Mar 5, 2008

This Morning Sucks!

What a fucked morning.. and night. Lets see, where do I start? Around I dunno ... all night .. the dog was being a dick and kept wanting to go outside, then come back in.. chase our cat around.. bark at nothing. So in my fucked up half sleep I think I sleepwalked my morning routine. As I'm rummaging through the closet getting my clothes and shit Meg wakes up and is like "what are you doing?" I remember saying that I was going to take a shower.. then she kinda gets worried and says "did the alarm not go off?... what time is it" I look at the clock at its 1:30am .. fuck me as if i'm not already getting a fucked nights sleep I'm awake in my sleep. So I go back to bed, just get all settled in and the dog starts scratching at the door wanting to go outside. FUCK. so in my half dazed state I knock over a glass of water, that precedes to spill on TV remotes and megs laptop. FUCK FUCK FUCK.. so i'm freaking out half asleep trying to dry off the computer and i step in the cat's water bowl and that spills everywhere. Ahh, small apt. livin' so now I have a laptop dripping in my hands and my feet are soaked from the cat water. What a fucking nightmare.

I turn on the lights and dry out the computer.. which wasn't that wet at all. It looked worse than it was. I put a towel over the wet spot on the floor, wipe down the water from the cup spill... cycle the laptop to make sure its working.. then go back to bed.. the dog surprisingly decides this commotion is the thing that makes him settle down and sleep. good night, see you in 2 hours.

The alarm sounds at 5:37.. I grab the boxers and t-shirt that I had picked out earlier while sleepwalking head and to the shower. So far the morning is going OK. I get dressed, put my lunch together and then I get that have-to-take-a-shit feeling. I hate that... why cant I get that before I take a shower.. then you don't have to worry about wiping so much.

I finish my business and start to wipe.. oh great a fucking bad-break. A shit that never comes clean. So I'm 1/4 through a roll of TP, bent over wiping my ass when I feel a tickle in my nose. Before I can react a drip of blood hits the bath mat under me. FUCK! can this morning get any worse? So now I'm trying to finish wiping my ass AND trying to stop a nose bleed. I plug it up with a nosepon and finish wiping.. to be honest I probably didnt do that great of a job down there.. but fuck it.

Meg is waiting to use the bathroom but I'm standing in front of the sink wiping, plugging and sniffing.. much like that incident at Burger King i wrote about. Only, this time theres a toilet full of turds and bloody Kleenex next to me. I should probably flush.

Finally it subsides enough to continue with my morning. Everything else pretty much continues as usual but I have to sniff and wipe gingerly since the bleeding hasn't completely stopped.

I stop for coffee and as I'm putting the lid on my cup I notice that my thumb and the side of my finger is all bloody. Great. I bought my coffee and got a donut.. As I'm leaving, I took a bite and started my car, put seatbelt on.. then I had to sneeze. I didnt want to spray bloodsnot everywhere so i plugged my nose and sneezed from my mouth.. which then sprayed chewed donut, coffee and saliva all over my steering wheel, windshield and dashboard.

Long story short.. I'm at work now and my nose is still a little sensitive. and raw from using gas station napkins for tissue on the drive to work.

Happy fucking Wednesday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

maybe you get so many nosebleeds because you shove fucking drumsticks in your nostrils.