Feb 27, 2007

fun for the whole family!

so you know, Jimbo, and you know his wife Anja. they are avid readers of the noggins but most of us had no clue who Alice is.

Today i got this in my 'space from Anja:

I dont know if Jimbo told you but the other day at dinner my mom asked "have you ever met kirk noggins?" we both laughed. apparently she reads your blog. My mom, the 58 year old retiree thinks your funny stuff.

I think that is the best news I've heard in quite some time. Rita said my humor spans generations. I guess it does because my dad gets a kick out of the noggins when i read it to him. See, i have to read it to him because computers are like his cryptonite. But Alice seems like a very web savvy gal.

so, Alice, i know your reading... this ones for you!

Feb 26, 2007

big in japan

so, jesse hooked me up with these tix for this show. the 2nd band on the bill were friends of his from Texas, Fair To Midland, and they were actually really good live. It was their last night on the tour and got fucked with by the other bands. silly string baby powder etc etc. Me and jesse started to reminisce about being on tour since the same thing happened to us on the Trust Company tour. ahh old times. anyway, the whole night there was this buzz about the headliner which none of us had really heard of. Melvins girlfriends sister met with us there and is a huge fan i guess. they waited in like for like 4 hours to get tickets along with many other gothic clad weirdo kids and Japanese fanatics.

Their name is Dir En Grey and they are the hugest thing since Pokemon. They are like Japan's answer to Marilyn Manson or something. thats what i heard anyway. So the house lights are still on and we're just waiting and these fucking nut ball kids would freak out when a tech would place a mic stand onto stage and the excitment built with any kind of movement up there. You'd think Elvis came back to life and walked into a truck stop in Kansas when they took the sheet off the drum set. and what a drumset it was! double bass a cage hanging toms. matching pair of 20" chinas overhead. redonkulous. (and completely unnecessary. more on that in a sec) After the drum sheet i didnt think it could get any more crazy but then the techs brought out this box thing to the front of the stage. it was like a mini drum riser made of aluminum tubing and steel grating. the crowd started swaying like a stormy sea of Japanese goth kids. Then, like a throbbing pornstar's penis ready to erupt the crowd was at 11 when the lights went out. each band member emerged from side stage. first the drummer, guitarists, bassist.. and then the singer. i started cracking up. first of all these guys are dressed like Guns N Roses circa 1991, but what got me laughing was the singer the little girls were pining for was tiny. he was like 4'- 6, skinny as hell and had bleached blond hair. at that moment i realized what the box the techs brough out earlier was for. it was so people could see him. so funny.

Now, at this point they are mildly amusing just on their looks.. then the music starts.. its a loud techno beat and theres two huge and annoying strobe lights on each side of the drums. then that stops awkwardly and the band starts playing. for the next hour and a half it was the same mediocre blend of butt rock and new metal with off key Yoko Ono singing. and the kids were eating it up!! i couldnt believe it. this band was so horrible and they were mesmerized. there were a handfull of parents up in the balcony area where we were and i just kept thinking how this band is giving heavy music a really shitty image in the parents eyes.

The singer took off his shirt at one point evoking a high pitched cheer from the crowd at 10% more decibels than it had been. then he started cutting his chest which let him bleed for the rest of the show. cool guy! the one thing cool they had going for them was the movies they played over the projector behind them. some really fucked up shit! one was animated pencil sketches. with a little girl and her mom. gutting a fish. fish guts turn into people. food takes over moms body and then turns into a naked dude who stands on the table and diarrheas all over the girl who eventually uses a machine to split him in half at the crotch after being chased by his snakelike penis with a human face on the tip. etc etc. another one was live action geshia women eating baby heads and getting raped by monsters while blowing bloody puss bubbles from their mouth. very The Ring-esque. pretty rad shit tho... there was also a lot of WW2 nagasaki/heroshima footage with mushroom clouds, decimated towns and gnar ass bomb victims. i think the irony of a japanese band coming here and showing footage like that and possibly even writing songs about how fucked America was to Japan and Japanese Americans, what japan went through and them totally loving it mindlessly was totally lost on those fucking retarded brainwashed kids.

The only reason they are so popular is because in Japan and in their videos they dress up in outrageous outfits and have this whole Japanese Anime Goth vibe going on. they are also somehow associated with Manga comics and animated movies or something.

anyway... i dont get it. and i know its not because i'm old and out of touch.. i'm pretty hip for 30 i like to think. this shit was garbage and those kids are fucking stupid.

Jesse forgot to leave his car at Bart so we had to walk like 6 blocks back to his tattoo shop. I miss hanging out with Jesse.

