While you were brushing your teeth the other day...

While you were brushing your teeth the other day, some crazy ass shit happened all over the world.. here's just a couple fucking wacko things that were in the news today. (thanks Lauren)

this is not Lauren

As you reach for the toothpaste and roll your tounge along your teeth to feel the nights worth of grime this was going on.

Prosecutors said Isaiah Kinney, 43, held Floyd Simmons on the floor while an accomplice, Gloria Jones, repeatedly smashed Simmons’ head with a table leg at the victim’s East Orange home in January 2006.Kinney and Jones, 43, then dragged Simmons to the kitchen, removed the racks from a lit oven, and shoved him face-up inside

sure, why not? How does a situation even escalate to that level? table leg? OVEN? christalmighty

and when you were reaching for the mouthwash not really thinking about anything other than what pants you might wear.. this shit was happening..

A Mexican writer who practiced witchcraft and was working on a book called "Cannibal Instincts" fried and ate parts of his ex-girlfriend after strangling her.

Police burst into Jose Luis Calva's apartment last week to find a plate of fried human flesh on a dining table set with cutlery, officials said, adding that they found more flesh in the refrigerator and a cereal box contained human bones.

you just spit out your mouthwash and had no clue a dude was eating his ex-girlfriend. i like that he set the table and everything.. anything less would be uncivilized. "What do you think i am an animal?

Speaking of Animals... now your teeth are clean you go to put on that pair of pants you thought about a minute ago. Just as you get a little pissed when you find that those pants are at the bottom of the dirty laundry hamper, this craziness was transpiring.

Braddy drove the girl’s mother to a remote field, choked her to unconsciousness and left her to die. She woke up bleeding and disoriented, but managed to flag down help.

Braddy drove the girl to a section of Interstate 75 in the Everglades known as Alligator Alley and dropped her in the water beside the road. She was alive when alligators bit her on the head and stomach, a medical examiner said.

Authorities found the girl’s body two days later, her left arm missing and her skull crushed.

Aligators! holy fucking asshole! people are fucked.

I guess I'll just wear sweat pants today.

this is not Me (or Lauren)