Dec 31, 2006

my friday night

I don't usually post on the weekends but Meg's still sleeping and the dishes are done so i thought I'd tell you about my Friday night.

well, we got this new heater/ceiling fan thing for xmas that wasn't working so my dad and i switched out the light switch and checked all the breakers to make it work... it still doesn't work. but the whole time we were rushing because it was Celeste's 12th birthday and we were supposed to meet at the Mexican restaurant by my house. we got there just in time. I got a carnitas burrito. it was hella good but had more cheese in it/on it than i expected. I didn't take a Lactaid but didn't think it would be a big deal. after i finished i started to get the bubble guts and knew i needed a toilet fast. No one at the table realized how serious my situation was.They kept saying "were almost ready we're leaving soon" but they hadn't even got the check yet.

So I'm sitting there with a crazy stomach and bubbling insides, in a cold sweat ready to shoot hot shit all over the place. finally we pay and get up to leave. my ass is clinched tighter than a nuns cunt on easter as i try to walk to the car. we only live 2 blocks away thankfully. we get to the house and before the car stops i'm halfway to the stairs. running trying hard to keep the shit in I must have taken too wide a stride while running and about three of my steps were accompanied by a squirt, squiiiirrrt. oh fuck "meg i think i shit my pants" she only laughs. before i could think about the implications of shitting myself i get on the toilet and unleash like Eisenhower on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I was in there for a good 30 minutes. and another 15 cleaning myself. After that, exhausted, I joined the rest of the family just in time for present opening and cake. I passed on the cake.

after all hullabaloo from the party we went back up to our room to call it a night. meg walks in first and hits the newly installed light switch. and at that split second the lights turn on then we hear a pop and then everything goes black. our first thought was oh shit we wired it wrong and it blew the power the whole house. then meg saw a blue flash and we turned around then realised the power was out on the whole street.. then after we walked around in the moonlight realised that it was all of down town. I talked to my dad the next day who lives on the other side of town and he said his power was out too. it was out for like 2 hours. pretty eerie when everything is off. it was complete silence other than the sirens of EMT's and Ambulances going to the old folks home down the street. thats gotta suck. we tried to read a book by flashlight but meg kept talking about shadow people and freaking me out. then all the sudden zzhhhhhoooom everything came back on. still haven't heard what caused it...maybe a squirrel chewed a wire or something... i guess it happens tho.

this will most likely be my last post of 2006. i shit my pants, happy new year.


Anonymous said...

Jimbo and I had a conversation today about what we would do if we won the Oregon lottery which was at 100 million and Jimbo said he would shit his pants so when he was asked" what did you do when you found out you wont the 100 million jackpot", he could say " I shit my pants."

happy fucking new year kirk. Its gonna rock!

jimbizzle said...

Happy New YearS you pant pooper!

Voice over actor: "You just won the Lotto! What are you going to do next?"