Dec 31, 2006

my friday night

I don't usually post on the weekends but Meg's still sleeping and the dishes are done so i thought I'd tell you about my Friday night.

well, we got this new heater/ceiling fan thing for xmas that wasn't working so my dad and i switched out the light switch and checked all the breakers to make it work... it still doesn't work. but the whole time we were rushing because it was Celeste's 12th birthday and we were supposed to meet at the Mexican restaurant by my house. we got there just in time. I got a carnitas burrito. it was hella good but had more cheese in it/on it than i expected. I didn't take a Lactaid but didn't think it would be a big deal. after i finished i started to get the bubble guts and knew i needed a toilet fast. No one at the table realized how serious my situation was.They kept saying "were almost ready we're leaving soon" but they hadn't even got the check yet.

So I'm sitting there with a crazy stomach and bubbling insides, in a cold sweat ready to shoot hot shit all over the place. finally we pay and get up to leave. my ass is clinched tighter than a nuns cunt on easter as i try to walk to the car. we only live 2 blocks away thankfully. we get to the house and before the car stops i'm halfway to the stairs. running trying hard to keep the shit in I must have taken too wide a stride while running and about three of my steps were accompanied by a squirt, squiiiirrrt. oh fuck "meg i think i shit my pants" she only laughs. before i could think about the implications of shitting myself i get on the toilet and unleash like Eisenhower on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I was in there for a good 30 minutes. and another 15 cleaning myself. After that, exhausted, I joined the rest of the family just in time for present opening and cake. I passed on the cake.

after all hullabaloo from the party we went back up to our room to call it a night. meg walks in first and hits the newly installed light switch. and at that split second the lights turn on then we hear a pop and then everything goes black. our first thought was oh shit we wired it wrong and it blew the power the whole house. then meg saw a blue flash and we turned around then realised the power was out on the whole street.. then after we walked around in the moonlight realised that it was all of down town. I talked to my dad the next day who lives on the other side of town and he said his power was out too. it was out for like 2 hours. pretty eerie when everything is off. it was complete silence other than the sirens of EMT's and Ambulances going to the old folks home down the street. thats gotta suck. we tried to read a book by flashlight but meg kept talking about shadow people and freaking me out. then all the sudden zzhhhhhoooom everything came back on. still haven't heard what caused it...maybe a squirrel chewed a wire or something... i guess it happens tho.

this will most likely be my last post of 2006. i shit my pants, happy new year.

Dec 29, 2006

the mall part 2

i know i said "see ya next year" but i just remembered something that happened at the mall. as a refresher this is what i wrote about the mall about a year ago...
i went to the mall last night. I havent been to the mall in a long time and it reminded me that i hate the mall. the cool kids shop there, and the uncool kids work there. also, i felt like i was going to have to get in a fight with some of those punk ass wanna be gang banger loud stereo motherfuckers.

and this the next day after that..
Huzzah, I went to the god damn mall again. Am I a fucking sadist? no, I wanted new hats . I took J-Slim with me because he seems to always find cool hats. We walked up and down that whore of a place and i finally found 2 pretty sweet ball caps. we both had the feeling we were going to get in a fight the whole time. got hastled by the cellphone kiosk mafia about 40 times too. "no, dude, for the 10th time, I dont need a new wireless plan. especially not from the mall, and more so, not from a kiosk fag.

so anyway, me and j-slim went to the mall yesterday to get new skateboards.. some thug kids were in a POS honda parked next to us.. they asked me if I knew "where da party wuzat dis weekend" then asked "where the crack, man...i know you all smoke and shit"

i hate people.

then as we were making it obvious that we thout they were morons the guy said "yo man, i got a VTech and shit ya'll wanna race" mind you we were in a 4 dr crappy mazda... hey here's some advice; stop doing crack!!

i hate saying shit like this beacause it makes me feel old but damn. kids these days.

