Oct 15, 2007

Rita's cousin used to be really gay.

here's a nice monday morning chat i had with a fellow blogger and friend. thought it was worth posting.


rita: By the way . . . my dog loves Taco Bell, which is, you know, funny,cause she looks like the dog.
me: so does Piggy, which is, you know, funny,cause its made out of cat meat
rita: this is hilarious

rita: reading my cousin's blog....(he's getting married to a girl - you remember that, right?)

note: rita is from deep Georgia and her cousin has been a flaming homo for 31 years and suddenly found god and got saved. he's currently engaged to a woman. and for your sake you dont really have to read all the thick blocks of text. just skim and notice how annoyingly religious they are

rita: from his blog: hey everybody.....well we set a date and everything is coming together. The date is Oct 19, 2008 at Faith Community Church in Suck Creek, Tn ( i promise its a real place) (current Prayer) OH GOD, PLEASE KEEP MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS SAFE AS THEY TRAVEL BACK IN TIME(1972) just to come to my wedding LOLOLOLOLThe guest list keeps growing I think its up to 4,000 now LOLOLOL. She is related to EVERYONE here at least once LOLOLOLOL and some two or three times LOLOLOLOL j/k (current prayer) OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET THE BANJO MUSIC SCARE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AWAY

me: LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL j/k

me: (current prayer) OH GOD PLEASE DO NOT LET EVERYONE FIND OUT THAT I'M A FLAMING HOMO TRYING TO PASS

rita: how about "OH GOD, DON'T LET HER FIND OUT I SUCK COCK

me: OH GOD PLEASE LET HER HAVE A DILDO THAT I CAN USE IN SECRET
rita: ouch... I just fell out of the chair!

rita: OR POSSIBLY A BROTHER WITH QUESTIONABLE MASCULINITY

kirk: thats gonna be the name of my band now,
QUESTIONABLE MASCULINITY

its real. and it most defiantly sucks.

rita: ok, to understand all of the stuff he wrote in his blog, you have to read her rantings, I mean, er, her blog entries.
from her blog: I know I write about Rob alot on here but I can't help it I love him so much I think I fall even more deeply in love with him with every moment I spend with him I never knew how much you could love someone until I met Rob he is the love I have been waiting all my life for and I used to think he would never come but God blessed me and sent me the best man for me I could have never imagined how blessed I would be and God deserves all the glory and praise for bringing us together and if anyone doesn't believe that God doesnt send you someone that you have to go looking thats not so God will send you the right one for you if you remain faithful and trust in him and he will send you your soulmate maybe not as fast as you want him to but he will see when your ready and will send you the
(deep breath)
... the right one for you that he has made and designed just for you and I know because that is what he did for me and Rob he sent Rob to church where he used to attend and where I have attended all my life to find me for he works in mysterious but wonderful ways and he will give you your hearts desire if you remain faithful and in prayer I prayed for God to send me a godly man who would love me with his heart and soul and respect me and it would be a plus if he could sing and that is exactly what I got and Rob loves me so much and I him he makes me so happy and I love him with everything in me and look forward to sharing my life with him and thank you God for sending me the best one and only one for me you are truly an awesome God.


me: "I used to think he would never come" ... then i started putting my finger in his ass while we fucked and now he cums like a geyser

rita: So, here's a question. Here this girl is . . .praying her ass off ... a "true believer" and she is about to get royally dicked over. hmmmm, Does God work in mysterious ways? Is God leading me to tell her that Rob is a fag?

me: did you miss my totally funny and obscene joke?
rita: I laughed... while I was typing
me: thanks
rita: sure thing
me: i skimmed. that was a lot, but i get the gist..god sent her a gay dude trying to pass
rita: I know, I didnt intend for you to read it, just see the monotonous God worshiping
me: its horrible
rita: yep
me: makes her sound desperate
rita: well, yeah... dont forget stupid. don't forget, she IS from Suck Creek TN
me: oh yes, the irony is unmeasurable
rita: it is... almost unbearable in its hilarity AND its horridness
me: its like Rob spun a globe and picked that place. THIS IS WHERE I WILL FIND MY TRUE LOVE
rita: now what's REALLY funny is the picture she has on her profile. its her and Rob, their heads touching, and both looking so in love but Rob is holding up rabbit ears behind her head
me: what a fag. thats some of the devil he still has in him.
rita: (laughing) you sure you arent from TN?
me: lol
rita: that sounds EXACTLY like what one of my aunts would say, except maybe "That right thar . . . that's de DEBBIL, still in him STRONG . . ."
me: quick someone slip some holy water into his Cosmo!
rita: that's horrible, too

rita: oh, she's 20, by the way
me: and him?
rita: He's been a cocksucker for 31 years now. Ever since i've known him. I mean, he had the obligatory prom dates, etc
me: wow
rita: but we always knew he was gay. he was pretty much "out" in his early 20s
rita: he's tired of his family trying to exorcise him at reunions
me: why didnt he just move to california or something
rita: well, he did for a while but he came back. I guess he was homesick. or learned all the tricks he wanted, and came back home
me: thats not home sickness.. thats 3 quarts of man milk upsetting his stomach.
rita: damn, that is horrible
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