owch man/Happy New Year

ok so the numb wore off and I've been popping Advil since abou 4:00 yesterday. What hurts the most isnt the toothparts, its where he went to town on my back gums with the needle. Its all sore, thats something I didnt get on the top mouth work. Eating sucks now because I still have the hot & cold sensitive week old fillings on the upper left, a temporary crown on the upper right and these new "dont chew on that side of the mouth for about 24 hours" fillings on the bottom right.

rocksauce. well anyway, I'm flying to Phoenix tonite. My GF's dad and grandparents live down there. I hope it will be cool, but more that likely we'll be spending a lot of time in Sun City (retirement community) with her bigoted, male shovanist, cheap grandpa and her too-nice-to-be-married-to-that-guy, almost blind grandma. The last time we visited with them we went to breakfast and the whole time was calling our waiter Jose and calling him over in spanish. Trying to impress not only us, but the waiter. Wow, grandpa is biligual! Too bad the waiter was middle eastern, didnt speak a word of spanish and spoke english well enough. So as that embarrasment started to sink in, the bill comes. The night before he tried to weaz his way out of paying for the fairly expensive meal any way he could. So today, at IHOP, he gets all on his high horse, "I'll pay for this one". So even tho it was IHOP it was still a table of 8, and he pulls out his wallet to tip "Jose" and puts down five one dollar bills. You gotta be shitting me, what a son of a bitch. my GF's dad steps in and politley lets convinces him that "Jose" did a good job and he should tip at least the minimum 20%. what a douchebag. Funny enough, he was a teacher at my Juinior High. He was rumored to have jars of vaseline in his cabinets. Kids said he would read nudie mags inside his math books and jack off under his desk. but we were kids, now this guy is my semi-grandfather-in-law.


awesome! hopefully i will get a chance to visit my cousin while im down there. he's way into sports, which i'm not big into, but he's a friggin sports encyclopedia so, in a way, he's like a circus act and we can ask him questions and amaze friends at parites. He's schooling to be a Sports Journalist which is rad because he's doing something with it. He got an article published in the local paper already. fuck yea! His wife got tit implants. it was kinda wierd because everyone knew but didnt talk about it. Usually when someone spends a lot of money on something new you compliment them and comment on thier new whateveritis. But no one, especially me, can be like "hey nice new tits!" its wierd, so deep down she might be wondering if they look good. Personally I'm not a fan of fake tits. In my experience I've found that they only look good covered up. when they are out, the cheap strip club ones i saw anyway, look too round and hard. and when a chick was really flat pre-implant, she has this gross 3" flat boney gap non-cleavage thing going on. not to mention the scars.. ew the scars. ladies, natural, even if flat is always better. I hope my cousisns wife's are good tho, for his sake.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Dentist Burgers

I'm back from the dentist. Again. this was the first time I got bottom work done. (thats what she said) They have to get the needle in just the right spot and essentiall pour it into my jaw. unlike the top where you just poke me above the tooth they're gonna work on. so I'm numb, from the back of my throat through the right half of my tounge all the way to my chin and neck. I havent eaten today yet, so I stumbled into the SUBWAY thats inbetween the dentist and my office. I mumbled to them. "swhhat shoops thdo you hafth tothday" she looked at me with that "i know im not that great at english but what the fuck did you just say?" look. then i saw the sign. Chicken Noodle, "eeh" or Clam Chowder ... "gross, fuck that" so I stumbled back to work where I sit here and type this. Oh and I chickened out on the pictures this time. Dude my dentist kinda reminds me of Mr. Miyagi. He might go Karate Kid on me if snap one off.

OK now for the "burgers" part. no I didnt end up getting food. I'm still hungry, but afraid I might eat my tounge. I put burgers in the title of this because I thought the In & Out Fantasy Menu needed its own home. It's growing so fast, and its pretty good so i didnt want to lose it down the page. Check it out. http://fantasymenu.blogspot.com/ I gave the menu her own blog. So if you can come up with new fantasy In & Out stuff. head over there.

In & Out Fantasy Menu

I talked to my inside man at In & Out again today. He confirmed my secret menu list and pretty much shot down the Monkey Style and the Inside Out(which i'll get to later). He also informed
me of stuff the employees make for themselves that arent on the menu or the secret menu. So that got me thinking of other shit you could make, not neccesarily order, with the given ingredients.
I counted 10 but he informed me that they also have chopped Jalepenos.
So without further ado, I give you the In and Out Fantasy Menu.

get these two we already know of out of the way.
Monkey Style:
any burger with fries in it.
i know this was on there before but since its been denied, we'll put it in here.

