You all should be familiar with my running series Posts You Might Have Missed (PYMHM) where I find old nuggets of goodness from the Noggin archives, fix the grammar as best I can and repost them for your entertainment. Many of my older posts chronicled my adventures in fast food. I worked in a sketchy part of the bay area that hosted a colorful cast of characters which I would encounter every time I went to lunch or stopped for a quick fast food breakfast. This inspired me to create the new series Fast Food Adventures You Might Have Missed.
I start this series with one of many trips to what I called "The Ghetto Jack In The Box" It really wasn't in the worst part of town but like many fast food places in the area, it had 2 inch thick bullet proof wall of glass protecting the cashiers. They've since remodeled and got rid of the glass but that was pretty common for places like this in the 80's and 90's.
Sadly I have no photos.
Ghetto Jack In The Box Part 3
From May 2006.
I called this Part 3 but there really wasn't an official part 1 or 2 but I know I've complained about
this place a few times before so we're at least at part 3.
Anyway, today this is what happened.
I just had this exact conversation with a cashier. First I'd like to point out that I waited there for like 90 seconds with this rough looking dude who smelled like he had a cigar burning in his pocket.Then as the cashier made her way towards the register this skinny cracked-out white chick walked over. She was in her early late 20's and looked like a home-made porno reject with a bikini top that barley covered her boobs, daisy dukes that showed off her random and horrible thigh tattoos. The shortie-shorts were saggy in the back because of her very flat ass. Her flabby cellulite beer/crack gut was barley covered and it stuck out further than her flat boobs. She asked to change her shake that was made wrong, which diverted the attention of the cashier away from her taking my order which made me wait longer. Once I got her attention enough to order we had this little exchange.
In a nasal Mexican accent she says "hello may I help you?"
Yea, I'll have a number 3 with uhh...
Mid "uhh" she interrupted me "what size, small medium or large?"
oh, small...ok so, a #3 with ...
Again cut me off "with cheese? "
NO cheese..
"ok what kind drink?"
Diet.
"Diet Coke?"
"Yea, Diet Coke." (like they have another kind of diet soda) I continue "no mayonnaise, no ketchup and add mustard"
"ok you have one jumbo jack with cheese and a small diet coke, anything else?"
NO CHEESE, No mayonnaise, No ketchup Add mustard.
"no mayonnaise, no ketchup.. anything else?"
Add mustard
"ok, you have #3 with cheese, no mayonnaise no ketchup plus mustard"
no, NO CHEESE!
"ok you have one jumbo jack, no mayonnaise, no ketchup, no American cheese, plus mustard, one diet coke one small french fry, anything else?"
And 2 tacos (yea I'm a fat ass fuck off)
"ok [she repeats the whole order again] and 2 regular tacos anything else? "
No that's it. (god what a pain in the ass)
Then
I pay and while I'm waiting the crack whore's friend comes up who is
her physical opposite. She has all the similar negative attributes and
attire like an acid-washed mini skirt that was fighting to stay buttoned
and a tube top that could have been an elasticity experiment. What I'm
saying is that she was hella fatter and shorter than her friend. She
ran out of breath saying the sentence "Can I have some BBQ sauce and a
raaahhh....." She stops mid "ranch" to take a deep breath and tries
again in her raspy throaty voice, "I need a BBQ sauce and a thing of
Ranch" The cashier gestures to say she understands, and then goes to get
her packets of BBQ sauce and ranch. As she walks over to get it from
the pick up window this other guy who just ordered, and is not with this
dynamic duo yells through the little window "can I have a BBQ too?"
This exchange really fucked up the cashier chick. She paused. Then
reached for a BBQ gave it to the guy and then gave the chick a Ranch. I
guess it was too much effort for the slut-beast to argue about it
because I saw her look back at me and the other dude with 'I asked for
BBQ too wtf?' in her facial expression but she just turned and went
back with her skinny counterpart. After I get my food and right as I'm
thinking to myself that I really need to learn Spanish, a Spanish
speaking family walks in. They have happy Spanish banter with the
cashier and in Spanish ask for an extra fork. I figured this much out
because at the end of the following exchange he gives him a fork. Next
there is some confusion between the cashier and the customer. Again all
in Spanish. As I've pointed out I do not know Spanish but I do know
enough to know that bańo means bathroom and not fork. But apparently
this dumb ass cashier is a bad at their job in Spanish too because
instead of giving him a fork she says in Spanish what I assume is
something like "Do you want the key for the bathroom?" because I heard
the word bańo in there somewhere. The customer shakes his head and
repeats in Spanish what I assume is something like "no, I want a fork"
He looks back at me and the other dude waiting, makes a WTF face and
says under his breath "¿Bańo?" I smiled and nodded in an international
gesture letting him know that I understand his frustration. After that I
left feeling slightly better knowing that it wasn't me, or the language
difference that was causing my issues with ordering.
Most
of you who've read my previous Jack In the Box adventures probably
wonder why I keep going back to a place with such shady customers and
incompetent employees. Like I said in my other posts about these places,
its for pure entertainment purposes. You cant get TV this good. They
need a camera there 24-7 to make a reality show about it. Who knows what
kind of radness goes on in the wee hours of the night when I'm at home
sleeping. I wonder how many times the cops have been there? Its always
something.
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