beehive action!

remember that beehive in my parents yard i talked about before? .. well they called a different beekeeper, one that was way cheeper and was willing to let my dad "keep his fuckin' honey". My dad calls me all excited on Saturday "hey what are you doing?... the bee guy is here he's gonna cut open the hive!" what a nerd, so I go down there and the whole friggin block is in the street in front of my parents house. Its a fucking bee hive circus. so i go up to see whats going on right in time to hear him fire up the chainsaw.
in full bee keeper gear, homedude starts cutting a hole in the top of the barrel/beehive. Then after he gets the bees nice and pissed he fires up the shopvac and starts sucking them off his gloves and chainsaw. Then he starts picking the pieces of the barrel off the top and then pulls out a hunk o' beehive, sucks the bees off and then walks over to us and takes a bite out of it. AWESOME you can do that?! he offers it to us and we all pass it around taking dripping hunks of honey laden honeycomb. sooo good! then he gets back to the action of carefully removing the chunks of beehive from the barrel. vaccuuming up the bees as he goes. (this was a big one)
he pulled out 2 of these big hunks and a bunch of smaller ones. i thought that the 2 big chunks were a lot, then i went in for a closer look.
that thing was solid bees inside! this pic isnt the greatest but all that black you see is bees. there were bees buzzing all over the yard and into the street. I asked him if there was more honey combs inside and he said that he hadnt even got half of them. he continued to pull chunk after chunk out of the barrel, inspecting each one. He was looking for breedable females and the queen. When he couldnt find a queen he said that the they took her to a new hive. The he pointed to a large black clump on a high tree branch above us. "yep, there she is" it was a football sized mass of bees protecting the queen while they scout new locations for a new hive. insane! i didnt know they did that.

dude started getting brave, and for most of the time he didnt wear his beekeeper hat and gloves. one neighbor asked him "you been stung yet today" he calmly replied "yup" what a bad ass old dude! here he is cutting some combs off the wood with his savage rambo knife that he brought.
after he got most of what he could out of it from the top he took the chainsaw to it and sawed it in half. and found this nice hunk.
he ended up filling 4 of those 5 gal buckets with honey filled behive chunk goodness. and now that he let them keep the honey, my mom is gonna extract and bottle that shit!

monday sucks

Another weekend down the shitter. I took some time out to paint again. check it out. "Shriner Hank" is acrylic on wood plaque, 9 x 12".


I'm not 100% on the placement, it wasnt supposed to be so much off to the side. I might paint in an arm with a fist in the air. maybe not. I made it into a threadless shirt design. I made 3 new ones but they havent got accepted yet. I'd show em to ya but they're on my computer at home. next time maybe. I think a couple, or at least one is a winner! we'll just have to wait and see. so far none of my designs made the cut. low scores. sadface :(

i want my 1/10th back!

I just posted in my mini noggins about the whole 9/10ths thing they tag onto gas prices and it got me thinking. The oil companies have all these excuses why they charge so much but make no real effort to defend the fact that they still make record profits. The low supply and OPEC charging an arm and a leg for crude oil may be real and supply and demand may be in effect but maybe they arent lying when they say this is why gas is so high. and maybe this has nothing to do with thier profits.

I have a new theory on how despite the high cost of making gas, they can still make profits. its that damn 9/10 of a cent they add to every gallon of gas they sell. think about it. remember in that movie Office Space where they make that computer glitch that sends fractions of cents to a bank account. They compared it to the plot of Superman III. where it would be virtually untracable because no one notices fractions of cents that are getting rounded up anyway. Well, what if when you get 20 gallons of gas all those 9/10ths get rounded to the next cent amount. what happens to that 1/10 of each cent? it goes right to big oils bank account thats where! and its been going there for a long time. now they are super rich.. just like in Superman III!!

I want my 1/10 back!!!!

I won!!! i think?

why cant they just tell you if you won or not? I actually miss seeing "TRY AGAIN - DRINK PEPSI" under the cap. Now they give you some lame meaningless code you have to go on a treasure hunt via the internet to figure out. Yay, 20 minutes later i found out that i now have 3 Pepsi Points that i can save up to get a free bottle of soda. wooptie freakin' doo. having to do all takes the thrill out of looking under the cap and hoping to see something like "WINNER". at least when it says "Sorry" you know you lost and you can continue with your life and quench your thirst (or caffiene addiction) with the pepsi you just bought.

Fuck you gas prices!

this is like my millionth blog bitching about gas prices, but damn dude, look at this shit.
2.83? fuck you gas prices, my wallet cant handle that shit. look people have pretty much given up on high octane. see how the ink on the 87 has worn away from people ONLY pushing that one.
I heard on the radio that Ford sells cars that get like 70-80 mpg in Europe, but refuse to sell them here. and that the major US car companies had deisel hybrid prototypes in like 1998 that got up to 60 mpg to meet a Clinton administration standard of having that by 2000. then in 2001 the program was cancelled and the big 3 started making more SUV's. we're getting ripped offf!!!!!!!!!!

