a sleazy manager and a hot shot producer to find the perfect 16 yr old black kid singer and make a slick record that will have a hooky single you wont be able to avoid for a whole summer.

Enjoy your 15 mins guys.  I hope all the best for them. I hope they can retain their integrity and be a honest to goodness metal band and have a lasting career that allows them to do what they love for a living for a long time.  But I just dont think it will go down like that. I hope they have a good lawyer at least.

Prove me wrong world.

Oh Yes. I'm Messing With Texas

Whenever I hear people from Texas getting all high and mighty about their state and utter the famous saying "Don't Mess With Texas" I'm always reminded of what it actually means. One of my 7th grade teachers, who was from the Lone Star State filled us in on the origins of the phrase.


It was an anti-littering campaign from the 80's. Most people from California, like me that hadn't been to or hadn't known people from Texas probably thought it is some Texas pride thing emanating from a sports team or state historical event.  But it was created by an advertising agency to be a catchy way for people to stop throwing trash on the ground.  Akin to "Click it or ticket" for seatbelt use reminders it's no more than some shit to remind people of shit they should just do anyway.

nothing to do with litter. unless
 you're talking about white trash
Oh the irony of some redneck tweaker in Abilene throwing beer cans and cigarette buts out of the car window with a DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS bumper sticker. Completely missing the point.  Texas isn't awful, I've been there, I saw the Alamo, I went to the mall next door.  But I just think it's funny that the people who embrace the phrase might not even know it's origins.  Or that it's a copyrighted trademark of the Texas Department of Transportation.

Maybe it is totally understood in Texas. Maybe  people there have had it drilled down their throats since 86. From an outsider, hearing people misuse the phrase makes the eternal pessimist in me angry. I just assume everyone from the South are stupid mouth breathers who could care less about the origins of a phrase they're using, missing the point and carelessly throwing garbage on the ground on a regular basis.

Jul 8, 2014

Yelp's Review Filter Pt 2

A while ago I posted about Yelp and it's way of sorting reviews.  

Well, I just noticed that Yelp's reviews aren't "Filtered" anymore.. lol they're just recommending them or not.

This is basically the same exact video but they changed the word "filter" to "recommendation

 I just flagged a review they let slip through for a business. It was blatantly obvious it was a fake review. Someone ripped a company I was looking at a new one. Even called out an employee by name. A few days later a 5 star review by a yelp user with no profile pic, one review, no friends and from the same city as the business put up a post that somehow got to stay up and it almost directly referred to complaints in the bad post even saying how the employee mentioned before was SOOO GOOOD.  Coincidence? I think not. 
I hate yelp. but damnit, I still keep going back. 

Jul 2, 2014

Air Mail

There's a large, old Victorian house down the street from me that has been purchased and renovated in the time I've lived here. They finished several months ago and it looks really good but they did something weird that I didn't notice right away.  Recently I was driving home and something odd caught my eye as I turned the corner.  Something strange on top of a tree. As I got closer I noticed it was A: in front of the newly redone victorian and B: it was a mailbox.  I had to drive around the block and look again. It was in fact, an old fashioned style,yet oversized mailbox.  They seem to have cut off the top 10 feet of the tip if this massive conifer and placed the box right on the remaining stump at least 50 feet high.

I looked on the Google but couldn't find anything. Is this a thing? Is it just a gag?
This is the view of it from my house. 
Is this some kind of tradition that means something?  If anyone has ever heard of placing mailboxes on the top of very tall trees I'd like to know. It's sort of driving me crazy. Every time I go passed that house I look up and wonder what it's for.

Jun 17, 2014

Guy Ate Here

So Guy Fiero was in my town filming some Triple D last year and sort of made a mental note of the places I'd heard he visited so we could check them out later.  I was surprised initially to hear he was even here because Humboldt from our experience is pretty much a culinary wasteland.   Turns out he's from here. Ferndale Ca. to be exact. Just 20 mins down the highway.  The coolest thing I can think of about Ferndale is that Salems Lot was filmed there. 

