Jul 13, 2017

Silence Your Fucking Phone

Have you ever been somewhere and someone's phone starts ringing and is clearly interrupting something? We all have. Have you ever been in this situation when the owner of the phone just lets it ring and keeps on talking to you. Or you're in a theater or other place that requires you to silence your phone and they spend way too much time trying to unlock the phone to swipe the ignore icon? Or worse, they acknowledge the ring, see who it is and then actually tell you that they don't want to talk to the person calling .. But then let it keep ringing?

Chances are the people who do this have obnoxious ring tones.

The movie theater one happened to me recently. Some baby-boomer had to dig through her purse then unlock it and figure out which button doesn't answer it and...... Ugg. It rang 6 times.

Some of you need a refresher course. (or show this to your parents)
For iPhone just press the sleep/wake button. Ta-da silence!
For pretty much everything else press just about any button on the phone (volume, home, power) and the ringer will stop.

It's not that hard. You're being rude.

Jul 1, 2017

OKJAAAAAAAAA: Another Movie Review

I had read and heard about this new Netflix movie Okja.  I really had no idea what it was about only that it had a couple known actors and it was coming from the Snowpiercer director Bong Joon Ho.  I put it in my Remember to Watch This database in the back of my head.  Last night some friends and I were talking about new Netflix stuff and Okja came up.  We ended up streaming it last night and I have a couple things to say about it.  POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD.  not that it's got any big twists... just incase.

Basic premise:  A company supposedly discovers a new species of mammal they call Superpigs. In an ad campaign to promote this as a way to feed the world in the future, they send a baby Superpig to a handful of farmers around the world to compete in raising the best one. The "Best Superpig" is to be chosen in 10 years time. The story takes place after the 10 years has passed. It follows a young Korean girl who's spent most of her life, with her Grandfather raising and befriending Okja, the Superpig in a remote mountain village in Korea.  Representatives from the company come to take Okja back to America but Mija isnt having it. Along the way Mija and Okja cross paths with a group called Animal Liberation Front.  You can probably figure out the rest from there.

As I said before  this movie was well hyped to me. First I'll say that it was pretty good but damn what a downer.  I mean, I get it, the meat industry sucks but fuck man I like steak and bacon.  I was thinking lab-grown meat was the answer but now I don't want them to kill Okja.

Tilda Swinton was creepy as ever as the leader of the family run GMO company while her character was trying to be the non-creepy one in her family.  Her plan to make everyone love the Superpigs was the main reason in my opinion that it would turn people off from eating them.

Jake Gyllenhaal's character was a total weirdo too. Washed up wild animal TV show host guy, turned spokesperson for the Superpig project.    I dont even know what to say about his character but I think he played the roll slightly creepier than maybe they had written it.  It works I guess. I worry that Jake may have gotten into it way more than he needed to.

It had good action sequences while keeping a general weird vibe throughout most of the of the movie.  Mija was cute and a total badass.  The one thing that bummed me out was the pretty down-your-throat PSA about the meat industry.  I felt it cast a shadow over the rest of the movie as too much of a focal plot point for me.

Try to not say "Okjaaaaa!!!!"  over and over after you see it.

Jun 12, 2017

Live From New York, It's Flat Soggy Pizza!!!!! (In a Good Way)

This was originally written as a Blogger post back in 2015 and it ended up on Yelp.  Apparently I never bothered to post it here too.   Anyway, here it is in all it's dated glory.  I wrote some updates at the end. 

Paul's Live From NY is a New York style pizza restaurant.  Apparently there is a Paul and he's from Humboldt. That's all I know about that but I do know pizza. I've eaten a lot of it.

