my artistic contribution

since i've been temporarily displaced, I havent been able to paint or draw much or do anything artistic for that matter. I got inspired recently (see post below) and started checking my art sites and other artblogs i frequent. Skullandbonesskateboards forum is doing a group collaborative skate deck design that i signed up for back in like Nov. About now is the time they are getting the artists to kick down with thier designs. I'd been avoiding it since I got assigned the lower right half of the tail end. so its an area shaped like a slice of a personal pizza. Sunday night I got around to drawing it up and tweaking it in photoshop.
this is what i got.

i liked the design so i took it a step further with color and some text.

It felt really good to draw and be artistic again. I cant wait till the remodeling is done so i can get on with my life.

Coop is the shit

Tattoo and Hot Rod Low Brow Art specialist.. Coop is the shit.

here's an animated gif i made out of the pics in his Paintblog.

im feeling inspired, i hope to be able to start painting again soon!!

"How To" join a band.

Although the Diaper Cream is intriguing, I'm focusing on the top on for this post.

"When you play, smile and move around a bit. You'll be noticed more by being somewhat animated than if you're stiff as a board. "

I thought it was gonna be a joke but its actually pretty right on.

everyone and their moms knows photoshop

I remember when knowing HTML and Photoshop put you in a special secret club, and you could amaze people at parties with your abilities. those days are over, kids in fucking 4th grade are designing posters and websites now. WYSIWYG's have pretty much made html useless and Photoshop is a fucking household name. Now you've got Regis Philbin talking about it over coffee.

I hate it, everyone and their fucking moms knows photoshop now.

Mustard Rules.

just in case you forgot

Pissing On The Floor.

this is a cartoon i made a while back. based on true events. I think it fitting to post because this morning i had another one of those "bad aim" moments. When you go pee in the dark, half asleep and think your pointed at the water but hit porcelain and floor. Then you try to move one way or the other trying to find the water... using sound as your only guide.

those times fucking suck. or when the flap of your belt or shirt is in the path of the stream and it soaks shirt and ricochets onto your pants. why does that shit always happen to me at resturants? anyway, enjoy.

click image for full size

Mine's SUPPOSTA have onions!

I just went to get some food and while I was waiting in line, these Two large Black Ladies were hella arguing with the Spanish speaking Jack N The Box workers. it was awesome!
"where's mah extra tomatoes?! "
"yea, Mine's supposta have onions!"
"hey. donchoo got the regular kinda tomatoes like? "

then the manager came and tried to help them but they were still mad at the guy who gave them thier order. and the one lady said "is he in trainin' or somthin' ? "

then i think the workers were talking shit to her in spanish. doesnt "chinga" mean fuck?
-all of this compounded by the 2" thick ghetto glass divider between them. So they both had to yell through the little hole in the 2" thick ghetto glass. their asses were all crammed together as they fought for access to the little hole.


all i wanted was lunch, and i got a show for free!

No New In & Out for Contra Costa

This just in from In & Out guy, who left In & Out by the way. fucking quitter.

ACCORDING TO THE IN-N-OUT NEWS BULLITIN... The following cities have started construction for following stores: Temecula, CA - City of Industry, CA - Petaluma, CA - Kingman, AZ - Yuma, AZ

So much for the rumor about them building one in Pleasant Hill. that would ne nice. Why dont they build another shitty Tahoe Joes. God I hate that place.

viva la revolucion!

I flipped on the radio yesterday and a guy was talking about how the middle class is going exctinct and the poor and rich are getting more poor and more rich. it all basicly boiled down to a caller saying we're 20-30 years away from an uprising, or some kind of revolution.

then the Host said, "how are you going to muster enough interest to have an uprising in a country where 50 percent of its citizens dont even care enough to vote."

zing! touche.

wake the fuck up people, we could have a revolution if you got off your fat asses.

(after this post im probably going to be spied on by Bush, then arrested with no trial and taken to Git-Mo. nice knowing ya.)

Daytime TV

Theres something odd about daytime TV that makes you feel shitty. i think its intention is to make you want to get a life. Every commercial is Nurse schools, mechanic schools, art schools, Injury Lawers and Rascal Scooters. I guess its because everyone at home is unemployed due to not getting an education. or because of an injury, or because they are old.

