Jun 30, 2006

the Rock happens tonite

Are you ready to have Rock and Roll shaped bruises on your face? I hope you are because my band THE FEW is rocking the shit out of Blakes in Berkeley tonite.
the hot-lava-aenema starts at 9:00... in other words we go on first so get your clogged colons there early!

Jun 29, 2006

The End of The World. Seriously.

Remember that shitty movie with Ben Afflack and Aerosmith when they fly plumbers to an asteroid to put Drain-o on it to save the world? Well, it might not be as fake as Ben Afflack's acting made it seem.

on June 27th, a couple days ago, a satellite was launched from a base in San Diego. They say it was a spy satellite but with other info i've uncovered it might be more than that. Coincidently, there is a controversial Space Shuttle launch planned for mid July. whats the connection you might ask?

On July 3rd scientists say a near-earth asteroid will come, as they say, dangerously close to the earth. So close in fact, they say we'll be able to see it with a telescope. I think the powers that be are keeping the fact that it may be closer than they say it is. I believe that the Shuttle, the satellite and the asteroid are all connected. and that NASA and our Government are pulling an Armageddon and secretly saving the world. There actually is a plan to defend the world against a threat like this. While hacking into secret government files I was able to acquire this diagram explaining how the program would work.

Your next question might be, why wouldnt they tell us? my answer to that is; did you SEE that shitty movie? It would be pandemonium. complete chaos. "dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria" (name that quote) Because the government are lying bastards. Remember Roswell?

my "proof"
NASA to formulate asteroid defense plan
West Coast launch tonight for rocket
Giant asteroid comes hurtling towards Earth
It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Movie Review: Armageddon
Dogs Taking Dumps

Jun 28, 2006

job of eternal stench

ok kids, everyone gather around the fire, I have something you need to hear.

Imagine, if you will, a 20 gallon container of pig shit. not just regular pig shit but the ass end of filtered pig shit. Where I work we make industrial filtration systems, and one of the things people use our machines for is pig shit. one pig farm can produce an unthinkable amount of pig shit, or "waste" as we like to call it. so how our machines work is you pump the liquid pig shit (it IS liquid by the way) into one end of the machine, this is the feed as shown in the diagram below, and on the other end it comes out clean water or permeate. practically drinkable although we dont suggest you drink it. Some crazy Canadian pig farmers were so juiced (no pun intended) that the machines worked so well they drank it. then our field tech puked.

Amazing, I know, for more visit our site www.vsep.com. but theres also another thing that happens. all the shit (pardon the pun) that comes out of the water to make it clean comes out in a concentrated cake which is essentiall 100% pure concentrated pig shit. this is what was in that 20 gallon container i was talking about.

now, open your minds a little further children. now, this container of concentrated pig shit, shit has been on a shelf for about 5 months, fermenting and aging like a good wine or a fine cheese.

well, someone in the warehouse found this container and decided it needed to be dealt with. so they exhumed it from its resting place, opened it and dumped it into the drain.

guess what our whole building smells like still, 2 days later? thats right, a dead fat 60yr old guys shitty colon cancer man-ass. and the thing is if they arent pouring something like this down a drain they are running tests on it. so it pretty much stinks here all the time. one of the worst things they tested was burnt human sewage from Japan. thats all im gonna say.

air sickness bags are located in the pouch below your tray tables. thank you have a nice flight.

Jun 27, 2006


remember when you were a kid.. well they have them now I suppose, but remember when you were a kid and they had those face painting booths at carnivals and stuff? even as a kid i remember them always sucking. rad now you have a shitty drawing of a stupid butterfly or something on your cheek. well I hope these are better than that..

this one is called "canadian bacon" its acrylic with stenciled spraypaint on canvas, 18 x 20"

this one is called "Low Prices" its a bad portrait of the Walmart CEO, H. Lee Scott.
acrylic on wood plaque 5 x 7"

yesterday I ran into the chick who runs the Shakey Hand Gallery and she asked me if i'd been painting for the show in August. I lied and said "yea". my guilt lit a fire under my ass and i finished the 2 paintings above last night. These and many other paintings of mine will be up during my solo art show August 25th-September 18th at the shakey hand gallery in Martinez with an opening reception the night of August 25th. check out ShakeyHandGallery.com for more info.

its going to pretty much kick ass.

