Kirknoggins: July 2008

Jul 30, 2008

"assjuice recipe" and other keyword searches that ended up here.

remember that post i did about the body found at the skate park? Well, for some reason its like my most popular posting. There must be something in it that people search for. I have a feeling most of them are accidental clicks from Google.

Anyway I started checking my stats and found some interesting info regarding what people search for to end up on the sloppy mind noggins..

here's my top 10 keywords.

bella roma pizza
no name fired alice radio
bella roma pizza martinez
sarah and no name fired
alice radio no name fired
french
gnar juice
in -n- out secret menu
kirks sloppy mind noggins
no name alice radio fired

So I guess the labels are working. I got a lot of visitors searching for things related to my name or the blog name. Also a bunch of Bella Roma and and Sara and No name searches. Handful of "cast" related searches tooAfter that it gets kind of strange.

Here's a few stand outs.

I found several searches for stuff like "how do you say mandarina in english". I guess I am not the only one confused by that.

someone searched "old sac candy". While I know what they meant.. it could be interpreted another way. Judging by the searches I found, they might have meant the latter.

There were few of these: "kirt's brain noggins". It's my curse.

Some genius searched for "alfabetul graffiti". Alphabetizing might be hard for someone who cant spell it. alfabetul? try again.

Googling "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" landed someone here.

someone searched for "88f350e065d2c73f094ddb2033f666e9050eaf5b46d2c377" and then spent almost 3 minutes here!

Two different people searched "κυριακον" and ended up here. Is that even an Earth language?

And it's pretty cool that in a search as broad as "French" someone found my site.

Here's some keyword searches that most likely ended in disappointment.

sloppy ass fuck
septic tank emptying mayo
free pron
photo 400lb black woman
fuck sleeping girl
george cloony tight pans
fucking katie domonics
lady enjoying receiving a tool
men ripped crotch jeans
rita screensaver jesus christ
sucking meaty lips
pissing in the floor
owch man
fuck you doctor
freepron
assjuice recipe
2998 stormy daniels
do red vines constipate
shown on e-fuck.com
today pornost com
www.mexcans ave sex
public bathroom
irish pig farmers list
what is a sloppy chris tian
sloppy pussies
ripped crotch
sloppy booty
peru sucks
tissue cups
art of booty
bikini party boat pics drunk
cats are man made
burping up blood
cock crayon
constantinople's imperial library
referee pinata
rich clench

Bunch of people looking for various animated gifs.

"animated gif" +masturbate
shit animated gif
animated crazy shit gifs
animated a shit
animated gif of shit
animated gif shit fan
animated gif screwed
animated gifs of old men

man, theres some sick fuckers out there. And somehow, they find me.
Happy Interneting everyone!

Rock Band Redux

Remember when I said I hated Guitar Hero and Rock Band? I had played them in the store and decided that I hated them. Saturday night, my friends had Rock Band set up at a party and made me "be the drummer". Begrudgingly I agreed to at least try it. They had the cushion pads for the drums and a kick pedal, one thing that I was missing when I played them at Best Buy.

They put it on easy since it was my first time and, just like with Guitar Hero, they take out 80% of the notes you play and its just fucking confusing and like all my past attempts, I sucked and still hated it.

Remembering how Guitar Hero was, and if you put it on hard, or expert level, it made you play the notes more accurately. Which meant, playing the song note-for-note like you would in real life. So I told them to put it on expert level. They all were like "dude thats HELLA hard, you sure man, you sucked on easy" But I insisted.

I played a song I knew like Nirvana or something and killed it! I did a handful more songs while I was there and got above 90% accuracy every time.

It was way more like playing real drums than I had originally thought. But you have to play it on expert. The only parts that messed me up was the fact that you have to play the fills and accents and stuff perfectly as the song plays it. I never even did that with the band I was in for 10 years. I bet if Fingertight was in that game I couldnt play it perfectly. And I'd get pissed and say "thats not even how I played it when we recorded it.. this game sucks!"

But I'm sure with a little practice (like real instruments) I could fuck that game a new asshole ...easily. I had fun Rock Band, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

as for Guitar Hero. suck an ass, its still karyoke nintendo. It's (and the RB guitar) no where as close to being realistic as Rock Band's drums are. It's not playing with a guitar shaped joystick.

