Cream Soda?!

Here at work we have these weird snack/soda machines. snacks on the outside, soda on the inside. it doesnt take $1 bills so that in itself is frustrating.. but soda's are 85 cents or whatever and you have to put the coins in little slots. the dimes are a bitch..

hey whatta ya know? i found a video demo for one of these lame machines.


Anyway, I didnt feel like getting a Diet Coke, again so I opened the other machine and saw that they had DAD's Old Fashioned. I thought "i havent had DAD's root beer in a while, i'll check it out"

Most of you know I'm kind of a root beer nerd and like to try as many as i can when i get the chance. A friend is having a "Beer Tasting Party" for her birthday on Saturday and she told me I could bring Root Beer. the only rule is you have to bring something you've never tried. Thats tough for me since last year meg got me like every root beer they have at BevMo and i'm spoiled now. I have a feeling i'm gonna be stuck bringing a root beer i wont like... something like K-Mart Root Beer or something that i never tried because i knew it would suck. anyone got any suggestions?



Back to the machine.. so surprisingly the DAD's is only 75 cents.. no dimes or nickels required. cool. so i put my quarters in and turn the crank... clunk... Cream Soda?
what the hell? talk about false advertisement! It was, at least Dad's Cream Soda, but if your gonna not specify on the machine label.. people will assume its the more commonly known default .. Dad's ROOT BEER.

So now i have this fucking Cream Soda that i hate. Right after Ginger Beer, It's gotta be the grossest of all sodas.

yea, i call it "soda", what do you call it?
pop, cola, coke, soda
(thats one of my top visited blog posts by the way)

Do You Have Any Idea What Time It Is?

Last night we decided to get food from the Taco Truck. The Taco truck in the Ace Hardware parking lot is like famous around here. They've been there forever and have always been consistent and fairly cheap. Apparently they've started putting queso in their burritos. Kirk and cheese dont get along but it tasted extra bueno.

Fast forward to a few hours later. Meg and I are watching Celebrity Rehab. wow. Those jerks should just be steamrolled into a hole and paved over. anyway, So we're watching TV and i just keep farting. all night the stinkiest rippers ever. and they're hot too.

Fast Forward to this morning. I get to work at 7:00..shortly after i get settled in my stomach is punching me from the inside. I decide that I needed to hit the toilet.

For some reason the heater works like 1000 times more in the mens room. So, its like 85° in there. The smell coming from below my ass is somehow displacing every breathable oxygen molecule in there and the heat is chemically accelerating the stench. On top of that the spice from the salsa, i hadn't felt since it was on my lips and tongue the night before is now burning my asshole.

Finally, i finish shitting and waddle my stinging asshole back to my desk..

7:28 rolls around and the phone here starts to ring

i've been instructed to NOT answer the phone unless i really want to because we dont officially open till 8. but if it rings twice in a row i figure it might be important. Then, the phone rang again. 'dammit' ... so i answered it.

It was none other than the calm, collected and recorded voice of Barak Obama!


look, i get it. Our primary is coming up. but unless you want people to vote for Hilary out of spite.. don't call California at 7:30 in the god damn morning!

This is also a business phone number. Isn't that like separation of church and state or something? separation of political affiliation and place of business?

i hate answering the phone.. especially with a nasty case of hot-ring.

Happy friggin Monday.

whats that? did you say it was Friday?

hellz yea. you know what? fuck this rain right in its rainy little asshole.

here's some pics.. but first notice the little "back to top" link at the bottom of my page. i cant believe i've gone this long without it. why didnt any of you complain?

oh well...

traffic, awesome!

first graphics job of 08.. stoked

part of a rad care package i got from another cool artist
more on that later...

HOLY WORDFIND BATMAN!

nothing says romance like the Ramada in Modesto.
this came over the Fax at work. lol fucking modesto? you want a divorce?

more stuff from the care package
yea doll parts, random.

looks like she ate Jenny Craig.

Bracket, Blacket.. Tomayto Tomahto...

we got our cat a catnip scratcher thing so he'd stop shredding the carpet.. well it works.

...a little too well. he's fucking addicted to the shit. he didnt get off that thing for like a week. he'll walk away, then look back and wait a second.. then go back scratch it a little then lay on it.

