Jan 18, 2008

SATAN!!

this started out as a reply about going to skate on Saturday. whats kind of funny is at the same time i was haveing a really deep conversation about religion and god with a southern baptist.



...i'll be there at 8:00.. but not for long.

i have a goat sacrifice to be at around 9:30. i have to Scotchguard my robes before i go.. that blood and goat shit is a bitch to get out..

see, what they dont put on the brochure is that when you disembowel a goat, even tho the shit comes out of their asses in convenient pellets, its all gross and shitty inside the intestines and it gets fucking everywhere.

Satanism is a tough gig.

see you all saturday. I'll have my ceremonial daggers and shit in the car if you want to see them.


someone said
Is there going to be a webcast of the goat sacrifice though? Maybe I can tune in for that?

no way dude they're really strict about cameras. one time i took a pic of this cool statue near the entrance for my photoblog and they totally freaked out. there was a thing on youtube some guy caught but they took it down like the next day.

satanists dont fuck around man. thats why i gotta leave early, if youre late they get hella pissed too. i'm just a novice in thier clan so if i fuck up i have to clean up after. Clean up duty sucks big time. This other guy Ben that goes, was late one day and then his phone rang in the middle of the blood rites and the shit hit the fan!

He was on goat shit and blood clean up duty for like 3 days. Anyway, Ben is there like an hour early every week now.

he's the one that clued me in on the Scotchguard trick.


then i got this on IM
friend: whats w/ the satanic posts all of a sudden
me: i dunno its funny
me: i dont think ben's gonna last, he didnt show up last sat. his job makes him work overtime and saturdays... and its hard to use religion for a reason to take off work when you're a satanist

friend: maybe ill join, are there fees? do i get a uniform or buttons and stickers at least
me: theres an initial fee of $250 plus your robes and daggers
do i get a uniform or buttons and stickers at least: fuck that! thats not right... its a recognized religion.
me: it is.. but a lot of employers look down on it since its satanic and all.
friend:hey i wanna see a pic of u in ur gear.

me: dude i told you no pics allowed
friend: c'mon its just me
me: its considered disrespectful to the dark lord and our high leader to wear your gear outside the temple. if you wanna come, we're allowed guests one time for free.. but only after we pass the 3rd ring. i'm on the second now. i need 5 more goat sacrifices in my name.. to get it in my name i have to do a series of chants and rites to the dark lord. its intense man.
friend: and they dont mind the beard?
me: no the robes have hoods and we wear masks, but the masks stay at the temple.. or with the leader guy. theres only 12 masks and they only have 12 people in the ceremony at a time. its a goat skull mask.
friend: i picture u as the "peter griffin" of satanists..just for the homies and the beers afterwards
me: lol probably. theres another guy who's hella fat and hella dorky. he always tries to get me to come to his D&D sessions at his apt.
friend: 12 is a bad #? i was thinkin 3 groups of 6
me: Its 3 groups of 3 making 9 the actual number of the beast. and the 4th group of 3, is people in the highest ring and the leader. when youre in the 9th ring youre supposed to be able to channel demons and shit. its pretty cool
friend: demons are pussy shit

me: Gwen, one of the higher ups made a cup move when channelling the demon called Zuzza. Zuzza is one of the easier demons to channel and isnt as active as some of the other ones.. thats the demon we start out with to develop our skills. One time i got the Zuzza chants off the internet and tried to do it myself at home but i dont have friend: that figures. it takes dedication and discipline to reach that skill level..even to channel a pussy one
me: if you go dont tell Josh, the leader dude that i did that or i'll be fucked. goat shit and blood clean up for sure
friend: eh..im no rat
me: awesome! he can do some really fucked up shit he channeled Maseck demon once and the whole room shook.
friend: wheres the cool shit
me: what cool shit? you dont get any real cool shit until you go to the Dark Lord Headquarters in Italy. i've heard they can do darth vader type shit and the supreme earth lord that runs the place is like 300 years old.
friend: wow!
me: yea crazy
friend: Link to a gif of dude in Fight Club punching himself
this is what demons do
me: thats a movie.. but yea i've heard of that
friend: yes its fightclub i think
me: josh said he went to a sacrifice ceremony as a guest when he was on vacation in Boston and saw a dude doing that. i guess he was trying to summon Zuzza for the first time and a more violent demon came through. he didnt have the skills to control it
friend: thas what rookies get for reading "channeling for dummies"
me: nah he was just really weak. i guess Zuzza is pretty weak sometimes too and can get overpowered. its really rare tho. they say never to channel Zuzza when its a full moon or if any of the women in the clan are mensturating.


HAIL SATAN!! (pretend like)



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