"Inside Out"
this is any burger with the bun flipped around and grilled. to look and feel like sourdough.

And now for the shit me Jimbo and the In & Out dude made up.

"Dirty Sanchez" (kirk)
2 patties x 4 cheese with peppers and extra grilled onions on a burger with no lettuce.

"Hash Browns" (kirk)
fries smashed on the grill and grilled and then fried in the fryer.

"Brown Eye"(kirk)
Burger with "hash browns" in it.

"onion rings"(kirk)
deeo fried onions instead of grilled

"rodeo style"(kirk)
add onion rings to any burger

"mustard style" (kirk)
mustard cooked burger. with extra pickles and mustard. with lettuce.

"hot carl"(kirk)
mustard style with peppers.

"grandma's meatloaf" (kirk)
ketchup cooked patty with ketchup and grilled onions"

"Road Kill" (kirk and In & Out dude)
Animal Fries, with chopped pattie, covered in ketchup.

"Leather Style" (jimbo)
well done burger (possibly even burnt) and extra toasted bun

"LeatherFace"(jimbo/kirk)
leather style with ketchup and cheese (served with a knife)

"Spuds Macenzie"(kirk)
grilled cheese with fries

"Sloppy Joe" (kirk/In & Out dude)
Chopped up meat grilled onions and secret sauce.

"DIY style"(jimbo)
Everything on the side. Can be ordered with any burger

"The Twins" (jimbo)
A Double Double Split open and open faced. one patty and cheese on each half ot the bun

"big fish eats little fish"(jimbo)
double double with a regular cheese burger in between the Meat of the double double

"siamese twins"(kirk/jimbo)
the big fish/little fish served open faced

"the Tim Taylor" (kirk)
4 open packets of artificial sweetener served with plastic utensils and a straw.

"frogs on a pad" (jimbo)
A flying dutchman with pickles on top

"The Two Face" (jimbo)
A burger with everything on half, and nothing but burger and bun on the other

"heart attack special" (kirk)
5 x 10. 5 patties 10 cheese, 2 for each pattie. with extra mayo.

"guerra del corazón especial"(kirk)
heart attack special with peppers and onions

"BIG FOOT"(kirk)
4 X 4 animal style with peppers fries and no lettuce.

"cheese volcano burger" (jimbo)
a double double covered with 3 cheese slices and melted on the top of the bun.

"The Present"(jimbo)
fries wraped in a lettuce leaf with a tomato on top to hold the lettuce down

"sticks in the mud" (jimbo)
Frys with Chocolate shake on top (Dine-In Only)

"atkins sucks! style"(jimbo)
2 sets of (4) buns on any burger.

"The Poop Fry"(In & Out dude)
chopped up meat patty, chopped tomatoes + cheese, peppers and grilled onion on fries.
he said they make this.

"Sourdough Bacon Swiss" (kirk)
inside out toasted buns with one patty mustard cooked extra well done,
second patty med well. with mayonayse tomato and grilled onions.

"Hemmoroids"(kirk)
deep fried burger chunks with ketchup or strawberry syrup

"Lincon Logs" (jimbo)
4x4 with frys between each layer

"zombie fingers"(kirk)
french fries rolled in katchup then deep fried.

"twigs & berries"(kirk)
burnt patty chopped up with chopped up fries and grilled onions

"Swamp Style" (jimbo)
2- cheese burgers stuffed in a cup filled with Coke

"Monte Cristo" (kirk)
A double double with grilled onions deep fried, sprinkled with sweet & low and drizzled with strawberry shake syrup. (yum)

"beef and chips"(jimbo)
hamburger meat cut in to strips searved with fries.

"fish n chips"(jimbo/kirk)
beef and chips, with mayo on the beef and extra salt on the fries.

"turds" (kirk)
strips of burger deep fried served with condiments on the side for dipping.

"golden nuggets" (kirk)
a variation of turds. strips of burger coated heavily with mustard and deep fried. served with mustard.

"dead man's bed" (jimbo)
10x10 served on a bed of frys animal style

"ronald style" (kirk)
one patty, med. cheese ketchup, mustard, pickle and chopped raw onion.
smashed all together after its made

"the big mick" (kirk)
3 buns (on in the middle) 2 meat 2 cheese with secret sauce and mayo, chopped onions pickles and lettuce.
again, smashed all together after its made

"Fried Ice Cream" (kirk)
milk shake poured into a bed of toasted bun crumbs, rolled and flash deep fried. served in a small cup 1/4 filled with chilled strawberry shake syrup.

