Oct 31, 2007

Halloween.



So it's Halloween
And you feel like dancin'
And you feel like shinin'
And you feel like letting loose

Whatcha gonna be
Babe, you better know
And you better plan
Better plan all day

Better plan all week
Better plan all month
Better plan all year

You're dressed up like a clown
Putting on your act
It's the only time all year
You'll ever admit that

I can see your eyes
I can see your brain
Baby, nothing's changed
(repeat)

You're still hiding in a mask
You take your fun seriously
No, don't blow this year's chance
Tomorrow your mold goes back on

After Halloween

You go to work today
You'll go to work tomorrow
Shitfaced tonight
You'll brag about it for months

Remember what I did
Remember what I was
Back on Halloween

But what's in between
Where are your ideas
You sit around and dream
For next Halloween

Why not everyday
Are you so afraid
What will people say
(repeat)

After Halloween

Because your role is planned for you
There's nothing you can do
But stop and think it through
But what will the boss say to you

And what will your girlfriend say to you
And the people out on the street they might glare at you
And whadya know you're pretty self-conscious too

So you run back and stuff yourselves in rigid business costumes
Only at night to score is your leather uniform exhumed
Why don't you take your social regulations
And shove 'em up your ass


I fucking love Dead Kennedys!

Oct 29, 2007

Thizz or Die?

hmm, i think you should DIE!

Yesterday, after another session at the Martinez park, Jesse and I went to check out the new Benicia skate park. We got there early (opening time 9:00. I think its stupid to have it fenced in with set hours in the first place) to find a crowd of kids sitting outside a locked gate. thinking it was just the city park guy taking his time to open the park we walked the perimeter so he could check it out. Then I noticed that those fucking piece of shit wanna be gangsters tagged "THIZZ OR DIE" on one of the ramps. I'm all for good graffiti but gang tagging is retarded. especially when shit like the following happens..



I asked this dude if it was like this all the time where they lagged on unlocking the park. he told me that they weren't going to open it, probably not for a while .. or until they could have the graffiti cleaned up.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

the skate park is closed because some shitty taggers got in there with a spray can?

so stupid. rules and skate parks dont go together.. especially when the rules that actually matter (no bikes etc) are never enforced.

Graffiti is skateable... i'm not as much pissed at that. I mean yea THIZZ is pretty retarded and i hope they choke on breakfast and suffer alot and then die. but if i cant catch them.. fuck it. skate over it. but when it fucks shit up for everyone that sucks.. but i think im more pissed that they have this stupid unenforceable rule that ends up closing the whole park.. stupid knee jerk reaction to something, essentially harmless to skaters.

they just dont understand that when they close the park, the skaters will turn around and go to the nearest skate spot in town. Fuck up and piss off businesses in the neighborhood.

We ended up going downtown to skate at the ghost town that is the Old Benicia Skate Park. its pretty fun but very dated.

I suck anyway so it didn't really matter. brought back some old memories tho.

I hear they're tearing it out now that they got the new nanny park.
if it hasn't been thought of already someone should try to organize a big farewell skate jam there to say goodbye. lots of history in that park .

Speaking of stupid City decisions. Remember the stupid parking thing i posted a while ago?


well.. this morning i pulled into freshly repainted parking spaces. FACING THE RIGHT WAY!!! HA HA .. the people 1, city of emeryville 0. nothing more satisfying than the acknowledgment of a bad idea. and the subsequent rectifying of said bad idea.

Lunes Feliz

Oct 26, 2007

GM the green car company.

remember this post from way back?

Did i tell you i saw An Inconvenient Truth? its an interesting topic and all, but Al Gore can make an orgasm boring. Well, i think after you see that you should watch who killed the electric car.. then commit suicide. What it says basicly, is that in 50 years we'll all be under water and the electric cars, technology and legislation that could have helped stop it was halted, on purpose, so some assholes could get more rich.

what good is being rich when the planet is underwater you might ask? well with all that oil money they are going to buy moon mansions.

its pretty depressing.


I recently just started seeing GM/Chevy commercials where they tout that they are working on alternative fuel vehicles for the future. Futuristic new technology like all electric cars. wow i cant wait!!

But it's all pretty fucked up when you know that they had a fully functional and popular electric Saturn on the market in 1998. Which they discontinued and had destroyed to make way for the HUMMER. As if we wouldn't notice you bandwagon hopping pieces of shit.

2000-2007 the dark ages....way to take a huge step backwards for 8 years GM.