Hi, my name is Piglet, and I'm a catnip addict.

bad idea # 45,351

couple more pics of my car. yes, im a dork.

she got washed and waxed sunday.. its rained every day since!

have good weekend. its supposed to flood around here. fuck you rain.

2008 Sucks.

i haven't created one piece of art thats worth a shit.

I have no freelance art/graphics jobs lined up.

the gallery where I had all my art on display, closed down.

I haven't sold a skateboard.

I haven't touched a paint brush.

I've had a cold since new years eve.

Meg's going to Law school and quitting her job.

I'm gonna be picking up the slack financially.

I fall when i skate, my body hurts.

I was up late doing homework. more of that in '08

among other things.. 2008 sucks.

FUCK

2008 aint so great.

SATAN!!

this started out as a reply about going to skate on Saturday. whats kind of funny is at the same time i was haveing a really deep conversation about religion and god with a southern baptist.



...i'll be there at 8:00.. but not for long.

i have a goat sacrifice to be at around 9:30. i have to Scotchguard my robes before i go.. that blood and goat shit is a bitch to get out..

see, what they dont put on the brochure is that when you disembowel a goat, even tho the shit comes out of their asses in convenient pellets, its all gross and shitty inside the intestines and it gets fucking everywhere.

Satanism is a tough gig.

see you all saturday. I'll have my ceremonial daggers and shit in the car if you want to see them.


someone said
Is there going to be a webcast of the goat sacrifice though? Maybe I can tune in for that?

no way dude they're really strict about cameras. one time i took a pic of this cool statue near the entrance for my photoblog and they totally freaked out. there was a thing on youtube some guy caught but they took it down like the next day.

satanists dont fuck around man. thats why i gotta leave early, if youre late they get hella pissed too. i'm just a novice in thier clan so if i fuck up i have to clean up after. Clean up duty sucks big time. This other guy Ben that goes, was late one day and then his phone rang in the middle of the blood rites and the shit hit the fan!

He was on goat shit and blood clean up duty for like 3 days. Anyway, Ben is there like an hour early every week now.

he's the one that clued me in on the Scotchguard trick.


then i got this on IM
friend: whats w/ the satanic posts all of a sudden
me: i dunno its funny
me: i dont think ben's gonna last, he didnt show up last sat. his job makes him work overtime and saturdays... and its hard to use religion for a reason to take off work when you're a satanist

friend: maybe ill join, are there fees? do i get a uniform or buttons and stickers at least
me: theres an initial fee of $250 plus your robes and daggers
do i get a uniform or buttons and stickers at least: fuck that! thats not right... its a recognized religion.
me: it is.. but a lot of employers look down on it since its satanic and all.
friend:hey i wanna see a pic of u in ur gear.

me: dude i told you no pics allowed
friend: c'mon its just me
me: its considered disrespectful to the dark lord and our high leader to wear your gear outside the temple. if you wanna come, we're allowed guests one time for free.. but only after we pass the 3rd ring. i'm on the second now. i need 5 more goat sacrifices in my name.. to get it in my name i have to do a series of chants and rites to the dark lord. its intense man.
friend: and they dont mind the beard?
me: no the robes have hoods and we wear masks, but the masks stay at the temple.. or with the leader guy. theres only 12 masks and they only have 12 people in the ceremony at a time. its a goat skull mask.
friend: i picture u as the "peter griffin" of satanists..just for the homies and the beers afterwards
me: lol probably. theres another guy who's hella fat and hella dorky. he always tries to get me to come to his D&D sessions at his apt.
friend: 12 is a bad #? i was thinkin 3 groups of 6
me: Its 3 groups of 3 making 9 the actual number of the beast. and the 4th group of 3, is people in the highest ring and the leader. when youre in the 9th ring youre supposed to be able to channel demons and shit. its pretty cool
friend: demons are pussy shit

