Sep 8, 2006

Too Much of a Good Thing

when i was a kid I got a swiss army knife. it was one of the smaller ones with 2 blades and a toothpick and tweezers in the side. I, like most kids from my generation thought this was the coolest idea ever. then my friend's big brother totally trumped mine with one of those larger ones that had a screwdriver, a magnifying glass and that blade with numbers on it, that i think was for fishing. we would all sit around and imagine what the "ultimate swiss army knife" would have on it. well, imagine no more. i give you, the "Giant Knife"

as Popular Science put it... "Who doesn’t need a cigar cutter next to a bicycle chain rivet setter next to a golf divot repair tool? Wenger is on to something with this everyman’s gadget. It wouldn’t be a knife, though, without a blade, so Wenger put seven in the line-up. And it wouldn’t be Swiss Army unless it came with tweezers and a toothpick. (They’re included, too.)
What the hell. This monstrosity is called the "Giant Knife" I can't imagine how they ever devised such an intricate moniker. It lists the 85 tools included on the linked page, head over if you're at all intrigued. I noticed that the last 2 entries were "key ring" and "second key ring" really? I don't consider the first one a tool, and you guys have two. Looks like they really wanted to get to a nice round 85. Buying bone tickled yet? (mine neither)

Keep in mind that it weighs 2 lbs 11 oz, costs $1200 and has to be individually ordered for production. I guess the company wasn't sure if they'd sell 3 of these or 8. Just imagine trying to use a socket wrench with 85 other tools attached to the handle. COME ON!
I love that guy! if you get the chance read Daily Placebo daily for your daily dose. if you read the word "daily" a bunch of times in a row it starts to look like its spelled wrong.

anyway, here's the Popular Science page on it, it lists all 85 (83 with 2 keyrings) items. Dennis Pireta, from Wenger assures us, “The knife is a brute, but don’t worry, it has a key ring so you can carry it on a belt loop." nice. thanks Dennis, I was worried.


jimbizzle said...

I'd own one just because, but I wouldn't pay $1200.00 for it.

Rita said...

$1,200 fucking dollars for a Swiss army knife?

I guess you could use the handy dandy can opener to crack open the skull of anyone that handed over that kind of money for a stupid knife, just to verify that there is absolutely no brain present.

Kirk said...

but rita, look how huge it is.. it has everything.. its a boy scouts wet dream.

4 things it can do that wasnt mentioned in the article.

1- the raddest paper weight ever.

2- a table centerpiece

3- a conversation starter, or icebreaker if you will. (im sure it actually has an icepick tho)

4- a bludgeon.