eating poop for dinner

actually it wasnt poop, meg made some rad BBQ chicken in the oven and baked potatoes with all the fixins. it was rad. other than that i dont really have anything to say. Giants won again! thats 2 in a row. i like hot dogs at the game. We went to the game on Saturday. it went 11 innings but the Giants lost. That sucked. I hate it when assholes come to the game and talk about bullshit the whole time. Not even watching the game. and then they keep getting up in the middle of the fucking inning.. sit the fuck down Marketing whore.

God I'm bored.

I took the last of my paintings down to the gallery yesterday. I have about 30 or so pieces all priced and ready to go. We talked about music and food for the show. since its my show, and not some hoity toity artsy farsty thing they want to do food that i like. so, instead of crackers that taste like shit and weird unrecogniseable tid bits were gonna have mini burritos and chips and salsa. Instead of wine, we'll have beer and soda. i think thats pretty rad. she also asked me to pick out some music to bring down. I'm seriously contemplating extreme hardcore metal shit...but may end up keeping it PG13 for the 50+ set.

rock tho.. im getting juiced. they also asked me to be a part of their annual "Dia de los Muertos" event. Its like Mexican Halloween. I love skulls so this should be rad.


also, if you guys care, I've updated my Boycott the Music Industry blog and my In N Out Fantasy Menu blog. If you dont know what those are you should definatly check them out.

"sucks to your athsmar! "

I'm fucking famous!

well not really, but East Bay Express did a little write up for my show. pretty damn rad.

Beam Him Up, Scotty
By Kelly Vance
“My name is Kirk,” begins the autobiographical squib by Martinez artist Kirk Shelton. “And I believe I was named after the Star Trek character, although my parents won’t admit it.” Wait, it gets better: “In around fifth or sixth grade I started drawing skulls and eyeballs, copying stuff I saw in Thrasher magazine. I pretty much still draw skulls and eyeballs, don’t I?” Sure enough, there are a few skulls and bulging eyeballs in Shelton’s Absurdities and Obscenities show, which opens Monday at Shakey Hand Gallery in Martinez. But skateboards, bones, hamburgers, beer cans, athletic shoes, and flying tacos also flit through his pencil drawings and acrylic paintings, executed on skateboards and found objects. Shelton, who played drums in the now-defunct metal band Fingertight, is returning to the visual art world after his fling with the music industry. You can meet him Friday, August 25 (6-8 p.m.) at Shakey Hand, where the solo exhibition runs through September 18. KirkSheltonArt.com or ShakeyHandGallery.com "Oddball antics" by artist Shelton, who uses pencil, acrylic, and occasionally found objects for his offbeat art. Reception: August 25, 6-8 p.m. Aug. 21-Sept. 18. Shakey Hand Gallery, 810 Main St., Martinez, 925-229-8281, http://ShakeyHandGallery.com.

Also the local paper of my home town, The Martinez News Gazette did an interview with me last week asking about my art and upcoming show at the Shakey Hand Gallery. Last time I was in that paper was when I was a Super Citizen for having perfect attendance or something in like 2nd grade. The girl from the gallery said that a big San Francisco paper did a decent size spread on me too and ordered some back issues. more on that when i get it.

damn, now theres "hype" to live up too. I hope I dont suck.

Apply Directly To the Forehead

I've seen this a few times and wondered WTF? is this shit for real? so for the shit of it, i looked it up on YouTube.com. Not only do they have the commercial, they have parodies and it made the Nightly News. heh!

here it is in its entirety ...


here's the news spot..


its mind boggling.

Stop talking like an idiot

There are many words and phrases commonly misused in the English language. I know i fuck up my share of them. (Hell I'm probably doing it now) When i saw this list of Common Errors in English I skimmed through to look up some that i was curious about, but was surprised at some of the stuff that people fuck up enough they had to be listed.
here's some examples:

"Ceasar"
Did you know that German “Kaiser” is derived from the Latin “Caesar” and is pronounced a lot more like it than the English version? We’re stuck with our illogical pronunciation, so we have to memorize the correct spelling. (The Russians messed up the pronunciation as thoroughly as the English, with their “Czar.”) Thousands of menus are littered with “Ceasar salads” throughout America which should be “Caesar salads”—named after a restaurateur, not the Roman ruler (but they both spelled their names the same way).

