Jan 30, 2007

kirk's life. Day 10,980

so its today. This morning I woke up out of one of the best sleeps i'd had in a while. I really didnt want to wake up. and just like many other 5:35 am's i've had over the years I spend at least 30 seconds of every 3 minutes from when i wake up till when i walk out the door contemplating the consequences of either not going to work or merely showing up an hour or two late. in exchange for an hour more of sweet sweet sleep.

This morning in the shower the redundancy of my morning routine hit me. A sinking feeling came over me. I acknowledged it and then reached for the shampoo like i do every single day. damn I suck. Then as i turn off the water and reach for my towel the monotony gets broken for a second when i realize that I should have turned the heater on before i got in the shower. These January mornings have been slightly more brisk than usual. thanks global warming! While i'm freezing, and drying off i see that I'm still wearing the band-aid on my knee from yesterday. eew. luckily the adhesive is saturated with water so it didnt rip any hair out while i pulled it off. I take note that my gnarly skateboarding scab is healing nicely. now that i think about it, I left the band-aid sitting on the sink in the bathroom. I meant to throw it away after i dried off. sorry meg. that wet used band-aid is mine.

Another thing I'd like to point out about my mornings is that I do everything in the dark. For a couple of reasons. One reason is that Meg is still sleeping. also, I like to stay as asleep as i can for as long as I possibly can. the light also hurts my sensitive morning eyes and keeping the them off helps me feign sleep while i shower and get dressed. I've been known to wear my sunglasses to sheild my eyes from the headlights of oncoming commute traffic. As you can imagine getting dressed in the dark has its drawbacks. Occasionally I'll wear a shirt or pants that we're perfectly wearable until i got to work. Salsa and mustard stains really shine under the fluorescent office lighting. On top of getting dressed by braille and sense of smell, I often trip over shit, stub my toe and bang my shins on the coffee table.

Out the door. I linger in the door jam for a second to check my personal inventory. phone? check. keys? check. wallet? check. backpack full of crap i dont need but carry to be cool? check. I'd usually have a lunch with me. A nutritious microwave frozen dinner in a box. Today I opted out of bringing a lunch because I only have one left in the freezer. A crappy enchilada one that arent bad, I'm just really burnt out on them. also I have some cash in my pocket from last night.

Now that I've got everything i need I proceed to my car. making sure i dont step in dog shit. My dog loves to shit where people walk. The other day he shit right outside our door. missing the doormat by like 3 inches. so yea, since its just before official sunrise i look for dark spots in the dark concrete. it's like a minefield. damn dog.

As I walk to my car i notice the frost on everyones windshield. I dread that i might have to scrape ice off my car and/or wait an extra 10 minutes waiting for the heater to warm up. Luckily this morning it rained a little and the moisture in the air brought with it a little bit of warmth that kept my car from freezing over. I get in and start my car. As my car turns on the lights on the dash come on, then my CD player kicks in. HOLY SHIT DEATH METAL AT 6:00AM!! i was rocking out pretty hard with my stereo turned up to eleven last time i drove my car and got the shit scared out of me. I quickly rush to turn it off. I then switch it to 97.3. 97.3 is a pretty lame radio station about 90% of the time. they play gay alternative and college rock. they play everything from Pink and Seal to Bare Naked Ladies and REM. but the morning show is pretty rad. It's an ex coke whore punk groupie from the 80's and a hot rod loving, metal head who used to DJ on the local Rock station before they turned gay too. anyway, they dont give a fuck and its usually a pretty rad morning drive conversation.

ok this is where I drove to work. This is another one of those monotonous acts I do. Unless there's significant traffic, a real memorably stupid driver or a horrific accident my drive to work is a blur. I think my brain shuts off as soon as i get on the freeway. It's actually kind of scary.


shit, my exit. I usually take College Ave. but today i was so tired and spaced out i missed my exit. I actually missed my fucking exit. the one I've taken every day for who knows how long. so I took Telegraph. Which is basically the same distance just not as much to look at. yay! break the monotony! I make my way down Alcatraz then right on San Pablo. then loop around and park in my usual space.

now I'm here. other work shit's happened but its lame. I logged on, checked my email, said hi to Rita.. bla bla bla.

see you tomorrow.