If you don't know what NY style pizza is it's giant, thin crust pizza.  I've always kind of disliked the thin crust pizza.  It's floppy, its greasy and there was always some other kind of more satisfying pizza that was readily available.  While in New York I made these sentiments known to a New York native I was traveling with. He assured me that I "just didn't have the real, good, authentic NY pizza"  Now, I should also point out that I had just recently spent some time in Chicago.  Where all pizza bows before the almighty deep dish. I was still smitten, in post honeymoon mode from the 2 inch thick meal-in-a-slice windy city pie.  Convincing me that a soggy slice of thin crust was going to be tough.  He took us to one of his old neighborhood pizza spots assuring us that this was the real deal.  But it was just more pre-made pies sold by the slice.  This place went a step further in that if you wanted pepperoni with olives, they put olives and a little more cheese on a pre-made slice and reheated it in the pizza oven.

For reference: This is what Deep-Dish Chicago style pizza looks like.

The foldable slice. 
This is when I realized what real NYC pizza was.  Thin, soggy, reheated slices of pizza that you fold in half.  I really wasn't impressed. Please, take me back to Chi-Town.  When we moved to Eureka I saw Paul's Live From New York.  I scoffed because I pretty much decided way-back-when that I'd never eat New York pizza on purpose again. But then-- One night after the F Street Beerfest we ended up there with a group of people we'd just met who would eventually become our good friends.

They seemed excited, and we were stoked to meet new people in town so we went for it.  The pizza was large, flat, greasy, reheated... and delicious. Pretty much every experience I've had at Paul's has been like this. Late night, good friends and just a really good time with a good variety of different pre-made pizzas that will satisfy just about everyone in the group.

Pizza with friends!

And then there's the garlic knots. Little morsels of curled up dough soaked in garlic oil and garlic. My mouth waters thinking about them as I type this. The knots are better later in the evening when they've had a chance to get fully saturated with garlic oily goodness. They have salads and a good selection of beers on tap.  They also have wings.  They come in Buffalo or Australian BBQ.  Aussie BBQ is like a sweeter type sauce.  I've never liked Buffalo wings but this place has completely converted me into a wing guy.  I even critique wings from other places now.

Sometimes the service can be slow.  I don't know why it takes so long sometimes to reheat a slice of pizza but they lag sometimes. Usually when I go it's a big social gathering with friends and we really don't mind.  But it happens.  (Side Note:  They forget Becky's order every time. She won't go back.  When we're hanging out with Becky, Paul's is not an option)  Bonus; they also deliver!  But depending on the time of day and your locale the delivery times can be a while and for some reason the woman who answers the phone seems like you're ruining her whole day by calling and ordering pizza. This might not be a usual thing but it's rubbed me the wrong way a few times.

So despite slow, sometimes rude service, along with my disdain for New York style pizza I give Paul's Live From New York Pizza  four and a half out of five stars.  It's just a place that I always end up and leave very, very satisfied.  After a night at Live From NY my belly is full and it's the end of an awesome day with good people. I highly recommend going with friends. Maybe after some beers at The Local Humboldt Cider Company or after a movie at the Eureka Theater. Be loud, buy lots of pizza. Don't forget the garlic knots and even tho the slices are really big,  I recommend two because you'll want it.

Extra bonus...............Guy ate there. Guy Fieri that is.
Live From New York is now a neighborhood in FLAVORTOWN!! 

Live From New York, for whatever reason is now exclusively a "CASH ONLY" business.  This really upsets me.  Cash is for drug dealers and children.  I have a bank account like a normal responsible adult person. I don't carry cash because I'm not a criminal hiding from the system.  In 2017 there is literally no logical reason to not accept debit or credit cards.  As I mentioned in my previous review, I often visit with groups of friends.  The likelihood of everyone in the group having cash is very minimal and a reason we will chose to eat elsewhere.  I still like the food here but the frequency at which I will be visiting has been greatly diminished because of this decision.  I am very sorry.

They now accept credit and debit cards again but they cancelled their cable TV so now you can't watch sports on the several big screen TV's hanging throughout the dining area. Last time I went on a weekday evening they were out of all of the pizzas for slices. We didn't want to wait so we went somewhere else. This place somehow thrives despite everything they screw up. I'm still a fan and go there as often as I can. 

Pro Tip LFNY: 6th & E is usually super busy on Tuesday nights because its half price night. Often people with parties of 4 or more give up because its a long wait. Be ready to take advantage of this.