"Obtuse"
Most people first encounter “obtuse” in geometry class, where it labels an angle of more than 90 degrees. Imagine what sort of blunt arrowhead that kind of angle would make and you will understand why it also has a figurative meaning of “dull, stupid.” But people often mix the word up with “abstruse,” which means “difficult to understand.”When you mean to criticize something for being needlessly complex or baffling, the word you need is not “obtuse,” but “abstruse.”

"Copyright"
You can copyright writing, but you can also copyright a photograph or song. The word has to do with securing rights. Thus, there is no such word as “copywritten”; it’s “copyrighted.”

"RMPs"
“RPM” means “revolutions per minute,” so it is redundant to add an S at the end of the abbreviation—it’s already plural. Adding the S is so common among people working with engines that it’s not likely to get you into trouble, but you will impress some by avoiding it.

so, check out this site which has a list of commonly misused words and phrases in alphabetical order. It also has some other great resources to help you to stop talking like an idiot.

(btw, thats a real unedited photo, go usa!)

LOST Season 3 info!

Hey Lost fans! I have some info, spoilers if you wanna call it that, about the upcoming season of my favorite show LOST. If you dont wanna know, dont read this one.

I scored this juicy info at theTailSection.com spoiler forums.

Season 3 Episode Spoilers Episode 3.01: A Tale of Two Cities Airdate: October 4, 2006 07/29 - This episode will be Kate-centric and have flashbacks featuring a 60-year-old motherly, warm, and funny woman as well as handsome twenty-year-old Karl. Source: SpoilerFix.com [Note: The role of Amelia, posted in the General Season 3 spoilers on July 14, may now be part of Kate's flashback.] 07/21 - During an interview Carlton Cuse revealed: We pick up where we left off, but obviously there are different stories on different parts of the island, and, you know, we will get to all of them in the first few episodes. But like last year, we didn't deal with the raft survivors in the first episode. Not everything is going to be answered in the first episode. But the captivity story [with Jack, Kate and Sawyer] will definitely be addressed. Source: The Ausiello Report

08/03 Season 3 spoilers The Swan hatch will be revisited. We will see the aftermath of what happened. We can expect other characters to encounter the monster in the coming year. We will see some reasoning behind why the Others didn't take the opportunity to abduct Kate, Jack, and Sawyer when they first confronted them in The Hunting Party. April Grace has confirmed that she's a recurring character in Season Three, as Miss Klugh. We will also know why did Walt appear to Shannon out of the jungle. He was trying to tell her something but kind of did it at the wrong time. Source: Lost Magazine, Issue 6

07/30 Season 3 spoilers [Henry Ian] Cusick [...] said: "I've been asked to be a regular for at least a year." Source: The Sunday Mail

07/28 Season 3 spoilers Elizabeth Mitchell has joined the cast of ABC's hit drama "Lost" as a possible new love interest for Matthew Fox's character, sources said. Source: Reuters/Hollywood Reporter

07/27 Season 3 spoilers As for season three of the show itself, co-creator and executive Damon Lindelof said: "The sort of big fundamental 'What's-in-the-hatch?' question we feel we want to be addressing in season three is: Who are these Other people? What are they doing on the island? Why have they been taking us? Why did they take Walt? Like, what's their story? And by the end of season three, in much the same way that by the end of season two you knew the story of the hatch, ... I think [people] will have the same level of comprehension for the Others, and the doors will be blown off the show in a really fundamental way, a way that we've started ... setting up in our finale in season two and will begin to sort of creep its way back into the show again." Source: SCI Fi Wire