Officer Triglycerides

So I went in for a physical like a month ago. The doc said everything sounded cool but he wanted to do some pee and blood tests. so, as if i was at a kegger, I wrote my name on a plastic party cup and pissed in it.

Anyway he said "call monday for your results" and since nothing having to do with that fucking doctors office goes without incident, i called at like 11:00 and they werent in. nice hours assholes.

for another 2 weeks I kept forgetting to call and then this Monday i called, at like 9:00 to make sure those slackers were there. I called and a woman answered "Doctor Fuckface's office" I told her I needed some test results and the line was silent and then went dead. what the fuck?! so i called back and this time she answered "HELLO?!"with a snotty tone. I said "HELLO?!" back and then she said "Doctor Fuckface's office" but still kinda rude like.. so i told her again and pretty abruptly repied "The doctor isnt here. He's on vactation till wednesday... call back wednesday" and before i could even say thank you she hung up on me.

slutface! .. so i gave the good doctor an extra day and called back yesterday. She answers again "Doctor Fuckface's office" i told her my deal and said "ok please hold" then like 20 seconds later i hear her "are you still there?" then the doctors voice "are you on speaker phone?" i was like uuuh no... then i listened while he and the receptionist tried to figure out how to turn off speakerphone for like 2 minutes. are you fucking kidding me, what is this amateur hour?

finally, they figured it out. He said "hello kirk are you there?" and i had to switch gears from annoyed spectator to patient. He said everything looked good. but my Triglycerides are a little high. Now instead of doing what you'd think a doctor would do and suggest changing my diet and trying to cut out certain things and excercise more. Or what one website suggests.

  • keep an active lifestyle
  • eat a healthy diet low in saturated fats and trans fats
    • use lower fat dairy or cheese instead of regular version
    • trim visible fats from meats
    • cook with canola, olive or peanut oils (read The Best Cooking Oils?)
  • include high-fiber foods such as whole grains, oatmeal and fruits
  • limit sugar intake such as pop, Kool-aid, and other sweetened beverages
  • limit alcohol to maximum 1 drink a day
  • include Omega 3 -rich foods such as Salmon, Fish Oils and Flax seed
  • do not over-eat; watch portion size when eating out
  • keep a healthy weight. Use our BMI Calculator to find out if your weight falls within the healthy range.
Nah, ol Fuckface goes right to the pills.. the magic cure for all. he just says.. "Niacin. you can get it at any pharmacy over the counter with no prescription. Its with the vitamins. take one of these with dinner every night. that will help with your triglycerides. "

ok thanks doc. does this mean i can continue to eat McGriddles and shit just as long as I pop a Niacin with it? This sounds like Catholic Confession way of doctorin' .

I dunno about this guy. anyway, pictures were sparse this week but i drew drawings.








new gallery series.


SCORE.. Jeremy Fish limited run REAL deck.. in the bargain bin!


i set up this yellow deck for skatin'. (custom grip stenciling)

because this broke :(


his shirt said something funny. made more funny be him being a drunk fat hick in a bar full of 20 somethings"FATMAN" awesome.


la luna

Jim Phillps grenade shirt. score!


Officer Triglycerides





Seattle? maybe.


Oct 24, 2007

McFucked

So, as most of you know I like to indulge in a little McBreakfast on occasion. So one of my birthday gifts was a $10 Arch Card. If you dont know what an Arch card is you're probably more healthy than me. An Arch Card is what McDonalds calls their gift/purchase card.

I had this thing burning a hole in my pocket since Friday so i thought I'd use it. I stroll into my friendly hooker and crack-head ridden San Pablo Ave Mickey Dee's like i do most mornings to use my shiny new Arch Card.

I order what i usually do, a Sausage Egg and Cheese Mcgriddle meal with a large coffee.. or better known as the Number 10 Combo. "that will be $4.34 please" says the cashier. So then i proudly whip out my new Arch Card. He then replies.. "sorry we dont take that" WHAAAAAAATT???

YOU DONT TAKE MCDONALDS FUCKING GIFT CARDS? WTF YOU PIECE OF SHIT MCDONALDS???

