Dec 22, 2005

Level 5 Burger Wrapper

a while back I was talking to a friend of mine and turns out he works at In and Out Burger, he was bragging about how he just got sent to open a new store in Lodi. Lodi is a piece of shit i dont know why he was bragging. but it gave me the impression he had some kind of managment position there so i asked him if he could do me a favor. I wanted him to tell whoever he could to consider adding bacon and onion rings to thier menu. He said he'd ask. I talked to him again today and this is our conversation. We get to the bottom of all the secret menu items, and what really goes into an In and Out burger. It's kinda usless and we both overuse the "lol" abbreviation.


me: so how'd the bacon and onion rings question go over?
him: very well, i still have a job, even though i shouldnt lol
me: ooh, so did they consider it? .. the bacon and onion rings? that would seriously make my day
him: they hated that idea
me fuck, that sucks. hey also, could you find out if the rumors of them building a new In & Out in Pleasant Hill next to BestBuy, are true? is that information you'd be privy to?
him: the next openings are temecula and industrial city, ill ask about pleasant hill
me: temecula is a strip-mall in the desert.
me: whats your job title again?
him: level 5 boardperson
me: whats that mean? do you have to wear a tie and shit?
him: i wrap all the burgers
me: lol
him: so, no lol. it goes level 1-6..(6 being a cook) level 7 is part time managment and then it goes 4th manager 3rd, 2nd, and head manager
me: ha ha! didnt you say you were important.. not to say wrapping burgers isnt important.. but they made you go somewhere to open a new store
him: yeah cuz im a fast and efficient worker
me: oh damn, you made it sound like you were big time.
him: its really easy to tell who is good at their jobs... and who isnt
him: but bacon sounds pretty good right now
me: bacon, hell yea!
me: thats a sign this country is going to the shitter...when there are bad burger wrappers.
him: lol there have always been bad burger wrappers man... SINCE THERE WAS MAN... THERE WAS THE BAD BURGER WRAPPER MAN.
me: lol
him: the polotics at In n out are rediculous though. everything is about reputation
me: that would be a good cartoon. monkeys with burgers and wrapping.. one thats fucking it all up and 2 other ones doing it perfect looking at him and shaking thier heads
him: lol, that would be the greatest
me: "A MOST monkey's could do it"
him: the art of wrapping the purfect burger lol. ya know, i could teach u kirk
me: i could wrap a fucking burger.. hey,: is there an In and Out Olympics?
him: its tough when the cook is running 4 rows of 6-8 meat patties on you. that means that the burgers are coming off every minute so you have one minute to make 6-8 bottoms the way everyone wants it. its hella stressfull
me: damn. Nevermind, maybe i couldnt. i cant handle that kind of stress. its a crazy fast food world
me: so what are all the secret ways to order shit?
how much crap can you create with 4 ingredients?
him: there are tons of ingredients man, they're just not on the menu
me: everything except bacon!
him: we have a guy that comes in every week who brings his own bacon and shit for his burger
me: lol that fucking rules!!!!
him: lol
me: so what are the secret menu items
him: you can get grilled onions on your burger
me: lol weak. they ask you that when you order. I'm talking about the secret ones, like the 4X4 and Animal Fries and shit.
him: you can get animal style (grilled onion, pickle, extra spread, mustard fried into the patty)
me: mustard fried into the patty!? fuck yea
him: its dope
me: ok what else is there
him: ummmmm.... animal fry is 2 pieces of cheese, grilled onion and spread on them
me: oh.. thats what i thought
him: u can get katsup or mustard on shit instead of spread.
me: you want me to stop talking about your job?
him: lol i dont care man, i love my job
me: i dont mind the spread.. just happy they dont drench it in mayo. wtf is that shit. wendy's is famous for that shit. then if you say subsitute mustard they put a midget penis squirt of it in the middle of the bun.
him: lol... u can order your burger med-rare, or get ur bun xtra toasted or lightly toasted. you can get ur fries and ur burger well done
me: so far total ingredients include:
katsup,mustard, spread (which may just be the two mixed), bun, cheese, pickle, onion, & burger. thats like 8
dumbdrum611: oh yea potato. which i assume only comes in fry form
him: yeah thats pretty much it. oh and theres lettuce.
me: so 10. thats more than 4 but its still not that much stuff to make all the different things out of.
me: i thought there were more secret menu shit
him: oh yeah... u can get a flying dutchman, a veggie burger, and a grilled cheese... the condoments a limited but we still have a lot of options
me: flying dutchman.. lol whats that?
him: its a double-double with no bun or anything with just mustard meat and cheese
me: lettuce? lol
him: oh yeah, u can get protein style too
me: most places call that the "low carb burger"
him: no there isnt even lettuce on the flying dutchman
me: a veggie burger? you actually have veggie patties? or is it a cheap way to say cheese burger with no cheese or meat.
him: lol yeah, you can make any of the burgers you would order "protein style" which is low carb
me: ha ha figures. in and out is kind of hooptie.
him: nah not at all
me1: the menu sign should say we have 10 ingredients, combine them any way you want. (it's fun!)
him: lol ... its 10xs better of a product than mcdonalds or any other place for that matter
me: but mcdonalds sacrifices quality for quantity.. sometimes i want variety.. at any cost
me: on the variety tip, Jack In the Box has the most shit.
him: well quality is what the company is all about, and they wont sacrifice quality for anything. they're the Schnyders
me: Schnyders? the guys with the Fez's that ride around on mo-peds and go-carts?
FOXDirtBag: ha ha, no the family that owns In and Out.
me: oh.. i was thinking of the Shriners.
dumbdrum611: i saw some shriners at a mall in portland once. i got my pic taken with one of them.. i wish i had that pic.
him: right on.


Rita said...

(laughing) That post is fully of gold nuggets. Deep fried ones.

Thanks for the comment!

Harold said...

Pretty fun blog, Man.

Harold said...

Pretty funny blog, Man.

Lindsay Jones! said...

that's sweet. i ordered protein style once, and got the animal style instead, which was awesome. i woulda never found it otherwise. i'll ask for the flying dutchman next time!


jimbizzle said...

I used this In and Out Secret Menu listing before. Very helpful it was.