"chocolate cow-tail" (In & Out dude)
chocolate shake and coke (its pretty good)

"French Cocktail" (kirk)
any shake with french fries in it.

"Pina Colada" (kirk)
Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, and Orange soda with vanilla ice cream and 10 sweet & low packets

"the abortion" (kirk)
Strawberry soda with vanilla ice cream floating in it. like a rootbeer float but with strawberry soda (where available).

"Cremesicle" (kirk)
Orange soda with vanilla shake

"Sourpuss"(kirk)
lemon juice from the Ice Tea Lemons with ice and lemon zest.


ok thats it for today. thanks In and Out dude and Jimbo. If anyone else has any suggestions for the list please comment.
but keep in mind it has to be made from stuff they have at In & Out and prepared with methods avaliable on site.

i just came up with a couple more.

"The Quesadilla"(kirk)
just 3x cheese and peppers on a bun. smashed into the grill while cooking.

"the stay at home dad"(kirk)
2x cheese on an inside out bun, coated with mayo on the outside and toasted with chesse inside.

"the latch-key kid"(kirk)
cheese on bun, not melted.

"Gazpacho"(kirk)
vanilla milkshake with salt, ketchup and chopped tomatoes blended.

"Fondue" (kirk)
small cup filled with melted cheese. served with fries or cut up bun pieces.

"Time O' The Month" (kirk)
a double burger, no cheese, open faced with ketchup poured on top.
served covered with napkins.

"custard filled donut" (kirk)
2 top buns with middles carved out, filled with mayonaise and put back together.

"jelly filled donut" (kirk)
like the custard filled but with ketchup instead of mayo.

"lemon filled donut" (kirk)
like the custard filled but with mustard instead of mayo.

"onion dippers"(kirk)
thick raw uncooked onion wedges served with secret sauce for dipping.

"pickle dippers"(kirk)
whole raw pickles with sauce for dipping.

"yogourt with granola"(kirk)
small drink cup filled with mayo and extra well done fries and burnt beef pieces.

"mustard roll"(kirk)
lettuce leaves with mustard rolled up inside.

"baked potato"(kirk)
whole potato peeled & deep fried untill cooked. served split open with chopped onions and cheese and cooked burger pieces served in a paper wrapper.

"lemon merange pie"(kirk)
2 buns toasted. served in a fry container topped with mayo and mustard mixed drizzled with lemon juice.

"carrot sticks"(kirk)
raw uncooked fries soaked in ketchup rinsed and then served

"stinking apple" (kirk)
whole peeled uncooked onion.

"onion fries"(kirk)
onion cut into fries with the french fry thing and then deep fried

"BYOB"(kirk/In & Out dude)
'bring your own bacon' if you bring your own toppings, not just bacon they will put it on for you.(In & Out dude said its been done)

"the scab"(kirk)
plain patty ketchup cooked on top of mayo

"meat on hand"(kirk)
plain patty served into your hand. no wrapping.

"steak tar-tar"(kirk)
uncooked patty on a bed of lettuce and secret sauce.
(not FDA approved)

"for later"(kirk)
any of the standard menu items wrapped bagged and frozen ready for you to take home and reheat any time. just say "for later" when you order. for secret and fantasy menu items call ahead.

"Monkey Fries"(kirk)
potato cut into 4ths lengthwise soaked in mustard and fried.

"lobotomy"(kirk)
4x6 xtra toasted, animal style with peppers served cut in half with a fork. and a straw stuck in the top. suggested to BYOB on this one.



and from a new contributor (anyone can play!)

"Aunt Irma's toes"(rita)
Underdone fries with ketchup on the tips

"Ring toss"(rita)
Single burger all the way, impaled with tall fries, served with raw rings of onion.

"Mr Clean" (rita)
4 patties, plain, no top bun

"Strawberry Fields"(rita)
On the Sal with strawberry shake syrup

"The Pearl Necklace" (rita)
small cup with burger chunks, cheese, grilled onions with mayo on the rim

"The Santa Clause" (rita) kids menu
2x2 with accompanying boats of ketchup and mayo for deep dipping

"The Treasure Chest"(rita) kids menu
chopped grilled onions, "gold nuggets" and diced fries in a "chest" (2 fry boats)
comes with pirate hat*
*pirate hat is a paper In & Out hat

"Have A Nice Day Burger"(rita) kids menu
mustard cooked patty open faced with ketchup smiley

"The IceMan"(rita)
patties served atop ice in a fry boat

"USS Titanic"(kirk/rita)
a patty under ice water in a drink cup

"Macy's Day Parade" (rita)
paper lined serving tray with 5 patties in a row, dressed, with confetti breadcrumbs from the bun bag tossed over. Dine-In only.