I honestly think that (unlike the guitar) that if someone who's never touched real drums played Rock Band drums enough, you could get on a real set and hold your own.

YOU SUCK!! "I.. I dont suck.. y- You suck"

Jul 25, 2008

hey kids.. go play in Spiderman's crotch for a while

The trash bin that's connected to the paper towel dispenser in the mens room here is like a fucking carnival game. You dry your hands and gently toss the wad of used paper towel with perfect aim and there's this fucking lip in the back of it that deflects it. Your paper towel ball bounces out and right onto the floor. This happens every time no matter how close or well I aim! I keep waiting for Allen Funt to come out and say "You're on Candid Camera!" bastards!

here's not that many pics of stuff. sorry.

hey kids.. go play in Spiderman's crotch for a while

here's some stretches you can do before you masturbate. so you don't cramp up!

I usually go to the "nice" laundromat but megs sister drug me to the crappy one. Along with broken and old ass machines there was all these signs to remind their tweaker low-life customers what's up.

they dont need to remind people of this at MY laundromat. Kinda thought it was a no brainer.

It is? darn. rules suck.
(again not a problem at the nice laundromat)

I'll give her one thing, some of the double load machines were cheaper per load, but I'll pay a little extra so I dont have to be reminded of shit like this...

does this one even need a caption?

welcome to martinez.

and introducing.. Doodle Suicide Boy. new cartoon each week at doodlesuicideboy.blogspot.com

he's a hopeless suicidal teen that just cant seem to get the job done. It's probably not as funny as I think it is. Me and Tom were talking about the cheaply made emo comics I saw at a comic convention and how they were funnier than the high budget well drawn comics. I blurrted out a made up name "doodle suicide boy" and made the above cartoon as a goof. I've since made 15 more and it made Tom and I giggle. stay tuned.

Jul 24, 2008

Paging Doctor Stupid...

I pulled a Lauren yesterday... as i got to my physical therapy appointment, I had to park in a parking garage. I gather all my paperwork and shit and get out.. right as im closing the door I realize I don't have my keys.. they're sitting on the seat.

but it gets worse

then I frantically went around and checked all my doors just in case one wasn't locked. When I got to my rear hatch I pulled up on the handle and ripped it right off.

I called Meg to bring me my spare "wallet" key that I never put in my wallet. I used to have AAA which would have been nice. But a couple years ago I got in a wreck and needed to have my car towed so 'DING' I called my trusted AAA and they said they could only tow it a couple miles which didn't help me at all. so out of spite I never renewed my membership. Woulda been nice now.

After my appt. While I waited for meg to bring me my key I went into the little office supply store and got some Velcro and double sided tape for a temporary fix.

The new part is like $60 on line.

While I was at my physical therapy they told me my wrist doctor is in this Toyota Prius commercial.

(he's the one in the scrubs)
I'm gonna make fun of him now.

Jul 22, 2008

Alice...you're dead to me.

This local Soft, Alt, Rock, 90's and Today station has a morning show that I listen too. It's anchored by Sarah who's been on the show for years and 6 years ago they acquired former Rock radio DJ "No Name" to take over some crack heads spot co-hosting with Sarah. He was a total high tempered Metal head in a punk band and was a great contrast to Sarah and added some balls to the Lillith Fairesqe radio station. They have relationships with many celebrities that sometimes come and fill in for Sara or No Name during vacations. The Sara and No Name show was #1 for a long period of time, and even had a local TV show last year called 'Sara and No Name After Dark'.

I was a loyal morning commute listener until today. After the 4th of July week long break they come back on only to announce that they fired, No Name. Their explanation? So they could be a fruity tooty vagina morning show. "to cater to our target demographic of 25-44 yr old women" and disregard a large portion of its listeners.

Every time I'd tell people I listened to Sara & No Name they would balk and say "why do you listen to that gay radio station" and I'd have to defend the fact that Sara is rad and No Name is a bad ass loud mouth metal head that brings out the rock slut in Sara. But now station management has just lived up to every stereotype that No Name (and Matty the producer that just left) worked hard to break.

One of the morning show side kicks on live 105 (competitor Alt rock station) went over to Alice to do a live audition (which they're doing till they find someone) and Live 105 was simulcasting it.. so I was hearing Sara and Human and stuff on Live105's morning show.. it was weird. after it was over they just started talking hella shit saying they were all quiefs and whiners. I took offense because I still like Sarah its not their fault after all. But that's the image the station has and like I said, is now trying to live up to for some lame reason.