 I hate that I love you Paul's. 

12 Pack of Cinnabons?

There is only one Taco Bell. For three cities that are full of pot smokers, the drive thru line can be quite long. Especially on Friday and Saturday nights. Although there was one exception. The Wendy's I've blogged about before was being rebuilt from the rubble a few summers ago and it's Grand Opening was to be the night we got back from a weekend trip. We roll into town around 9:00 in the evening and pass the Taco Bell. We couldnt believe it, the place was a ghost town. We wondered "are they closed for repairs or something?" "did they get shut down by the health inspector?" Then we got a little bit further down the road and by the long lines of cars and crowded parking lot we were reminded of the new Wendy's unveiling. For one special night the deprived citizens of Eureka had Wendy's, instead of Taco Bell to satisfy their late evening munchies.

One Friday night after going out I was driving my drunk friends home someone had the novel idea to go to Taco Bell. We wait in line, order and finally get to the pick up window. Since there's two groups in my car we had placed two different orders separately from the same car. I ordered some burritos, quesadilla, tacos, gorditas, standard Taco Bell fare. My friends ordered something similar. These highly trained Taco Bell employees can handle that right? Well, the window slides open and a pimply faced teen with the headset awkwardly dangling from his small head unenthusiastically confirms our order. "12 pack'a cinnabons?" I was caught off guard. 12 pack of what? I told him that wasn't our order and he asked "Well, what did you order?"

I couldnt remember my full exact order so I replied "uuuuhhhhhh, not that"  

Again he asked me "Not 12 cinnabons?"

"No we didnt order any cinnabons"

"then what did you get?"

"A quesadilla, gorditas and stuff"
"Hold on let me get my manager"

After a few minutes of him and his boss looking at screens and walking to the kitchen, an older Samoan woman comes to the window and reads off my exact order. apologizes and hands me a bag with my stuff. She leaves and zit boy comes back. I tell him we have a second order for this car. He, adjusts his headset glances at the screen a couple times then back at me as serious as a heart attack says "12 pack'a cinnabons?"


"NO! NO ONE IN THIS CAR ORDERED ANY CINNABONS!" He disappears and the Samoan lady comes back and helps us again. When she handed us our second order I kind of hoped they'd throw in the cinnabons for our troubles. But they didnt.
Another drunken night, similar to this one a friend was visiting from out-of-town and wanted the Caramel Apple Empanada they have on their dessert menu. Alas, they were all out of them so we ended up getting a 12 pack of cinnabons after all. They were pretty fucking delicious.

May 17, 2017

Hey Look What I Found!

Leaving work for lunch I noticed these two crusty homeless guys coming from the bushes near Chins, the Chinese restaurant/Slum Hotel next door.  I obviously ignored them and continued walking to my car. I thought I heard someone call my name so I turned to see who it was.  It wasn't my name. It was those fucking turds repeating over and over as they got closer "Sir...Sir!".  One of the drawbacks to having a one syllable name that sort of rhymes with many things, such as jerk, work, her, and in this case, Sir. He asks "Sir, what was the name of the cat in Steven King's Pet Sematery?"
In the split second of trying to wrap my head around the fact that they weren't calling my name, and that it was the bums I saw just before, realizing that it's too late to ignore them without being overtly rude I engage. I didn't notice right away that the guy had a petrified dead cat in his hand. Holding it up proudly so I could see.
I guess the cat's name is actually Church.
...which is funny because that's what my name means in its language of origin. 

I say that it's gross and he should get it out of here... Off the property. I'm trying to walk away and the other guy starts rambling on about how good of an author Steven King is and so on.. I finally make it to my car and as I drive away I see them doing the same thing to other people walking by.

May 11, 2017

Plastic or Plastic?