PBJ:(rita)
(pickle bun juice) 2 patties soaked in pickle juice, then cooked med. with extra pickles, served on a toasted pickle soaked bun.

"Crimson and Clover"(rita)
plain burger, lettuce and ketchup only

"The Hand Grenade" (rita)
Whole peeled potato encased in large raw onion rings, deep fried and served with a boat of special sauce

"Jenna Jamison" (kirk/rita)
openfaced 2x2 with mayo squirted all over

"Prom Queen" (kirk/rita)
a Jenna Jamison with ketchup added.

"red wing special" (kirk/rita)
double burger open faced with a mound of ketchup hidden by fries in the middle of the two patties. served with extra napkins.

"The Short Bus"(rita)
10x10 with mayo

In & Out Secret Menu pt 2

First off, thanks for the comments, that's been my most popular blog post so far. Fucking pigs. Since you all seem to be so interested in the In & Out. I thought I'd post an update and share some info I found on the subject. Our good friend Jimbo, of whom I steal most of my ideas from lately, posted a link in the comments to a secret menu resource with a lot of good info on it. Turns out the registers at In & Out actually recognise some of the items. (now im just plajurizing)

Most of the ones we know are real. such as.
the numbered combos.. like 2 x 4 and 4 x 4. its basicly #meat X #cheese. you can even go up to 100 x 100
(check out the pics!)
pictured above the 20 x 20

we covered most of the other ones in the last post.
but heres a recap.

“Animal Style” Burger:
Mustard-cooked beef patty, additional pickles, extra secret sauce with grilled onions.

“Animal Style” Fries:
Fries with secret sauce, onions and cheese on top.

"Monkey Style" Burger:
this one hasnt been confirmed but supposedly its a burger with fries in it.
I just found out that this doesnt exist, but its fun to say so i'm leaving it on here.

“Protein Style” Burger:
Any burger you want on lettuce instead of the bun.

The Flying Dutchman:
Just 2 beef patties, 2 slices of cheese. Cheese on Meat. funny name, boring burger tho.
I wonder if this item came before or after the character on Spongebob

Grilled Cheese:
Cheeseburger, no meat.

Veggie Burger:
Not what youre thinking. remember they only have 10 ingredients, and Gardenbuger or Boca isnt one of them. Its just a Hamburger with no burger and double tomatoes. Very low-rent.

On The Sal:
basicly just the veggies. Like a Veggie Burger with no bun. If you order this they may or may not know what youre talking about. its supposed to be like a Salad. if you order this they should just reach over the counter and hit you for trying to order a salad at a place that will make and sell you 20 paties of beef with 20 slices of cheese on it.

Light Fries and Well-Done Fries:
pretty self explanitory. undercooked or overcooked
you can get your burger well done too. but i think health codes dont allow for undercooked meat.
sorry.

Extra Toast:
get your bun extra toasted.

Shake Combos:
such as Choco-Vanilla Swirl Shake, and Neopolitain. theres Root Beer Floats too. so maybe ask them to fuck with your shake by adding 7-up and shit.

Other than that, you can basicly get any combo of shit any way you want it usually. Just ask. They might say no, but they'll usually say yes. Like dude said in the last post, a guy brought in his own bacon for them to put on his burger. If they dont do what you want, punch them in the neck and go to Jack In The Box. They have so much shit you dont need a secret menu.

Jimbo Finds Gas Under $2.00!

My friend and fellow blogger Jimbo found a gas station with gas for under 2 bucks! (link to his story) Holy shit under $2!? could this be true.. pinch me, i must be dreaming.