Feb 25, 2007

what a day

not really but here it is anyway because i felt inspired for some reason...

ok so its 6:30 on a sunday morning and my house phone rings. then it stops. then the dog is barking like crazy outside. i look out the window but see nothing. meg sorta wakes up and i decide to call downstairs. Megs mom heard a door slam and went to see what it was.. she saw a homeless woman exiting our gate and walking away. as if she was either stealing shit or squatting in our garage to get out of the rain. megs mom called the cops and let the dog go after her but byt hen it was too late. about 2 hours later there are emergency crews around the corner. Megs mom investigates.. she found out that this lady that is on hella psych meds was not home since last night. she came home this morning to a homeless woman passed out on her bed. apparently the homeless woman made her way to our neighbors house... broke in and stole all of this chicks meds and then took 100 pills of one of them and passed out. the cops said if the lady had gotten home 30 minutes later the homeless woman would have been dead. eew wash those sheets. now we're thinking she was trying to get into our house downstairs.

craziness. i guess the doorknob downstairs is all jacked and any key will open it. next thing on my to-do list is install a new doorknob.

so after that i gat 4 of my little paintings together to take to the boontling gallery for the 3rd annual Overhung group show. the opening is this friday.
4224 telegraph ave, Oakland.

then i went to the taco truck in martinez and ate a nice burrito while i typed this for you losers.


PS: i'm going to the Warfeild tonite to see a band jesse knows Fair To Midland. should be rad.

applesauce is good. i hadnt had it in a while.. it really is good stuff.

Feb 23, 2007

late friday photo blog..

sorry its so late. look at this crap.

Dr. Phil episode about super obese people was on the TV when we picked up sushi.

this storefront used to be a cool-ass grocery/deli place then it closed. its been vacant for like 3 years. Then hella condos were built and a starbucks and a quiznos and a subway.. now there's tons of people around here and they turn it into a fucking Chocolate place. wtf. i hope they go out of business.
did you see the TLC show about the guy who did so much steroids his arms burst? no seriously.


my dad working on my car.. i dunno wtf happened with my cam on this pic

candy from Israel

thats john muirs house. he was like famous or whatever. Tinez baby.

and you know i had to get a close up of this donka donk

have a good weekend!

Feb 22, 2007

Gallery Skateboards

So, after about a year of procrastination i finally did it. I opened an online skateboard store. I'm calling it Gallery Skateboards. I figured calling it "gallery" was something unique and art related since, you know, i'm an artist. the decks are really good quality and the printing looks great. they come with free griptape too.

so tell all your skater friends to buy custom skateboards designed by yours truly.

Feb 21, 2007

Bella Roma Pizza R.I.P.

for everyone that lives or grew up in Martinez you know about Bella Roma. I've written about it before.. its this kitschy old pizza place with a Mighty Wurlitzer pipe organ. the organ has huge pipes, instruments and a wall of drum stuff that the organ player controls. The pipes and drums and xylophones and what not are like built into the structure of this place. its pretty impressive. they also have a large toy train set that runs on tracks over your head with a crossing and everything. They usually play Chattanooga choo choo while they run the train. until about 6 years ago the pizza was really good too. The long time owners sold out to some foreigners and the new people couldnt make a pizza to save their life. over time it's gotten better but its nothing like it was when i was a kid. I remember going with my dad to pick it up and peeling the foil back on the covered cardboard they would serve it in to sneak a pepperoni on the drive home. lots of memories in that place.

Its one of those places I haven't really gone to in a long time and have sort of taken for granted. mostly because the pizza isn't as good. Its always in the back of my mind and i drive by it all the time knowing its there and thinking about one day going there again for old times sake.

here's some video from when i was there last year.

The other day I drove passed it and noticed a sign out front. Expecting to see some promotion or maybe even another "under new management" message but this one I had to do a double take on. It said "Moving to 101 Main St." .. Moving?! how can Bella Roma Pizza move? they have all that crap... the train the organ, the xylophone in the wall.. the little ride cymbal mounted on the wall with a mechanical arm that makes a little drumstick move. how?!

I dunno what we can really do, i'm sure the ink is already dry on the deal. If you know downtown Martinez, i'm pretty sure 101 main st. is the old Main St. Tavern across from Pacifica Pizza. nice move morons. Pacifica OWNS the downtown pizza racket. unless they bring all the bells and whistles and seriously step up their pizza game i think this will be the end of a slow painful death for the Martinez institution, Bella Roma Pizza.

Feb 19, 2007

happy presidents day

looking on the bright side, one of the cool things about having to work on a holiday pretty much everyone gets off is that theres like NO traffic. but on the other hand there is also something disheartening about being the only asshole on the freeway at 6:30am on a holiday.

so in honor of this presidents day i made a skateboard graphic honoring our current lame duck.
click for bigger view

as you know i've been commissioned by 2 different skateboard companies this month. In light of this i've decided to compile all of my skateboard designs in one place. Its still under construction and i haven't really implemented it into my site yet but you can see it here. the kirksheltonart.com skateboard page.

Feb 16, 2007


ok what the shit people? its friday so here's some dang pikcherz. this one is good and random!

good because you know, i hate synthetic LUMP.

this place is by my work. its like a private lodge or something. it always makes me think of Festivus for some reason. that episode was on last night.. Festivus for the Rest of us!

can you trust a guy to tell you what wine is good when he's wearing a Sour Patch Kids polo shirt?

I hate Mayo!!

here's some wine snobs at a winery

this is some of the shit i draw at work sometimes.

these guys were holding up that K-rail for some reason.


here's a quick slew of doodles

after i turned this corner i saw a hooker across the street..

and for a final note. my band The Few is no more. Jose is moving to arizona. if anyone knows a band that doesnt suck and needs a drummer, I'm available.