Jun 26, 2006

"its a dry heat"

well, I'm back. Arizona still sucks. It was like 108 average all weekend. luckily Air conditioning flows there like the swallows of Capastrano.

We flew out of Sac which was new to me. I'm used to flying out of Oakland or SF. Although Sacramento is a little of a drive up, its really a chill and simple little airport. we got there hella early so we chilled in the Gate for like 2 hours because, you know, terrorists hate to wait. They had this less than inspiring paper mache airplane on display like some retarded piece of art. Maybe the 1st graders that made it for them were taking a field trip so they felt obligated to keep it up. i dunno, it looked like a giant turd with wings. I hoped we werent flying on a turd.
while we were waiting i drew this self portrait. i drew some other crap too which i might post later.
then they finally boarded our flight, which sucked. meg isnt a good flier and had like 4 beers at 30,000 feet. I just tried to keep myself occupied with the shitty in-flight magazines they have. Did you know Southwest is 35? yea, me either since the plane i was on was built in 1982.

so we get there and its the same fucking Scottsdale we left a few months ago.
hotter tho. Nothing exciting happened so i didnt take any photos. I didnt even turn on my camera. Her dad got a new flatscreet TV tho with this fucking gameboy remote that controls everything. talk about pointless. the picture sucked too.. it was like it had low resolution or something. it was chopping up all the gradients.. anyway enough about the TV. (you can tell how rad our trip was, all im talking about is the TV) so on that note: here's a pic of crappy scottsdale
on saturday we went to see grandma. which was the whole point of this trip. appearantly grandpa was being an asshole all week... heh, go figure. megs brother said, "just dont ask him how he's doing" i guess he went off on everyone about how he's pissed at God and whatnot. mainly because he's losing his house slave probably. we get there and Grandpa opens the door and says "she's back there, in the sick room" then we didnt see him the rest of the time we were there. what a fuck hole. Grandma was doing good, she was alert up and shooting the shit with us. bla bla bla then on sunday we stopped in before we left and the first thing grandpa said was "do you know how to make a seafood salad?" he asked me and meg and we both said no, so her dad hooked it up. what a fucking cock licker. he cant make his own goddamned seafood salad? .. oh yea his slave is sick and on her death bed, now he's gonna starve.

after that we went to this little hole in the wall of the brandnew stripmall pizza place. the sign outside said "chicago pizza". i then thought to myself "I'll be the judge of that". you see, ever since I left Chicago i've been on the search for good deep dish stuffed chicago style pizza. most of the time its just a gimmick and its not really chicago style. But this place was the real deal. I think the owners were actually from Chicago. it was the bomb. and the best deep dish since I left the windy city. they even had a giant map of Chicago where they ask you to put a pin in the nieghborhood you were from. I put one in on the street Johnny K's recording studio was at. my band lived there for 2 weeks in 2001 and 2 weeks in 2002. I love that fucking City.

So coming off a pizza high like 2 hours later we all went out to Mexican food. This place was like Chevy's but shittier and everything had 2 pounds of cheddar cheese melted on it. they had 3 kids of Mexican Pizza's. J-Slim would know what i mean when i say Guido's House Of Cheese times 10. a fucking Lactaid nightmare waiting to happen. plus i had 2 slices of Chicago goodness in me still. I got light chicken tacos scraped off the cheese and then gave one of them to megs sister. oi vey.

then Sunday morning we went to a Jewish Deli/Bagel place aptly named, "Chompies".(If youre picking up on a theme here youre spot on. all we did was go out to eat.) and youre probably picking up on another theme here, resturants themed for other, BETTER places. you see, Arizona sucks so bad and basicly has no culture other than the Native American theme thats prevelent in the architecture. But stupid fat white people get bored of that and want to feel like they are at home (or on vacation) when they go to the fucked up desert to visit thier parents (or move there because its cheap and then pretend its not fucking 110 degrees 3/4 of the year) .