What always pissed me off was the daytime programming. there is a % of legit people at home during the day, working from home or raising kids or whatever, and just because they're at home doesnt mean they want to watch soaps, talk shows or The Price Is Right. Why cant they show the primetime line up from the night before?

When i was home all day, i got hooked on CSPAN, Cooking Channel and Cartoons. Farily Odd Parents was pretty good.

I finally had to get a job.

Lactaid, wonder drug.

While I was on tour with my old band I got the reputation of farting all the time. It was funny at first but then it got really bad. My band mates and friends would literally get mad at me for stinking so bad, so often. After a while it wasn't just farting. Horrible stinky farting but stomach pains. Since I was a rock drummer for a living then, we didn't have a medical plan. And I'm not paying top dollar for excessive farting and a little stomach ache. On to my story.

My cousin and her husband came out to see us at a show in Minneapolis. We offered them some pizza the club ordered for us. I love pizza.. Who doesn't right? That's why I was shocked when dude turned it down. "what's wrong with Pizza?" I said. "I cant it makes me sick" He continued to explain, "I'm Lactose Intolerant" Which I'd heard of but I didn't know what it did to you. It makes him violently ill in the biblical sense. Must suck to live in the Cheese State and not be able to even smell it.

So that got me thinking... After further discussion about it I started to wonder if that's why I farted all the time? So I conducted a little experiment. I stopped drinking milk. Breakfast cereal became a staple in the "tour bus" lifestyle so I would eat it at least twice a day.
It sucked but I quit the Crunch Berries cold-turkey. And wouldn't you know it... I stopped farting and having stomach pains.

fast forward a couple years later, band broken up, rockstar life left in the past, I still have this fucking milk problem. But its evolved into a full blown dairy problem. Now I cant eat Pizza. motherfucker. I just dealt with it for the most part. Avoiding dairy where I could. Worst case scenario would be gassiness or the occasional diarrhea. But it all came to a head Christmas party 2004 at my GF's aunts house. She lives in Marin so it was all hoity toity. Complete with hoity toity orderves. Tasty as hell but not one of them didn't involve a cheese I'd never heard of. So, not to be rude, I ate the shit out of them. Midway thought the night I started to get the pains. Oh god the pains. A good part of the night I was laid out in the car outside... In a cold sweat. Then the grumblies in the tumblies. I knew what was next. I made my way through the Marin Elite to the bathroom, that was really close to the dining room and kitchen. Then, I shit my ass out. Loud explosions of hot liquid assjuice. The flow was only interrupted by farting and splattering. The pain subsided and I washed up, opened the window, lit a candle and went back to the party. And vowed to never eat foods high in cheese again.

god that sucked. So now fast forward to Thanksgiving 2005. My GF's mom made Quiche for breakfast. I guess its more cheese than egg, and again I suffered the wrath. I was in bed or on the toilet for most of that day.

After that I was done. I'd had enough, Lactose Intolerance had finally beat me. I guess I really have it now, so time to start looking for a medical remedy. Buying Soy and Lactose Free Milk alone aren't gonna cut it. Then I discovered this wonder drug known as Lactaid. I can eat Pizza and Ice Cream again!!!! Hoity Toity orderves here I come!

Fast Forward to this past weekend. Friday night we went over to a friends and I came prepared. I brought my trusty pack of Lactaid tablets. chewable even, they taste like a dried up powdered vanilla milkshake.. But shit if I can eat dairy its worth it. So Lactaid in hand I was prepared for whatever might happen, little did I know I'd be putting her to the ultimate test. So Friday night I ate half a pepperoni pizza. I was doing ok till about the 4 slice then started to feel a little grumble... "ahh good its just gas" I thought "I can handle this" then a funny part of the movie made me laugh, and I accidently released a hot one. A hot STINKY one. Luckily everyone was in the kitchen and drunk. Friday night went off pretty flawlessly, then Saturday night came. I got a little more brave that night. I ate 1/4 of a veggie pizza. And 3 bowls of Ice Cream. But I was on Lactaid so I figured I was indestructible. Not so much. I was at home so I felt more inclined to let em rip... They were hot. They were horrible but I was ok. Then after the 3rd bowl of cinnamon caramel Praline Cashew goodness it started. The grumblies. It was no where near as bad as Thanksgiving or the Uppity Cheese Incident, but it was some hot anal juice leakage and a little stomachachage.