"you dont?" i said confused and kind of irritated because i wasnt sure if i had cash or not. he then replies "yea i donno why"

ugh!@!! so i luckily had cash and paid for my shit. As I'm waiting i notice he's filling up a small coffee, when i ordered a large. Once he started to hand it to him i corrected him and he apologized and made it a large.

damn. So i get my shit and sip my coffee. I burnt my tongue. fuck! I drive the 2 blocks to my work, as the coffee spills out from under the defective lid the whole way. I finally get to work. get settled and open up my Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddle but theres a problem. Its missing Egg and Cheese. WHHAAAATTT THEEE FUCKKKKK ?!!!!!

usually that McDonalds is pretty on it. Maybe he was flustered by the embarassment of having to deny a regular customer the option of using a card, branded with McLogo's and that can ONLY be redeemed at a McDonalds. Maybe his mind was preoccupied at the fact that he forgot i ordered a Large coffee.

needless to say that my McMorning experience was pretty McFucked.

Oct 19, 2007

Happy Birthday!!!

Not to me.. well it IS my birthday but Mike and my Aunt are stealing my thunder. I got invited to Mikes 30th (which is the 21st) birthday party tonight.. on my actual birthday. thanks guys. then i got a call from my uncle saying were they're having a birthday party for... not me, no my Aunt Denise is turning 50 this week so I get to go to that too. Happy Birthday NOT to me.

here's some damn pictures.
















trying blogger's video thingy, here's what me drumming looks like to a small dog.

video

here's that song finished sort of. Dustin got in frame this time. soon we hope to have singing.

Oct 16, 2007

While you were brushing your teeth the other day...

While you were brushing your teeth the other day, some crazy ass shit happened all over the world.. here's just a couple fucking wacko things that were in the news today. (thanks Lauren)

this is not Lauren


As you reach for the toothpaste and roll your tounge along your teeth to feel the nights worth of grime this was going on.

Prosecutors said Isaiah Kinney, 43, held Floyd Simmons on the floor while an accomplice, Gloria Jones, repeatedly smashed Simmons’ head with a table leg at the victim’s East Orange home in January 2006.Kinney and Jones, 43, then dragged Simmons to the kitchen, removed the racks from a lit oven, and shoved him face-up inside

sure, why not? How does a situation even escalate to that level? table leg? OVEN? christalmighty

and when you were reaching for the mouthwash not really thinking about anything other than what pants you might wear.. this shit was happening..

A Mexican writer who practiced witchcraft and was working on a book called "Cannibal Instincts" fried and ate parts of his ex-girlfriend after strangling her.

Police burst into Jose Luis Calva's apartment last week to find a plate of fried human flesh on a dining table set with cutlery, officials said, adding that they found more flesh in the refrigerator and a cereal box contained human bones.

you just spit out your mouthwash and had no clue a dude was eating his ex-girlfriend. i like that he set the table and everything.. anything less would be uncivilized. "What do you think i am an animal?

Speaking of Animals... now your teeth are clean you go to put on that pair of pants you thought about a minute ago. Just as you get a little pissed when you find that those pants are at the bottom of the dirty laundry hamper, this craziness was transpiring.

Braddy drove the girl’s mother to a remote field, choked her to unconsciousness and left her to die. She woke up bleeding and disoriented, but managed to flag down help.

Braddy drove the girl to a section of Interstate 75 in the Everglades known as Alligator Alley and dropped her in the water beside the road. She was alive when alligators bit her on the head and stomach, a medical examiner said.

Authorities found the girl’s body two days later, her left arm missing and her skull crushed.

Aligators! holy fucking asshole! people are fucked.





I guess I'll just wear sweat pants today.
this is not Me (or Lauren)

Oct 15, 2007

Rita's cousin used to be really gay.

here's a nice monday morning chat i had with a fellow blogger and friend. thought it was worth posting.


rita: By the way . . . my dog loves Taco Bell, which is, you know, funny,cause she looks like the dog.
me: so does Piggy, which is, you know, funny,cause its made out of cat meat
rita: this is hilarious

rita: reading my cousin's blog....(he's getting married to a girl - you remember that, right?)

note: rita is from deep Georgia and her cousin has been a flaming homo for 31 years and suddenly found god and got saved. he's currently engaged to a woman. and for your sake you dont really have to read all the thick blocks of text. just skim and notice how annoyingly religious they are

rita: from his blog: hey everybody.....well we set a date and everything is coming together. The date is Oct 19, 2008 at Faith Community Church in Suck Creek, Tn ( i promise its a real place) (current Prayer) OH GOD, PLEASE KEEP MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS SAFE AS THEY TRAVEL BACK IN TIME(1972) just to come to my wedding LOLOLOLOLThe guest list keeps growing I think its up to 4,000 now LOLOLOL. She is related to EVERYONE here at least once LOLOLOLOL and some two or three times LOLOLOLOL j/k (current prayer) OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET THE BANJO MUSIC SCARE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AWAY

me: LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL j/k

me: (current prayer) OH GOD PLEASE DO NOT LET EVERYONE FIND OUT THAT I'M A FLAMING HOMO TRYING TO PASS

rita: how about "OH GOD, DON'T LET HER FIND OUT I SUCK COCK

me: OH GOD PLEASE LET HER HAVE A DILDO THAT I CAN USE IN SECRET
rita: ouch... I just fell out of the chair!