but its a dry heat ..... right.

speaking of dry. After we visited grandma (and made grandpa lunch) yesterday we met up for a quick lunch, consisting of many fried brewery foods. I mentioned this 4 peaks brewery before. its actually not a bad place but I still had Chompies' Corned Beef Hash and 2 bagels in my gut. anyway, while we were sitting there, the sky got dark and the wind started to pick up.. shit started flying through the parking lot and the trees were all crooked. we were witnessing a good ol' arizona dust storm! oh hell yes. but as we got closer to finishing we started thinking about our flight. her dad said it wouldnt be a problem. boy was he wrong.


I guess airplanes dont like dust storms as much as i do. it held up like EVERY flight at the airport and fucked us over like 2 hours. we boarded a full ass flight hella late, had to wait for some layover fucks from texas and then we were off. I took a couple pics while i was waiting.
this looks like a logo i've seen on skateboard shoes or something.
you cant tell from this pic, but this dude was walking around the Airport and he looked like Flavor Flav. he had a giant gold medallion and a stupid nylon doo rag thing on his head. then, i saw him down on the tarmac... holy shit he works there!! ha ha.

the flight was again bumpy as shit so the flight attendant didnt even charge meg for her beers. southern hospitality i guess. The 50 somthing Texan Stewardess standing on the seat next to me to secure the overheads with her crotch in my face I'll chalk up to southern hospitality too.

we got to Sac finally. I was delirious from the flight but the fresh California air kept me alert enough to catch this gem in the parking garage.
After my trip that could have been my car.

then we had to drive from Sac to 'tinez at 11:30 at night. I had my window down the whole time.
AHHH fresh refinery air! smells like home.

Jun 22, 2006


what the fuck is a riblet? whatever it is it was in my lunch.

this was my lunch.

I didnt like it.

the end. see you tomorrow.

so thats how its gonna be now?

looks like the first official round of "fuck you america" has begun. thanks to DaimlerChrysler (ironicly a half american company) started promoting thier "SMART" car with billboards in South Africa, saying it has "nothing american" about it. as they should. we suck frankly. and we invade countries for bullshit ass greedy reasons and drag the rest of the world into it.

Our country sucks so bad that its usefull in marketing campains for cars now.

where can i get one of these? can i get "GEORGE BUSH SUCKS" painted on the side while im at it?


"Let's go have a smoke."

ok so i get about 30-40 emails in my junkmail folder every couple of days.. today i had 37 so as i normally do, i started skimming through them to make sure none of them were real emails that got moved there by mistake (to date, no email has been put there by mistake. thanks Gmail!) there was nothing out of the ordinary, penis enlargment, home loans, viagra, pirated software and anti-depressants from Asia. you know, the usual. but some of these that i see all the time i felt we worth sharing.

These are subject lines from my spam folder. (shut up i know this isnt an original blog idea)
Before trying surgical way to enlarge your penis, give Penis Enlarge Patch a try.

You seem not to have any problems with erections but you still dream of fuller and harder ones. Don’t say “NO” to our Soft Viagra tabs.

With every inches of your dick your popularity grows with extremely high speed. That’s why you should try Penis Enlarge Patch

enj0y magic love

Don’t you wanna fuck like a pornost@r in the movie you saw yesterday?

this one was a little cryptic.. and im not even sure what the ad was for
Be happy with it!

and the winner is......
With our Viagra Soft Tabs you can crack nuts with your penis.
(cue johnny carson music here)

anyway, yea. if i ever actually wanted to enlarge my penis, the junk mail folder in my gmail would be the last place i'd look. just to get some insight into the credibility of the assholes that send these emails, i clicked one of them and this paragraph, if you can call it that, was at the bottom;

this was at the bottom of one of the emails.. what the fuck does this mean?
"Good science fiction is good fiction
fifteenth floor sympathetic faces watched us off. All we lacked were waving
Cassidy is not Shane or True Grit. And the best of science fiction is quite
"All right, then," Kirill said. "How about Tender?" Tender was his
the reason you fly is to eat."
"Let's go have a smoke."
WHAATTT???? these people are either completly insane, or they are foreign. either way, I wouldnt trust my penis with them in a 100 million years. and if through some miracle of science I live more than 100 million years, I will apply for an extension.