So in conclusion, Lactaid works pretty good just don't go nuts. I think the regular ones work better than the chewables.

are you a myspace whore?myspace whoreing can be dangerous

Ok, so what did i say about little girls whoreing it up in thier myspace pics? I said i thought it was lame, annoying...and potentially dangerous. Now little girls are not only flashing thier cleavage, but they are putting thier phone numbers on thier myspace page! THAT IS JUST STUPID!! thats like rule number one on-line. No phone numbers, addresses or even email addresses. you fucking stupid teenage asshole bitch. Get your head out of your ass, stop watching MTV and wake the fuck up! Being a little whore on myspace is rad, until you get kidnapped!!!

I've heard stories recently, those two CA girls that seperatly got kidnapped with ties to myspace accounts, another one from that wifeswap show, and a story from this concerned older brother i know. If you search around theres stories of kids getting kidnapped or found murdered relating to myspace all over the US.

On Wifeswap or whatever it was, the mom was suprised that the 12 yr old daughter was on the computer all day. so she checked to see the last site she was on and it was her myspace page. complete with slutty photos and way-to personal info. the fake-mom was shocked! 12! wtf man? dont they watch the news?

The other one was a story from this guy who came from a bad family, but made it out, succesfull carreer as a Fire Fighter/Paramedic. His younger sister, now 19 runs with the wrong crowd, does drugs and has had many close calls with the law. He hadnt heard from her in a few months because she "hated" him for trying to "tell her what to do". So with some friends he was browsing myspace and saw his sisters photo on a mutual friends "friends list". He couldnt beleive it. and then he said her photos were raunchy. showing her partying, drunk, half naked. As he's browsing her page he sees her phone number posted for the WWW to see. that is just STOOOPID!!!!!!! anyway he called her and is now trying to patch things up and show her, through ride-alongs in the ambulance. going on gun shooting, and Drug overdose calls. he said she's still arrogant and ignorant. hopefully she wont have to learn the hard way.

End up missing or in a ditch like those two other girls. If you want a page to meet new friends and share pics and stuff, thats fine. Just dont whore it up, you attract psychos.

No Quiero Taco Bell

If I eat a lot of Taco Bell like more than twice in a week, I've noticed my shit starts to smell like dog shit. I've heard that Taco Bell uses lower grade meat than some Dog Food companies. and I heard also that they use the same supplier as Purina. Maybe thats why my poo smells like my dog's.

I'm going to start barking soon. ... making a run for the border.
bbl

Dream Job

so what is this shit? You want your cake and want to eat it too?
Artists arent IT support and vice-versa. whats with employers wanting the All-In-One package.. hey shit fucks i can make coffee too if you want! can't i just be the "photoshop guy"?

Phone Noggins 2

Bitch ass Verizon! They sell you these phones with rad features, then disable said rad features and force you to buy more shit from them . this phone just got is an MP3 phone. it has the play/FF/RW buttons on the front, nice stereo speakers, SD card slot and everything. but the whore bitch motherfuckers make it next to impossible to put on, manage and listen to songs on there. theres ways to do it i guess but it involves cables and hacker software and shit i dont fully understand. one i got is version 4 software which lets you hack into the mp3 features but now they are up to version 7 and if you get it updated to the new version (its free) they totally shut off the mp3 capability and FORCE you to get your songs and shit through them. its doubly retarded if you want to put your own ringers on it too. another selling point that thier lying commision salespeople tell you is that its a bluetooth phone but they managed to fuck that up too. I dont really give a shit since i dont do the bluetooth but appearantly they are limiting it only to headsets.

the shitest part of it is that this phone is fully capable to do everything you want it but the greedy bastards suck the life out of these products in order to make you buy ringtones, video, and mp3s from them. GET-IT-NOW up your ass.

Phone noggins

I got a n ew phone . Im blogging and taking a shit at the same time. Yay for useless tecnology! Now i have to wipe.

Flashlights are bombs now.