Ok so yea some shit went down when the quarterly earnings came out a few months back thats showed the major Oil companies making record profits. Also someone leaked info about a secret meeting between top oil exects and dick cheney's controversial energy task force. And after all that the prices started to drop. mother fuckers got caught!
also like 20 gas stations in NY state were busted for Price gouging after Katrina. motherfuckers. What about those places in Atl. that had the shit at $6?

anyhoo, another strange thing that i've noticed lately is our Shell stations. Shell traditionally had the highest prices. easliy by at least 5-10 cents more than Kwikimart, and Vallero. suddenly after all this shit, its now the cheapest by similar margians. wtf? Shell, the cheapest? I'd always wondered why our gas, especially Shell was so much since thier refinery is in our fucking backyard. My dad always jokes about them just throwing a hose over the fence.

this whole "oil shortage" thing might just be bullshit anyway. Some scientists think that "oil is not a product of fossils and prehistoric forests but rather the bio-product of a continuing biochemical reaction below the earth's surface that is brought to attainable depths by the centrifugal forces of the earth's rotation."
basicly they think the earth makes oil naturally all the time and that its not from dinosaurs and doesnt take millions of years to produce. they think we're being lied to. so we have to do things like invade "oil rich" muslim countries, and raise prices due to shortages.

whatever, when's that water car coming out?
(link goes to a site i found that has instructions for turning your gas enging to run on water, fuck yea!)
more on the water engine here

Pez Loot

so i was saying, cool stuff i got. As some of you know im a casual collector of PEZ dispensers and other things PEZ. This year my wonderful girlfriend and finder of cool things PEZ got me some awesome PEZ loot. most noteworthy limited edition Mr. Bean PEZs. thanks babe!
(click the title above to see more of my collection!)

Christmashitapalooza

As I sit back and refect on this years Christmas (by reflect, I mean taking a crap) I count up all the cool shit I got and regret that I didn't get the shit I wanted. Since I didn't really ask for anything, I guess I just get disappointed that people didn't think of cooler shit to get me. (photos coming soon)

I was talking to some friends about their Christmas, and that even though we had Pizza for X-mas dinner this year, I realized... It could be worse. Their relatives went all GOD on them. What the fuck is up with that shit? One said her aunt made everyone sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. You gotta be shitting me. She said it was preceded by the story of the birth of Jesus, in case they weren't all up on it already. and the funny thing was that like the majority, if not everybody at the dinner didn't believe in Jesus, except for her aunt and her kid. And I was like, the kids were forced too. kids don't count... they HAVE to believe in Jesus or they get no XBoX for 2 days. I can hear the mom saying " if you don't believe in Jesus, I'm taking GTA Vice City back to Toys R Us" and you know they have that shit too, mom all into god and letting her kids play some GTA. anyway, my other friend ( yea I have more that one) told me his girlfriend's uncle (who's a real life Ned Flanders) read them some crazy "make sure to make time for Jesus" story. And he's like Ned Flanders, so he's like that all year round. It just gets worse on Christmas. Christmas is like the year-end-Jesus-Orgasm for them. Its like Christmasapalooza... Like Ozzfest for metalheads... or Halloween for goth nerds. Or when the new Star Wars or Buffy box set comes out for 45 yr olds that live with their parents.

I'm totally for freedom of religion... stop being a psycho about it.

Dental Adventure 2

ok so i had my second appointment to the dentist just now. Still numb. This time i got a crown. Have you ever reached over with your tounge and feel whats left of your tooth after they do thier grinding shit on it? nothing is left but a nub. It's insane. anyway, I tried to take pics but i didnt want the dentist to freak and drill my tounge so the pics are weak. For that i apologise in advance.

this first pic is of the X-Rays. weaksauce, i know.


this is me. Numbing. If i look apprehensive its because he didnt poke me with the novacaine needle as much as before. I like the novacaine. I dont even mind the pricking of the needle becuase I know it will be worth it when he's drilling to China on my toothnerves. So now I have a flimsy metal temporary molar (bling bling)thats gonna hurt something fierce when the numb wares off.


My next appointment is thursday. More fillings! soon i wont be able to use any part of my mouth.

Then in Jan I get to go to the oral surgeon (he he you said oral) so i can get a heads up on how much getting my wisdom teeth pulled out is going to suck. yay i cant wait

more pics next time, i promise.

if all this dentist talk has made you uncomfortable, check out my dog George dressed up like RUN-DMC.

santa update.

i got a leather travel set with nail clippers and tweezers from a chinese guy.

secret satan

so its the office religious insensitivity christmas party. Today i get to meet coworkers i barley know's family members and pretend to like them. then the secret santa gift exchange.

marc, i pulled your name out of a hat. I dont know you that well, so you'll either be getting $20 worth of Scratchers, or a $20 gift card for Starbucks. You dont seem like much of a Latte drinker, so youre getting Lottery tickets ...good luck.

at least we get free lunch.
ho ho freakin ho.