Jun 21, 2006

<-- yadsendew -->

yeah, fuck me. I skipped Tuesday. I bet all 4 of your are pissing your pants about it. I've been pretty swamped at work so i havent really had anything to talk to you about. I still dont really, since im talking about having nothing to talk about.

I got new shoes yesterday. I was torn between the rad Adidas Superstar 2's and the Chucks. the Adidas were like $65 tho.. fuck that, daddy's on a budget.
I'm also having an INCREDIBLE hair day.. look at this shit. love it and remember it because i think i might be shaving it off soon.
I'm going to hot as fuck ass Arizon again for a "grandma is gonna die soon" trip with my girlfriend. Its her grandma, who is pretty cool so its kinda shitty. If you've been reading kirknoggins you might know i've talked about her Arizona family a few times before. her grandpa is a cock.

new years in AZ

unpainted huffhinds

arizona III

... anyway its gonna be hot-as-shit-fucks so im thinking about shaving off this mop to cool down some.

other than that shit is the same. and for the record, i HATE black eyed pee's - that chick cant sing and she pisses her pants.

Jun 19, 2006

over-easy, like monday morning

I hate sunny side up! damnit i wish it was 68 degrees moderate humidity in the mornings and partly cloudy with a breeze from the west all year round. fuck this heat shit.

Wednesday is the longest day of the year. the first day of summer. If i was in bikini shape i guess i wouldnt mind as much. but it still sucks being sweaty and uncomfortable.

c'mon every body we're movin' to Portland

anyway, so friday night I was the best boyfriend ever and went to a lame ass bar in Walnut Creek because it was my Girlfriends friends birthday. some of her friends are single so they are "on the market" so-to-speak. that means they go to lame bars with other desperate single people to try and hook up. I swear its like an 8th grade dance with booze. those people are fucking pathetic and i'd bet $10 they all have a myspace page with an annoying background image. anyway, the best part of the whole night was seeing this shit: its 10:30-11:00ish friday night, downtown Walnut Creek. the sidewalks are busy with young, hipsters getting ready to tie one on at the bars. Then out of a crowd of high heeled and disstressed jeaned twentysomethings comes this 7 year old kid pushing his way through on a little scooter. Wearing what appears to be his bed time clothes and to top it off... a batman cape and mask. "what the hell?... this kid is rad" but meanwhile we are thinking and looking around.."where are his parents?" its as if this kid snuck out of bed under some unwitting horny teenagers supervision, grabbed the essentials for a night of freedom, that being his scooter and his batman costume, and took off to have some well deserved funtime. wow!
I hope he's ok. the passers by seemed to think it was cute or "rad", hell i even snapped a picture with my cellphone.. i'd imagine if he were in any harm there were enough well minded adults to make sure he didnt get fucked with. you rock batman party kid!

...then yesterday i went to the bird store for fathers day presents.
this book wasnt quite what i thought it was gonna be about.

Jun 16, 2006

my fucking life story.

"Yeah, he's sort of a loser now. I don't know why he pursued the French horn . . . I mean, did he really think he could support himself? Man, what a bum. He has no real skills at all . . . I just don't know what he plans to do."


click and read that shit. its my fucking life story.

this dudes blogs are piss your pants funny. I'm sitting here at work giggling quietly under my breath in tears reading this shit.

Lord Growly is a brilliant, angry man.

rita turns 40

happy birthday rosarita. dont worry, 40 is the new 30. and unfortunatly for me, 30 isnt the new 20. 20 is kids stuff these days. 30 is like the new 26.

anyway, i showed you this earlier but i think its perfect. the clown is horrifying. so is the dad. yikes, he looks like he's gonna eat that whole cake, then grandma, then the baby.

also I painted last night. I dont know what this is, or what it means but here it is in all of its blurry photo, acrylic, spraypaint and wood splendor.