Jan 26, 2007

eff are eye dee eh why?

why? because i love you. suck on this friday photo bloggness!!!

I T ' S F R I D A Y ! ! !

lets start off with some artwork... some doodles i've been doing. this one i photoshopped.

this is a stencil i did for J-Slim's skateboard. its supposed to be B.I.G. but eh. on a related note: J-slim got a ticket for skateboarding. Fucking five o's caught him ridin' drrty at the skatepark with no pads. fucking lame.

ok now some stupid pictures..

this one is for you Rita

how more perfect can you get? you get to beat up a Referee piƱata!

now we all can be winners!

you said cock. ha ha ha.. what if this was your last name. what if this was your last name and your first name was Mike. hello, Mike Cockburns.

i wish this pic was better. I dont know if you have these where youre from but it says "SENIOR XING" damn we could be here all day!! move it old lady!! you'd think there should be boyscouts on each end of the crosswalk just waiting. that's where i'd go if i was a boyscout.

man i REALLY wish this one came out. it was a locksmith van and along the bottom it said something like "Drive safe, we cant make keys in heaven" WTF lol ..

and last but not least....

have a nice weekend. CANDY NUTS!!!! ha ha ah ah ah ahahahahiofdhasdp8o9asdo misdfa809&_)&#P(*YEEAY(*(PNTEY*EASTHO!

Jan 25, 2007

Fuck that shit Jimbo.

Our friends Jimbo and Anja just moved to Portland. this isnt them but damn. thats some insane ass shit.

be careful up there guys. get a flame thrower/snow plow attachment for your car.

Jan 23, 2007

NightMare City

Just when you thought the Burger King guy couldn't be anymore creepy. check out this BK spot from the 70's (i'm assuming)

YIKES! Nightmare city!!

who's down with O.P.P?

Other Peoples Property that is. well not really, more like crap people didnt want anymore. I went to this salvage place near my work with Justin and Kendra on saturday. that place has hella shit. here's some pics of stuff.

box of old cell phones. man i guess these things are disposable. there was 2 other boxes just like this. hella nokias and motorolla clunkers. they also had a box of old remotes. probably to go with all the VCR's in the next pic.

remember VCR's? lol here's where they go to die

they have drawers and files of old photos

random computer shit. flux capacitors, hyperdrive motivators

"Today's Army" has black people in it

i would have bought this since i'm totally into old skateboard shit right now but the board was pretty beat and the trucks and wheels were generic. and they wanted $35 for this thing. if it had the original, judging by the stickers, SlimeBall wheels and tracker trucks i would have picked it up.

Photoshop 3.0!! this was the turning point for photoshop. they added layers in this version.

they had a pile of old cameras. we found an old camcorder that was exactly like the one in Back To The Future. thats justin modeling for me.

the toilet fields.
they also had sink field and a bathtub field. on the inside they had a labyrinth of doors and windows all stacked up in rows.

freaky hobby horse #1
freaky hobby horse #2
after i took this pic some peoples brat kid got on it and was bouncing like there was no tomorrow. i think he needed his riddlin.

they had this hair salon thing with the hair dryer deal from like the 50's or 60's. the coolest part about them is that there was an ash tray built into the arm rest! oh man times have changed.

tooth molds! there was a ton of them. Kendra got all grossed out when i was touching them and moving them like they were talking.

check this out. http://cbs5.com/video/?id=14299@kpix.dayport.com

ok thats all for now.

Jan 22, 2007

porn, strippers, and gay dudes.

