Jun 12, 2019

Fuck Gardening

Some people have what is gleefully known as "a green thumb"  Not me. I have dead grey thumbs. I hate gardening.  I hate planting shit.  I hate it all.   I put you in the ground, you have dirt, I water you, you have plenty of sun... yet you just fucking die.  Why are you not working like you're supposed to nature?  Too much god damned work if you ask me.  


This meme speaks to me.   Every single  time I try to plant anything and watch it die while random shit I didn't even plant magically propagates like crazy.  Why can't the plant scientists take the gene that's in weeds that makes them grow literally anywhere with seemingly no sun or water or soil and put them into the plants we actually want??  WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!   GMO that fucking shit.  

Jun 6, 2019

Eureka. June 6th 2019.


Going home for lunch and saw hella smoke clouding up the sky and in the street before my turn. Then I turned and saw a few cars stopped, looking at the fire.  A smokey blaze next to a tree in a very overgrown yard.  I asked a guy stopped in his truck if anyone had called the Fire Department and he said.. "Nah she's there.... she's got the hose"  I look and its this old lady with a garden hose trying to put it out.  Karen in the minivan behind the guy I talked to was frantically on her cell phone so I'm sure she was calling.   Then I got home a couple blocks away and heard the sirens a minute later.  It sounded like a lot more sirens than necessary for such a small fire but whatever I guess it's being dealt with better than an old lady with a garden hose could handle it.

When I was going back to work I went a different way to avoid what I assumed was going to be fire trucks blocking the road.   I turn the corner and there's a big tow truck and glass all over the road.  I see what looks like a lady opened her car door and a giant lifted Suburban almost took it off the hinges.   Probably the extra sirens I was hearing was going to this. 

Just another crazy day in Eureka.
Also, Happy Birthday Mom! 

May 23, 2019

Complainbook

I keep seeing posts from a woman in my Facebook feed talking about her upcoming wedding. You can see the level of frustration with the stupidity of her friends upon each new post.
First I see a post that goes something like, "Hello all, please don't forget to RSVP if you want to come to our wedding we have limited space" A bit passive-aggressive but not outright rude. You can tell she cares if her friends come to her wedding or not and would like to make sure they get a chance to RSVP.
Then a day later I see a post that says something like this "waving at me and saying you cant wait for my wedding when you see me in the Winco parking lot does not count as an RSVP. If you were sent an invite please RSVP as per the instructions on the invitation" Clearly more aggressive than passive and the irritation is clear here, but she includes the proper information just incase they didn't understand the proper method to RSVP.
Then later that week I see a post that says something on the lines of, "...a Facebook post or liking my Facebook wedding post is NOT an RSVP, please use the invitation I sent you!" At this point she's probably wondering why she invited these idiots in the first place.
Unfortunately for her this is the world we live in now. Motherfuckers get off your ass and use a god damn envelope. You know these lazy, oblivious fucks are gonna show up all dressed up and when they get turned away complain and say "but I nodded to you and smiled in traffic that time" .... " but, but, I hearted your wedding post on Facebook" "but I ... " but... buy you DIDNT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS LIKE I SAID ... welcome to real life. This is probably why you cant hold a job you piece of shit.
Sorry to the person who was posting these I didn't mean to insult your friends but it speaks loudly about the complacency and selfishness of society today.

Mar 7, 2019

I Don't Know How To Computer (Macintosh Edition)


So at work I use a fancy Macintosh computer.  I’ve used Windows for 90% of my computer using life.  With this fancy Mac, comes a fancy Apple Magic Mouse.  Two years ago when I first started working here I tried to turn on the scrolling function so you can scroll with your finger (like a wheel)  but it never worked.  The person who used it before me turned off all the “magic” touch features and I was curious and went to System Preferences and found the  settings called “Mouse” and turned most of them back on.  Except for the one I wanted, the scroll function.  I figured it didn’t work for some reason and for two years I have been using the arrow keys to scroll internet pages or manually clicking on and movie the thing on the side of the page up and down like a fucking schleb.  

