That Time I Thought I Saw an Alien At Gas Station (PYMHM)

PYMHM (Posts You Might Have Missed) Are Noggins from the past I thought were worth reposting because you probably never saw them.  Here's a quickie from 2015.

Illustration By Me

I think I may have just seen an alien. Not a UFO. Not a little gray man with a big head and black eyes or a slimy tentacled mutant. It was the kind of alien like the aliens in disguise you saw in the Men In Black movies. They look just like us but do slightly weird shit that humans don't usually do. Little signs there's something off. 

I was in the mini-mart of the gas station near my work. Everything seemed normal and boring.  While I was picking out something to drink I noticed some light commotion coming from the back of the store. There was the sound of crinkling plastic wrappers and sort of grunting like someone was struggling a little bit.  Then a man emerged from the scuffle. He was old, smallish build, visibly unkempt, needed a shave.  His messy, salty hair covered his face only revealing thick rimmed glasses. Kind of like the military issued ones you see in Vietnam movies. So far nothing outright screamed "he's an alien" to me. But what was odd was that he was carrying a stack, both hands holding what was probably every single pre-packaged microwave hamburger in the entire food cooler.  This was weird but still not enough to right away jump to the conclusion that he was from Mars.  What made me certain that he was not of this world was when he started microwaving them all. One-by-one inside the store and proceeded to eat them while standing next to the microwave.  Who the fuck eats eight whole gas station hamburgers at once? Inside the gas station?!  Call the FBI. Ask for Agent Mulder – that motherfucker was an alien. I dunno, fueling up on sodium and cholesterol for world domination.