me: Gwen, one of the higher ups made a cup move when channelling the demon called Zuzza. Zuzza is one of the easier demons to channel and isnt as active as some of the other ones.. thats the demon we start out with to develop our skills. One time i got the Zuzza chants off the internet and tried to do it myself at home but i dont have friend: that figures. it takes dedication and discipline to reach that skill level..even to channel a pussy one
me: if you go dont tell Josh, the leader dude that i did that or i'll be fucked. goat shit and blood clean up for sure
friend: eh..im no rat
me: awesome! he can do some really fucked up shit he channeled Maseck demon once and the whole room shook.
friend: wheres the cool shit
me: what cool shit? you dont get any real cool shit until you go to the Dark Lord Headquarters in Italy. i've heard they can do darth vader type shit and the supreme earth lord that runs the place is like 300 years old.
friend: wow!
me: yea crazy
friend: Link to a gif of dude in Fight Club punching himself
this is what demons do
me: thats a movie.. but yea i've heard of that
friend: yes its fightclub i think
me: josh said he went to a sacrifice ceremony as a guest when he was on vacation in Boston and saw a dude doing that. i guess he was trying to summon Zuzza for the first time and a more violent demon came through. he didnt have the skills to control it
friend: thas what rookies get for reading "channeling for dummies"
me: nah he was just really weak. i guess Zuzza is pretty weak sometimes too and can get overpowered. its really rare tho. they say never to channel Zuzza when its a full moon or if any of the women in the clan are mensturating.


HAIL SATAN!! (pretend like)

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am...

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
-Richard Gere

oh, its ok Richard. I say Mothman Prophecies made up for all the Gerbil shit.

ok, on with the photofridayathon!

chug chug chug

ok so here's whats'erfaces pink hello kitty cubicle. its worse in real life.

nice tit steph.

hella foggy the other day.

i gots my 7" creamstyles on. back up, they's fragile.

car update.. here's black cherry with the chrome beauty rings.. pimpstyle

Entertainment Tonite or whatever was actually comparing Brittney to Princess Dianna. saying that brittneys new British (lol BRITT'ish) accent was her channeling Di. Come on ET, how you gonna do Princess Di like that? anyway, Spears is faking a bad Cockney accent. Not a royal accent.

Speaking of entertainment... We watched a few episodes of 30 Rock on netflix last night. that show is really fucking funny. I guess i never gave Tina Fay a chance on those crappy seasons of SNL when she was overshadowed by Jimmy Fallon.

Tracy Morgan kills me on there too. his first lines on the tv show that 30 rock is about were "HEY I'M FROM THE GOVERNMENT, HERE TO INSPECT THE CHICKEN NUGGETS!" after he barges on set in a scene about an old lady with cats.

and i think my 2nd favorite character is Kenneth.
"Kenneth, you are a puzzle, and i'm going to solve you"

you gotta watch it.

so random I fucking love it!

Life update 1.17.08

I started School again. I'm taking 3 classes at DVC to complete my Graphics Design Certificate requirements. I'm taking Web Design, Digital Audio and Digital Video.

So far only the web class has started. I got there late and didnt get a computer. I hope some people drop out.

The teacher said you should pretty much know photoshop for this class... score its what i know the most... but this one little old black lady, who looked like Rosa Parks or something had no friggin clue what photoshop was. I'm sure a handfull or newbs and oldsters were in the same boat. He said he spent way too much time last year helping people with photoshop than actually teaching web design.

Get the eff out! i need a seat!



And I curb shotted last night pulling into a tight space. i guess i got a little overzealous about the smallness of my new XB and didnt think i needed to parallel it in.

caught the front hubcap on the curb while turning in.. when i pulled out and started to drive off i heard this fwapping sound from my front wheel. it was a busted hubcap.

i've hit a number of curbs in my day but have never broken a hubcap.

anyhoo.. so now i'm rolling bare blacks... its not a horrible look.





i might just get some of these and rock the rally wheel look.



Other news.. I've always kind of been anti video game. For the most part anyway.. Grown people are wasting way too much time these on fucking video games. But its ok to indulge every once in a while. right?

THe other day i was jonesing for some old school Zelda for the original Nintendo. but I dont have any game systems. A hacker pirate friend of mine hooked me up with a NES emulator and Zelda. i've kind of been hooked on this shit like its 1986 again. I guess Zelda was the first Nintendo game you could save your game. I have 15 heart containers and i'm on level 6.



those fucking pancake shield stealing bastards are kicking my ass.

these fuckers dont help either.

i hope i get to skate this weekend.. i have to re-re-do the stupid bathtub caulking.