So like, you may have heard about the bomb found in a starbucks bathroom this week in San Fran. well, cops are morons and we now know the threatening device they detonated was a flashlight with corroded batteries a bum found and accidently dropped in the bathroom.

"he found the flashlight in the street and accidentally dropped it in the bathroom.

"I love that Starbucks," Schouten said in an interview with the station. "The people are saints. They know I'm homeless. They let me drink coffee for 50 cents. I love those people."

The station reported that the flashlight was filled with corroded batteries. "

read story

everyone is so on edge about terrorists. dude, just so you know, they are winning.
score after this stupid fake bomb thing that had nothing to do with terrorists.

Terrorists 1
America 0

Satan Finally Caught!!!

Satan himself was found naked and screaming in the streets of Eustis, Florida. He threatened to kill the cop trying to arrest him. No Fucking Shit.
here he is.

read the full story

ok so maybe he's not really Satan. But it got me thinking about all those movies where nutso ass shit happens and the world is oblivius to it. like, how do we really know he wasnt really possessed by satan? maybe just out of view from the cops and the passers by was an exorsict or some deamon hunter dude like in that shitty Keanu Reeves movie. we dont know, they make sure we dont. maybe this dude, Roy Lee Henson was in his boxers, shaving, getting ready for his day, got halfway done and then, SNAP! he's possessed by satan. Shaved off his eyebrows, pulled his boxers off and started screaming in the streets on his quest to reclaim the Earth. I'm not a religious person, but shit anything is possible.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Fucking Spam-Bots!

well i got all juiced that Greg left a comment on my blog. here's what greg had to say about my 2005 list.

"Greg said...

http://fallbrook4u.combuilding ideas and building ideas Ideas for Home Construction projects. If you own a home and need to work on building ideas then al I want to say is Yea.... I wood love to let you in on a secret about home repairs... People ask me all the time about building ideas and they want to know simple ways to solve ther problems ...well I have the answers and If you go to http://fallbrook4u.com building ideas and go through the site you will find what you are looking for... what can I say butt get going ..."

You Spam-bot mother fucker. I wanted to try to make posting easy for the 4 of you that post commnets on here but thanks to greg, I'm adding the word verification dealy to my comments. Its so spambot mofos like greg cant post. thanks. this is what it looks like.


ok that is all.

10 things that pisssed me off in 2005

here it is. My list of 10 things that pisssed me off in 2005.
in no particular order.

10. "W' 04" or George Bush election stickers.
if you still support this fucker you need a lobotomy. take that shit off your car already.

9. People talking to themselves on cellphone headsets.
not only do you seem crazy taking into thin air, you look like an idioit with that mission command headset on your face.

8. iPods.
oh god fucking iPods. everyone and thier mother has those fucking white headphones coming out of their ears now. listening to books on tape podcasts no doubt.

This is a new one but since i'm on Blogger all the fucking time now.
7. People that dont change the "Edit Me" links in the sidebar. there's even 2 of them, and they say "EDIT ME" so fucking edit them.

6. Plastic Sugery.
Its not a new gripe but lately the chicks that got nosejobs and shit back in the 80's are turning into old ladies. and it's pretty gross.

5. Emo Kids.
thats all i'm gonna say.

4. Myspace.
it was rad there for a second but quickly became stupid. it has potential, but like with everything gets ruined by fucktards.

3. Seeing Hurricane and Tsunami coverage 24-7.
yea, it happened. yea, it sucks. but meanwhile republicans are breaking the law. Dont shut down "the NEWS" because of one crisis. The Weather, making journalists jobs easy since the begining of time.

2. FM Radio.
I've always sort of had a gripe with it but in the past I could find moderatly listenable music on it. since i discovered Progressive Talk AM Radio, and the fact that I get zero FM stations in the valley of shit i live in, I've stopped listening to FM pretty much full time.
Also everything on FM is premanufactured product for the masses.

1. Re-Runs
In '05 my dad got me hooked on this TV show LOST. I've become obsessed with it. I've never been into a prime time drama before since Night Rider as a kid. Now I religiously watch and keep track of goings ons on the LOST message board. I'm a total nerd for it. but the downside is that for some reason the fine folks at ABC decided that they will show 3 episodes then 2 reruns then 2 episodes then a rerun then 4 episodes then more reruns. To get an idea of what i've been going through, tonite is the first new episode in like a month.

ok that's it. the chick at Starbucks who reminds me of a female version of American Idol's Randy Jackson told me the slogan for the new year.
its "no tricks in '06"

thanks starbucks lady. No tricks in '06!