Level 5 Burger Wrapper

a while back I was talking to a friend of mine and turns out he works at In and Out Burger, he was bragging about how he just got sent to open a new store in Lodi. Lodi is a piece of shit i dont know why he was bragging. but it gave me the impression he had some kind of managment position there so i asked him if he could do me a favor. I wanted him to tell whoever he could to consider adding bacon and onion rings to thier menu. He said he'd ask. I talked to him again today and this is our conversation. We get to the bottom of all the secret menu items, and what really goes into an In and Out burger. It's kinda usless and we both overuse the "lol" abbreviation.



enjoy.
me: so how'd the bacon and onion rings question go over?
him: very well, i still have a job, even though i shouldnt lol
me: ooh, so did they consider it? .. the bacon and onion rings? that would seriously make my day
him: they hated that idea
me fuck, that sucks. hey also, could you find out if the rumors of them building a new In & Out in Pleasant Hill next to BestBuy, are true? is that information you'd be privy to?
him: the next openings are temecula and industrial city, ill ask about pleasant hill
me: temecula is a strip-mall in the desert.
me: whats your job title again?
him: level 5 boardperson
me: whats that mean? do you have to wear a tie and shit?
him: i wrap all the burgers
me: lol
him: so, no lol. it goes level 1-6..(6 being a cook) level 7 is part time managment and then it goes 4th manager 3rd, 2nd, and head manager
me: ha ha! didnt you say you were important.. not to say wrapping burgers isnt important.. but they made you go somewhere to open a new store
him: yeah cuz im a fast and efficient worker
me: oh damn, you made it sound like you were big time.
him: its really easy to tell who is good at their jobs... and who isnt
him: but bacon sounds pretty good right now
me: bacon, hell yea!
me: thats a sign this country is going to the shitter...when there are bad burger wrappers.
him: lol there have always been bad burger wrappers man... SINCE THERE WAS MAN... THERE WAS THE BAD BURGER WRAPPER MAN.
me: lol
him: the polotics at In n out are rediculous though. everything is about reputation
me: that would be a good cartoon. monkeys with burgers and wrapping.. one thats fucking it all up and 2 other ones doing it perfect looking at him and shaking thier heads
him: lol, that would be the greatest
me: "A MOST monkey's could do it"
him: the art of wrapping the purfect burger lol. ya know, i could teach u kirk
me: i could wrap a fucking burger.. hey,: is there an In and Out Olympics?
him: its tough when the cook is running 4 rows of 6-8 meat patties on you. that means that the burgers are coming off every minute so you have one minute to make 6-8 bottoms the way everyone wants it. its hella stressfull
me: damn. Nevermind, maybe i couldnt. i cant handle that kind of stress. its a crazy fast food world
me: so what are all the secret ways to order shit?
how much crap can you create with 4 ingredients?
him: there are tons of ingredients man, they're just not on the menu
me: everything except bacon!
him: we have a guy that comes in every week who brings his own bacon and shit for his burger
me: lol that fucking rules!!!!
him: lol
me: so what are the secret menu items
him: you can get grilled onions on your burger
me: lol weak. they ask you that when you order. I'm talking about the secret ones, like the 4X4 and Animal Fries and shit.
him: you can get animal style (grilled onion, pickle, extra spread, mustard fried into the patty)
me: mustard fried into the patty!? fuck yea
him: its dope
me: ok what else is there
him: ummmmm.... animal fry is 2 pieces of cheese, grilled onion and spread on them
me: oh.. thats what i thought
him: u can get katsup or mustard on shit instead of spread.
me: you want me to stop talking about your job?
him: lol i dont care man, i love my job
me: i dont mind the spread.. just happy they dont drench it in mayo. wtf is that shit. wendy's is famous for that shit. then if you say subsitute mustard they put a midget penis squirt of it in the middle of the bun.
him: lol... u can order your burger med-rare, or get ur bun xtra toasted or lightly toasted. you can get ur fries and ur burger well done
me: so far total ingredients include:
katsup,mustard, spread (which may just be the two mixed), bun, cheese, pickle, onion, & burger. thats like 8
dumbdrum611: oh yea potato. which i assume only comes in fry form
him: yeah thats pretty much it. oh and theres lettuce.
me: so 10. thats more than 4 but its still not that much stuff to make all the different things out of.
me: i thought there were more secret menu shit
him: oh yeah... u can get a flying dutchman, a veggie burger, and a grilled cheese... the condoments a limited but we still have a lot of options
me: flying dutchman.. lol whats that?
him: its a double-double with no bun or anything with just mustard meat and cheese
me: lettuce? lol
him: oh yeah, u can get protein style too
me: most places call that the "low carb burger"
him: no there isnt even lettuce on the flying dutchman
me: a veggie burger? you actually have veggie patties? or is it a cheap way to say cheese burger with no cheese or meat.
him: lol yeah, you can make any of the burgers you would order "protein style" which is low carb
me: ha ha figures. in and out is kind of hooptie.
him: nah not at all
me1: the menu sign should say we have 10 ingredients, combine them any way you want. (it's fun!)
him: lol ... its 10xs better of a product than mcdonalds or any other place for that matter
me: but mcdonalds sacrifices quality for quantity.. sometimes i want variety.. at any cost
me: on the variety tip, Jack In the Box has the most shit.
him: well quality is what the company is all about, and they wont sacrifice quality for anything. they're the Schnyders
me: Schnyders? the guys with the Fez's that ride around on mo-peds and go-carts?
FOXDirtBag: ha ha, no the family that owns In and Out.
me: oh.. i was thinking of the Shriners.
dumbdrum611: i saw some shriners at a mall in portland once. i got my pic taken with one of them.. i wish i had that pic.
him: right on.

