"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there."

we needed a few things from Trader Joes so i went out there after i got home from work. It was hot and there was mad traffic backing up at the hwy 4/680 interchange. i was trying to stay cool despite no air conditioning. With the windows down on the highway, lots of nose dirt and boogers start to build up so i started picking my nose like i usually do in traffic.

left nostril was pretty typical. I had a few average size "rollers". I call em rollers because they are a soft yet dry consistency that i can roll around in my fingers and then flick off easily. then the right nostril. I felt a jagged dry one and caught an edge and proceeded to pick. as i pulled it out i felt a cold spot where it was and a slight pain. I had pulled away sensitive nose skin and opened a wound. instantly i felt the wet drip of blood coming out of my nostril.

now, this isnt the typical nose bleed that can be stopped with the old
hold-your-nose-for-30-seconds trick. it was an open wound. it wasnt my nail scratching it. it was probably dried booger scab reopened from a previous nose bleed i think.

i scavenged through my car garbage that covers my floorboards and found a used napkin to try to stop the bleeding. so now i am in traffic, sweating profusely and bleeding out of my nose, holding trash to my nose. embarrassed that passerbys will see me. i start to do the bleed down my throat method so i wouldnt make a mess in my car or on me. tilting my head back and sniffing a lot. like a fucking drug addict

the throat method was working. I hoped to keep that going with the occasional dab of napkin until i could find a public restroom. but it wouldnt fucking stop bleeding! clotty snot wads started to form in my nose throat region, which i had to swallow occasionally. at one point i let it built up and choked on it. I coughed it up in a gasp and it launched out of my mouth directly on the shoulder part of my seatbelt. Luckily it didn't get anywhere else so i wiped it off with my bloody trash rag. at that point the wadded blood spotted napkin was unusable so while keeping my head up, sniffing and trying not to crash my car, i had to search for a new blood rag.

score! under my seat was a pretty unused wad of Starbucks napkins. i used that and continued my driving, sniffing, bleeding dance until i got on the surface roads. the frustration of all that plus the fact that the bleeding didn't seem to even slow down was making me pissed and freaked out.

I get to a Burger King that i know has a public bathroom. I park and clean up as best i can then proceed to the front door. With my head down, i dart directly to the bathroom.. thankfully no one was in there and it didn't require asking for a key. I grab a handful of toilet paper and start wiping, dabbing, pinching, sniffing ..

nothing is working. at one point i tried to blow my nose to get the bloody clot snot wad out of my nose. thats when i took this pic.



i'm bleeding like a civ. i had to go back to get more tissue a few times. once i got it to stop a little i looked around and there was blood everywhere! it looked like a murder scene. better yet, like someone who just murdered someone went to clean himself up. Blood on the sink, on the floor, spattered inside the trash and on the toilet paper roll holder. it was a scene. at that point someone rattled the handle and knocked on the door.. "ooh sorry" they muttered from the other side of the door. if he only knew what was going on in here.

as time went on i thought about that dude and if he was waiting for me next to the door.. hearing me sniff like crazy and thinking i'm in there doing drugs. I looked back at the room and my mess and figured I'd need to clean up. Speculation of drug use and a bloody bathroom dont look good. I had thoughts of the BK manager chasing me down or calling the cops on me after i left. as i'm cleaning up i have to bend over to wipe the floor and my nose starts dripping bright red blood again. so now, i'm back to square one.. this time i don't trek across the room to the toilet paper and just use the rough recycled brown paper towels next to the sink. more of the same for at least 5 or more minutes. 5 minutes is a long time to be in a bathroom nursing a bloody nose.

i just tried to relax and breath slowly through my nose to dry the blood and start the clotting. finally, it stopped. it was still very sensitive if i sniffed hard or wiped it would bleed... but enough to get me out of there. I cleaned up again, carefull to not tilt my head down. cleaned up my face and mustache, filled my pockets with a wad of toilet paper and darted again, head down out to my car.

i contemplate just going back home but it seems to be pretty much done. So i hang a right on Concord Blvd. and go to trader joes anyway. my nose was red and raw tho, i was still all sweaty and visibly exhausted. i think the cashier there thought i was fucked up on drugs. i got my shit and went home.


my nose is still pretty fucking raw. i was burping up blood flavor for like 2 hours and felt light headed with a slight headache when i got home.

i wish i had pics of the bathroom. it was pretty savage.