07/25 Season 3 spoilers Rodrigo Santoro, best known to American audiences as the hot dude Laura Linney crushed on in Love Actually, is joining the cast this fall. Source: The Ausiello Report

07/22 Season 3 spoilers Among the revelations to come: Viewers will learn more about Desmond and Penny, why Locke was paralyzed, why Libby was in the asylum, and why the island has healing powers. Source: Sci Fi Wire The smoke monster is definitely not made of nanobots. Kate will "make her choice" in the first six episodes of the season. Her choice is presumably between Sawyer and Jack. The word "clone" will never be heard on the show. The Powers That Be all but confirmed Libby will be appearing in flashbacks, most logically Desmond's or Hurley's. If you're asking about daddy issues, you're asking the right questions. Strong implication that an underwater hatch might exist and that it might be explored this season. The producers say the hieroglyphics on the timer translate to "underworld". Source: Kristin on E!Online

07/21 Season 3 spoilers During an interview Carlton Cuse revealed: We almost view the first six as a miniseries. And it's going to answer what we left hanging at the end of the finale. Obviously, we're going to explain what happened to Locke and Desmond and Eko, and sort of deal with the fact that Sawyer and Kate and Jack are in captivity. We would love to sort of finish up [Libby]'s story. We're casting two female roles and one new male role. I can't tell you where the characters are going to come from, but obviously, one of the things we're doing this year on the show is... learning a lot more about the Others, and their society and their history. So it might be fair to say that you're going to learn more about some other characters who are also Others. I wouldn't call it the season of sex, but I will say that romance will play a much more active part of the show this year... We actually meant to get to it last year. We didn't really get to the romance as fast as we thought we were going to. So this year that's definitely on our agenda. I think actually one of these new female characters is going to be a romantic interest, possibly for Jack. There will be several new romances on the show this year... I think that this year we're looking to make the show a little bit brighter, a little bit more vibrant, a little bit more on the action-adventure axis, a little bit more on the romance axis. I don't think the show will be as dark and as intense this year [as it was last season]. And it will be, I think, even more on the character axis than on the mythological axis. John Locke will be a very different person in Season 3. All of his questions and his doubts and his uncertainty have been answered. In fact, the button did mean something. And there was something at stake. And I think that will bring about a change in that character. Penny is an important character in the overarching mythology of the show. The interrelationship between the outside world and the island will be something that will be a part of Season 3. The monster will be a part of Season 3, as will the polar bear. People are asking what happened to the polar bear, so we will be doing some polar-bear stories. The smoke creature and the monster are one and the same. I hope Cindy shows up at some point. Let's just say we have many actors on our show; she is not at the top of the list of actors we're servicing. Source: The Ausiello Report

The new season of LOST starts October 4th. i cant wait!!

1915

click for full size

MTZ, is an abbreviation for my home town of Martinez. In 1915, one year after John Muir, famous author and naturalist died in Martinez, local hero Joe Dimaggio was born in Martinez. That same year, the Shell Oil company built the Refinery that still looms over and pollutes the air and waterways of my wonderful home town.

my theory is that Shell waited till Muir died to come to town. and the pollution that DiMaggio was subject to during his life growing up in Martinez effected his body in a way that made him a superior baseball player.

the tattoos are remeniscent of the Jail tats people get while in the Contra Costa County (CO CO COUNTY) Jail that is located in Martinez. also, one of our claims to fame is that the Martini was invented in our town.

tell your kid to shut the hell up!

Me and my Girlfriend have been together about 10 years. and it annoys me that people think they have the right to say shit like "so when are you gonna have kids?" If you knew us, REALLY knew us, you'd know we've never done anything thats normal or expected... so why would we go and have kids? We always feel like the outcasts because of it. and always have to go into some lame explanation of why we feel that way.