since sliced bread

Sliced Bread, meet Ad Block
If youre not using Mozilla Firefox, you should be, and if you are using it, get this wonder extension known as AdBlock. I dont know how it works or what it does or even how to use it. but let me tell you, it works. I went to myspace, i figured would be a good test since that site has been a fucking commercial for bullshit. It took 2 seconds to load. (usually takes for-ev-er) People have said it has problems, but for me, so far, so good.

ads... gone. thank you.

No Shit.

3/4 of Americans believe the rich get richer while the poor get poorer, according to a Harris Interactive poll released in early December. This number is up from 68 percent in 2004. Unfortunately, these perceptions are largely correct. Earlier this year, the Census Bureau released some statistics that attest to huge income disparities between the rich and the poor.

thanks to Numeric Life Blog for the heads up.

new look

look!

UPS tracking mystery

I bought something on Amazon.com for the first time last week. (yay me!) they said it would be delivered today, so this morning i used the Tracking number to track the shipment. i found something strange.
look at this.
Now, is it just me or does it look like it got here a: the same day it left Kentucky, and b: they let it sit in a wherehouse for 3 days? Mind you, I payed for 3 day shipping. Did they let it sit there just so it would get there as late as they possibly could let it? I know Next-Day, even Same-Day shipping is possible, but if its gonna get here overnight anyway, why make me wait? Just because i didnt pay for it? So as i sit there and stew, I went to the UPS site and tracked it. Their page said it was gonna be here tomorrow, not today as Amazon promised. So now I'm really confused and pissed that they'd not only have it and hold it, but have it and say it might not even get there when they said!
As I search the UPS Glossary for "Arrival Scan" and "Destination Scan" the recieving guy here at my work drops a package on my desk. Hoorraahh! it arrived! but not according to Amazon or UPS. They both still say "In Transit" fucking shit.

happy birthday jesus.

learn to drive moran!

oh, the holidays... when the streets are filled with people who dont commute. It's such a wonderful time.

Being a commuter, you sorta get to know the unwritten rules of the road. I'm not gonna go into it here, but if you drive to work everyday during rush hour, you know the drill. Unfortunatly there are many who do not. And its these assholes that make driving home from work this time of year a living hell.
It can be compared to driving near an elementry school at 3:00. Fucking soccer moms think they
own the road. Bitch you don't own shit, you drive 20 minutes all week, to pick up kids, and get hot-pockets. So now you got a bunch of assholes taking up my lanes and not following the rules.

add that to my list of reasons i hate christmas.

Sweet Lovin'

the award for best product of 2005 is...


gotta love the Dollar Tree for having shit like this. Knock-off Douche for $1.00. just when you think it doesnt get any better than that, they go and name it "Sweet Love" and put a 16 yr old girl on the box.
oh, and before i forget. here's the runner up.

you know when you go to a mexican resturant they always have those large jars of mystery liquid they serve with a ladle? the milky white shit is a mexican wonder known as Horchata.

"In Mexico, it is a rice based beverage in Mexican cuisine. While the drink is usually white and "milky" it can be made dairy-free through the use of blanched almonds, though some recipes call for milk. Other ingredientscinnamon, and vanilla or lime."(wikepedia)

Personally, I love the stuff. But in 3 Liter, Shasta soda form? im not so sure.
Only at the DollarTree!

dentist part 1

i just got back from the dentist. I'm all numb from my nose to my lips. i got some fillings. it didnt even hurt, my dentist is rad. I almost fell asleep.

i know most of you dont care but next time i'm gonna try to take pictures.

for a little backstory on my mouth, i refer you to this.