Today the arrow keys stopped working on my keyboard. For scrolling and just moving through type so I restarted my computer and they started working again.  My coworker asked why I restarted my computer and I told him my plight with the mouse and the arrow keys.  He said I should be able to turn it back on. So I went to mouse settings and there’s only one setting that looks like it would be for scrolling and it’s been on all this time.  Frustrated, I dug deeper (Googled) and after finding a bunch of pages that describe how to get to the Mouse settings for dummies.. I finally found a page that explained that I had to go into Accessibility  settings…..oK? ….  Once there I found a sub section in Accessibility  called mouse/trackpad settings but even then the setting for scrolling was kind of hidden under a button down at the bottom called “Mouse Options” that’s literally on a window with fucking mouse options already on it.  Fucking Apple man.  So I clicked it thinking it’s probably going to take me to the main Mouse settings in System Prefs that I had already seen.  But it opened a new window that was just a scrolling speed slider and a check box for scrolling with a pulldown for with or without inertia.  It was unchecked.  Even tho I figured it was just to turn on inertia or not I checked the box anyway.   I went back to a web browser and holy shit … it worked.   What kind of fucking ass-backwards bullshit way to turn on a basic function of a mouse Apple?  Jesus christ on a corn dog.  This setting should have been with the other mouse settings in the main System Prefs/Mouse settings window.  Oh and the thing that was actually there that never seemed to change anything.  “Scroll Direction: Natural/Unnatural”  … that thing makes it so if you’re scrolling your finger up the page goes down, like a normal mouse wheel does.   Since I had that thing on all the time when I plugged an old wheel style mouse in the pages seemed to scroll fucking backwards all the time.  I just thought that was how stupid Apple did it.  

But speaking of stupid apple the scrolling works like a track pad on the top of your mouse so I moves the page up down and side to side, which is kind of annoying if you’re working on a  project in Adobe.  I don’t want to say that you can’t turn that off yet because I’ve learned my lesson that the settings for this motherfuck could be anywhere.  

Happy computering  nerds. 

Feb 18, 2019

The Trash Cans of Disney

I went to Disneyland and California Adventure last week and took a bunch of photos which you can see on my instagram @kirkiscool.  But during my time there I was noticing something that many probably don't really spend much time on.  The trash cans.   Each "world" or "land" has its own design along with special themed cans for different major attractions and even different designs for the non-specific areas. I had been noticing them about midway through my second day there but didn't start taking photos until my last day and unfortunately missed out on some of the cans from a few rides and parts of the park we didn't get to on the last day.

I did some research and apparently each trash can has to be 30 feet or less from the next one.  This was a number that Walt Disney himself came up with when designing the park while eating a hotdog.   I also learned that you'll never see a cast member emptying a trash can because, get this, there's a tube under each one connected to an underground trash suction system.  Crazy. Can not confirm if this is also true for California Adventure.

Here's what I got.


Can in the plaza between the entrances of both parks and the can near the tram to the park. 

It's a Small World variants. 

     

    


Two different Radiator Springs Cans.  The RS can was near the Radiator Springs Racers ride. 


Two color can variants of the Hollywood Land trash bin. 




Variants in Toon Town. 


Different colored cans for Paradise Gardens. 


Subtle difference here. On the left is a blue vinyl cut decal. On the right is a rectangle with a white background. 

Two different Grizzly Peak cans. 



Two different Pizza Planet cans.  


Parking garage and Downtown Disney cans outside the park. 

I have to mention that next to just about every one of these there was a matching recycling bin but I didn't include them here. Most of them just had the same Jiminy Cricket decal on them or were the same design that just said recycle instead of trash.  Bummed that I missed out on quite a few I saw from the Disneyland park in my previous days there.  I hadn't been to Disney for almost 20 years so I could say I'll get more next time but who knows when that will be.  

Feb 9, 2019

Night at The Palm Lounge

Met some friends at the Palm Lounge last night. For those of you who aren't familiar the Palm Lounge is the hotel bar for a local historic hotel called the Eureka Inn.  This hotel is in the middle of town and has been there for... well pretty much forever.  It's rumored to be haunted and was featured in a recent movie An Evening With Beverly Luff Linn.  It's weird as shit, you'll love it. This hotel definitely has a historic feel but for whatever reason a definite weird vibe too.  I'm not sure if it's because of the strange attempts at renovating over the years and the owners clearly cutting corners on things but it's a unique place to say the least.  There's a grand lobby, old elevator a cafe/restaurant that was closed for as long as we've lived here.  I've heard it's open now but no one I know has ever eaten there.  There's a proper grimy bar I've heard was called the Rathskeller downstairs that's also been closed for years. Rumored to reopen soon. Then there's the Palm Lounge.  This was the fancy get a cocktail in a nice suit and meet a girl to take back to your room spot.  It was where you'd see a jazz band play.  It was, well what it's called, not a bar but a lounge.  Since the Rathskeller closed the Palm has become another local dive bar spot. It's still decked out in it's late 60's - mid 80's decor complete with big leathery chairs and an upholstered ceiling.  It has a stage in the corner with a grand piano. Anyway,  It's usually the place to go where you don't want to see anyone else and just chill... because it's usually dead.  Except for on my birthday last year.