I found out we're not alone in our beliefs. I saw an article yesterday that was about people who didnt want kids.. go figure. So I sent this article to my Meg and being the smarty pants she is, she sent me a pretty thourough response which pretty much nails it on the head.

here's what she wrote:
"I agree with the article, but in some ways, I think that today having a baby is a way of gaining status and recognition in a world where it is very difficult to make an impression on your own. If your not a doctor saving millions of people or a lawyer fighting for human rights, your nobody . . . unless of course you're a parent. Then you can convince yourself that you are making a difference. You might be raising the next president in the place of your failed attempts to become the next president.

It is almost a false sense of achievement. Like how parents and schools falsely praise students who do horribly saying things like: "you've made a great improvement since last report card," (even though the child only raised their grade from an F to a D-) or "great effort," when the child loses or does horribly. Having a baby is like saying: "even though you failed miserably at your own life, at least you've made a contribution." (a contribution to overpopulation)

Babies are like the defaults of personal achievement. Can't do something incredible with your own life, default to becoming a parent. You'll get recognized for that."

this may not be true for everyone but there definatly is a lot of status put on parents that need'nt have it. Just because you put your hotdog in the donut and forgot to put on the raincoat doesnt make you important.

If we ever felt that we were stable enough, and had the need to mold a young mind, we would adopt one of the gazillions of orphans out there that had shitty parents.

you wanna pop, you wanna, Shasta!

no this isnt the election results from the 2004 election. This is the Pop vs Soda vs Coke map. which is pretty close to the 2004 election map.

click image for larger map and state breakdowns

so, it seems dumb people say "coke" or "pop" when ordering a 7Up, and voted for Bush.

I say soda personally. Calling it soda or Pop makes more sense because its from the older generic term Soda Pop. but technically speaking, soda, pop, coke, whatever... all came from the old soda fountains where they added flavored syrup to soda water. I dont know where the "pop" in sodapop came from tho.

calling it all "Coke" is just retarded and typical of the South. Coke is a brand name and its just lazy to call a 7-Up or Pepsi "Coke". you might argue calling tissue "Kleenex" is the same logic, but when you ask for a Kleenex no one asks you "what kind?"

While we're on the topic of soda's, I found this Dr. Pepper clone site that lists all the fake Dr.Pepper generics and knock offs from various stores and companies over the years.
Wouldn't You Like to Be a Pepper Too? some of the names are pretty funny and creative. like Dr. DYNAMITE here.

a good christian

The perfect example of a good Christian boy.
-He drinks heavily. (and then drives) .
-He hates Jews
-HE belittles women.

Mel Gibson, what a fucking asshole.

theres a large velvety recliner up in Heaven with his name on it.

catholic voodoo

well, im home. I survived. I'm usually a sloppy crying asshole at funerals but with all the ritualistic voodoo and shit i was mostly in awe. I didnt even get choked up. I was just constantly thinking to my self "are they serious?" and when someone tells you a Rosary is just "saying prayers for an hour" they arent being 100% accurate. a Rosary is saying the same God damned prayer over and over again 50 times like chanting zombies for an hour. i was gasping with my eyes and screaming in my head "OH MY GOD!!!" all the while there is a corpse on display 5 feet from me. hello? doesnt anyone think this is creepy and wierd? I think i've come to the conclusion that catholics are like 2 degrees away from being a full-on satanic cult.

here's some pics from my catholic funeral adventure weekend.


the town of Sun City is practically designed for old people. the church was in what seemed to be the "church district" the Catholic church, presbeterian and lutheran churches, the mortuary, crematorium and cemetary were all within walking distance from eachother practically sharing a parking lot. they have golf courses peppered throughout the town, and its legal to drive golf carts around on the streets. they even have golf cart crossing signs that have old people driving them! They have countless shitty, but cheap buffet resturants that old people love because they think they're getting a good deal. Thier town motto should be "Sun City, a Great Place to Die"

During the 4 hour dead body viewing we'd go outside so megs sister could have a smoke and everytime we'd smell something remenicsent of Burger King flame broiled burgers. but later realised it was the crematorium. cooked human smells pretty good. It made us all hungry.

which reminds me, i hate Rubios. we had it before we left... that place is a fish taco piece of shit.