These decisions are being made some corporate exec douche think tank in NY that probably never listened to them and one day decided that their target demo needed to be cunt rags and alienate everyone else.

I think the whole morning show staff should quit, call No Name and take the show somewhere else. to a radio station that doesn't play cunt rag music all day. But they wont because everyone is so afraid of not rocking the boat. If they did leave I'm sure they'd be blacklisted and never work again.

The listeners (you) don't mean shit. its all market studies and shit. its all on paper and charts and payola from labels. If you ever wondered why the radio sucks, that is why.

Thats why Fingertight (my old band that was on Columbia Records) never got radio play. We went to radio stations all over the country meeting DJ's and program directors. They all loved us, loved our CD, some were big fans, wore our shirts, came to shows when we were in town. But then the sound scans came in and we saw we weren't getting any spins in those markets. When we went back to a few of them they told us that they have no say in what they play. The Program managers at the stations were pissed they couldn't add us to their play lists because they got the lists from corporate offices in NY or L.A. (which apparently included reruns of Nirvana and Chili Peppers)
More on that here; boycottthemusic.blogspot.com

Has to do with Payola and record sales or some bullshit.. its stupid. radio play is supposed to determine a bands popularity .. it shouldn't be the other way around.
no WONDER people have such shitty taste in music, because its dictated to them.

Every week almost every station had a "cage match" where the DJ got to pick new artists and have people call in to vote on them. that was where our 1 spin, per station a week came from .. consistently. because the DJ, godforbid actually got to pick the bands, and we kept winning the cage matches. Because godforbid the listeners actually got to voice their opinion.

The music industry is full of itself. They don't give people what they want. They tell them what they think they should want and then force them to like it. Dumbing down everyone. and THAT's the thing that really pisses me off about this one local high school station KVHS. They have the full freedom to be independent and play local artists, but they want to be a REAL radio station so bad they follow the ass-fucked format radio standards that the corporate radio stations go by.

KVHS was the station that, despite our local popularity, snubbed us constantly. Even threatened to file a harassment claim on us because our fans called in so much and bitched at them for not playing us. simple solution.. PLAY US.

Anyway, bad move Alice Radio. The morning show was the only reason I even listened to that station. After 10:00 they played pussy fart music. Now they're going to have a tampon of a morning show too. You're dead to me.

Jul 18, 2008

Shit Jacked

So last Friday got shit jacked. I felt a poo brewing so I went to the men's room but there was someone already in the handicapped stall. You know the "good" one? I gave courtesy to them and waited rather than using the second stall. Which is an unwritten men's room law right? Don't use the adjacent stall or urinal.

So I wait and go back when no ones in there and start to do my business. Just as I start to get into character someone comes in and I see fancy shoes standing in front of my stall. for longer than necessary.

After standing there..he then takes the other stall and just starts plopping and farting with no regard for my presence.

That totally ruined the moment it for me. My turdlet snuck back into his hole like a frightened turtle. (or prairie dog)

All I could to was courtesy flush, do my best to wipe and then left. As I waled to the sink I could smell where fresh water met salt water as i walked out.. if you know what i mean.

I feel unsatisfied.
This is what sex must be like for my girlfriend

anyway, it IS photo friday after all. Look at some really lame pictures I took. Sorry in advance.

Band name/logo idea. it says BADH abbreviation for Beating A Dead Horse.
(we practiced last night for the first time since I broke my wrist.. YAY!)

how to ruin a new dodge charger. "can i get the pep-boys chrome package please?"

Ok that's all for this week. I pet my cat and rubbed my eye now its all itchy and watery. sucks.

make very weekend!

Jul 14, 2008

I heart Passive Aggressive Notes Dot Com

I discovered a cool site (thanks Lo) called PassiveAggressivenotes.com. It's a blog essentially about the ubiquitous "You'r mother doesnt work here" and "to whoever stole my diet pepsi in the lunchroom fridge.... " signs annoying co-workers put up around the office. I've been reading it all day and its fucking hilarious.

It got me thinking about all those funny signs I always take pictures of. So, for absolutly no reason other than hopes someone will find my blog searching for passive aggressive notes .com, here's some funny and not funny signs you've already seen probably.