So now we have to pay 10 cents for a bag. This was supposedly to help save the planet. But now, the bags they offer in abundance are even thicker, hence more plastic. Pretty much everyone just pays the 10 cents and no one reuses them so how is this better? I'll pay 25 cents per bag if they were mandated to be made from corn-based plastic that is biodegradable. Or just force stores to offer paper bags. Which are fine. Plastic is still plastic even if you charge 10 cents for it. This 10 cent plastic bag thing just seems like it made the plastic pollution problem even worse.  I feel like I re-used the old non-reusable bags more often than the new bags. The new ones feel too nice to pick up dog poop with. They also don't tie-up as easily.  
And there's also this dilemma. 

I feel like a pig for always forgetting my cloth bags. Sorry.

Apr 18, 2017

Chilibees O'Houlan Charlie's Friday Time Steakhouse and Pub

Hey look a new restaurant is opening up in suburbia! Why am I not excited about it?All these chain type restaurants are practically all the same. A very long menu with little hints of culinary theme and decor changes that try to make them unique. But they're all just cookie cutter clones. When a place has a little bit of every kind of cuisine on the menu, that means they don't do any one thing good. It's all just blah. Cheesecake Factory for example has a fucking Websters Dictionary for a menu but everything in it is mediocre fare that is just a step up from the frozen food aisle. Be wary of the term "American Cuisine" because there is no such thing. It just means they make shitty, generic versions of Italian, Asian and South of the Border Nacho plates. Plus, burgers, fried chicken and salad.  

The Cheesecake Factory Menu Book. 

I do love that no matter what you can always get a burger though. It may have a wacky nickname in the menu but it's still just a good ol' Costco frozen patty on Sysco buns. These places are all consistent, and serve a purpose but don't be fooled. It's just a fancy Denny's with stupid crap on the walls. If it helps they probably have a bar. Or if a friend tells you that [insert crappy chain restaurant] had the best [anything besides giant alcoholic beverage] we should go!  You need new friends. 

... And don't forget the wacky Chocolate Mountain Fudgecainos, Stuffed Pancake Surprise and Triple Berry Explosion Sundaes for desserts!

Mar 15, 2017

Historical Humboldt History

As some of you know, I got a new job.  After moving to Humboldt four years ago I searched for a graphic designer or some kind of artisty job up here for over a year and finally ended up applying at a local hardware store.  It was definitely not where I wanted to be but I was very fortunate to end up at a place with a ton of great people and respect in the community.  I was very happy being a floor clerk helping customers with just about everything at Pierson's Building Center.  About 3 months ago an opportunity arose in the Advertising department at Pierson's and they offered me the job of Graphic Designer.  It's been an exciting change and I'm learning a bunch about advertising, printing, the store, and the community.

Besides putting together all of the ads, flyers, banners etc. there's the historical photos hanging throughout the store that my department is responsible for. These photos are a big draw for people coming into the store.   Last week I spent a few days looking for new photos to use in different online archives.  Each image will get a caption with a location and year and some sort of description as best as we can.  Many images are beautiful representations of turn-of-the-century life in Humboldt county and surrounding areas but most of them don't have a specific location or a year the pic was taken.  I've had to look for clues in the photos. Little bits of information that I can Google.  They lead to more clues and more little crumbs that I follow to eventually get a year or a town.   I've been having a blast going down these rabbit holes of history.  Here's a couple of fun examples of things I've come across.

I was trying to find out about a P.M. Canepa who I found a photo of taking as it turns out, a very early selfie in his shop in Ferndale. Note in the archive says  "The man in the photograph is the photographer himself, Peter M. Canepa, my great uncle." So I went digging and stumbled upon a website with a  Book of Deeds from Ferndale Ca. in the 1900's and started reading all about the interesting goings on in Ferndale at that point in time.

The first interesting bit was about moving a safe.

John Morris moved last Friday the big Jas Jacobsen safe from the White 
Front Store to the jewelry store of P.M. Canepa.  It was quite a chore,  
as the safe is very heavy. (April 12, 1904)

LOL...It was very heavy.

The next series of excerpts documents, very eloquently the goings on with the J. Loewenthal men's clothing store. There's an official announcement about its opening and who will be working there.  One in particular was an Archie Canepa. I couldn't tell if there was any relation to Peter but It's possible since it was and still is such a small town.