After a couple failed attempts at proper birthday plans we went there intentionally to basically bring a group and take over the place but there was some super strange burlesque costume show happening.  The place was packed. Some friends wanted a drink so we hung out for a minute and got to see part of the show. People were crowded around the center dance floor which was now a make-shift runway.  We couldn't go into the game room, which I'll tell you about in a minute, because it was the dressing room for the performers?... strippers?  I'm not sure.  The song Little Red Riding Hood by Sam The Sham &The Pharaohs starts playing and a full figured woman in a cartoon wolf costume comes out and starts doing an awkward striptease to this song... stripping ?  I dunno she was taking off a costume.. not sexy clothing... anyway inside of the costume she's wearing a topless red riding hood costume and holding an axe. Hacking her way out of the wolf costume while her big ol floppy titties were out and proud.  All the while the crowd of people who all seemed to know each other were cheering her on.  More power to em, this just wasn't my scene and it was my birthday and I just wanted to hang out with my friends.  We ended up taking our party back to our house. Whatever happy birthday to me.

We get there expecting a typical dead Friday night at the Palm and there's a bunch of old people and tall tables with white table cloths and a meat and cheese platter on a table in the back. The air was thick with the stench of old man cologne, aftershave and mom perfume.  The whole bar smelled like my 4th grade teacher.  The bartender said it was a Doctor's Meeting.  It seemed like one of those scenes in a movie about aliens that are secretly living among us where the aliens, who normally have no connection to each other would meet up, kick the staff out of the room, lock the doors and take off their human suits so they can relax,  be aliens and talk about the takeover of planet Earth for an hour or two.  Maybe I'm thinking of that movie The Witches... anyway it was kind of weird.  We get our drinks and head to the "game room" to play some pool.

This game room, located right off of the lounge has always fascinated me.  It used to be a grand restaurant called the Rib Room and seemed to be pretty hopping back in the day.  The Eureka Inn has really let itself go over the years and now the Rib Room is just a room accessible from the Palm Lounge bar. It has several large booths, the kind you'd eat a big steak, ribs and hella potatoes in. Last night all of the booths seats were removed. Just the bottom part you sit on exposing old wooden framing, carpeting from the 70's and 40 year old flotsam on the concrete subfloor.  Down the center of the room are 2 coin-operating pool tables and a air hockey table and a non functioning fireplace with a large hearth at the back of the room.   There's also a jukebox stocked with CDs that were clearly picked out in the early 00's.  This was the second time we had to plug it in ourselves to use it.

We play a game of pool and while Meg and Dave are playing a drunken and high energy game of air hockey Becky and I are chilling and this guy walks in with a pretty distinct look. Tall, hoodie, long black wavy hair in a ponytail, a dark colored beanie and a med-bushy beard. He puts some quarters in the pool table and while he's picking out his pool cue Becky and I hear another person come into the room behind us and we both kind of take note as he walks in.  It's a tall guy, long wavy black ponytail, hoodie, beard and a beanie.   We both kind of look at each other and text each other. I text "twinsies"  Becky texts "glitch in the matrix"  ... Like, dude that guy just walked in here twice.  We had a laugh and  hung out a while longer. Our friend Kayce joined us and then we decided to get dinner.

It was almost 9pm in Eureka so our options were limited. Ended up picking the famous Lost Coast Brewery which was open till 11 on Fridays ... we cruise over and it's dark.  Closed. We still haven't got an explanation on that one. We went home. Anyhoo.  Thanks for reading my pointless story. 

Feb 4, 2019

Vice; A Movie About Dick

I went to the movies again.  This time I saw the new comedy bio-pic Vice.  Interesting casting choices which lends more to it being a comedy .  It's a very serious subject matter but they do a good job of making it funny.  I mean, I kind of felt bad laughing at some of it because the subject matter really kick you in the nuts.  I felt the same way about Fahrenheit 11/9.  Funny, but serious and on-point as fuck. 

If you're the type of person who is interested in seeing a comedy about Dick Cheney then this movie is probably preaching to the choir. You know most of this story already because you're an astute scholar for facts and recent history.  You're someone who knows all about how Dick and Rumsfeld had a boner for Iraq since George Sr. and when 9-11 happened that's all they wanted to do.  You've read up on how they found flimsy intel that connected Iraq to Bin Laden and forced Powell to tell the U.N.about it and how they fooled most of congress to go along with invading Iraq. But you knew this.  There's some other insight into Cheney's past I didn't know before and other tidbits about his rise to power in D.C.  But you're already interested in seeing this so I'll not spoil it too much. 