So, that came and went. Fast forward to two weeks ago. Meg and I make a trip down to Ferndale to get a sticky bun from this place we'd been to once before.  It was a hole in the wall we stumbled into with some friends from out of town some months ago. We had no expectations but this sticky bun was like a gangbang of deliciousness in your mouth.  So finally we'd made some time for ourselves and slightly rearranged out schedule to get the same day off, woke up early and went to Ferndale.  We get there and it's closed.  Apparently because they were moving into a new location down the street. We looked for somewhere else to go but just about every other place was either
here's a close up
closed or only took cash. You all know how I feel about that bullshit. With that trip a total bust we tried again the following week because thems sticky buns were calling us.  We went back down there early, got our sticky bun, which was technically a Caramel Pecan Cinnamon Roll.  It was as good as we remembered.  Then we noticed the Guy Fieri autographed poster and thought "yea this place is legit, good thing he came here" 
 So as we're walking through town we notice all these "Guy Ate Here"  stenciled signs.  We're both like "OH YEA!"  He was here last year filming shit.   

But we remembered that some of the places we'd made a mental note of that we had already been to in the short time living here, and didn't think they were all that special.  Come to think of it, even back in the Bay Area we actually went out of our way to try a couple DDD places and thought they were mediocre at best.  

So, if you've tried Guy's recommendations and thought he was full of shit, try Humboldt Sweets. It's the real deal.  

Sidenote: he went to Lolita Cheese Factory too and that doesn't suck. Also, Halloween III was filmed there.  Maybe there's a connection between 80's cult horror and good food in Humboldt. 

Jun 15, 2014

Don't Talk Yet... It's a movie

Does it bug anyone else when in movies or TV when people leave an office or somewhere where something critical happens and they don't talk about it until they're about to get into the car?  Like the whole walk down the hallway, the elevator ride, the walk across the lobby, in the parking garage stairs, the walk across the parking lot, while standing on the curb waiting for the cab... All that time they didn't talk about the big thing that happened just before that we all know both of them wanted to talk about.  They wait until they get to the car.

I know this works better for the scene but it just bugs me.  It just seems so forced and fake. 

Jun 6, 2014

Got Caught Stealin'

The other day at work I caught someone shoplifting.  There have been times in the past while working at the hardware store that I've witnessed unsavory characters attempt to steal and saw managers confront or escort people out but I've never caught somone red handed.

I was standing at our counter that faces the aisle with the higher priced tools and I saw a scruffy older man with baggy, dirty pants and a long shirt.  We have many legitimate customers who come from job sites who look scruffy so I'm not quick to assume he's a homeless tweaker.  They usually are tho.  Anyway.. he reaches for a $50 pair of wire cutters, turns away from me and proceeds to shove them down the front of his pants.  I dont know if he saw me there at first but as he turned to check he saw me looking right at him from 12 feet away.  I said "hey, you gonna pay for that?"  in the tone of  did you seriously just do that right in front of me? He sheepishly said a bunch of "aww I wasnt gonna do that.. aww"  while he pulled a 12 x 7 inch package from his 24 inch inseam dungarees.  I expected to see the top sticking up from his belt when he lifted his shirt but he got that thing ALL the way down in there.  That's when I noticed his belt was loosened up for easy stuffing.  I told him "If you really want to buy these I can take them up to the register for you... but you cant be putting stuff down your pants man"  He handed me the item and walked off.  At this time my co-worker was tracking him through the main aisle of the store and he was gone in a flash.

Jun 2, 2014

To Boldly Not Suck Where Many Have Sucked Before

After Transformers I'd lost all hope that someone could make a remake of a classic series and not fuck it up. And when I heard the genius behind LOST was going to make StarTrek I didn't give it much thought.  I saw it and liked it but I realized the more I watch the new StarTrek movies, the less I hate JJ Abrams. These movies are really good.   He really did reboot the characters of the original in the best possible way.  It's not just another shitty remake.  It's not even really a remake. It's a brand new timeline. 

The way he set it up allows for new stories but still following the canon of the original.  Also he was very clever using just enough time travel to set it up without falling too far into the difficulty and trappings of writing time travel. 

It almost gives me a new hope that the Star Wars movie won't totally blow.

The LOST ending still sucked tho.  I don't think I'll ever get over that. Although I lay most of the blame on Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse for that shit.