He is ably assisted 
by Archie Canepa, formerly of Sawtelle's store in Eureka. (October 12, 

J. Loewenthal's handsome new store was opened to the public last 
Saturday in Ferndale. (October 16, 1900)

M. Clink, the tailor, has accepted a position in Loewenthal's Ferndale 
store. (October 19, 1900)

Archie Canepa, employed in Loewenthal's Ferndale store, while scuffling 
with a friend the other day, had one of his ribs broken. (November 20, 

Archie Canepa, who has been employed in Loewenthal's Ferndale store 
since it was established here several months ago, has resigned his 
position and gone to Eureka to resume his old position in Sawtelle's 
Cash Store. (January 8, 1901)

So what this tells me is that Archie gets a job then a month later gets into a fight at work.  Probably has a ton of other attitude problems and "resigns his position" basically a nice way to say he got fired a couple months later.

Now take note of  the mention of  Mr. Clink the tailor above. There's more on him.

M. Clink, in charge of the tailoring department in Loewenthal's 
Ferndale Store, is reported quite ill at his home on Washington Street. 
(April 12, 1901)

M. Clink...tailoring department of Loewenthal's Ferndale store. (May 
21, 1901)

L. Hagen of Eureka is now employed as tailor in Loewenthal's Ferndale 
Store. (October 29, 1901)

Poor Mr. Clink.  I guess "..." means he died. and they hired Hagen to take his place.

This goes on and on about this one little clothing store.  Lowenthal sells the business, someone else takes over, people come and go. It's all business as usual for a few years then this.

Terrific Shock of Earthquake...The store of J. Loewenthal...was 
wrenched and shaken out of shape, the front now being separated from 
the wall by a distance, of about ten inches... (April 20, 1906)

All the way up the coast nearly 300 miles away the Great Quake of 1906 is tearing buildings apart.  Man I could keep reading that stupid Book of  Deeds all day.

One more fun one from my research.  I found an image of a boat being launched.  The only info I had was "Launching of the Klamath" but I needed a location and a date. 

After a lot of searching and Googling I found a page that listed shipwrecks on the California coast that mentioned the Klamath. It gave a wreck date and also mentioned that it was a Schooner, not the steam boat I kept finding stories about.  Once I looked up Klamath Schooner I found a page with all the info. Where and when it was built.  But the thing that stuck with me was this excerpt from the story of when it wrecked.

Poor Snookums. 

Anyway, so much history in such a small speck on the North Coast. It's there if you're looking for it.  We hope to have the new historical posters up in the next couple months so stop by and check them out if you get the chance.  I love my new job.

Nov 12, 2016

Red White and Blue?

Alot of people are saying to be peaceful and talk to each other about our disagreements.  The problem with that is history has proven people to be wrong.  Our laws and basic common decency have shown these people to be wrong..  How can you peaceful discuss something like this with people who clearly don't care and don't listen to reason or logic?

In 2016 I shouldn't have to even think about calmly explaining to someone why racism is wrong.  Or what racism actually is and why they're being racist and don't even know it.

I just can't.   I'm not saying burn down your city but this is what makes normally civilized intelligent people flip the fuck out.  Ignorance and intolerance towards people who don't choose to be the people they are.   Yes,  I'm being slightly intolerant towards these jerks, but it's not hypocrisy, you've chosen to be this way.  Despite facts, history, science, etc.  This is what the angry liberals cannot tolerate.  Closedmindedness.

Like I said before, I can handle Trump...  Just not the monster he unleashed on the world.

Don't you understand that he said the things he said so that you would vote for him.  Not because he actually means them.  He's a liar.  Most politicians and businesses people are.  They only want what they want and don't give a shit about you.  It's a known fact that Republicans have admitted that they get the less educated and religious  people because they're more easily swayed.

One thing I can say is thank you to Mr. Trump for showing the true colors of the United States.  Red White and Blue are really just Ignorance, Hate and Fear.

This is about as peaceful as I can be about this.

