Mar 27, 2007

thanks, but no thanks

Here's the ad i posted on craigslist yesterday.
I'm a 30 year old, experienced and drug free drummer looking for a band or musicians to form band in the style of something from Melvins QOTSA Quicksand ATDI The Bronx to something like The Killers but with more bite and less dance beats.

I play my drums loud and hit hard and want to put my vibe on well written songs with some attitude and lots of energy. nothing to complicated but interestingly done.

I'm not super interested in touring or looking for a record deal. I've been there and done that. I just want to rock and have fun. I'm not trying to join an established band. I really want to collaborate with musicians and write from scratch.

Job Requirements:
No pop-punk bands
No ska bands or bands with a horn section.
No -a billy anything bands
No straight blues, funk or country.
If you sound like Iron Maiden or Dokken or Judas Priest etc, no thank you.
No Death Metal, Black Metal, GrindCore, NuMetal or Rap rock.
No classic Rock, Hippie rock or cover bands.
No Electronica or Synth heavy bands.
No Goth or Doom

Now don't think I'm a dick and i hate everything. I like a lot of this stuff, but its just not what i want to play right now. If youre influenced by it thats cool but i want to try to make something original and rocking at the same time.
Just go by the influences listed above. I'm flexible but I have to post all the NO this, No that because i've gotten emails from ridiculous bands.

And like i said before if you're a musician looking to achieve the same goals or even something close we can jam and try to find more players to form a band that makes us all happy.

if you still want to jam let me know. I have gear, just lack a band and place to jam. I live in Martinez and work in Emeryville. my schedule is pretty open on weeknights and afternoons. so please dont reply if youre from Castro Valley or Mountain View or Napa. I'm not driving that far.

thanks! :edit: oh yeah and despite what my friend Rita's PMS thinks of this post, I'm not a humorless asshole. but no matter how much she likes Rush or Pink FLoyd i still think Keyboards drop a bands Rockin' factor by at least 30%

ok theres a lot there to go on. I got a wide range of responses from previous more vague ads before so i really wanted to be specific as to what i did and didnt want. I posted what i thought was a pretty thorough ad and waited for the replies from bands that fit the criteria.

response #1: with my thoughts in bold
i'm frustrated w/ our current drummer, he's negative, childish, lazy,
but very talented.

OK, cool i can handle that

if you're any of the above, beside very talented, just stop reading.
looks like you're not trying to waste anytime, neither am i.
we're an "existing" band, but just recently released a cd, it's getting
good buzz,

this sounds like a form email but so far not bad

but the bass player and i have a million riffs waiting to form new
songs/album and psyched to start working on it
what we write leaves a lot of room for drums
check out our website and see our style is a fit
for you
i'm 36, been in great bands and been places, but not looking to hit the
road for extensive touring either

cool they read that part in my post about not wanting to tour

i like to get shit done, but have a good time and rip it up live.
i hate constant wining and bad attitudes
i live in mt view, but we rehearse in fremont

FREEMONT? and didnt i specifically say Mt. View? motherfucker.

here's #2:
Great ad, Were in Hollywood But planning to move either Bay Area or Portland Its cheaper for us to tour up there.

Eh i hate LA

We ewant someon that enjoys the music/team player and doesnt cry about touring.

you said it was a great ad... THAT YOU DIDN'T READ! i said that i didnt want to tour!

Our current drummer wants to move to N Carolina to marry some girl and work at Target. While we have endorsements and a small label we just wanna tour. Heres the tunes were recording a new cd in June thanks.


the 3rd one seemed cool enough but when i listened to their songs i realized that they not only didnt have a bass player, a large part of their sound came from a god damned keyboard. hello? didnt you see the part where i said keyboards reduce the rockin' factor by 30%.. in their case 60%. mother humpers.

the rest of the responses so far, while it seems like they read my ad and met all the listed criteria, they made me realize that i left off one very important thing. so i might have to repost the ad with this line included.

No bands that suck.

seriously, i know this is a really subjective thing to put in an ad. After all no bands really know they suck, which is very unfortunate. but god dammit why are they even making music?

yea and this post had no pictures. deal with it.


jimbizzle said...

Move to Portland and play my sucky songs!

Unknown said...

that was pure awesomeness. I love how people don't read or comprehend, and I'm pretty sure we spent most of our time in elementary school learnin' how to do BOTH of those things :)