End of the World Part 2

dude tornado warnings for Marin and SF? wtf?

"if you hear thunder youre close enough to get struck by lightning"

seriously, end of the world shit.





and if you're counting, this is the second
time i've used this image in a blog.

Kirk vs Nature and Machine - at the same time!

well, my friends. I changed out a power steering pump in a 97 Chevy Tahoe today. In the cold-ass rainy fogginess. I feel like a man! A man with wet, greasy clothes on and dirty, numb hands.

... and it works!

wine, crackers and schmooze

i just got back from the Shakey Hand Gallery thing. It was pretty cool, i ran into some people i hadnt seen in a while, talked to some artists, some of which had cool art there. I wish i could remember thier names. oh well, the cool thing is I sold a painting! This lady who, turns out was the den mother of my Cub Scout troupe bought my Nick Nolte Painting. crazy, so she tells me, she got it because she "loves" Nick Nolte and that she wanted it to remind her son of what can happen if you fuck up. she didnt say fuck up but basicly. in a mom sorta way.

so everyone, say goodbye to Nick.

Lethal Weapon 12

mel gibson tapped to star as Saddam in the
Saddam Hussien Story slated for a dec 07 release.

end of the world

there was a 3.5 earthquake in Hercules this morning.

...and so it begins.

you go PG&E worker

I took this on my way to work yesterday...enjoy.

Shameless Self Promotion

The time has come people! the Shakey Hand Gallery who has been showing a handful of my work, is having an artist reception tomorrow night Dec 16th from 5-7 pm!

they are located at 810 Main St. in Martinez. if you ever wanted to buy my crap, this is your chance because the art IS for sale! also i will be showing some new stuff for that night.
come by if your in the area

dont fuck with the classics

Dorito's just came out with a new flavor, seems they too have jumped on the Chipotle bandwagon. It's like some marketing team went into the deep rain forrests of mexico and discovered this new ingredient... everyone and thier mother is adding a Chipotle flavored item to thier lineup. from Zesty Chipotle Mayo, ranch and dressing to Chipotle chips, soup and burrito's. Shit, there's even a resturant called Chipotle. what the fuck is a Chipotle you ask? well other than a new way to say "mexican style" its actually "A ripe jalapeño pepper that has been dried and smoked for use in cooking." (thanks dictionary.com!) so its a fucking Jalepeño.

Now these new menu items and flavors might be ok for a while but when all the "Limited Time Only" shit makes way for a new way to say Jalepeño, youre left with the classics. the stand by's that have lasted the years. No matter how many ways you change Dorito's, Nacho Cheese is still the best. when this Ranch craze i've boycotted since somewhere in the late 80's ends, we'll all be going for the good ol' red bag again.

lol remember a few years ago when everything had to be "EXTREME"

I'ts like this at most fast food places too... Taco Bell is my favorite example. They keep adding shit and changing shit and putting new twists on thier menu. But when it comes down to it, I still like the Crunchy Tacos and Bean Burritos... the classics. McDonalds is the same way. When i go there, i dont fuck with the Select Chicken Whatevers.. its good ol' cheeseburgers and fries. I've admittedly fell in love with the McGriddles but when those fade, the standard EggMcMuffin will always be there and never dissapoint.

So yea, dont fuck with the classics.

jesus fucking christ!

i just saw a bumper sticker that said "KEEP CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS" thats all fine and dandy... but hey assfuck christian... KEEP CHRISTMAS OUT OF MY GOD DAMN DECEMBER! seriously.. i cant go on enough about how, even though trees and shit are pagan icons, and that there are other fucking religions besides yours... fuckin upity christians think they own the month of December.. and if you've read my shit before you'd know Christmas started on Oct. 32nd this year.
one blog, UNDER DOG with liberty and commercialism for all.

Welcome to my noggin Part 2

I spent all day fucking with the template thing on here and ended up with this. CSS is some confusing ass shit if you dont know what your doing.

Not much new to say other than, once this thing gets rolling i'll be able to finally stop blogging on myspace. the only thing about that is that theres a helluvalotta people on there. mostly jackoffs but some are cool.

thanks for visiting.
enjoy my soggy noggins

welcome to my noggin. Part 1

testies.... testies, 1, 2 ...3?
trying to ween my shit off myspace.

GO!