Oct 17, 2016


This morning was the most random collection of #onlyinhumboldt moments.
The day started off slow.  It's my Friday so the weight of the week is setting in.  I feel like I might be getting sick and I didn't get enough sleep because I was woken up by very loud rain, then just as I was starting to settle back into my slumber there was a huge flash of lightning followed seconds later with a massive boom.  The thunder sounded like someone set off dynamite I our back yard. 
The morning is more or less dragging so I was eager for my first break of the day.  Finally on my break this customer who looks like he's out of his mind on some sort of illegal drug stops me and asks me my name.  I was apprehensive.  He could barely hold himself up with the empty shopping cart he essentially pushing.  His pupils were irregular and he was slurring his speech.  I reluctantly replied... "kirk"  he then shifted his psychedelic gaze and repeated my name with differ inflection each time.  "Keerrrk, KkeRrk, KiRRRK..."  I ducked out of the way and went to sit outside and drink my coffee. 

As I'm sitting outside enjoying the brief break in the crazy weather I see a car pull into the parking lot.  It was a beat up late 90s Toyota Camry or something similar.  I noticed it because the windshield wipers had yellow rope tied to them with the other ends going into the passenger area do the occupants could control the wipers manually. Pretty ingenious low budget Humboldt repair job. 
I walk over to where they parked of course to get a photo of this contraption.  As I came around the back of the car a well dressed older woman says to me "do YOU want that?"  and pointed to the ground.  I replied "want what... Ohh is that...?"  she says that it's marijuana and she doesn't want it.  Good eye grandma.  It was two freshly trimmed pretty large buds of weed.  They were one the ground next to  a car as if they just fell out when when some pot farmers opened their door.  I swooped them up and game them to some coworkers that I know smoke pot.  Actually I'm probably the only person there who doesn't.  Anyway. 
Then as I go back into the store my manager immediately points at me to follow the weird strung out twacked out guy.  I find him in the door department and follow him as he strangely pushes his shopping cart.  He keeps kicking out his legs like a chicken.  In the cart is a solitary item. A notepad  with a pen clipped to it . After I politely ask him if he's done shopping hoping he'll get the hint he mumbles oddly "I have to check out a few more things then I'm done"  He picks up his notepad and shows me the list. He gets excited and says "I WROTE TOO BIIIIIG"  I see he's got five items scrawled out in letters that were about two inches tall. I asked him if he could even read it and he started rambling off legitimate sounding things like "36 inch exterior door... a few other things I couldn't discern and then "GLUE!!!"  he exclaimed, then continued on the topic of glue. "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GLUE!!!"   he kept repeating it so I tried to show him glue but he got sidetracked in the BBQ section. I let him look around then he took a Weber brochure. He held it up, looked right at me and pointed to it as if to ask if they were free.  I nodded then he threw it on top of his notepad and kept awkwardly pushing his cart.  Just when I thought I had him out the door he said he wanted to look at some books in the small book section that's near the front door. 

I let him be and continue with my job of helping customers.  A woman needed help with lightbulbs and I was confidently helpful.  She wanted two boxes of fluorescent bulbs so I helped her take them to her car.  She was very appreciative and gave me a $10 tip.  This pretty much never happens. Thanks lady!

I go back into the store and I see that the drugged-out dude has come back into the store doing who knows what. I see that some other co-workers are watching him so I go back to the electrical department.  The phone is ringing off the hook so I answer - 'Electrical department this is Kirk' and pretty much every time I get 'Hi Chris, I'm looking for a......' do I mumble on the phone?  He was looking for Dehumidifiers.  This time of year in this part of the country the pot farmers are buying up literally ALL of our dehumidifiers, cheap box fans, not cheap 18" high velocity fans, propane heaters of every variety and a shit-ton of extension cords. The answer to the guy on the phone was no. 

It was a pretty busy day but I found my co-worker who was dealing with the weird dude from earlier. He told me he followed him to our store office where he asked to fill out an application for employment. The office obliged and he sat in there for about 20 minutes filling it out.

Under  "JOB SKILLS" he put.
Nice guy.