Irish Pig Farmer

The only thing that sucks really about being at work this early is that i have to answer the phone. Just now i got a call from some pig farmer in Ireland. I'm not lying.
Since its so early, i get all the wierd international calls from people that dont know its 7:00 in the morning here. I get the people with outrageous accents that can barely speak english all pissed off because (A: i cant understand them and (B: that no one ever returns thier calls.
i tell them, "a sales person will be in the office in the next hour to return your call" then in a retarded india-spani-euro accent this now irate forienger is saying... "but it will be 2 am here"
what i want to say is "then change your sleeping habits, dont you know america controls the world. dumbass" but i end up just transfering them to the sales dept. voicemail. which probably pisses them off even more.

Also, we sell chemicals for a company in Tennesee so sometimes i'll get a hick-ass trucker on the phone somewhere with a delivery for said chemical company asking where we are. I ask him where he is and he starts talking about highways and towns i've never heard of. meanwhile i'm thinking " dude were in California, where the fuck are you?"

so yea i hate answering the phone.

"How To" the comeback.

oooh, touche.

compootie no workie

yesterday, after 3 and half hours of dental abuse I returned to the office hoping to make up for lost time. by time i mean money. But when i got here compudude was starting to update my OS to Windows XP. Apprehensive, I let him proceed and went home. This morning I show up ready to asses what damage XP would have on my flow. I enter my cube to see a half loaded XP screen. waiting. probably since yesterday. So after an hour of wandering around the office with my thumb up my ass, the computer dude shows up and says that my motherboard isnt compatible with XP or someshit. so basicly I waited around until he finally said to get a fucking snickers because this shit was gonna take a while. I clocked out, called up Jose and we rocked out with our cocks out at the rehearsal studio. Mid song and mid sweat i get a call from the office telling me my shit is operational again. That was a double edge sword because on one hand i was off, making sweet rock and roll. on the other, i also wasnt getting paid. so i went back to work. where i am, getting paid to blog for you all.

XP is cool when you set the theme to "Classic Windows" and it feels like im still using 2000. all that blue and green XP bubble shit is lame.

Google's "How To" of the day.

Ha Ha!! Fucking Awesome.

Le Massacre De Tronçonneuse Du Texas

After seeing the commercial for that new slice-em-up movie "Hostel" where they say people died from watching it or some lame hype shit, a friend suggested this French movie "High Tension". so i Netflixed it and we played it tonite on the ol' DVD. The back of the sleeve read.
Students Marie (Cecile de France) and Alex have no idea of the horrors that await them when they head off to a remote country home to study for their upcoming exams. When night falls, a psychopathic stranger attacks, tying up Alex and taking her away. It's up to Marie to save her friend -- but first, she must figure out what is really going on. ... co-stars in this twisty-turny tale of terror.

if i see another "students go into rural area and get cut up by some psycho, family, mutant, imbreds etc" i will fucking shoot someone. How many movies can get away with blatantly ripping off Texas Chainsaw Massacre? this movie, House of 1000 corpses, that one Wrong Turn or whatever about the kids in the forest. and probably a hundred others i've luckily never seen.

the first 10 minutes was driving and car music fun times. then there was shower boobs and a chick jacking off, then as soon as this freak in a shitty truck kills the dad and the dog. we turned it off. There always has to be at least one freak in a shitty truck...and boobs or tease-thereof.

it being in French was a new twist but it was still Le Massacre De Tronçonneuse Du Texas.

Why cant any movies be original anymore? everything is a remake, even if its not obvious, if you look hard enough you'll see. Today my girlfriend was watching the bonus features of her favorite movie "You've Got Mail", a generally original romantic comedy... so i thought. It's a total rip off of a Jimmy Stewart movie from back in the 40's or something. they just changed "pen pall" to "AOL email" which reminds me of all the gratuitus brand name placentent in that shit. AOL and Starbucks are practically main characters. Not to mention Barns & Noble, but they call it FOX Books. like we didnt know what you were talking about.

sorry bout the side rant. but i managed to get Texas Chainsaw Massacre and You've Got Mail in the same blog!

