May 21, 2008

Twizzlers are not Red Vines

There's Twizzlers in the candy bucket at the front desk today. It reminds me of this time when my band was on tour. We were in Indianapolis with a day off. Our tour bus was parked in a big lot behind a movie theater so we decided to waste some time by watching a movie. Bruce Almighty. At the concession stand we asked the kid behind the counter if they had Red Vines and he gave us this blank vacant look. We pressed, "you know Red Vines?... Red Licorice?" He perked up "oh you mean Twizzlers". This made us Irritated and Geoff and I almost said in unison "NOT TWIZZLERS!" We tried to explain but the kid, and some locals in line behind us had honestly never even heard of Red Vines. Wow they were missing out! We were in shock that a whole region had to suffer the red licorice monopoly of Twizzlers.

We started to get that regional out of place feeling again. The feeling we got all over the country when we notice the little cultural and regional differences of whatever place we are in. Like when Safeway isnt safeway but "Ralphs" or "Domonics". Or when Carl's Jr, is called "Hardee's" or when Dryers Ice Cream isnt Dryers but in the same font and packaging called "Edy's".

But this was different, we'd actually heard of Twizzlers. The strawberry flavored twists that I only remember ever eating at Halloween for some reason. It was one of those candies that you never really buy on purpose. Most people, were I'm from buy Red Vines. It's a movie theater standard which is why we couldnt believe this theater in Indianapolis didnt have them. Even more baffled as to how no one there had even heard of them.

For the record, Twizzlers are NOT Red Vines. Red Vines are perfect in consistency and flavor. Twizzlers taste like processed rubberized wax with a hint of fruit flavor. The red color fools your taste buds into thinking its Strawberry. Red Vines are bright and cherry flavored. Twizzlers just suck.

After searching the web (very briefly) I found out that Twizzlers vs Red Vines is like an East Coast, West Coast thing. Sucks for the east coast.

It's just odd that there is even things like this. When there's McDonald's in China that's basically the same as the one in Vallejo California, but Dryer's Ice Cream feels the need to be called "Edy's" East of the Mississip'

Maybe they do shit like this to make America seem bigger than it is. So when you travel this grand ol country of ours you get the feeling that you're actually going somewhere.

You're weird because your from somewhere else.
"ha ha ha daddy, those people talk funny"


jimbizzle said...

Red Vines ARE way better. I like the Licorice rope too.

Anonymous said...

In regards to MY blog, dear sir, I am left wondering if your mother ever told you that if you didn't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all. Hell, it's even a lesson in Bambi!

But then I had to take into consideration that it's Kirk we're talking about.

You should also take into consideration that those are cell phone pics, and all the COOL Vegas pics I wanted to take would not have come out since the zoom on my phone only zooms a tiny bit. So I made do with what I had, all the while cursing the fact that my Nikon Coolpix was sitting in a box in my hotel room.

So GET OFF MY BACK!!! I have more senior buffets to enjoy...

Anonymous said...

It's been said many years ago that Edy's is not "Dryer's" in eastern USA, because they didn't want to confuse us east coast consumers with the ice cream brand we've known forever in "Breyer's" (Breyer's started out in Philadelphia, bought by Kraft foods, but now is owned by Good Humor/Unilever)