Kirknoggins: Waffles Waffles Waffles Waffles Waffles Waffles Waffles Waffles Waffles

A while back I discovered r/waffles. A whole community on reddit.com dedicated to the humble breakfast food. These are my people. It has really inspired me to make waffles more. It's probably going to give me diabetes and kill me but they're so damn delicious. More importantly they're much easier to make than people think. I'm not using some bullshit waffle mix either.

If you've been following the Noggins for a minute you would know I make my shit from scratch. Here's the recipe I've been using lately. It's even more basic than the ones I've posted before.

Ingredients:

Flour. 1 Cup
Sugar. 2 tbsp - 1/4 cup. Use more or less depending on how sick you wanna be.
Baking Powder. 1/4 tsp? (I'm actually not sure. I just tap the container a few times and eyeball it)
Salt. 1/8 tsp? (again a couple taps)
Veg Oil. 1.5 tbsp? (maybe 2. I dunno I just pour it and eyeball it. More is better than less tho)
1 egg.
Water. Enough to make it the consistency of waffle batter. (I've used Coke Zero for this step a few times and it works. Not sure how much of a difference it makes. Maybe the batter ends up being fluffier. I'm not a scientist so I dunno)
Wait -what about the milk? Don't freak out. Seriously fuck the milk. You don't need it. I'm lactose intolerant so we never have milk and I'm not going to buy it just to make waffles. I used Almond milk for a minute but realized that its just water and nuts. Adding milk is just a ploy from Big Dairy to get you to drink cow titty secretions.

Instructions:

First plug in your waffle maker. You'll feel stupid when you get the batter done and the shit is cold still and you have to wait for it to heat up. No need to grease the iron if it's a non-stick machine.
Add dry ingredients to a med mixing bowl in the order listed above.
Whisk up the dry ingredients.
Make a little divot for the egg. Crack the egg in and carefully whisk up the egg some. Try not to mix it into the dry stuff all the way. I dunno if this even makes a difference. I read somewhere to whisk the egg up first so I try to just do it in the bowl instead of using a whole other bowl just to mix up an egg.
Add the oil and mix it all together. It will be clumpy and shitty but this is why you add the water next.
Just put the bowl under the faucet and pour a little in. Then whisk it. Then a little more until it seems right. Not too thick. Not to thin. Don't go all fucking crazy and pour in too much water all at once. You'll ruin it and you'll be sad and it will fuck up your whole day. That is the opposite of waffles. Waffles are supposed to make you happy.
My artist rendition
When you have a nice bowl full of batter pour out about a 1/2cup of batter onto the waffle iron. Depends on your machine. If your first waffle overflows you put too much. If your waffle is a small piece of shit you didn't put enough. Figure it out.
Cooking time and how many waffles you'll get also depends on your machine. Mine has a light that's green when it's heated up and then turns red when it's cooking. When it's green again it's cooked. Mine also has a dial for cook level. I have mine cranked because I don't like raw waffles. This recipe with my machine makes about 4 waffles.
Almost forgot. The syrup. Anything you use is gonna be good. I don't like fruit or whipped cream or chocolate chips. Just plain ol' shitty imitation maple flavored syrup. Add some melted butter too.

That's it. Eat em.

Here's my machine. It's cheap as fuck but makes the good thin waffles. Belgian waffles suck ass. I hate that they are the standard go-to at restaurants. Thin waffles are the best.