Jul 5, 2006

famous for sucking

no, im not talking about Paris Hilton, or Jenna Jamison.. im talking about the Martinez Ca. annual 4th of July Fireworks Show. oh god does it suck. its sucked since i was old enough that bright lights and loud noises wasnt enough to entertain me. But appearantly, judging by all the cheering last night after each pathetic, untimed, worthless excuse for a fireworks show, most of the retards that live in Martinez are so starved for entertainment they still get off on this sort of thing. Here's some of the oooooh's and aaahhhh's from last night.
ok assholes, this is a firework that is supposed to be fired at the same time as another one to create an extra effect. this is like hamburger helper without the hamburger "..does just fine by itself" not quite, cousin Eddie. they had a few of these.
"ooohh" was verbalized by 500 bored Martinezens as the Vallejo/Marineworld fireworks were kicking ass in their 2nd grand finale off in the distance.
"aaaahhhhhhh" multicolor? spare no expence Martinez. you have half the town jizzing in thier leather chaps.
KABOOOM .. ooh a loud, but shitty looking one. its like the opposite of a silent but deadly fart, but it still stunk... this must be the calm before the storm.

yup, here it is, the Grand Finale! I always have this mental image of 2 buffoons in a boat with fireworks and one of the buffoons drops the match and accidently lights all the fireworks. because, like the rest of the show, its as if they are all lit at random with no clue as to what each one will look like in conjunction with other ones or how you should time certain ones to create better visual effects. Its the typical "Martinez" way of doing things.

narrated by my lovely girlfriend meg. she pretty much nails it on the head.

you can hear my retarded voice too talking about my buffoon in the boat theory at the end. anyway, my phone has a 13 second limit on video clips, i was able to get the whole Finale in 2 clips. 30 fucking seconds martinez? are you fucking kidding?

but i guess, knowing we suck is part of the glue that keeps us together and proud to be from Martinez.

see you next year Martinez!


jimbizzle said...

At least your got to see some fireworks. I was stuck at home due to being on call watching the first works on channel 4. I turned it after 3.5 seconds. Lame.

Looks like they blocked google talk at work now too.

Tater Stater said...

We had our own. We found a stand that sold illegal fireworks... tell me how they can sell them next to the road if they are "illegal"... isn't the definition of illegal mean they are "illegal"...

Anonymous said...

My dog loved the videos she kept looking at the screen and tiling her head with every POP of the fire works. She even let out a half bark through her big meaty lips, kinda like a "ahhhhhhhhh" She was also wagging her tail (doggy aplause) You can count my dog as one of the martiez chap wearing retards that loved the show!