Jun 15, 2006

rock beats scissors

Remember when you used to play Rock Paper Scissors as a kid and there was always one asshole that would do "nuke" or "missle" or something lame that "beats everything"? I do, I hung out with nerds... anyway, I'm sure none of that bullshit is allowed here...

the Rock Paper Scissors Championships. this is a real thing I saw part of it on TV ealier this week.

all i gotta say is "wow" maybe they'll get Sly Stallone to do an Over The Top sequel but this time its the Rock Paper Scissors tournament. I'd love to see Ralph Macchio make a comeback too, as his grown up son.

(sorry Jimbo for all the YouTube stuff)

boycott the music industry update

since none of you RSS, my other blog.. or know about it I'm posting a little update in here for ya.
i have another blog where i post things about how fucked the music industry is whenever i hear about them.

here's the link http://boycottthemusic.blogspot.com/

this post is basicly about how itunes and the like arent helping the artists make more on music sales, in fact, ironicly, they make less.

read more

Jun 14, 2006

transformers movie update:

remember when i posted about them making a new live-action Transformers movie? well i just found this on YouTube.com. Its allegedly a test film from ILM for the movie. might not be real but its still rad. and makes me even more juiced about the movie.

effing sweet!

back on the threadless train

i went back to see what was up with threadless.com and they redesigned. looks cool but its still the same people. anyway, they have this new contest that basicly acknowledges the fact that all the designs are the same stupid shit over and over.. and i quote
"The purpose of this competition is to challenge your brains! To inspire something new, something fresh, something original. What does that mean? Glad you asked!

For this competition, No drips, no hearts, no skulls, no birds, no over-sized animals, no internet cliches, no clusters of random things, no pirates, no ninjas, no ironic references to 80s pop-culture, no 45-degree angles, and for the love of all that is holy - no more talking food! "
so with that being said, I thought I should throw my hat in one more time. I also thought that this should be the criteria for all the submissions, all the time.

even tho I've already accosted the 3 people that read this thing via instant messenger, I thought i'd post the designs on here in the off chance someone new happens to accidently click a wrong link and end up here.

give them a 5 and click "i'd buy" thanks.
click these to vote

My Threadless.com Submission My Threadless.com Submission


hey shit fucks. we got TheRinger on the ol' Netflix because there is SHIT for good movies to rent these days. watched it last night and let me tell you, Johnny Knoxville plays the part he was born to play. a retard. He actually looks more retarded when he's not acting like the retard he's pretending to be in most of the movie. anyway, the movie was alright but the Southpark episode they ripped off was WAY better. and actually had a point.

most of the retards in that movie werent even really retarded. if i was a retard actor i'd be pissed like the albino actors that are bitching about not playing that part in DaVinci code.

Jun 13, 2006

higher learning

Im thinking about taking some courses at the local JC. I'm pretty much limited to evening classes so I can't do all i want to do. I've got to juggle around my schedule and prioritize what i want to do. a full evening of learnin' would pretty much make band practice impossible too.


I'm thinking of taking art classes mainly, which puts me in a wierd situation. I'm pretty good at drawing and shit but I've never really taken formal art classes so I dont know how "beginer/introductory" i should go. On the other hand i dont want to get in a class thats over my head.

theres also some mutimedia graphics and CAD classes but they totally conflict with the art courses schedule. but these are classes that would actually help me get a better job..... damnit.

if i havent registered in a week, get on my ass about it.

oh yea and i trimmed the wintercoat. i knocked her down to a #3.