rita: OR POSSIBLY A BROTHER WITH QUESTIONABLE MASCULINITY

kirk: thats gonna be the name of my band now,
QUESTIONABLE MASCULINITY

its real. and it most defiantly sucks.

rita: ok, to understand all of the stuff he wrote in his blog, you have to read her rantings, I mean, er, her blog entries.
from her blog: I know I write about Rob alot on here but I can't help it I love him so much I think I fall even more deeply in love with him with every moment I spend with him I never knew how much you could love someone until I met Rob he is the love I have been waiting all my life for and I used to think he would never come but God blessed me and sent me the best man for me I could have never imagined how blessed I would be and God deserves all the glory and praise for bringing us together and if anyone doesn't believe that God doesnt send you someone that you have to go looking thats not so God will send you the right one for you if you remain faithful and trust in him and he will send you your soulmate maybe not as fast as you want him to but he will see when your ready and will send you the
(deep breath)
... the right one for you that he has made and designed just for you and I know because that is what he did for me and Rob he sent Rob to church where he used to attend and where I have attended all my life to find me for he works in mysterious but wonderful ways and he will give you your hearts desire if you remain faithful and in prayer I prayed for God to send me a godly man who would love me with his heart and soul and respect me and it would be a plus if he could sing and that is exactly what I got and Rob loves me so much and I him he makes me so happy and I love him with everything in me and look forward to sharing my life with him and thank you God for sending me the best one and only one for me you are truly an awesome God.


me: "I used to think he would never come" ... then i started putting my finger in his ass while we fucked and now he cums like a geyser

rita: So, here's a question. Here this girl is . . .praying her ass off ... a "true believer" and she is about to get royally dicked over. hmmmm, Does God work in mysterious ways? Is God leading me to tell her that Rob is a fag?

me: did you miss my totally funny and obscene joke?
rita: I laughed... while I was typing
me: thanks
rita: sure thing
me: i skimmed. that was a lot, but i get the gist..god sent her a gay dude trying to pass
rita: I know, I didnt intend for you to read it, just see the monotonous God worshiping
me: its horrible
rita: yep
me: makes her sound desperate
rita: well, yeah... dont forget stupid. don't forget, she IS from Suck Creek TN
me: oh yes, the irony is unmeasurable
rita: it is... almost unbearable in its hilarity AND its horridness
me: its like Rob spun a globe and picked that place. THIS IS WHERE I WILL FIND MY TRUE LOVE
rita: now what's REALLY funny is the picture she has on her profile. its her and Rob, their heads touching, and both looking so in love but Rob is holding up rabbit ears behind her head
me: what a fag. thats some of the devil he still has in him.
rita: (laughing) you sure you arent from TN?
me: lol
rita: that sounds EXACTLY like what one of my aunts would say, except maybe "That right thar . . . that's de DEBBIL, still in him STRONG . . ."
me: quick someone slip some holy water into his Cosmo!
rita: that's horrible, too

rita: oh, she's 20, by the way
me: and him?
rita: He's been a cocksucker for 31 years now. Ever since i've known him. I mean, he had the obligatory prom dates, etc
me: wow
rita: but we always knew he was gay. he was pretty much "out" in his early 20s
rita: he's tired of his family trying to exorcise him at reunions
me: why didnt he just move to california or something
rita: well, he did for a while but he came back. I guess he was homesick. or learned all the tricks he wanted, and came back home
me: thats not home sickness.. thats 3 quarts of man milk upsetting his stomach.
rita: damn, that is horrible

Oct 13, 2007

Vote for the noggins!

hey fucking shit, someone (anja) nominated us for a Bloggers Choice Award!
theres no way in hell I'll win but fuck it, here's the thingy to do the thing to vote or whatever.

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

so hey you dirty pieces of shit, show your support for the noggins while its still free.

Don't make me put a donation button up.

now that i've said that i've also been nominated for the Most Obnoxious Blogger category. I dont know if thats a good thing. if i cant win at being good i can try to win at being annoying.

My site was nominated for Most Obnoxious Blogger!