Feb 26, 2014

A Recent Observation Of Some Public Bathrooms

If the men's room doesn't have a urinal and the women's bathroom has a single toilet as well, why even have a separate designated men's and women's bathroom? One may smell slightly different from the other but essentially they are the same right?
Why do I have to wait for the men's room to be unoccupied if the women's bathroom is empty and no different from the one I'm waiting for? 

It's 2014 people. Give me a proper men's room with at least two urinals and a toilet stall or let me pee in the other bathroom.  Same thing goes for ladies.  I'm sure you'd like to have multiple stalls so that, just like with having multiple urinals, the main door will never be locked and you won't have to wait in the hallway.  If the first single toilet bathroom is occupied, and the men's room said unisex on the door instead of "men" you could just go drop your lady poops in there. 

Problem solved.

Feb 24, 2014

Can I help you find something?

I see an lady holding a dog leash with a bewildered look on her face acting like she's looking for her dog. I offer my assistance.  As I approach her I can't help noticing that she reeks of urine. Not, oops I just peed my pants, urine but the you've pissed your pants 4 out of the 7 days you've been wearing this pair of pants urine.   She hands me a rusty bolt which while I'm holding I notice is slightly wet still.  Now I'm hoping that it's not a bolt from her bed and rusty because of urine from her pissing in it.  Also there was no dog.

How's your day going?

Feb 16, 2014

Bottle Dick

Yesterday at work I casually asked "what's new and exciting"  to the girl at the charge counter as I was coming back from a break.  I got more of an answer than I expected.   She said "oh, not much other than a guy getting his dick stuck in a bottle on Saturday..."  


Apparently while attempting to urinate in a soda bottle while driving a  man somehow got his penis stuck in the mouth of the bottle.  Pulled into our parking lot, asked for scissors and ran to the men's room.  Several minutes later another man came out requesting help for the gentleman.  One of our managers assisted him in removing it safely.  Apparently there was soap involved and despite the man's requests tin snips were not required. This reminded me of the cut off top portion of a soda bottle that I had seen, mysteriously sitting on top of the soap dispenser for 3 days. 

Another thing to ponder is that our store is the first major retail business with a public restroom after a pretty long stretch of Highway, I wonder how long he had his dick in a bottle while driving. I also giggle inside when picturing him with his dick in a bottle under his pants walking through the store.

Just another awesome day at The Big Hammer

Feb 11, 2014

T-Mobile, You Had Me at Hello

What the fuck do I have to do to get T Mobile coverage in Humboldt county? I live behind the Redwood Curtain in Northern California. I'm sure many Americans have the same issue with lack of choices for a cell carrier because of geography. The only thing that penetrates this deep is Verizon and I hate it.  Their plans suck, their prices are way too high and their phone selection usually sucks. I'm totally sold on T-Mobile but it's just not an option here.  U.S. Cellular works here but their plans are penny for nuts the exact same as Verizon's. Verizon has coverage, but they rape you on the plans. We need better options in the less populated areas where VZW(and AT&T) has basically a monopoly.

 Good 3G is shitty 4G 

So, T-Mobile what I'm saying is, your commercials worked, you have my business as soon as you have something competitive to offer me. 

When that happens, I will refer everyone I know here to buy your plans.  Stop spending money on celebrities for your commercials.  You had me at "no contracts, 0 down, & unlimited". That's all you need to say.  No actors, no football players, no fancy songs..  You've recently spent a ton of money on commercials, even dropped serious coin on a Superbowl spot. WTF were you thinkin?

Here's your new marketing campaign...

And here's the best part, you don't even need to make TV commercials, just post it on the internet for free and let the word spread naturally.  The only thing missing is, "with the money we saved on this low budget marketing, we spent on cell towers in every city, town, village and shithouse in the U.S. of A. to bring you reliable high-speed service and clear phone calls everywhere you go"

Done and done. Is that so hard? You don't even have to pay me for this incredible idea. 

Feb 6, 2014

Sochi Bad It Hurts

Here's more about the locals that are being fucked over I mentioned in my last post.
- In Russia, Winter Olympics Plays You!

See more US News from ABC|ABC World News

Oh and by the way, here's Salzburg, one of the three finalists.

And here's Pyeongchang, South Korea, they look like they're more prepared for 2018, which they've been selected to host, than Sochi does for tomorrow's opening ceremonies.


Feb 5, 2014

In Russia, Winter Olympics plays you!

Man, what a clusterfuck.  Let's boycott Sochi, not because Russia hates gay people, but because they suck at hosting the Olympics.  

Here's some livetweets from the hotel. oh man.  Why did we think they could pull this off? 

I heard that Sochi is a coastal resort beach town. Putin's favorite vacation spot. The snow is pretty far away in the mountains. But the Olympics committee still decided to put it here. Solution? Build a train and highway straight from the beach to the mountains. Right through villages and small towns, cutting them off. They are now stranded in the middle of nowhere with huge highways and construction fucking up their way of life.  Fuck em. I'm Putin, and This is the Olympics. 

Sochi was selected as the host city in July 2007. What the fuck have they been doing since then? They've had seven fucking years and it's coming down to literally the last second... maybe even longer. 

And the water.... did I mention the water?  The hotel sink has signs that say  "Do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous"  more about that in the link above. or just google it. Holy shit what a fail. 

The more I read about this, the more astounded I am.   It's like they somehow got the committee to believe they could host it. Then had 7 years to shoehorn a modern resort city into a former soviet union throwback town with an unexperienced labor force.  I saw a photo of a toilet with the seat installed backwards. Like, they put the lid on before the seat.  I mean, how can you expect people, who've never seen a real toilet before to know how to properly assemble a toilet?  Everything just seems like they gathered up forrest people and gave them a bunch of Ikea boxes and a few american magazines and said "make it look like this"  There's toilets and sinks, but the waters is toxic and you can't flush anything down the toilets. 

World Fucking Class!