Jun 12, 2006

how to E-Fuck someone. (no not that)

I might as well jump on this bandwagon since its still not resolved. this dude's friend left her Sidekick in a taxi, and the people that found it did the honorable thing. they kept it, used it to sign on to AOL, and take pics of their fucktard selves. then, when she got a new one the info from the old one was transfered over by her carrier. so now with the pics and login info the dude is going out of his way to E-Fuck these people. read the semi-hourly postings of the ordeal here.
http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/ he's got links on 200,000 (200,001 now) all over the web about this shit. the cops are now giving him the run around but he's using his new found fame to bring down the man... and these ugly fucks that stole his friends phone.
here's the main 16yr old culprit, sasha AKA "mom" yes she's a mom.
fucking awesome!

munday randumb

ok, so if you didnt know already, Sebastian Bach is a fucking dildo. if you've watched ANY of VH1's Super Group, you'd know what I'm talking about. all i'm gonna say is Savage Animal is the stupidest band name ever and you are the biggest shit head loser for even thinking of it, let alone saying 100 times like its the best two words ever invented. -Scott Ian, you are still a cool motherfucker.

speaking of losers, i went to another Giants game on saturday. they didnt even fucking score a single run. what a shitty game. but this guy's hat was cool.
after the game we hit Gordon Birsch again. not as insane as last time but it was cool. i got some pics on my digicam i'll have to put up later. i'm a dumbass and forgot my cable. after that we ended up at some fratboy bar in the City. god how do i end up in these places? i guess i need to not hang out with people who went to college. the bathroom had a trough style urinal, so of course the insecure jocks were waiting in line for the toilet stall. to pee in. -fags.

this was above the urinal. it had a speaker that said lines from the movie. as i was pissing i thought "i need to see this shit when i comes out".... one of the roided out shrunken dicked gnarfucks got in my friend sarah's face like he was gonna fight her. i looked at him and laughed, but she held her own. after that he felt like a douche. fucking meatheads.

i also drew some stuff in my sketchbook. while pooping no less! some people read, i draw.

Hi Eric Tamo, thanks for reading.

Jun 9, 2006

beard-off 2006

i've been rockin the full beard for a while now. Jimbo just posted his old and new beard in his blog. i thought i'd counter that with some pics of my overgrown, wild woodsman look i have going on. I'm like 2 steps away from being Derelicte.
i've been thinking about trimming the winter-coat but its starting to grow on me. (no pun intended)
check out Jimbo's trimmed and proper face hairs.

Jun 8, 2006

The Aristocrats

The Aristocrats is a documentry about a joke famous amongst comedians called, The Aristocrats. They interview about 100 well known comedians and actors about the story and thier interpretations of this joke. whats so special about a joke you ask? this joke goes basicly like this: a guy walks into a talent agents office and says he has an act for him. he tells him its a family that walks out on stage and... this is where the teller gets to improvise. the teller gets to invent and describe the most disgusting foul and repulsive act that a family could to with and to each other... then the agent asks what they are called and the guy replies simply.. "the Aristocrats" its kind of a weak punchline, but the point was to contrast the jaw dropping scene just described and the upper class sophisticated word like Aristocrat. in one scene somone talks about how the joke has evolved from the early days of comedy. and how its had to get worse because we're so desensitized now. they said something like"they show stuff like this on southpark every week" so Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who created Southpark did a clip especially for the documentry. and of course, i found it on YouTube.com.... enjoy.
oh and its not safe for work.

cat scratch fever

you all know my dog George right? I've posted pics of him on here before. he's a kick ass basset hound. He is obsessed with early 80's rap and wears this outfit, or one like it everyday. lwell, what some of you dont know is that I also have a cat living with me. technically its my girlfriends cat.
He was a wild kitten she took in and raised. so he reverts randomly to his ferule ways and attacks you without and provocation. we have plenty of cat scars all over our hands and face. yes, face. Piggy, the cat, wakes up at 3:30am and wants to play, but like normal people were sleeping. so he stands at the head of the bed staring at us. then out of nowhere decides to attack megs face like its prey. Well, I think i got the sonovabitch back last night. he hates it when people watch him use the cat box so when meg was outside i caught him! I took this National Geographic Explorer photo of Piglet in his natural domain. taking a piss!!
look how uncomfortable he is! i can tell he's looking at me with the corner of his eye, but at the same time trying not to let me see him look at me. i bet when the flash snapped he stopped midstream and couldnt finish. take that, cat!