UFO

i saw a bright orb shaped light in the sky this morning. was it a UFO? wait no, it was the sun.

the rain stopped today for a minute. hail satan!

changing a lightbulb

you ever wonder how they change a light bulb in those huge ass shopping center signs you can see from the freeway?
with a huge ass crane and a dude with some balls the size of mount rushmore. that's how.

and i made BBQ kabobs last night in the rain!

mmmm

LOST crackers!

ok, so i've started geeking out again on the lost message boards and I think i reached my lost-geek apex. I got sucked into a convo about something seemingly insignificant that probably means nothing but makes you sorta scratch your head. and with this show the smallest thing could be a clue to something bigger. the topic dejour is based on this scene in the last episode "Dave". Hurley see's a dropped box of food that was part of the "drop shipment" of food and supplies for the hatch.
he pics it up and gives into his fat urges to eat. he rips the box labeled "Dharma Inituitive Fish Crackers" and starts to stuff his face. What we are discussing on the board in way too much detail is whether or not the "fish crackers" are in fact Petridge Farms Goldfish. this may mean something. were trying to figure why the producers would use something that is clearly a brand name product rather than something more generic. we figure it must be a clue.
in my research (thanks rita) it came to my attention that Petridge Farms is really protective of its copyright on goldfish shaped cheese crackers. they even sued Nabisco.
Appeal from a preliminary injunction entered by the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York (Shira A. Scheindlin, District Judge ). The district court enjoined Nabisco from distributing an orange, bite-sized, cheese-flavored goldfish-shaped cracker that closely resembles Pepperidge Farm's trademark Goldfish cracker. The Court of Appeals (Leval, J. ) affirms the preliminary injunction.
so I mean if knock off goldfish arent common, why use something so proprietary to Petridge Farms. why not just use plain regular crackers. using something like "GoldFish" implies something.

Another part of me thinks that maybe whoever is dropping the supplies like "Dharma" or whoever could be just repackaging common products. check out the mac n cheese.
maybe i'm just really looking for something in nothing because the new episode isnt until tomorrow. god i love this stupid show. its making me discuss at length the relevancy of a box of fucking fish crackers.

Crackers

So we have these cheddar crackers in our snack machine. You've seen em. theyre like neon orange and have this powdery substance they call cheese in the middle. They are really yummy and I get them occasionally but the thing that bugs me is the colors.

If youre trying to pass the stuff in the middle as Cheddar Cheese, wouldnt you make it more, I dunno colorful? perhaps the color of cheddar cheese. Especially when the crackers are chernobl orange. the contrast alone makes the pale yellow cheese substance look gray or even white. I've only seen Cheddar cheese that color after its been in an ice chest for 2 days on a camping trip and the ziplock you put it in leaked and 2 day old melted ice bologna water got to the cheese and made it all waterlogged. what the hell is it anyway? and why is it powdery?

People shouldnt want to eat that, but we do.

