Jan 13, 2021

Smart Watches Are Still Dumb. PYMHM Redux

Back in 2013 smartwatches were becoming all the rage.  As I explained back then (below) I thought they were stupid and couldn't understand the infatuation with them.  I'll never have a smart watch and still think they're the stupidest idea ever.  

This old post about smartwatches and people talking into their wrist like they're a character in a 1960's spy movie got me thinking about how it's somehow become acceptable for people to be talking to their wrists, phones, cars, Alexa... even smart TV remotes.  Shut up! 

I still don't feel comfortable talking to my phone.  I feel weird still no matter how much they try to normalize it. I hate being on speakerphone and even more when other people are.  I'm constantly paranoid my earpiece volume is loud enough people can hear it. I really don't like being on the phone in public.   I hate having my phone calls on my car stereo and being able to hear people having private conversations on their mega-watt hi-fi 10 speaker sub woofer surround sound car stereos.  I never had a BT earpiece when those were cool (they were never cool).  I have a Google Home speaker that I never use because talking to inanimate pieces of artificial intelligence is fucking weird.  I can just as easily use my phone to google something.  I never could understand this trend in technology where everyone around you can hear your business. And still, never understand why people think it's ok to talk to their wrists. 

Anyway here's my thoughts on smart watches with all of it's vintage tech goodness from Dec 2013.

Post You Might Have Missed:  Smart Watches...pffft!!

I keep hearing all this buzz about smart watches. Samsung's Galaxy Gear is the supposed new hope for a smartwatch that actually isn't lame.  Many companies have announced development of different designs and products over the years but they've all fizzled out.

Vintage Google Image search for "smart watch" from 2013
 

Just about every space or future sci-fi movie has some kind of wrist worn communication device.  As the Samsung commercial for the Galaxy Gear reminds us, from Star Trek to Knight Rider they've all got some cool wrist watch that you can talk to or whatever. But here's the major problem with this idea... It's an old idea. Some of these fictional versions are concealing a communication device in a object that at the time was common for people to have.  It's an idea that was cool, when people actually still wore wristwatches. Watches are basically jewelry now.
 
Most people that are into new gadgets have already put their Timex in the back of a drawer because everyone carries a smartphone now.  Smartphones have replaced the wristwatch. It's a fact and there's nothing these tech giants can do about it.  Watches get in the way. A smartwatch will NEVER replace a 5.5" screen on a phablet.  It's just another thing to carry around.  Like iPods. They were cool until your phone could hold just as many mp3's and call people and go on the internet and play games. So, a watch-phone is just gonna be another one of those things that are cool for a minute but then people realize they still have to keep their phone on them.  Just like tablets. Lets be honest, your iPad now stays at home for your kid to play with or for you to play scrabble while you sit on the couch. They are pretty much useless and cumbersome as a functional mobile device. Nothing more ridiculous than seeing people holding up a 10 inch iPad to take pictures at an event.
 
So, what I'm saying is; No one wears a watch anymore. The screen is too small to enjoy. You already have a smartphone. No one is gonna really want or need this.
 
Google Glass, in my opinion is the path forward. Right now you'll look more stupid wearing them, than wearing a Galaxy Gear smartwatch, but it's the real future of mobile tech.

 The way I see it, why do I need to wear a camera and a computer when I have one built into my skull already. Figure out how to access that shit and put it on the internet and you've got the real future of communication tech.

Brain implants here we come!

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 I was so sure this was going to be a passing fad and would not last.   I probably would have been right too if Apple had not come out with one 2 years after I wrote this.  Fucking Apple cult.  And boy was I wrong about Google Glass.  People weren't too into everyone wearing spy camera glasses either.  Here's to hoping for brain implants!   Thanks for reading the noggins!  Happy New Year! 

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