Dear Starbucks Girl.

Dear Starbucks Girl,
I didnt know it was your 2nd day on the job. And I most definatly didnt mean to make you cry. When I ordered my Grande, Soy Cinnimon-Dolce Misto your, obvioulsy more experienced co-worker seemed like she knew what I was ordering and was very excited to take my order. When my friend's Venti Latte came up a Grande, I just took it as a simple size mistake. But later we realised it tasted like watered down milk with flavoring in it. And then after his Venti came up and we figured out that it was my drink you fucked up by making it a Latte instead of a Misto, again, simple misunderstanding. But it turned out that you didnt even know what a Misto was and when i explained it to you. You took it the wrong way and in the midst of your frustration and confusion, you then made my Grande Misto a Tall. Now, me and my two friends are joking that we got all our orders messed up, you take it as being directed at you and you get even more upset. You lower lip starts to quiver, your eyes begin to water and you throw the towel down and give up. Your more knowledgable coworker moves in to save your ass. "She's new" she says repeatedly as she remakes my drink for the 4th time. I understand, your new, no need to cry over it.

I take my drink and go to tables outside with my friends. Laughing off the situation. But when you go outside for your break you make sure to carefully not make eye contact with any of us. Seriously get over it. Learn how to make a fucking Misto.

cry baby.

Love,
kirk

Ancient Chinese Remedy

my friend and fellow blogger in crime Jimbo posted a thing about how he plays Warcraft online and its consuming all his time. I think he might have a problem. And China knows just how to cure him.




Internet Gaming Addicts Anonymous in China.
read BBC News story
this is a real pic from the story. savage.

planting the seed.

my brother is the first of the shelton clan to pass on the name. He and his wife made me an uncle a while back. Part of that miracle is getting baby pictures in my inbox. I like to piss off my sister-in-law (isnt that what in-laws are for? ) by photoshopping the pics she sends me. Also, I call him "little Z" that pisses her off too because they always make sure to say "its Xander, with an X" (its pronounced Zander). fucking hippies.

here's little Xander fresh from the hospital.













here's "Little Z" all bundled up.


















Here's the latest one of tripleX eating some baby food. i think it was carrots or something.



















thats all i got for now. she thinks im evil and i'm getting the vibe that she considers me a bad influence.

a letter to my good teeth

Damn shit-ass teeth hurt all night and Advil is starting to not work anymore. Even the teeth that I didn't get dental work on are hurting. I think its getting cool for the teeth in my mouth to hurt.

Dear good teeth,
you should just be yourself and not worry about what the bad teeth are doing. Being a bad ass is only cool if your in jail or high school. Not my mouth. I cant sleep and I think my stomach or liver or kidneys are starting to react to all the ibuprofin I've been popping. So just give me a few more weeks and I think all the bad teeth's coolness will wear off and you can be cool because you were the first ones to be not bad. I've been brushing twice a day lately so you should be cool for a while. Just chill on the hurting. Please.

sincerely,
Kirk
artwork by kirk shelton

oh yea, happy new years

i hate it when people say "happy new years". its "new year" you fucking mongoloids. anyway, I just went to get coffee and Starbucks is pink. So is every other store i've been to since saturday.they really dont waste any time do they? READ THIS if that bothers you

Anyway i got a grande (new for valentines)Cinnimon Dolce Latte "cinnimon and brown sugar flavors" and an apple fritter. there goes one resolution down the drain. My other resolution was to not piss off my girlfriend as much. I've allready fucked that one up too.

unpainted huffhines

Well, shit. I'm home, back to regular life again. back to my freezing office, my AIM buddies and the grey cement wall that is my window view. My trip to Scottsdale was pretty vanilla shake. We sat inside all weekend watching football. God, i hate football. I wont go into that. speaking of football i never got to see my cousin or his wifes fake boobs.