monday report

The Few played a show in Vacaville. It was at a coffee shop with a drive thru. Now since i booked this gig I kinda feel responsiblie if anything should go wrong. So when we show up and there is no stage, and the place has a drive thru my band is looking at me like "what did you make us drive all the way up to Vacaville for?" we see some teens and a few old people. this isnt looking good. but we were early so we figured when the "show" starts people will come. We see a punk rawk looking kid out front and ask him if he knew about the show. He told us he'd never heard of this place having shows but he knew the guys from the other band and was there to see them. We felt a little better. We waited in the parking lot for a few then we saw the other band arrive. they were setting up and we asked if they had a PA. Something I assumed they'd have and assured my bandmates was something we didnt need to bring. Turns out the place didnt have any house PA system and that the other band didnt have a singer... so NO PA system. see, my assurance was based on the 1000's of shows i've played in my life as a drummer and the fact that a: venues hosting shows provide a PA system to plug microphones into. and b: bands have singers. I was a little miffed that they neglected to mention this fact. i told them they werent allowed to play shows, they arent a band yet. not until they get a singer. the dude got kinda defensive and said "we dont need a singer, were instrumental" which means, they couldnt find a singer. Luckily, Jose brought his microphone. I quickly tried to turn this unfortunate circumstance around. I asked if we could plug our mic into their guitar amp if we could find a cord and a mic stand. they agreed and gave us the most retarded directions to the "only" music store in town. Me and Jose high tail it all the way out to this store that ends up being closed. as were driving back we spot a little hole in the wall music store, that IS open and WALKING DISTANCE from the coffee shop we are trying to play at. ugh! so I whip the 'SUZU in with my tires screeching like in a cop movie. theres a kid with one white eye like the old blind master in a kung fu movie and this other girl who was cute for a 16 yr old tom-boy that worked in a store that sells mostly violins and trumpets. They probably had the hottest band dork sex ever. that or the kid with the wierd eye had wet dreams about it. anyway, they were pretty useless. they had like 20 of the same half a mic stand. Or an $80 "German Made" mic stand. $80? fuck you man. so we got back to the venue... lol "venue"? we got back to the coffee shop and after contemplating and trying to justify doing an acoustic jam session Jose is ready to just go home.
I feel responsible so i'm trying to pull something out of my ass to make this show happen, then it hit me... Radio Shack! they have microphones 'n shit, yea! so i ask the kid how to get there and he tells me the most retarded way in the world...using gas stations and mexican resturants as land marks. and like the music store, he tells me this long confusing way to get to somewhere thats right next to the freeway exit we used to get here. I'm like "why dont i just go back the way i came right down this road here?" his 17 yr old brain clicks and his eyes light up "oh yea you could go that way too" no shit asshole. so I instill one last gleam of hope in Jose and we go to the Radio Shack. We walk in ignoring the wierd kid and some old lady who work there and mumble something about microphone cables and the wierd kid pokes his head out of the employee huddle and says "right wall, left side, in the corner" what do you know, microphone shit! thanks wierd dude. we get the cable and ask if they had stands and he starts with "yes, yes we do, what flavor would you like?" flavor? this isnt ice cream its a mic stand. I jokingly say "vanilla" because we want the plainest cheapest one they have. he doesnt get my joke but returns with "excellent choice" okay. he goes in the back and brings out 2 models. there was a continued awkard exchange of banter between him and us.. then we left.
Now were back at the venue the other band is starting, I unload my drums, the place is packed full of Mall Rats and some parents. not so bad. I think i evaded a possible ass lashing from my band and we get ready to put our rock faces on.
The other band finishes. they werent bad but needed a singer. got a lot of comments about that outside. anyway. they finish and in true "this is our first show!" form they leave their shit up and hang out with their friends. hey fuckers, get your shit out of here so we can set up and start before you leave with all your friends. these guys broke every rule of the stage.
1. dont invite a band from out of town that is relying on your fanbase to have an audience and make them play after you. that is just RUDE.
2. if there are bands after you, get your shit and go as soon as you can. as a general rule you have 5 minutes to get your shit off the stage. and the following band has 5 mins to set up. 10 minuite change overs keep the show flowing nicely. sometimes there's exeptions but most of the time try to keep this in mind.
3. Dont break down gear on stage. EVER. most venues i've played have a "no cases on stage" rule. So even if you resist the urge to celebrate how great of a set you just played rather than getting your gear out of the way, and you DO decide to handle your shit, DONT ever, break down your gear on stage!! no cymbals should be removed on stage, no guitar cases should ever be seen on stage. bottom line.
4. if you are facilitating the show, or inviting a band to your town, tell them EVERY pertinent detail. address, load in time, show time, set lenght, venue details, cover charge... whether or not you need to provide a PA system or not!!!
ok I'll stop here on that rant but my story isnt over.

So, we finally fanagle them to break down thier shit. I see the drummer starting to take off his cymbal so i suggest... "why dont we just move everything out at once, it will be faster" his pre-adult eyes light up again ".. yea that's a good idea huh?" sweet man you rule now move it, people are leaving. what, on more than a few occasions Jose described as "a mass exodus" was becoming appearant to me. Jose's and now Boaz's blood pressure began to rise. shit how am i gonna put out this fire? everyone is leaving, unbeknowst to the fact that there is another band setting up. I tell Jose they are just out there smoking and they will come back when the music starts again. i knew this was unlikely but i think my hope was starting to rub off on the rest of my band. we're about to set up the make-shift PA system when some guy, not from the other band walks off with the amp we were gonna use. WOOOAAH HEY MAN, we were gonna use that to sing through. he, the owner of the amp knew nothing of this. now here i'll add another one to my list of rules.
5. Own your own gear! holy shit they dont have a singer OR thier own guitar amp? how are you even a band!?
So we get the guitarist to talk the guy into letting us use it. he was al bummed because he was gonna miss the big party everyone was going too. OH AWESOME a party!!! of whom everyone that was at our show was invited, and that starts conviniently when we start playing. fuck me in the goat ass batman. Jose at this point is pissed. I've never actually seen him pissed so it was wierd. I felt really bad but at the same time we had all the ingredients to rock. we were set up PA working a handfull of people who decided to stick around. I told the guys "fuck it, lets just rock the shit out of these kids and get the fuck out of here" he agreed, but insisted that he'd play as loud as he could and not tune his guitar once. OK fine, let the rock begin.

and rock is just what we did. we threw down in true "The Few" fashion and blew the other band off the stage. impressed the shit out of some kids, loaded up and asked where we could get some good food on our way out. again, i get the grand tour de vacaville directions to a place thats right down the street. what is up with these kids? they all send us to a mexican dive called BALDO'S. good call for them, BALDO'S had the best burrito i've had in a really long time. if little more than nothing, thanks for the burritos Vacaville.