another annoying thing which especially bugs j-slim is the skateboarding stores being full of jocks, preps and rappers. I used high school references because these kids were all in HS still. if they weren't they hadn't grown out of their highschool classification stereotypes yet. these are all the types that made fun of us when we were skaters.. especially slim who skated in the mid 90's when it wasn't cool to be a skater. everyone are fucking poseurs now. its like cool to be a fucking trendy asshole now. they're all fucking clones. maybe it was that way when i was a kid but somehow.. somehow it just seems worse now. the only real kids now days are the D&D nerds and uber geeks that get dressed by their overprotective moms. they're keeping shit real.

notice i didn't say Word of Warcraft? yea that shit is going mainstream now.

its friday

you know what that means. pikchrrrz!! It's been a weird week. since we got celeste a skateboard I got all nostalgic and my old fat ass got a new board. I dropped in on the mini ramp at the local skateshop the other night. I probably looked retarded but I didnt totally suck. I ate shit 2/3 tries.

I, being a dumb ass didnt take pics of my new skateboard, but i have these pics.

in the above pic i was so pissed at my phone camera. exactly behind the doorjam of my car was a Ford Ranger on its side all busted up and a chick with blood all over her face. like a one time drive by photo op ruined by the 3 second delay on my camera. how more prefectly fucked up timing could i have? you can see the guy helping her and the shadow of the car.

here's some crap that isnt photos but its stuff. i drew this on my 'space.

this is a pic from a blog i saw that i thought was funny. its my desktop background at the moment.

this is the disclaimer for parents on a skateboard mailorder catalog i thought was pretty funny.

this is just beyond explanation. Me and J-slim saw this on the way home from the Mall yesterday. this is like a barren dirt island thing on the side of this intersection. there's usually a guy selling fire wood or really crappy used cars here. but yesterday we saw this .
a fucking triceratops mounted on a catamaran. apparently it was for sale. note the tail in the bed of the truck. the whole time at the light where we saw this i was saying "stay red stay red" and the people in front of us just noticed it and were trying to take a pic but the light turned green. they didnt go so we honked at them. i hope theirs turned out blurry . i was smart tho and decided to use my camera instead of my phone. i had that kind of time to kill.
anyone need a triceratops?

oh and last but not least. i found this relic on youtube.
its proof i was once a rockstar with a real video and everything!

oh yea and SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!

Dec 27, 2006


I also trimmed my mountain beard last night.

happy new year.

the humpty dance

so its wednesday, but its like tuesday because monday was xmas. I'm fucking tired. and my belly is on a sftuffing, gravy, chocolates, beef jerky, sweet tea roller coaster ride. and its fucking windy here. i kept waking up to the sound of my roof almost tearing off. because of that im fucking tired. shit, i thought i didnt want to be here yesterday, being a semi holiday for most working folk, I really dont want to be here today. I just want to crawl back into my bed and sleep. maybe watch some of my Robot Chicken DVDs i got for christmas. oh yea.. it was christmas.

can i sleep now?

Dec 25, 2006

"Godfather of Soul" James Brown dies...ON CHRISTMAS!

what a pisser. James Brown died today. damn. what a way to go out. on christmas. We'll have to put on our James Brown Christmas CD in honor of the Hardest Working Man in show business.

you will be missed. that double sucks.
CNN story here.

Dec 22, 2006

photo friday christmas

ok nut lickers, its friday. today we're having the office christmas party. we usually have this secret santa thing where you draw names out of a hat and get that person of whom you most likely know nothing about a $10-$20 gift. last year i got nail clippers from some crazy old Chinese guy.

This year I pulled the name Sam from the hat. I asked who Sam was and apparently he's in assembly so i asked those guys yesterday what Sam is into so i can get him a gift... well he informed me that Sam got fired last week. ouch thats gotta sting. so i'm left with no secret santa recipient. Luckily theres still a good chance i'll get something generic from someone who doesn't speak very good english.

on with the shittiest photo friday ever. what do you want its a holiday week. or as our Japanese clients have been saying at the end of every phone call, "Happy Horidaye"