May 19, 2006

beam me up snotty

This morning i managed to completly saturate two super absorbent brawny paper towells. ...with snot.

I got up, took a shower, got dressed. everything was fine until i got ready to walk out the door. then it hit me. the itchy throat, the sniffly nose and the marathon sneezing. Sneezing like that is exhausting. You cant catch your breath and when you sneeze big like that youre flexing every muscle in your body. I have thick bands of snot hanging out of my nose holes swaying in the breeze as I run to the kleenex box. I pull out a fat tuft of kleenex and wipe. the tuft is instantly filled with snot and i throw it away. i gingerly wipe the remainder of nose jizz left in my moustache and go to get my shoes on. .. as i start tying the second shoe it hits me again. hhaaaaaa choooo!!! since now my sinuses are shut tighter than a nuns cunt i have to breath through my mouth. I try not to swallow as my ears will get all like i need to pop them. so since im not swallowing my saliva when i sneeze not only does snot come out my nose but it comes out my mouth along with 2 tablespoons of drool. I'm a wreck. I head towards the bathroom again and glance at the roll of Brawny super absorbant towells. Thats what i need. Paul Bunion wouldnt use sissy kleenex. I need the luberjack shit! i take one and wipe. perfect. so i grab 2 full squares and fold them on eachother, then in 4's so i have this 8 layer snot soaker ready for anything that might come at me during my drive to work.

as i take a sip of my gas station coffee that i cant taste due to a clogged sinus, i get that throat tickle again and involuntarily cough right as I take a huge gulp. i get a nice coffee bath in my lap.
cough turns into more sneezing.

Now here I sit at my computer 1 hour later and that 8 layer lumberjack snot rag is 100% saturated with saliva, and histamine rich nose juices. I tossed the limp buiscit and started new 15 minutes ago with a couple king fold towells from the mens room which is already done.

now, when I left the house yesterday i popped a 24 hour allergy relief pill. I guess it really stops working right at 24 hours. I popped another one today an I'm waiting for it to kick in.

the suffering one endures whilst having hay fever is enough to lose faith in God.


jimbizzle said...

I feel your pain. I just went to the doctor yesterday due to allergies. I couldn't take it anymore.He gave me some Singulair pills, a nose steroid, and eye drops. The eye relief alone is well worth the trip to the doctor's office. This is my second day on the new meds. I was surprised that I was woken up by my alarm this morning, and not by me sneezing.

Go see your doc dude. You'll thank him. Trust me!

Anonymous said...

claritin-d 24 hour.

i feel you on the snot-soaked tissues. my hubby has to sit there while i spit up into a napkin or watch me pick my nose with a tissue.

yeah, cingulair works wonders... i had a cough and took robatussin last night too.

no snot today.

Jessica A. Walsh said...

Well then it's a good thing you had no faith in God to begin with....

Kirk said...