I also recently saw On The Basis Of Sex which if you didnt know it was about a Supreme Court Justice let me save you from accidentally watching it with a tube of lotion and a box of tissues.  Yea it's not a porno you sicko.   It's about Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg's fight for women's rights and equality and her life & career leading up to her getting on the Supreme Court.   But there was one part in Vice (spoilery)  that relates to Ginsberg.  At one point a young Lynn Cheney lectures her dead-beat go-nowhere drunk of a husband about how he has to get his shit together because she can't.   If this country wasn't so discriminating against women back then Lynn, who was well educated, intelligent and very driven, could just go and be a successful woman without Dick.   She could have just ditched him and let him fade away into a drunken haze.  But she needed him to be successful because that's how shit was back then.  Because of that he went to D.C. and we got the Dick fucking Cheney we all know.

Anyway,  you'll see it eventually because you like to laugh at comedians making fun of asshole right-wing politicians that are ruining the country.  But if you are not someone who's cared about politics and stuff but like all those funny famous actors, you should see this because you'll learn some shit while you laugh and maybe you'll care and pay attention more around election time. 


Jan 29, 2019

Electronic Musicians Don't Actually Perform Live - Fight Me


I'm probably going to piss a lot of people off here but help me understand.  What the fuck is up with live electronic music?



I enjoy a lot of electronic music but I just don't understand electronic music that is being performed live.  I mean, you made this music out of samples of other music and sounds by turning knobs and pressing buttons on your computer, so it's basically just you and your laptop playing shit through big speakers?  How is this  "live performance" any different from someone playing it on their ipod through a PA system?  

Some of these “artists” are self described as DJ’s.  I guess that’s fine but what do DJ's do? Traditionally they play records other people made so people can dance to them.  Some have better taste and can read a crowd to play what they might be into more.  I get that. But at no point did a DJ ever think they were a musician… or do they now?  This is where I get confused/irritated.  At what point does a DJ become someone who makes music and at what point does that music that is mostly pre-recorded sounds become something that can be performed live?  They don't sing or play instruments, typically.  What do they do, physically/musically at a live concert that requires a human to be there doing it?  I mean what if I made an album in my bedroom with drum machines and guitar apps and said come see my band perform live and it was just me and an iPad plugged into a PA system?  That would not go over well.  That's what electronic music performed live seems like to me. 

killin' it
The only thing I can honestly think of that they physically do in a live setting is adjust the knobs to boost intensity on certain parts, control the lights and start and stop different sounds or repeat certain parts that the crowd is into and stuff like that.  But mostly that to me is not much more than a DJ picking/blending songs in a booth at the roller rink.   A lot of that I’m sure takes skill and dexterity but are you performing actual music live?  

Help me out here.  Other than you getting off on being sweaty, high, geeking out to loud thumping dance music and being able to brag, and name-drop on Instagram, what do you get from seeing this kind of thing live that you can’t get from just someone playing their CD? 

Bjork for example. Her music is very electronic and she still did a MTV Unplugged that blew me away.  100% acoustic instruments. Traditional and very non traditional instruments playing the electronic stuff from her record.  I’m not sure if she has a live band at shows usually but this was incredibly artistic to me. 

Anyway, fuck me I don’t get it I guess.  You're all fucking stupid and I hate you. 
#fuddydutty
#oldperson
#Iplayrealinstruments 
#checkoutmyband
#getoffmylawn

Jan 26, 2019

My Band Did a Thing! 🎵

So this punk rock band I've been in for like 6 years, Dead Drift finally got off our butts and recorded some stuff.  We didn't want to spend any money so we used free recording software and started out by setting up our 3 crappy microphones to record my drums in Benji's attic where we used to practice.  Plugged the guitars into a computer and hit record.  Used the "good mic" for vocals and tracked and mixed it all using Garageband and mastered it with Audacity on a laptop.  It's not ideal but definitely a step up from the cover of Best Friend's Girl we did when we used the microphone that is built into the laptop.  I remember standing around the computer yelling into it to record vocals.  We've come a long way.  Still tho, we don't really know how to do a recording so we just kind of went for it and learned as we went along.  After about a year of back and forth, waiting and fucking around we finally got it all done.  It might just be because I've listened to it 1000 times in the last month trying to get the levels right but I think it turned out pretty fucking okay.  I doodled cartoon versions of us and slapped a logo on it for an album cover and put it on Bandcamp yesterday.  Our worldwide debut.  Give it a listen! 