I saw link for an article about how High Def is becoming detrimental to the porn industry...
“The biggest problem is razor burn,” said Stormy Daniels, an actress, writer and director.
It makes sense. Those chicks aren't perfect. if they were they wouldn't be doing porn right? anyway that got me thinking about this strip club I went to a long time ago. this place had this gross drug addict stripper. she was old and had bruises and band aids all over her legs. she was dancing, moving in a drugged out daze to "Private Dancer" by Tina Turner.. I cant ever listen to Tina Turner now without thinking of tha pretty gross. it was a pretty intimate setting so she could totally see us if we left, so to be nice, we waited till she was done to leave.
You'd think that would probably turn me off strip clubs for life but strip clubs in general turned me off of strip clubs for life. bullshit like $12 ATM fee. wtf is that. I mean, i like boobies and all but its just a gross setting. bunch of guys hooting and getting horny together. Getting a boner with your friends around was barely acceptable when you first discovered your parents porn collection.. defiantly not OK for adults. Its not like your gonna get to have sex with them even if you wanted to. your just gonna leave broke and horny. I dont want to pay to get blue balls. also, i already hate tipping at restaurants, so after paying a cover to get in i really hated throwing money at a naked chick. on top of the money issue, i really don't like fake boobs and implant scars. I guess that is part of the deal though
When you make your living stripping you gotta get the implants, etc because the girls that are perfect already, their self esteem is way too high to strip. and honestly.. i'd rather look at natural small ones... and even tho small ones don't make money, in my strip club experience (that is way more extensive than i'd like) there's always a small tit chick, a token black chick and a fat chick in the mix to satisfy the tastes of different client el. In Hollywood its all plastic whores.

And Lap dances are awkward.. thats when they start talking to you. then you feel kind of obligated to try to say something because this chick is grinding on you, so you ask questions about them and the start to tell you they have 2 kids or they say they are working their way through college and their dad beat them. any way to get that pity vote for more money. what they don't tell you is that their money goes toward crank. kid stories bring in more money than crank addiction.

So yea, I hate strip clubs. i haven't gone to one since I stopped touring. i hated that I'd always get stuck going because we all shared a vehicle. and basically lived in it.

strip clubs in my opinion are the most latent homosexual thing a guy could do. maybe not the most but theres a chronological order to things that aren't gay but come pretty close.

Somewhere below strip club is having a threesome with another guy and a chick. I did it once but we called it double-teaming to make it less gay. we never even saw each others wangs. then somewhere up there on the list is pissing next to a guy at a urinal when theres other open ones. and if you look over, you're crossing over into gaydom. I think i'll have to add team sports, wrestling and working out at the gym with other dudes in here too. One time i was flipping channels and there was this work out show with Joe Piscopo, the comedian that was on SNL back in the day. I guess he became a body builder or something. anyway it was him and this other guy and if you closed your eyes it sounded like full-on gay porn. not that i know what gay porn sounds like but i can imagine it sounds something like this did... "oh yea, hold it right there..." [heavy breathing] "oooh that feels good.. i can feel it" it was pretty funny.

..not that theres anything wrong with that...

Jan 21, 2007

the oldness skater dude.

i said fuck it and took my old fat ass to the Martinez skate park. So what if i sucked and probably looked like a retard on a skateboard i went to have fun. And I did. I didnt do much in the way of crazy tricks but i got some ollies in. hit the transitions on the pools...joined in a game of flatland S.K.A.T.E with some kids. i was doing ok until one kid ollied over a garbage can. pffft... then i got brave and tried to drop in off the coping. that shit is pretty high and i ate shit. look at my wound i got on my knee. there was a rock embedded in my skin!

here's a video i did with my phone to prove i actually skated. probably the worst skate boarding video ever made,

so now I'm sore as hell. i feel like got run over by a bus. hopefully i'll feel better and go skating again this week or next weekend.

Jan 19, 2007


damn, here it is lunchtime and i almost forgot about Foto Phriday. sorry kids..

here's some pictures. shitty shitty bang bang we love you!

i saw a delorian the other night! back to the future!

i saw a gross PDA at starbucks. these two people were all over eachother in front of me in line. she kept grabbing dude's ass and squeezing. i missed the squeeze but got her hand in his pocket shot. after they ordered the were rounding first base but got tagged out at 2nd by the fact that they were in public.

what kind of a sign is this?

newspaper graffiti.

took this through the big end of some binoculars. you can kinda see the bill of my hat.

someone lost some kick ass shades

watermelon car!

this was a "Race Limo" a dodge charge limo all painted like Nascar. how retarded is this?

this was my phone for a while. this thing was a hunker! 10" with antenna out. it was indestructible tho. took some damage while i was on tour. the only thing that killed it was when i dropped it in a toilet. i kinda miss her. maybe i'll re-activate

remember those dance party videos i posted a couple weeks ago? well, I found a way to pull youtube files off youtube and save them in a format i can edit in windows movie maker. pretty cool shit. anyway, i was trying it out and made this from some of my phone cam videos i had on the 'tube.

ok till next week.