Scottsdale is in the desert. and the dont try to hide the fact. Its brown, the whole damn town is brown. The houseing development where my GF's dad lives is all brown, rocks and cactus. he said they're trying to preserve the natural landscape of the region. which i respect and all, but the natural landscape is hostile desert wasteland. They even prohibit lawns. So everyones yard is rocks, catus and thirsty looking desert plants. I'm sure they even imported the cool sujarro cacti from somewhere else. There was this tease of seeing "Javelinas" in thier neghborhood. Javelinas are like wild pig things that come out at night. probably like racoons or possum are here. its like a ride at disneyland tho. "DESERT STRIP MALL ADVENTURE" Scottsdale is brown desert houses and strip malls. Its like the lego desert town playset. its all fake and plastic and everything looks premanufactured. ok enough about scottsdale, here's some pics i took on my trip.I suck at photojournalism so deal with it.

this one is the engine. you cant tell in the pics but it was raining like hell and the shit was going sideways. a little side note about the rain. it was starting to storm in the Bay Area when we left. Saturday morning we called home and i guess the shit hit the fan. our street was a river. all the creeks overflowed and shit. All of downtown 'Tinez looked like Venice i guess. there was some damage but it wasnt bad. The Mervyn's roof collapsed to i guess. You probably heard about Sac and Napa on the national news. weather excitment in Cali and my bored ass was in the desert.
this one is my feet, wonderful coach seating. actually i think they added more room on some planes, this was more roomy than my flight home.

this is how i entertain myself while flying. draw, nuts, dietcoke. yay. my pen leaked on the way home. i pulled it out of my bag and the lid was full of ink. i have one fingernail that looks goth now. he's too cool for my hand now. note the newly leatherized southwest coach seats. and the empty seat next to me. The flight to AZ was hella empty so it was way chill, but the flight home was super packed and there was this 16 year old girl hella scared to fly. she was nervously popping starbucks mints like a vicodin addict.

here's me on the plane. fun with shutter settings.

hey look Phoenix! were here!

this is the only pic i got of the brownness. i forgot i had my camera there, until the last day. I didnt get the idea of chronicling the trip till it was too late. i suck. fuck me.

the big highlight of saturday was going to one of the KOHL'S department stores to spend the gift certificates we got. I say "one of" because of course, Scottsdale has two. they have 2 walmarts too. rad for them. After I combed through every square inch of mens, toys, and housewares deptartments, i went outside to wait for the rest of the gang. I started fucking with my camera again.

here's the view of the camelback mountains from the KOHL'S parking lot.

driving back from the Stripmall. this one came out pretty cool.

oh yea, saturday night we went to Five Points Brewery & Grill which wasnt actually a brewery, just a sports bar. appearantly Five points has a microbrewery somewhere in the area and chain out the bar & grills. I hate sports and bars and this place had 100 big screens with the same 2 football games on them. ugh. I also cant eat cheese anymore so i was extra fucked when the only menu item that didnt have cheese or beer in it was the Soda. here's a pic of my GF sampling one of the "beer sampler" samples. i dont think she liked that one.

new years was spent watching "You've Got Mail" and flipping to the coverage of the raging party going on in Tempe during the commercials. jab the knife in deeper would you. the next day was the ultimate treat. we went to Sun City, which i found out upon arrival was a prison for old people. Here's a pic of the fortress walls.

they also let them liscence and drive golf carts on the street. those fuckers are everywhere.

Gradma is still blind, and grandpa is still an self-righteous fucker. notable quotes from grandpa; "nobody sit in this chair, this is MY chair" "have some tortilla chips, they're unsalted" "did you get some nuts" crap im sure there were more. on 2 occasions in 2 different households he insisted on staying in "his chair" and watched "the game" while everyone sat at the table for the meal dejour. I also got to help him move furniture across the house.

on the way to the airport from the old milwaukee prison we drove by the Gigantor-Domeasaurus. the new stadium for the Arizona Cardinals. It gets so hot in that shithole that they wanted a dome. but they also wanted grass. so to solve this they made a retractable field. the whole grass field moves out of the the staduim into the parking lot to get sun. then when they're "ready for some foootbaaaall" they move the grass back in and rock out. This also works out nicely for Moster Truck rallies and Super Cross events that wouls usually fuck up a nice grass field. Domasaurus. my GF said it looks inflatable.

ok that's it. also if anyone knows the reference in the title of this post, you get a gold star!