More short movie reviews for movies everyone else has seen already.

I don't get out much so I just saw these critically acclaimed Hollywood masterpieces. Now that you've heard what the rest of the universe thinks of them, now hear what I think.


This Is 40 

While it's funny, and it sucks losing income and having to cut back, I have no fucking sympathy for those rich douche bags in their FAT ass so-cal house and their BMW's and Lexus's and fancy bikes and private trainers and ipads and crazy vacations at hotels in Laguna and fully catered backyard parties and big TV's and built-in fucking trampolines in their back yard. WHAT? I didn't even know built-in trampolines existed... that's how economically distressed you need to be for me to give a shit about your characters Judd. So bad that you don't even know certain rich people shit exists. You ever suck dick for weed?

Zero Dark 30
Are you fucking kidding me? Zero-dark-boring.  For some reason I thought this was going to be Hurt Locker part 2. Instead it's more like a boring version of A Few Good Men, but with all actors you've never heard of.  I fell asleep two out of the three times I tried to watch this. Talk about sympathy Oscar nod.  Apparently it was completely wrong from how it really went down but they couldn't tell the real story because that's classified right? But hey, Hollywood's gotta capitalize on the deaths of 9-11 and two wars somehow right?  Also "We don't torture"  LOL  AMRRRKKAA FKK YAA!

Argo

To keep the Oscar nomz trend going I also watched Argo. It wasn't horrible. I'll say that much. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't mind Ben Affleck as much as I probably should. Maybe it's because I never saw Gigli or Daredevil but I tend to not hate him in movies. It was about as entertaining as I thought it was going to be. As I was watching it I really started to question what really makes a movie an Oscar worthy movie. Argo was good but was it that good? Another movie based on a true story that due to US Government top secretiveness, not until it was declassified many years after the fact. Oh and by the way, fuck you Canada, you aren't as rad as everyone thought you were.

Hitchcock

It's an interesting story. I didn't know much about the man behind the movies before this. I also didn't know that Psycho was his first "horror" movie which is weird since that's what he's known for. I'd recommend it. The only thing that bugged me was Anthony Hopkins. I didn't really buy him as Hitchcock. Too much Hopkins comes out in it. Often times I prefer people I've never heard of in roles like this.

Skyfall
This one will be quick. I kind of don't remember it. I remember having a hard time suspending reality enough for me to enjoy it. Also, I'm ready for a new 007.  I'm over Daniel Craig as Bond. While I'm at it Total Recall was forgettable too. Stop making shitty remakes please.

Life of Pi

At first I had zero interest in seeing this movie. I was like, why would I want to watch a movie about a kid in a boat with a tiger for 2 hours?  Then it got all hyped by the media, and got nominated and people said it was really good and not just about a kid and a tiger in a boat.  So I watched it, and it kind of was just a movie about a kid in a damn boat with a fucking tiger. There's some heavy CG in this which is thankfully not totally obvious. If you were expecting a movie about math this one isnt for you either. Pi is just a nick name SPOILER because his real name is "Pissing" and SPOILER there probably never really was a tiger and he was just creating the fantasy in his mind because he witnessed his mom get murdered and a guy eat 2 other guys. and possibly hallucinations from dehydration.  what? I said spoiler in bold caps. you didn't have to keep reading.

How 'Bout Some Photos?

Did I mention ever that my entire SD card was erased a few months ago? yea, that sucked. Anyway, I'm gonna be getting a new phone pretty soon, so, here's some of what I gots. 

Waycooler app from Alex Pardee. look it up.

 old school

 this dude was sweating. jamming hard. he was doing Black Magic Woman when I took this. 

 oh yea, we moved to BigFoot country. .. or Weed Country if you're into that. 

 Last X-Mas at the Pittsburg house   :-(

 Casino has a cig machine. so weird. 

 LOL clever. 

 all of our trinkets ready to be packed up for the move

 goofing on DELL boxes

 on our way up to our new home. 

 U-Hauling

 this is the sunrise from our new kitchen

 empty pittsburg house. 

 The famous, Samoa Cookhouse. if you know what this is, you know where we moved too. 

 we have a Bruce down!

 Matty.....DOWN!!! (new house has a gas fireplace)

 Matty in training for Whisker Wars

 WAX VAC! lol have you seen the commercial?  "OW!!!"  lol 

 Goodbye Dish, Hello DirecTV.  still getting used to it. 

 Walkies in the new hood. 

 Ghost Bruce.

 Hit the Eureka Skatepark. It rains alot tho. 

 Pickle Burrito anyone? 

 Frankie and Rocko checking out the new diggs. 

 NOT TO BE EATEN!! DO NOT EAT MY SUPER BOUNCY BALLS!!

This place is down the street. You might have heard of it.  

 When you find the Zoltar machine as an adult, "I wanna be big" is a completely different wish. 

 baby Pabst. 

 All I see is dildo football. 

real corn dog.  

 I promptly set the high score on this. Still on my list of furnishings for my mansion when I get rich. 

 doodles on pink paper, with a pink pencil.  

 It's what's for dinner.

 Oh so remember the cursed house I used to live next to?  The giant turd we put up with for 5 years? Well, right when we figure out we have to move someone bought it and fixed it up. WTF is that shit? Whether the curse has been lifted or not is still to be determined.

 Big motherfucking trees up here. 

 2nd week here it hailed like a mofo. and the shit didnt melt so it looked like snow. weather!

 Mystery Machine... you're doing it wrong!

 All Terrain Rape Vehicle. 

 Matty.....DOWN! 

Tweaker-ass electrical work in the Winco Men's room. 

 real bees? in a grocery store? 

 coast. 

 mad dog... grrr

 Breaking Bad art I made. 

 Kickin' Back

 Feax Phở made with Top Ramen,.

 Lifehacked cafe au lait. Shake milk bottle vigorously and pour foam on top of coffee. 

  

 Batman is a Mopar guy.

 This guy, is a weirdo. 

 Cheese Factory

 The first good carnitas I've had since we've been up here. 

 3rd place in the Kirk's Penis Look Alike Contest.   

 what are the chances?  this smaller tree fell, and landed right dead center onto the larger tree. Nature rules.

Are these a gag candy?  I hope they realize this is the candy equivalent of toothpaste and orange juice.   

 foggy days

 Rocko got KrUnKeD!

 the line between Dog toys and Sex toys is narrowing.  

 Hung out with some chicks. 

 I managed to make the worst birthday cake ever made. 

No I do not want to go for a ride on your boat.  thanks. Ass rape guaranteed   

 I picked up the bottle to double check that I just in fact read "Dom Perignon" at Costco, then meg says "Hey be careful that's a $130 bottle"  yikes. Classy

 Very creative use of an exercise bike.  also notice the other end is a punching bag stand.  use what you got. 

 Yesterday I saw this commercial for "Ambervision" sunglasses. Dude these are full on Blue Blockers. Stop trying to pretend that you totally didn't buy an old shipping container full of blue blockers left over from the 80s. Ambervision. Lol so innovative.

 Homemade onion rings!!  ...........like a boss!

 Matty .......DOWN!!!!!!!  again! 

 Someone brought their pet turkey to the coffee shop. 

we had to get a new microwave too. 

6:11