We decided to sell it for "set your own price" so you can be a cheap bastard if you want but you also have the option to kick down a little to support us so we can like make shirts or buy a new microphone or something.  If you download the album as a whole album there's a secret bonus surprise!

Let me know what you think!



Dec 27, 2018

I Saw Aquaman and I Have Some Questions

I never had any interest in the DC universe yet still I begrudgingly went with some friends to see the new Aquaman movie.  I never saw the Justice League movie so I really didnt know much about this version of the character other than it was making some housewives cream in their mom-jeans.
Anyway,  for the most part it was action packed and entertaining but I had questions.  I mean, I know it's a movie and it's superheroes and were supposed to have a suspension of disbelief  but still some stuff had me wondering... 
THERES TONS OF SPOILERS HERE
How is Mera not literally Ariel from the little mermaid?  I mean she checks all the boxes. 

  • Red flowing hair 
  • Lives in the sea
  • Friends with animals
  • From a royal sea family
    • Beauty a villain would want to steal 

    While she eats a flower like a dummy who's never been out of the ocean her whole life my friend Rosie sitting next to me says "Classic Ariel"  lol 


    Right after they have a whole part about the sea people giving back all the trash and warships that pollute the oceans, Mera says "I have my ship hidden here"  ... in a discarded shipping container in a field of trash on the bottom of the ocean.  
    And they're pissed about the war ships but why are they basically a highly militarized society with crazy weapons and huge armies.  
    Where do they poop? 
    There's a huge underlining theme/message about pollution and that's why they want to wage war on the land people... but they have sprawling cities with technology and electricity and engines and shit.  How do they not have pollution too?  Why didnt they just share their carbon negative energy source to the land people 100 years ago?  
    Why cant the Wet Storm Troopers breathe air like Mera, Aquaman, his shitty brother, his mom and Green Goblin? 
    Does it bother anyone else that the actor that plays Aquaman's YOUNGER brother is 6 years older than Jason Mamoa who plays Aquaman. 
    When they're in a huge storm on the water and having a hard time driving their boat why doesn't Mera just calm the water the fuck down with her water powers?
    Why doesn't Mera just suck the water out of the water storm troopers suits? Better yet, they make a whole scene about her summoning the drop of sweat from his forehead for the magic machine but then never acknowledge the fact that she could use this power to suck the water out of anyone and just kill them. This is a really serious power to have, that she uses to make fish dance in a fountain.
    Why doesn't Aquaman just talk to the sea animals that the bad guys are using as transportation and tell them to turn around? 
    Why does everyone speak English?  (Except the Brine kingdom I think they had subtitles) 
    How did Manta hook up with the sea people?  How was he not shitting balls about what was basically an alien civilization with technology and shit?   Oh he's so mad at Aquaman he's willing to disregard that in order to get revenge.  And why did they trust him to not totally out their existence with the evidence of water-based plasma weapons they gave him?  Oh by the way too Manta, he has a human dad you can kill too if you really wanted to get even... An old man human dad who just bops around his lighthouse and occasionally goes to the bar.  Sweet manta suit tho bro. 
    The Trench was one of the kingdoms?  This would make me assume that they are a civilization with organized culture like the other kingdoms.  But they seem to just be savage wild animals.   I may have missed the part where they say they devolved.  
    I get it, most of the oceans have not been explored but how do you miss an energy signal like that and fucking bright ass lights, cars, traffic, tons of unknown huge sea creatures and basically whole multiple fucking civilizations?  
    I'm glad the horribly CG created Mer-People from the oddly named Fisherman Kingdom that they showed a bunch in the trailers was only in the movie for like 10 seconds.
    Oh yea!  I almost forgot about the Land of the Lost world with dinosaurs, beaches with tides, rivers, mountains, plants, ruins of human civilizations, sunlight, sky, air... in "the center of the earth"  What the actual fuck DC?
    Mom's hair is the only thing that aged on her.   Other than her dead botoxed upper lip Nicole Kidman is still pretty fucking hot.
    Also, all of this is taking place in the Atlantic Ocean, the smaller of the two large seas of the Earth.  Is this to say that there's not a thriving undersea world  of communities and ancient monarchies that inhabit the Pacific Ocean?  I mean, fuck it right why not?
    They had to put a fucking octopus playing drums in there.  I'm sure theres more but that was what did it for me. A fucking octopus?  What is this the Flintstones? 
    See you next time ...at the movies!